heartbreaking update...

[bl22]

Well tonight, for the first time in around 3 months, I looked at her FB. I thought to myself well im going to see if she contacts me for christmas or new years, if not then I'm definately going to block her on fb just incase I see something I dont like.

 

Well I looked...

 

 

And her image is of her and the guy she left me for, smiling together, up close, looking at each other...her doing the smile she would always give to me. It was a knife through my heart all over. Its finally sunk in, reality...my god shes an absolute heartless bitch. It makes me question absolutely everything. I just blocked her straight away, I am NEVER goiing to speak to her every again if she ever tries, I do not know how she sleeps at night to be honest. Its apparent not she has not regrets or guilt, its the biggest slap in the face of our 2 year relationship ever.

 

Wtf do her family think, to go from a long term bf to just have someone else there. Urgh i feel sick...time to move on now, im quitting holding out for hope. She doesnt deserve me, she doesnt deserve happiness to treat someone like that....watch out cause karmas going to come looking for you!!!

[vandelay]

Facebook is evil. You should NOT have looked, but you did, and maybe its a good thing because now you blocked her.

 

Sorry for your pain, I know its gotta suck. I dread the day when I see my (former) girl with some other dude. I will probably explode.

[Fermentum]

You should not have looked. But at least you have the closure you need now. And it doesn't matter what her family thinks, it matters what you think. You're better off now, block her and move on. Because dwelling on it will only bring you more pain.

 

And FB IS evil during breakups.

[homebrew]

If you break NC or look at their facebook... You obviously want to suffer and feel immense pain.

 

So if you are considering breaking NC or looking at their facebook... Do this instead...

 

Hit yourself in the head with a hammer... I mean as hard as you can!

 

Why?

 

1. You will knock yourself out cold... Therefore you will not be able to contact, respond or look at your Exes facebook.

 

2. Once you wake back up, I promise... it will hurt far less than if you broke NC or looked at their facebook.

 

3. Breaking up and dealing with the loss is hard enough, this will prevent you from magnifying the pain, heartache and sorrow!

[bl22]

yeah definately moving on now, I've always held out a little hope that'd she'd come back with an apology, how she feels too guilty about leaving me and wants me back.

 

But seeing that............its like the exact opposite. No guilt no remorse, n its obvious she isnt bothered Id see it. Massive smack in the face.

 

Why is life so cruel? How can someone do that? The relationship we had was a good 1 and I was always loyal and caring to her. Will move on for good, I plan on never speaking to her ever again even if she contacts me. HEartless

[bl22]

If you break NC or look at their facebook... You obviously want to suffer and feel immense pain.

 

So if you are considering breaking NC or looking at their facebook... Do this instead...

 

Hit yourself in the head with a hammer... I mean as hard as you can!

 

Why?

 

1. You will knock yourself out cold... Therefore you will not be able to contact, respond or look at your Exes facebook.

 

2. Once you wake back up, I promise... it will hurt far less than if you broke NC or looked at their facebook.

 

3. Breaking up and dealing with the loss is hard enough, this will prevent you from magnifying the pain, heartache and sorrow!

 

 

I needed some sort of closure. I hated the possibilty of accidently crossing her fb somehow, and wanted to block her, but I couldnt help holding out for her to msg me...so I never. But now this....shes blocked and I know can move on without any hope of hearing from her.

[GreenPolicy]

NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER look at their fb. I did it once, her profile picture was of the Bay Bridge in San Francisco, so I know she went there for Thanksgiving to visit her sister. I got off easy. I will NEVER do that again.

[homebrew]

Acceptance... Once there, that is when the real healing begins!

[homebrew]

I needed some sort of closure. I hated the possibilty of accidently crossing her fb somehow, and wanted to block her, but I couldnt help holding out for her to msg me...so I never. But now this....shes blocked and I know can move on without any hope of hearing from her.

 

If an EX would like to reach you... they will!

[OceanGirl]

I think that it's good that you looked. At least now you will have no false hope anymore. There is nothing worse than false hope...

[vandelay]

But seeing that............its like the exact opposite. No guilt no remorse, n its obvious she isnt bothered Id see it. Massive smack in the face.

 

Oh facebook is a big game. Everyone shoving happy pictures and happy one-liners in everyone else's face... Its all a big pissing match to see who can APPEAR to have the greatest life. You know what? Everyone smiles in pictures, and if they don't smile they don't share the picture! Even miserable people can look happy in a photograph. Its all a game I tell ya.

[homebrew]

I am usually Mr. Positive... but this whole closure thing... I don't get it.

 

Doesn't Goodbye.... say it all?

