Romance Posted December 24, 2010 Share Posted December 24, 2010 Tomorrow (okay maybe not really tomorrow since it is christmas eve etc) but very soon you were in a position to live by your SO. (job opening, switching colleges, etc) Would you? Would you leave all of your family, friends, common places and friend to move far away to be with your SO? In this position now. (well, will be in august) It's so rough. Especially with it being in the back of your mind it's POSSIBLE for you to break up..and..then what. Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted December 24, 2010 Share Posted December 24, 2010 Nope!!! me and my SO are from different country's I would never pack up and leave unless there was a RING on my finger, and a planned guaranteed HOME and one of us had a good Career. Might sound selfish but I would be all up for my SO giving up everything for me...he has no children and no self owned housing...he could pack up and go home anytime if it ended. Are you in the same country as your SO? Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted December 24, 2010 Share Posted December 24, 2010 I already have done this. I think it depends on a lot of factors. Firstly, you DO need to consider what will happen if you actually break up (marriage is no guarantee either). Will you be stranded penniless in a strange country, or do you have a backup plan? Can you return at any time? Do you trust your SO to do the right thing if you have no friends/family there but him and you go through a time of need, even if you've broken up? Secondly, how happy do you think you'll be in the new place OTHER than the fact that you'll be with him? How big a sacrifice do you think it'll be? If your answer is strongly negative to the above 2 questions, I would advise against it. Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted December 24, 2010 Share Posted December 24, 2010 In a perfect world if all the pieces fell together "tomorrow", then yes I would. My SO and I both want to be engaged with secure housing and jobs first in our new location, which I think is the smart thing to do. I wouldn't really be leaving behind too much at all though and don't want to settle down where I currently live anyway, so perhaps my situation is a bit different than most. As Elswyth said, you definitely need a backup plan first just in case as it seems you making the move to him would completely change your life (school, family, friends, etc.). Link to post Share on other sites
paleblue Posted December 24, 2010 Share Posted December 24, 2010 Would you leave all of your family, friends, common places and friend to move far away to be with your SO? Especially with it being in the back of your mind it's POSSIBLE for you to break up..and..then what. Nope, I wouldnt move for someone that I was wondering if I might have to break up with sometime. I would also be hesitant to move far away from family and friends. I guess i would kinda chill and wait awhile too see if that feeling goes away about breaking up. Its a huge thing moving for someone. Huge. You should be feeling rock solid at the very least. IMHO. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Romance Posted December 24, 2010 Author Share Posted December 24, 2010 I am only 20, which is why it is in the back of my head we could break up. I mean..we've dated almost 3 years (and been LD the entire time) but I know me moving out there doesn't secure our relationship or guarentee marriage. It's just a risk Im taking to add normalcy to our relationship. I will not be living with him. We live in the same country. We actually live in the same state also, just on opposite sides. (5 hours) so it isn't a LIFE SHATTERING OH MY GOD! type change, you know? It's basically a city similar to mine..just on the opposite side of the state. As long as I make friends at the college (which..fingers crossed I do..) I should be fine if we were to breakup.. Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted December 24, 2010 Share Posted December 24, 2010 I was put into this position about a month ago. My boyfriend asked me to figure out someway to move in with him, so about a month later I figured out a way (that I hope will work) and now I'm supposed to be moving there next month. I said yes in a heartbeat. Yes there is the possibility of us breaking up, but I think the odds of it working out are far more greater. I'll be leaving my family and friends, while transferring to a new job in a new country. I'm sure it'll be hard but I also have a great support system for my move with the friends I've made in my boyfriend's country and his family. So I guess you have to weigh the pros and cons before making a decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted December 25, 2010 Share Posted December 25, 2010 I am only 20, which is why it is in the back of my head we could break up. I mean..we've dated almost 3 years (and been LD the entire time) but I know me moving out there doesn't secure our relationship or guarentee marriage. It's just a risk Im taking to add normalcy to our relationship. I will not be living with him. We live in the same country. We actually live in the same state also, just on opposite sides. (5 hours) so it isn't a LIFE SHATTERING OH MY GOD! type change, you know? It's basically a city similar to mine..just on the opposite side of the state. As long as I make friends at the college (which..fingers crossed I do..) I should be fine if we were to breakup.. I think this is a very good and rational approach, especially the bolded. As much as people like to say they have never had a single doubt about their Rs, the truth is that happy-ever-afters are only ever guaranteed in fairytales. I am glad that you're not moving with such a mentality - it will make the transition easier. In your case, I'd say it sounds like a good idea. I assume the course you can do at the college near him is on-par with the one that you'll do back home in all other aspects? Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted December 25, 2010 Share Posted December 25, 2010 Yes I would, but I'm already in the process of moving so if given the opportunity for it to speed along, hell yes I'd take it. Link to post Share on other sites
