Drama drama drama

[SlevinKalebra]

Of course there is going to be drama in any divorce especially with children... but come on!

Get an email from stbxw: I am keeping _______ until 830 (vs 530) sunday in lieu (I think she meant because, I love it when people try to speak intelligently and make themselves look illiterate) of not having her one day this week (xmas eve, she gets xmas).

 

I reply ok we are going to a xmas party where she will be playing with kids I'd like to let her stay at the party longer I'll drop her off at about 9.

 

Then she says and I am picking her up at 7am on Wed the 29th. I'm going out of town.

 

I tell her it is my time with her and plan on doing something special everyday with my kids while they are on vacation.

 

.....back and forth back and forth......

 

I tell her ok, but if you are going out of town I want to know where my daughter is going. Then the ish hits the fan. "I don't owe you an explanation or need to tell where we are going." ........ "The social Worker said if I had any problems with you this holiday to call him and he'd fix it" ....."Tried to compromise with you. But you are unreasonable"

Compromise? she tells me twice that she has decided to keep her extra time, twice I try to work with her. I think she freaked out when I told her I wanted to know where she was taking my daughter because she is going to her alcoholic, 2nd ex husband's, parent's house. Anyway it is my time and the social worker has no legal power to say what I will/ will not do.

 

But She brings up a point, being vaginally challenged, the law is stacked against me and seems to back her BS no matter what evidence I bring to them. Any guys out there dealt with custody battles and come out on the other side without losing?? I have not done anything that demonstrates an inability to raise my daughter correctly. And she has a laundry list a mile long, but no drugs, no felonies which means in the courts eyes that plus being a woman makes her mother of the year. WTF! Any thoughts?

[sb129]

I would keep a diary of everything if I were you. Its ridiculously petty but if she wants to count hours, then do so and write it all down.

 

Don't lose your temper, however much your ex winds you up.

 

You DO have a right to know whether your ex is taking your daughter out of town, and where, but perhaps you could be less confrontational?

Ie if she says "out of town" say "Ok, sure, where are you guys headed?" instead of "where are you going I have a right to know where my daughter is going" etc etc.

 

Kill her with kindness and friendliness. She is trying to get under your skin by threatening you with the social worker/ law etc, don't let her.

 

Then when you want extra time, let her know without referring to any of her extra times unless she challenges you, then you have your diary to refer to if you need to.

 

Good luck man, sounds like a sh**ty situation, hope your daughter is OK.

[Cedmon]

My father went through a similar situation with us, and ultimately was granted custody.

 

My mother, who was not a very good person (to put it lightly), was granted immediate custody of my two siblings and I following my parents' divorce, I think based solely on the fact that she was our mother (the system is definitely skewed towards the mom, and I say this based on experience!). She lost custody after a year because she let us skip school, took us out of state without notifying our father, had numerous boyfriends living with us, and finally let the electric bill lapse so we were without electricity for a month (in the winter...fun).

 

Anyway, she had visitation every other weekend but often "rescheduled". She skipped one week, and then tried to show up and take us on my father's weekend, when he already had plans with us. She stormed out when he refused to let her take us, and never came back. It was devastating to us at the time, but in retrospect a fortunate thing since we all grew up to be well adjusted adults and I doubt that would have happened had we continued to be in contact with our mother.

 

I don't know exactly how your situation with your ex is, or if she is neglectful of your child (though it seems to me that her insistence to see your child on "her time" and whether you like it or not is manipulative). But I just wanted to give you a little bit of hope--fathers can win custody battles. As sb129 suggested, keep a dated list of things that happen--memory isn't very accurate. If you don't have one already, find a great lawyer. And in the meantime, love your kid with all your heart and try to stay focused on helping HER deal with the complicated situation, instead of letting your ex get under your skin. Good luck!