Family and depression

[jlove421]

My mother suffers from depression. I really don't know how to deal with it. I often find myself getting frustrated at things that she does or says rather than being sympathetic. It gets to the point where I don't want to be around the negativity and would rather not even visit her. I guess growing up I have noticed things more. There was a point in time where we got a long great. But now it's like I force my self to try and do things with her.

I get angry because she has issues with my sister and brother and I guess I feel like I am stuck in the middle of everything. Is there anything I can do to help her?

[moimeme]

Here are some good online resources:

 

http://www.familyaware.org/resources/options.asp

 

http://www.familyaware.org/

 

http://www.psycom.net/depression.central.friends.html

 

For an online support group, go to

 

http://groups.google.com/

 

and type in

 

soc.support.depression.family

 

here's another online support group:

 

http://www.talkaboutsupport.com/group/soc.support.depression.family/

[Thinkalot]

Your reaction seems quite normal to me, and I can relate to how tough it must be. My mum goes through periods of depression, and I get angry/frustrated/want to fix everything...I also find it hard not to start feeling down myself during those times, because she can be so sad and negative. I am learning that I CANNOT fix it, but it will get better in time with my Mum, and that during those times, just being there can be a help....but don't take the problems on...because they aren't yours. It can be very hard to detach though.

 

I have always been very close to mum and sometimes it makes it even harder to cope with her down times.

[krbshappy71]

Three of my family members seem to have depression. My dad and brother have been diagnosed with it, and I suspect it in my mom. She is beyond passive-agressive too which I am developing a very short tolerance for. I miss my brother and how he used to be before they started putting him on all sorts of medications. He's just not the same and I worry he will never be how I remembered him before he was diagnosed. (I really didn't think he was that bad, now compared to how he is on medication!) My dad, however, is MUCH better since his diagnosis and treatment so that's helped a lot. I can feel your frustration, hang in there and try to remember that depression is not "about" any specific situation or event, its the overall feeling of sadness,anger, etc. no matter how "great" their life seems to be going. That was a hard one for me to grasp. Perhaps this isn't the best way to handle it, but when my mom "acts up" I tend to back off and have as little contact with her as I can because I know she isn't being herself and yet it hurts just the same when she attacks or guilt-trips, or cries.

 

Good links, moi, thanks!

[Louise]

My mother also suffers from depression. I'm 34 now and whilst we sometimes get on great as a child it was like walking on eggshells. She always blamed her problems on her family and being young I believed this was the root cause. I never blamed her when she was mentally and physically abusive. As soon as I could I moved away from the area but arranged and paid for her to move around the corner from me. I thought this would be a fresh start, but no the same problems resurface just different people and locations.

 

We haven't spoken for a month now and I feel guilt ridden. She is just so negative and even though she brought me up I try to be positive and not let things get on top of me. I just cannot face the negativity anymore and the suicide threats if life doesn't go her own way. Recently she told me she was going to do herself in, when I left upset she didn't answer the phone all week leaving me worried sick. As soon as my sisters baby was born she's on the phone wanting a lift to see her. There is no apology or explanation given. I know she gets depressed but it seems quite manipulative.

 

I have a good relationship, career and circle of friends, but my mother guilt trips me over these things, with 'what a lovely life you have' comments. She doesn't realise I get very stressed at work and I had to work hard to get my qualifications. I get down sometimes and I had an unpleasant upbringing but I do my best to keep going.

 

I don't dwell on problems but I feel guilty that we haven't spoken for so long. She won't ever approach me with an olive branch so I know it'll be down to me to make up with her. The problem is I don't know if I want to.

[LikkleMissConfused]

Hello,

 

You may have read my previous post but my father passed away a couple of years ago and initially it left my muma nd me in serious depression. Its hard! I am one of three daughters. And it has only been me here to support my mum. I just like you used to get real angry and frustrated with her because I couldn't be happy while she was so down. Negativity does your head in!

 

Over time its taken about a year and half she is now out of depression and so am I! It is a nice feeling and we get on. You have to deal with your own feelings and try talking to her calmly i'm sure she will udnerstand and it will help her out of her depression. Give her lots of hus cuddles and tell her you love her surprisingly it will calm you down and help her. That is what I do when i find myself boiling up inside.