 

So someone please help me understand... because I don't know what the Dumpee takes away from it.

 

To me, it seems like you are asking the Dumper to tell you what should be painfully obvious at this point...

 

That your EX does not want to be with you anymore.

 

How do you miss that fact when your EX already broke up with you / told you once already... and by this time, your EX has already moved out, no longer calls, texts, emails, no longer want to see you or touch you, they have changed status on facebook to single, dating other people, etc.

 

When you hear someone say "I Need Closure"... This is what they really mean...

 

"I am going to go back to my EX and ask them to break up with me all over again. This time, I need for them to tell me they really, really. really mean it.

 

The fact that my EX moved out, no longer calls, texts, emails, no longer want to see me or touch me and has been dating other people since the last time they told me they were breaking up... that stuff only tells me they were not 100% sure and really were not that serious about it. So I am going to go back and double and triple check with them. Now if they do confirm that yes, the would like to break up... I really do hope they do a much better job than they did the first time.... I suppose after that, I will have to just accept it and start moving on with my life even though my EX did that a long, long, long time ago."

 

I am just wondering... what does one take away from that experience?

[GreenPolicy]

Closure only comes from within. Sure, you can go back and ask for a "better" explanation, but the more they talk, the less you're going to like what they have to say, and it will only give you more things to obsess about and get a complex over, if what they say doesn't make sense to you.

 

For instance, my ex told me she couldn't "love me the way I want to be loved or need to be loved," even though I didn't feel neglected by her at all. If I felt neglected or I wasn't getting from her what I wanted or needed, I would have told her, or broken up with her myself if that neglect continued. Their reasons make sense to them, even if it doesn't to you.

[blover]

FB is the evil of our times. All those messages, posts, photos make you sick to the stomach. My ex is wishing the guy luck and he is posting pictures...WTF??? heartless people...and then she also likes some of the stuff i posted earlier...to say what??

What are you doing? are there no emotions involved, do you not have a heart at all? is it just a big game? To people like us, we care , we love, we do things we never imagined and get all this **** in return.

I know it will take time for me to heal..even now i hope she comes back to me..

i know i will find someone better who will love me in return. Hope you do too.

[SimonSerenade]

Hopefully they'll give the green light of "I don't have Facebook" JACKPOT, All social networking really does is ruin people these days and causes the majority of things to go pear shaped, Not saying it's fact, I might be dead wrong but always seems that way to me.

[IfiKnewThen]

quote: I am usually Mr. Positive... but this whole closure thing... I don't get it.

 

Doesn't Goodbye.... say it all?

 

So someone please help me understand... because I don't know what the Dumpee takes away from it.

 

To me, it seems like you are asking the Dumper to tell you what should be painfully obvious at this point...

 

That your EX does not want to be with you anymore.

 

How do you miss that fact when your EX already broke up with you / told you once already... and by this time, your EX has already moved out, no longer calls, texts, emails, no longer want to see you or touch you, they have changed status on facebook to single, dating other people, etc.

 

When you hear someone say "I Need Closure"... This is what they really mean...

 

"I am going to go back to my EX and ask them to break up with me all over again. This time, I need for them to tell me they really, really. really mean it.

 

 

 

OMG i am started to believe this might be true in so many aspects. i mean i do feel you should fight for someone...try everything till you cant anymore then move on. but some closure...can really hurt...if its closure at all. i know BIG time. i found out more facts because he was LD..and i didnt know a thing. but knowing can hurt too. its just such an aweful predicament. knowing...not knowing. breaks ups are aways usually aweful for 1 individual.

 

makes you wish that you did everything perfect so to never get to this point...of ever having to lose someone you love.

 

the sad part is most of us dont see the switch going off...flickering. and then it seems like it just got turned off all of the sudden

[paleblue]

i had to delete someone awhile back because she was toxic. i went back and forth with it for awhile because i dont like deleting people i have had some kind of connection with. but after i did, i felt better. now i dont have to see her face occupying space on my screen anymore, or listen to her lies. besides im not interested in really seeing what she is up too now anyway fter not talking this while. it just distracts me. sure, i wonder sometimes, but that doesn't over ride the way she made me feel when i start thinking about it. and for that, i feel better.

 

if she contacts me again down the road, sure, i might talk to her, but that's the only way. if she acts the same again, she's going to get booted again.

Edited December 24, 2010 by paleblue

[homebrew]

I have never used social networking sites... having heard all the of drama that they have caused my friends, family and co-workers (These are NORMAL, HEALTHY ADULTS MIND YOU)... I am sure I will never have one.

