fool_on_the_hill Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 What Do I do? My husband is a drug addict. He went down from every weekend to every month then to once every 3-6 months. Last time he did it, we talked about it and he said that maybe if he'll do it twice a year in a well defined dated he won't feel the pressure to do it all the time. of course I DIDN"T say okay to that. Last night he came home and told me that it's time, he can't keep it any longer. What am I supposed to do??? He Won't go to cousoling. he tried it it was okay but he won't do it again. He said that I should just let it happen and he'll be better afterwards. Thanks for reading, M Link to post Share on other sites
wideawake Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Originally posted by fool_on_the_hill once every 3-6 months. And now he just wants to do something twice a year? Doesn't sound like an addiction to me...but I'm not even close to being qualified on this type of stuff. Still, sounds like he's honest and open and telling you what's up. What drug is he 'hooked' on? Link to post Share on other sites
Author fool_on_the_hill Posted March 16, 2004 Author Share Posted March 16, 2004 speed Link to post Share on other sites
spencer Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 I don't see this as a problem, as a recreationally enjoyer of illicit stuff, i personally don't feel that this is abusive behavior. however, you know him best. you say he is an addict, so you know the potential dangers of him using just once. can he really use 2 or 3 times a year without becomming out of control. an addict cant even use once or they will spiral downward into a hole. what has he demonstrated in the past with his use? does he go on binges and lose jobs because of his actions, or is he more commonly of the functional kind? in otherwords what are your real fears of knowing he will get high? unfortunately you do not have control over his actions, you are fortunate that he is telling you that these desires to use are starting to have a stong hold on him. even if he doesn't want to go to counseling you could go and work out your issues with his drug use. you can choose whether you want to live with this. I wouldn't be with an addict who would spend all his money on drugs and beat me and the kids leaving us homeless. (extreme example but it happens, alot) other people do this stuff once and awhile without having any adverse reactions. have you ever tried it? Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 well you do not sound totally ok with his behavior, i mean if you did why ask what to do. my bf and i are sorta in the same boat, but i am the user. he abhores the fact i get high. he says smart a$$ things to me, and goes about sobering me up all wrong. he condems me for it basically, so it makes me prone to rebel, which is part of my history. the right thing he does is tell me that he loves me, no matter what. but has said that if i continue this way, he will most likely not stick around. using is against his moral code, his principles, and he has told me he will not put himself in jepordy and does not want to be around it. Tell you husband your true feelings, not to make him mad, to sway him, but tell him so that he knows where you are coming from....maybe you have kids, what if he got arrested, looses the house , his job, evertything you know? then what? Link to post Share on other sites
DiamondShoes Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 Well, I know where you are coming from. My husband is also a recovering addict. He was a multi-substance abuser. The only way for him to have any kind of peace.... was to use a 12 step program. The addict in him....will use any means to justify his use. Once a year..... once a week.... it doesn't matter. We have had actual conversations with him trying to justify his use.....He says "well it's Christmas" or something like "I work so hard I deserve a break." I gently remind him....that is his disease.....talking....not him... sometimes... I have to let him "relapse" so he remembers exactly why not doing it at all is better for him.....Just like and alcoholic can not use "controlled drinking" he can't use drugs in any kind of "controlled manner" he ends up spiriling anyway..... no matter what the justification is. I suggest doing some reading on substance abuse...... As for dealing with the fact that I married a drug addict, I found Al-anon to be quite helpful for my serenity. You keep the focus on you.... because one thing you cannot do is change him..... We are happily married..... we have our moments.... and we have the moments where his disease (addiction) tries to conquer what we share..... but fortunately.... he is well aware of who and what he is.... as am I. Good Luck... and really..... check out an alanon website or 2! Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 I personally don't do drugs, but I wouldn't have a problem if someone I was with chose to indulge once in awhile. THAT'S the trick though.....how quick can once in a while....turn into a serious addiction which can wreck your family and finances?????? Only your husband knows if he can keep a lid on it....or if it's going to take over his life. As a wife, you are stuck with either consequence. I don't envy your shoes. Link to post Share on other sites
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