How did I get where I am? 19 and hopelessly in love with a married man.

[sillylittlegirl]

I've been reading these boards for a few months, but in light of recent events, I felt the need to register and post my (very long) story.

 

I guess you could say I'm the boss's daughter. And that's how I met him... at work. It was his first job out of college, and my place of part-time summer employment. I only got the job because of my father's position at the company. While my father isn't directly in charge of him, the hierachal relationship exists. But they are extremely close and my dad thinks of him as a son.

 

When we first met, I was fifteen and he was twenty. I was stuck in the self-involved world of a high school student, and hardly paid him any attention. He was the guy that was physically "tolerable" to me. Probably the best looking guy in the office, but I had no interest.

 

It was about two years later when I started noticing him a bit more, and it seemed he was noticing me as well. He would never speak to me, but he would go out of his way to pass by my desk and shoot me an angry stare. With no explanation for any of his behavior, I took him as being a total ass and decided that I intensely disliked him.

 

It was my senior year of high school when I started working in the office more. Our relationship escalated to more intense staring. We still hardly talked; our only conversations were those that others started and we happened to continue. But he went out of his way to help me with problems I was having, without letting me know. And my opinion of him started to change slightly. We had so much in common and didn't even realize it.

 

That winter, a mutual friend of ours got married. At the wedding, I saw him in a completely different light. He was shy and timid, but funny and smart. And he absolutely glowed. I saw him across the room, and there was just something there that was never there before. I also realized that night, that he was with a woman... who happened to be his girlfriend of six months. Great. Just when I realize this guy is perfect, I find out that he is unavailable.

 

It was little occurrences and grand, modest gestures that made me fall hard for him that summer. We began talking a bit more and became friends. He stated time and time again that he did not foresee himself in a long term relationship with his current girlfriend -- that he would never marry her and he definitely did not want children with her. I took this as a positive sign, and continued to fall for him. Yet, shy and naive, I never made a move, convinced that our both our personal and professional standings would make being together impossible. And he wouldn't want me anyway.

 

August, I went away to college -- about 600 miles away from home and work. That fall I was shocked to learn from my father that he bought a ring for his girlfriend. The girlfriend he swore he would never marry. The girlfriend he swore he didn't love. I was distraught, but convinced that something had changed within the last few months. I tried to move on. I dated others, but I could never stop thinking about him.

 

In December, I went home for winter break and went back to work. The speaking had stopped. The stares turned angry again. I was outrageously confused about his mixed signals, but I chalked it up to everything being my imagination. I convinced myself that there were no feelings there, and that everything that had occurred up until now was over exaggerated in my mind.

 

They were married ridiculously quickly; in April. Apparently, she wanted it finalized as soon as possible. It is probably important to mention that she is ten years older than he is and this was the first serious relationship that either had been in. I was heartbroken, but I didn't understand why. I had no claim to him. I was 600 miles away and in a relationship with a great guy, but I just wanted to be with someone else. He was sweet, gentile, kind, stubborn, slightly awkward, brilliant, quietly good looking, and secretly hilarious. I just wanted to talk to him. I just wanted to figure out why he married her in the way he did. But I was stubborn too, and I resolved never to bring it up... even if he did speak to me again.

 

That next summer (which is this past summer, for those of you keeping track), we worked together again. Seeing the gold band on his ring finger killed me a little more every day. He was kind to me, maybe too kind -- but friendly nonetheless for the first few weeks I was in the office. I went abroad for two weeks and when I returned, so did the angry staring and the complete lack of communication, but this time he became rude about it. He would speak to me through other people so as to avoid contact with me. He would outright refuse to work with me. A friend confirmed his odd behavior with me, so I knew it wasn't all in my head. One afternoon, in the break room, I completely snapped. I couldn't take the mixed signals any longer. I asked him why he hated me, because it certainly seemed like he did. I told him that his obvious rude behavior frustrated me, because I felt like I had done nothing to deserve it. And I demanded an explanation.

 

His response was to grab me and kiss me, as hard and as passionate as he possibly could.

 

The next day, I confronted him, and we decided that we should discuss what happened. We met for coffee that evening, and he explained all of his feelings to me. He fell for me almost two years prior, right around the time I fell for him. He was too shy and too self-conscious to do anything about it. He was convinced that I would never want him, and even if I did, his relationship with my father and our age difference (he is five years my senior) would make any kind of relationship too difficult. He was almost relieved when I went off to school, but couldn't get me off his mind. He decided to propose to W because he felt that he had no other "safe" options. He cared for her, but he was not in love with her. She was older and also feeling desperate and wanted to marry quickly, so he let her make all the arrangements to marry as soon as possible. When he saw me again over the summer, he realized how stupid he'd been. He realized that he made a huge mistake and messed up his life. He was angry at himself, and angry with me... for simply being there. When I confessed that I also had feelings for him, he was even angrier at himself for ignoring the obvious connection. And I was admitting fault as well.

 

We agreed that the kissing could never happen again, though, and it could not escalate further. For a while it didn't. We became best friends, and each others' lifelines. Above all, he would lean on me about all the problems in his marriage. We were constantly texting or calling one another, and we would meet outside of work to hang out, extremely often... of course, without the knowledge of his W or my BF. To everyone else, it was a perfectly healthy friendship, but to us, it was rapidly turning into an EA. Toward the end of the summer, it turned into a bit of a PA... minus the sex. I hated myself for it, though, and tried to cut off contact with him when I went back to school.