 

The problem that my friends, family and co-workers was due to the other 90% of the people that do not use social media sites the way it was intended.

 

They were spending way to much time having conversations with their significant other and their close friends on who X was... How did they know them. Why do you want to be their friend? Why do they want to be your friend? What do they want? What does Y mean and why would they say that?

 

These were either on their facebook or a friend of a friend of a friend....

 

Most of my friends are men... but their significant others were spending as much time on their site as their own... just keeping a "sharp eye on things" is what they said.

 

Now I did have several friends who ARE GREAT guys... Love their wife, their kids, happily married, etc. They confined in me that they were contacted by their exes who were asking to met up, being flirty, etc. Now they didn't do anything or act on it. But like one of them said... "If it wasn't for Facebook... I would have never have been tempted or even had to think about it".

 

Now I know I will get flamed for this thread... Yes, at the end of the day, I choose whether or not I am going to be faithful or not... not facebook.

 

Ask yourself this then? Does using Facebook make being faithful (both physical and emotional), maintaining the trust in my relationship, making my partner feel safe and secure, etc. 100% more difficult?

 

Of course the answer is YES!

 

I am faithful because I choose to be... I make it easy on myself by not putting myself in situations (walking up to the edge of the cliff) where I would / might be temped (fall off the cliff). So for me, I avoid Facebook (stand a couple feet back from the edge of the cliff).

 

As a guy... I hate to worry... By not facebooking... That is less thing I have to worry about. Plus as a guy, I know women are social creatures and curious by nature... So of course she is going to want to talk about, discuss, gossip, stalk, have disagreements with me or they people that post on my facebook, etc.

 

Tell me what man wants to "talk" or "listen" more than we have too... Me, I'd just rather watch the game instead. Call me crazy... but I am not missing anything by not facebooking but I am avoiding potential problems.

 

Of all the couples I known or met.... Not one of them has wanted their significant other would use it. It has ALWAYS been they were glad that they didn't. The ones that did have it... I have always heard that they flat out didn't like it or they had issues with it or they have concerns about it.

 

Do you know why that is?

 

Because deep down... Everyone knows what I said above... is true!

 

Men have a hard enough time with the internet and porn... You want to throw them in the lions den... with REAL women they actually can talk to and be with?

 

Why ruin a perfectly good relationship / marriage by tempting fate?

 

REAL MEN DO NOT FACEBOOK

[mgene15]

tough break...atleast u can finally move on...forget her...heartless people...don't deserve it...I also beleive in karma.. an oh it will come back...keep your head up bro

[bl22]

Guys Guys

 

I am now feeling the full effects of this slip up, I cant get that picture out of my head, my heart feels like its in a million pieces again, i cant sleep ive just woke up now after a horrible dream, i havent had 1 of them for a good while. Let this be a lesson to you NEVER look at there facebook, just block them.

 

At least I know shes blocked there is no way I can accidently stumble across it. Urgh, life is cruel, really cruel.

 

I know much better than to do this but I would love to message her saying something like ' how the **** do you sleep at night, what gives you the right to break my heart then parade it all over facebook for the world to see. id have never in a million years done that to you, watch out karmas going to be knocking on your door '

 

 

But i know better, Oh well...maybe its for the best, now if she EVER did try to contact me, which im sure she will as our relationship was a good 1 and Ive always had ex's contact...even the not so good relationships. Now I can ignore it knowing exactly truly what shes like. Stil hard to come to terms with the woman who used to tell me on daily basis Im the love of her life has now dropped me straight for someone else...no gap. She used to have dreams of my doing that to her, waking up in tears and I'd comfort her.

 

My mum told me it wont last, he persued her, most men who persue just like the chase, then get bored. Thanks for the replies guys.

[bl22]

I have never used social networking sites... having heard all the of drama that they have caused my friends, family and co-workers (These are NORMAL, HEALTHY ADULTS MIND YOU)... I am sure I will never have one.

 

The problem that my friends, family and co-workers was due to the other 90% of the people that do not use social media sites the way it was intended.

 

They were spending way to much time having conversations with their significant other and their close friends on who X was... How did they know them. Why do you want to be their friend? Why do they want to be your friend? What do they want? What does Y mean and why would they say that?

 

These were either on their facebook or a friend of a friend of a friend....

 

Most of my friends are men... but their significant others were spending as much time on their site as their own... just keeping a "sharp eye on things" is what they said.

 

Now I did have several friends who ARE GREAT guys... Love their wife, their kids, happily married, etc. They confined in me that they were contacted by their exes who were asking to met up, being flirty, etc. Now they didn't do anything or act on it. But like one of them said... "If it wasn't for Facebook... I would have never have been tempted or even had to think about it".