waterstone Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 I would move in a flash, although it would be to a non-english speaking country (germany) i would still go! she is currently studying in south africa for 6 months , where i shall be able to visit for 3 weeks half way through but once she gets back to germany i would love to go, got my learn german book!!! knowing how i feel i would regret it more never going, than going and it didnt work (although i am more than confident it would work). ive just finished my first ever week of being in a LDR i can say im not enjoying it, its so hard going from spending every day with your loved one, seeing her in the flesh, to text on a screen in an email! What have people been doing to ease the pain of missing somebody? are there any tips of nice things to do for your other half whilst she is away? we are both in our mid twenties and i am living in england. ive got 80 days until i see her again and i cannot wait!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 No, I wouldn't, I have too much of a life here. He's always said he'd be the one to move as he's not happy where he is and he knows I have more of a life here than he does there. Link to post Share on other sites
Ashbash11 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Well, I just did move to be with my SO.. 3,000 miles, to be exact. Would I recommend it? NOPE. I did it about 6 months ago.. I moved from Boston, where I had a large circle of friends, family, many activities and a rich life, to a suburb in southern California, where I know no one, except my boyfriend and his family, who live 2 hours away. I won't lie. It has been extremely difficult.. Mostly because my boyfriend is an astronomer and has crazy work hours (see my other posts, lol..) But also, the person who moves is usually at the disadvantage. I often feel like i moved just to fit into HIS life.. I've tried to establish my own life here, with not much luck. I think if you are going to move in August, make sure that you have a job you like in the new place, and find out as much as you can about the new place. Also, as I said, it's SUPER important to establish your own life.... Otherwise, you will end up resenting your SO, which is happening to me now. Overall, I would not recommend moving really far away to be with your SO unless you already have friends/family in that new place, a job lined up, and you actually LIKE the new place. Otherwise, it's a recipe for disaster, in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
rainiejae Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 I sure would but I don't have to, he's moving here! We are engaged (JOY) & originally was going to be April/May he came but in the few short weeks since I left him in Boston we are miserable apart & he's now moving here no later than the end of March!! I can't wait! We didn't have plans to see each other before then except Skype of course but I have a surprise for him... I changed my mind about his valentine's present so now it's going to be ME!! I'm going to go for a week & be there for valentine's. Shh...haven't told him yet as he hasn't gotten home from work yet today. I totally was going to keep it a secret & have his brother pick me up at the airport but I'm just too excited for secrets. hahaha! All of my friends have already embraced him via FB & they are all joking & having fun with him plus he has a long term friend & cousin here in Seattle so he's not going to be at a loss for friendship. Ah...head over heels in love with the most amazingly perfect man for me. <3 Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 I sure would but I don't have to, he's moving here! We are engaged (JOY) & originally was going to be April/May he came but in the few short weeks since I left him in Boston we are miserable apart & he's now moving here no later than the end of March!! I can't wait! We didn't have plans to see each other before then except Skype of course but I have a surprise for him... I changed my mind about his valentine's present so now it's going to be ME!! I'm going to go for a week & be there for valentine's. Shh...haven't told him yet as he hasn't gotten home from work yet today. I totally was going to keep it a secret & have his brother pick me up at the airport but I'm just too excited for secrets. hahaha! All of my friends have already embraced him via FB & they are all joking & having fun with him plus he has a long term friend & cousin here in Seattle so he's not going to be at a loss for friendship. Ah...head over heels in love with the most amazingly perfect man for me. <3 Ah, that's so awesome!! Best V-day present ever! Link to post Share on other sites
