white_angelbreath Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 if the guy thinks that you dumped him, he isolates himself for quite sometime, angry at you most of the time, plus he caught you going out with friends and male acquaintances on a saturday-night-out, no-contact at all for 2 weeks, gives you a gift (telling it came from his mother to be given to you), you are grateful for the gift, gave him a thank you card, and also "i am sorry lets get back together" card, got angry again at you, isolates himself for quite sometime, you ignore him, you talk about things that interests him, he ignores you, you ignore him too, he tried to talk by using topics that interests you, you talk briefly with him, ignore him again for quite sometime, he ignores you, comes to you and talk about things that interest you, you give him a gift because its his b-day, he is excited as well as grateful, you send sms, he replies, you send sms again, he failed to reply, you got angry with him, he knows you are angry, you sent sms again, no reply, replied it only in the morning, you ignore him, he ignores you, he talks to another girl you know you are jealous of but you know they are just friends, you ignore him... (all this happened within 3 months) if you were in this guy's shoes, what likely would you do next when you meet and -- a) the girl smiles at you, what would your reaction be? b) the girl approaches you and talk to you first, what would you do? c) the girl ignores you, how will you handle it? -------- c'mon guys let's hear some of your replies Link to post Share on other sites
Dixiecron Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Who ended the relationship? From your first sentence, it sounds like you did. If you still want him, you need to tell him. Sounds to me like he's getting mixed signals from you. He's making himself available, but not -too- available. When he decides for real that he's been dumped or even worse, being played with, then he will disappear for much longer than a few weeks if he is smart. If I were in his shoes right now, my responses to a) b) and c) would not be possible, since I would be in total no-contact phase by that point. I would be making damn sure I didn't run into you, until I were completely healed. But that's just me and where I am in my own life right now Link to post Share on other sites
Author white_angelbreath Posted March 17, 2004 Author Share Posted March 17, 2004 the girl still wants him back. if you were the girl how will you "try to get him back" without being "too eager" or blunt "that you want to get back to him"? it would not look good if the girl tries desperately to win him back, right? so what other options possible... Link to post Share on other sites
Dixiecron Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 Don't assume that if a girl dropped a guy and then tried (for real) to get him back that it would be seen by him as desperate. Lose the ego. If you don't have him but you want him back you don't have anything to lose at this point. But if you keep up the ego BS, you'll keep sending mixed signals and push him away. OK, hypothetically speaking, lets lay out the facts: 1. The guy was dumped, or at least the girl's words and actions led him to believe that. "I need space" can be legit, or it can be a BS way of breaking up with someone. The dumpee has no idea which it is. At this point her actual intention is not important. The damage has already been done. 2. The guy made an honest attempt to reconcile. 3. The guy's attempt at reconciliation was met with mixed signals. 4. Therefore, the guy is left with nothing to do but wait and respond to continued contact. These responses are light/non-commital because he is trying to protect his heart from further damage. This is painful. Eventually he decides that the pain being inflicted is not something he can deal with (for his own sake). Thus he makes the effort to cut all contact, and avoid you whenever he knows you will be around. As far as he knows, that "guy you've been seeing a bit" (if that is the case) is the guy you're sleeping with now. Gender is irrelevant in this. If the dumper wants the dumpee back, they must make a sincere effort to get them back. Sincere means doing whatever it takes. Sending an email or leaving a voicemail just to check if they will still speak to you is not sincere. Testing the waters is for weak, non-commital and insincere people. If you want them back, then go get them back. Sincere is going to their doorstep at night when they are home and begging them back. Link to post Share on other sites
huk jai Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 I'd have to agree with Dixiecron, lose the ego. I've been hit with the "I need space" line for a month now and if she comes back telling me she wants to give it another go, I'd be all for it, couldn't care less about how it looks. Probably cuz I haven't moved on yet... Link to post Share on other sites
Author white_angelbreath Posted March 17, 2004 Author Share Posted March 17, 2004 the girl tried to win him back before, she went to his house, brought a cake, but he wasn't around just his older brother. girl told the brother about her problem with his younger brother. the older brother advised the girl to take sometime, sooner or later the guy will come around, lose his temper, calm down and everything will be all right. the girl left. the boy was grateful for the cake.. but everything was still not all right. the girl has this feeling that the guy is waiting for the girl to approach him and talk. the boy everyday doesnt make a move, to go to the girl and talk. is he really waiting? sometimes he looks at the girl, but he doesnt make a move to approach the girl. what is in his mind? if the girl tries to appraoch the guy again this time to win him back (knowing that right now he has already recovered from the hurt and now a bit calmer) is it ok to do that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author white_angelbreath Posted March 17, 2004 Author Share Posted March 17, 2004 the girl tried to win him back before, she went to his house, brought a cake, but he wasn't around just his older brother. girl told the brother about her problem with his younger brother. the older brother advised the girl to take sometime, sooner or later the guy will come around, lose his temper, calm down and everything will be all right. the girl left. the boy was grateful for the cake.. but everything was still not all right. the girl has this feeling that the guy is waiting for the girl to approach him and talk. the boy everyday doesnt make a move, to go to the girl and talk. is he really waiting? sometimes he looks at the girl, but he doesnt make a move to approach the girl. what is in his mind? if the girl tries to appraoch the guy again this time to win him back (knowing that right now he has already recovered from the hurt and now a bit calmer) is it ok to do that? girl is really afraid to be reject by him again. but if the girl persists will the guy change his mind? knowing the girl is sincere of getting him back. Link to post Share on other sites
Dixiecron Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 If he's calm now then it is OK to approach. No way to know what is on his mind if the girl doesn't try again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author white_angelbreath Posted March 18, 2004 Author Share Posted March 18, 2004 the girl talked with the guy today. he responded well. talked about the same topic "dogs", mostly about his dog and wanting to have one of the girl's puppies. the guy talks to the girl with ease but only for a while. interrupted by an 4 hours of class. so no communication until then. after class, the guy stayed at one corner with his buddies. did not make any move except to look at the direction of the girls. the girl did not left her girlfriends. they were on the opposite side. there was a talk about going to visit the wake of their deceased professor. they all agreed to go. the girl went with other classmates. they were going to the wake. while the guy and his gang stayed behind. about an hour passed, the girl who is at the wake sitting uncomfortably waiting for the guy to come. he did come together with his buddies. girl pretend not to notice. when the guy passed in front of the girl he looked towards the girl's direction and smiled. just a smile (without showing of teeth) and move on. no contact till then. then the girl left... so, guys, what do you think?? improvement towards reconcialiation??? is the guy really waiting? or is he not interested in the girl anymore? Link to post Share on other sites
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