kara Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Time for a new thread! We all need to update our stories. I am OK, but not great, bad days come back sometimes and even though he has stopped acknowledging she is alive I am able to associate anything with her, town, occupation etc... At the same time, I am so BORED by the whole association thing as well, it has been long enough thinking about this thing... Oh well...I don't know... So, how are you all? Link to post Share on other sites
Dug Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Hi Kara.......I have had a similar situation with my girlfriend and her last one night stand before we met. She says he was great, the sex was wonderful and I remind her of him yada yada yada.....but I'm wasn't supposed to feel offended. She loved to show me where he worked, and where his apartment was and where he played golf .....even the motel they went to for their one night of pleasure. He wasn't interested in her and never even called her after that one night. She was from the city and I came from a suburb environment. She never understood that it bothered me and I felt like we were a 3some even though he wasn't physically there. I imagined her thinking about him whenever we were together, until I had to just walk away and give her up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kara Posted March 16, 2004 Author Share Posted March 16, 2004 Thanks, Dug. It's interesting to hear a male voice, since someone said that this thing with the ex is "just a thing we women do" and I am not convinced it is as simple... She was from the city and I came from a suburb environment. So, you think this was the reason? Not everyone from the city is insensitive and blunt though, remember that... You seem to have done the right (whatever that is) thing... But can you see that SHE was the problem not you? I had the idea that it was all in my head, untill I realized that I ( and most women) seem to be harder on myself, we think something is wrong with us if we are obsessed with the ex and many of us seem to be living a hell and trying to like it. A partner is someone to be treated with care, ESP. IN THE BEGINNING, everyone is nervous and defensive in the beginning of a relationship, and some seem to be causing a lot of damage while taking their defenses down and seem to remember and use the times they have done this before. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Dug Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 Kara......it's not so much that she was wrong as much that her and I were not right for each other. It's as if our cultures were so different. She was accustomed to casual sex and I was never exposed to it. That was the reason for my comment on city vs suburbs....she played hard and that was the way everyone in her environment was. Sex for her was like shaking hands, and it could be with anyone she met. When she said she wanted to "settle down" and have a relationship, I was delighted.....except she always mentally and verbally brought a one night stand memory along to talk about and compare me to. Link to post Share on other sites
catspajamas Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 I don't like my husbands ex-girlfriends at all. I can be decent to them if I have to. I guess I just wish I had found him first. DIFFERENT STORY...If he sits and talks to them my imagination runs wild, my tolerance of them quickly goes to zero... then I sit in my own bad mood for the rest of the day, he now knows better! Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Hey Kara. I think I have said more than enough about my current state of mind in the self-improvement section! LOL! So I won't go on here. Just wanted to wish you well with it all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kara Posted April 9, 2004 Author Share Posted April 9, 2004 Hello everyone, thanks Thinkalot. glad to hear all are doing better, I think I am as well, not that I have changed, but my fiancee stopped and that's like totally, talking about the ex. I am not sure what would happen if we met her on the street one day, but for now things are fine. In the end it's about deciding what's more important and taking responsibility... Dug, are you still with this girl? If so, have you told her about all this? Does she know she is hurting you? Link to post Share on other sites
niko1999 Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 I actually talked him out of calling her the other night. His freind called, and two seconds later, his mom called, and I was like, your awfully popular tonight. Who else is going to call you? And he ws like, I guess I can call Melissa. (the ex that called him after 8 yrs) and i was like, if she wanted to talk to you, she would call you. and he was like, yah, i guess youre right. VICTORY! So its getting btter for me Link to post Share on other sites
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