Friends resenting my recovery?

[Vesna]

I have had addiction problems on and off since I was 13. Starting with tobacco, then booze, some pills, then ganja and psilocybin and leading up to speed. I now just have tobacco and caffeine issues so I am proud of what I have accomplished.

 

After quitting speed 15 years ago , I turned to excessive drinking. I had blackouts and I have done some pretty stupid things while I was drunk but it is in the last 12 months that I have really noticed the ugly side of not drinking sensibly, in me and in others.

 

The main issue is that while some people have caringly noticed the positive changes I have made, such as having only a couple of drinks and the early vacation from potentially messy situations at parties/get-togethers, other people are making snide remarks. Whenever I refuse another drink someone will ask "What is wrong with you?". One friend insists on reminding me of what a bad drunk I used to be by using sniping comments.

 

My closest friend is drinking herself into an early grave, two bottles of brandy a day and has confessed that she just doesn't care anymore. We see each other about twice a year but talk on the phone one or twice a week. I really enjoyed and looked forward to our chats but they are now becoming tiresome. She keeps asking the same questions about people from our distant past (I don't care for them now). She repeats herself constantly and drinks excessively during our phone conversations. The last chat was the final straw for me. We talked for two hours and she just got more and more loaded to the point of being prejudiced and disparaging about my decision to make a few changes in my life.

 

I am at the point where I feel I have to let her go after 20 years because I am beyond feeling empathy. My gut instinct tells me that she won't change and she has inadvertantly expressed her anger at my changes, which are visibly obvious. When I told her the last time I got drunk was six months ago she said "You are such a girl."

 

As I write this, she has called to let me know that she has just finished her first bottle of brandy. She was too pissed to notice me processing the chat to a mere few minutes, once she started talking about the same old stuff.

[Woggle]

Misery loves company. Props on your recovery and maybe it is time for some new friends.

[Vesna]

Lucky me, she called again and told me that just because I have made a proven conscious decision to walk away from the scourge of daily drunkeness, doesn't mean that I should forget my place. What place? Where? In the pit of sloppy despair that she apparently calls home? I guess so.

 

I told her not to call me anymore, instead maybe she should call whine one one or call an undertaker.

 

Nobody will stop me from continuing my personal campaign. I refuse to acknowledge this so-called 'place' mentality.

[carhill]

People grow and change. Sometimes friendships/relationships grow and change as well. Sometimes not. If an association doesn't feel healthy, end it. Plenty of potentials in the world.

 

I can share that there are a few close friends of mine who have been or are functioning/non-functioning alcoholics. I've fully supported their attempts with change and recovery. Care and support is part of being a healthy friend.

 

Congratulations on your successes.

[Vesna]

Thanks for those words carhill. My friend is just functioning by the skin of her teeth (her proud words).

 

I know I need to end this association with her. My feelings have gone from empathy and understanding to blatant disgust.

 

I'm off to a sober Christmas Dinner.