durkadurka Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 (edited) Well it's funny that this should come up. A few months ago I was presented with this choice. Unfortunately, if things didn't go according to plan I would be stranded in the States, in debt, and with no place to go, since I need to finish my schooling. She wasn't sure how long she was going to be in her location. Given that I'd provided her with an awesome home in the city that I am from, and she was miserable and chose to leave, it was a gamble, that despite how much I loved her, I was unable to make. I laid down some ground rules and said, if you can promise me that you will be here for at least 2 years, I will move. She was unprepared to make that commitment. It was 7 months after we broke up that she finally had her life settled enough to know she was going to be in her city for a while. By that time, we'd been broken up for so long, she'd started to see someone else, rather than wait for the shoe to drop. She had a choice, she made it, I resent her for it. I put a lot of money, effort, time, and sanity into trying to provide an atmosphere where she could be happy. I guess I wasn't worth the effort or thought. So to answer the question. If the opportunity came tomorrow to move would I? Yes, if she was the person that cared about me still. She does in many ways, but none in the way that matter. Edited January 22, 2011 by durkadurka Link to post Share on other sites
linseylins Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 It's definitely something to consider. Picking up and moving to be with your significant other shouldn't be an action that happens out of fleeting feelings. Before you even consider this, you need to be sure that you're committed to your s/o, and vice versa. If this person is your only support system (at least temporarily) when you move, then you need to feel secure that this person is going to be everything you need when you get there. I was in a similar situation, in a sense. I moved from NY to DC to find new opportunities, but the biggest reason I moved was because my boyfriend already lived in DC and I wanted to be with him. Not only did I want to be with the one I loved, I knew that I would never be alone if I moved to DC; he would always support me emotionally, financially, etc. Til this day, I never regret making the move, because my life has turned around completely. He helped me get my start, but DC was a good move for me, in general. And the fact that you're moving because of a job opportunity is even better. Worst case scenario you and your partner do not last, you at least have some stability, and some kind of life carved out four yourself in the new state. I would say yes, go for it! Link to post Share on other sites
TokyoG33kyGal Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 i would! ugh, the distance is killing me everyday Link to post Share on other sites
creighton0123 Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 Without a doubt. If I suddenly had the opportunity to not worry about money and if all of my debt was erased, I would most definitely take the hike over and stay with boyfriend in Japan for the remainder of his trip there. Link to post Share on other sites
wild_urge Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Yes, if I could have the job I need or the school ( if someone could pay for it ) yeah , I would. Very often I day dream about what I'm going to do with the money if I win from the lotto, most importantly, I'll make sure we live together, then I tell myself that I don't even need to get all the six numbers, even 5 numbers would be good, may be then I could visit during march break . . . I only feel at home when I am with him, so I don't think that it matters that much where we are as long as we are together and I certainly won't miss my parents ( even friends ) as much I miss him, so why not ! Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 I don't think the OP should move given her latest thread about her bf cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Romance Posted January 29, 2011 Author Share Posted January 29, 2011 I don't think the OP should move given her latest thread about her bf cheating. Yeah, I am not moving there. While he hasnt actually cheated, he definitely is confused and shouldn't have been making posts on craigslist because he was lonely and whatnot. I could see from the emails as I observed that whenever the person got too serious about meeting, he would not reply and put the email in the trash. No phone numbers or anything further were exchanged. hes in therapy and we're on a break. Im still really hurt and confused but you dont stop loving someone overnight. this just came out of nowhere so yeah, just a little update. Link to post Share on other sites
TokyoG33kyGal Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 Without a doubt. If I suddenly had the opportunity to not worry about money and if all of my debt was erased, I would most definitely take the hike over and stay with boyfriend in Japan for the remainder of his trip there. hehe creighton, let's trade places... hope they invent some sort of teleportation so it would be that easy. glad that we're moving forward to our visa application though and hope that goes well. i am getting excited with married life Link to post Share on other sites
creighton0123 Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 hehe creighton, let's trade places... hope they invent some sort of teleportation so it would be that easy. glad that we're moving forward to our visa application though and hope that goes well. i am getting excited with married life One night I had a dream that I was a jumper (from the movie). It was heaven. Boyfriend just got his gaijin registration card. To quote him: "Now I feel like a real... gaijin." If only we could trade places, though.... Either way, I'll be in Tokyo for the first week of May. Link to post Share on other sites
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