 

Now I know I will get flamed for this thread... Yes, at the end of the day, I choose whether or not I am going to be faithful or not... not facebook.

 

Ask yourself this then? Does using Facebook make being faithful (both physical and emotional), maintaining the trust in my relationship, making my partner feel safe and secure, etc. 100% more difficult?

 

Of course the answer is YES!

 

I am faithful because I choose to be... I make it easy on myself by not putting myself in situations (walking up to the edge of the cliff) where I would / might be temped (fall off the cliff). So for me, I avoid Facebook (stand a couple feet back from the edge of the cliff).

 

As a guy... I hate to worry... By not facebooking... That is less thing I have to worry about. Plus as a guy, I know women are social creatures and curious by nature... So of course she is going to want to talk about, discuss, gossip, stalk, have disagreements with me or they people that post on my facebook, etc.

 

Tell me what man wants to "talk" or "listen" more than we have too... Me, I'd just rather watch the game instead. Call me crazy... but I am not missing anything by not facebooking but I am avoiding potential problems.

 

Of all the couples I known or met.... Not one of them has wanted their significant other would use it. It has ALWAYS been they were glad that they didn't. The ones that did have it... I have always heard that they flat out didn't like it or they had issues with it or they have concerns about it.

 

Do you know why that is?

 

Because deep down... Everyone knows what I said above... is true!

 

Men have a hard enough time with the internet and porn... You want to throw them in the lions den... with REAL women they actually can talk to and be with?

 

Why ruin a perfectly good relationship / marriage by tempting fate?

 

REAL MEN DO NOT FACEBOOK

 

Im considering just deleting it, but i do have a few select good friends I talk to on there. But your right, their relationship started behind my back....guess where...Facebook.

[SimonSerenade]

As usual Homebrew you are completely and utterly 100% right, Call me a tad loopy but I feel Facebook played a hand of god in my relationship with my ex, I find it extremely puzzling how she had facebook for a month and then what do you know she finishes me and after that one break up after our son was born she deleted facebook and then a year later, She has it for yeah you geussed it, A month and whey! I'm finished again but this time for good.

 

It's almost like all these single people on facebook showing off there pictures of such a great night out or such a great day in the promise land of freedom and being single tempted her to do the same and hey! she did, Good for her lol.

 

I'll admit I've never really cared for social networking, I've always been more of a hardcore gamer myself and stuck to my games and there more than enough to keep my mind occupied but since being on Facebook, I get many of people liking me and saying I'm great and this that and all the other, Half of these people I just consider to be desperate weirdo's who I couldn't really care less for, If I want to talk to somebody I'll ring them the old fashioned way or invite them round for a cup of coffee, I don't want to go in there virtual cafe and help advertise it as being one of the best around. >.>

 

By the way Homebrew, Are you a bit of a wii hacker? Always wanted ask since you put your display picture up of the homebrew channel lol

[bl22]

fell asleep again, anohter horrible dream occured. Fb is evil, i am going to delete it once ive told a few select friends. Says it will take 14 days to delete.. which is odd.

 

i no breaking no contact would be pointless but i do feel like doing it.

Edited December 24, 2010 by bl22

[mmiller5373]

I have a worse story. I actually got so desperate I logged into her Facebook and her email (guessed her security question). In her email, I found pictures of her kissing a guy just weeks after she left me. She sent them from her iPhone to herself. Then off to her friends in Mexico to show off her new man. We never took romantic pictures like that.

 

On her Facebook, she still had pictures of me and her in there, but strangely, she also had a folder of pictures (set to private, only she could view them) of her clubbing, partying, and even worse, one of her hanging out with this same guy that was taken months before she left me. That killed me the most. To find out he's been around for a while and I never knew anything about him.

[bl22]

I have a worse story. I actually got so desperate I logged into her Facebook and her email (guessed her security question). In her email, I found pictures of her kissing a guy just weeks after she left me. She sent them from her iPhone to herself. Then off to her friends in Mexico to show off her new man. We never took romantic pictures like that.

 

On her Facebook, she still had pictures of me and her in there, but strangely, she also had a folder of pictures (set to private, only she could view them) of her clubbing, partying, and even worse, one of her hanging out with this same guy that was taken months before she left me. That killed me the most. To find out he's been around for a while and I never knew anything about him.

 

Just makes you sick dont it, specially since she was always the paranoid 1 'Im scared youll find someone else and leave me 1 day' 'dont be silly sweetheart ill never do that' 'Ill never do that too i promise '

 

yeah right, we never deserved this ****.