 

I talked to him a few times over the fall. Once, was via a nine page letter and then a phone call he sent me for my birthday, explaining how sorry he was for putting me in the position he did, detailing how much he loved me, and plotting to end his relationship. A few weeks later, we met halfway between school and home and went to dinner, just to talk. I tried to remain NC, but couldn't... it was impossible for me to lose not only the man I was in love with, but my best friend.

 

I just came home for the winter and started to work again. I tried to ignore him as much as possible in the office, but not speaking to my best friend was just so difficult. We were at a Christmas party together the other night, and we spent the entire night inseparable; just catching up and talking. The next night, we went to dinner. We were unable to control ourselves and we ended up sleeping together. It was the first time we'd been intimate, and while I feel that I should regret it... I don't. I feel terrible, but I honestly love him too much to let him go. He called me the next morning to apologize, but I couldn't blame him for anything that happened. I told him we should end it, but in my heart, I know it won't end. Now, he’s spending his first Christmas married to his W. He’s been texting me all morning, and I just had to turn off my phone, because I can’t handle the pain and confusion anymore. I just don’t know how to feel.

 

He says that the only reason why he has not already left is because of financial responsibility. She was laid off from her job and is unemployed. Her parents technically own the house they live in, and his parents own her car. They took out a loan for the wedding that is in his name. He's gone behind her back and hired an attorney to figure everything out.

 

So now I am the OW in a marriage that shouldn't have even taken place. A marriage that, only a little over a year ago, was not even being considered. And while I feel guilty about what we are doing... I loved him before she did, and I feel oddly justified. I just don't know what I am doing, and I have no idea where to go from here. I think I just need some kind of advice… maybe empathy, and above anything, guidance from people who know what I am doing better than I do.

 

 

Merry Christmas to all of you. And thanks for reading.

Edited December 25, 2010 by sillylittlegirl

[half_ofa_heart]

I've been reading these boards for a few months, but in light of recent events, I felt the need to register and post my (very long) story.

 

I guess you could say I'm the boss's daughter. And that's how I met him... at work. It was his first job out of college, and my place of part-time summer employment. I only got the job because of my father's position at the company. While my father isn't directly in charge of him, the hierachal relationship exists. But they are extremely close and my dad thinks of him as a son.

 

When we first met, I was fifteen and he was twenty. I was stuck in the self-involved world of a high school student, and hardly paid him any attention. He was the guy that was physically "tolerable" to me. Probably the best looking guy in the office, but I had no interest.

 

It was about two years later when I started noticing him a bit more, and it seemed he was noticing me as well. He would never speak to me, but he would go out of his way to pass by my desk and shoot me an angry stare. With no explanation for any of his behavior, I took him as being a total ass and decided that I intensely disliked him.

 

It was my senior year of high school when I started working in the office more. Our relationship escalated to more intense staring. We still hardly talked; our only conversations were those that others started and we happened to continue. But he went out of his way to help me with problems I was having, without letting me know. And my opinion of him started to change slightly. We had so much in common and didn't even realize it.

 

That winter, a mutual friend of ours got married. At the wedding, I saw him in a completely different light. He was shy and timid, but funny and smart. And he absolutely glowed. I saw him across the room, and there was just something there that was never there before. I also realized that night, that he was with a woman... who happened to be his girlfriend of six months. Great. Just when I realize this guy is perfect, I find out that he is unavailable.

 

It was little occurrences and grand, modest gestures that made me fall hard for him that summer. We began talking a bit more and became friends. He stated time and time again that he did not foresee himself in a long term relationship with his current girlfriend -- that he would never marry her and he definitely did not want children with her. I took this as a positive sign, and continued to fall for him. Yet, shy and naive, I never made a move, convinced that our both our personal and professional standings would make being together impossible. And he wouldn't want me anyway.

 

August, I went away to college -- about 600 miles away from home and work. That fall I was shocked to learn from my father that he bought a ring for his girlfriend. The girlfriend he swore he would never marry. The girlfriend he swore he didn't love. I was distraught, but convinced that something had changed within the last few months. I tried to move on. I dated others, but I could never stop thinking about him.

 

In December, I went home for winter break and went back to work. The speaking had stopped. The stares turned angry again. I was outrageously confused about his mixed signals, but I chalked it up to everything being my imagination. I convinced myself that there were no feelings there, and that everything that had occurred up until now was over exaggerated in my mind.

 

They were married ridiculously quickly; in April. Apparently, she wanted it finalized as soon as possible. It is probably important to mention that she is ten years older than he is and this was the first serious relationship that either had been in. I was heartbroken, but I didn't understand why. I had no claim to him. I was 600 miles away and in a relationship with a great guy, but I just wanted to be with someone else. He was sweet, gentile, kind, stubborn, slightly awkward, brilliant, quietly good looking, and secretly hilarious. I just wanted to talk to him. I just wanted to figure out why he married her in the way he did. But I was stubborn too, and I resolved never to bring it up... even if he did speak to me again.

 

That next summer (which is this past summer, for those of you keeping track), we worked together again. Seeing the gold band on his ring finger killed me a little more every day. He was kind to me, maybe too kind -- but friendly nonetheless for the first few weeks I was in the office. I went abroad for two weeks and when I returned, so did the angry staring and the complete lack of communication, but this time he became rude about it. He would speak to me through other people so as to avoid contact with me. He would outright refuse to work with me. A friend confirmed his odd behavior with me, so I knew it wasn't all in my head. One afternoon, in the break room, I completely snapped. I couldn't take the mixed signals any longer. I asked him why he hated me, because it certainly seemed like he did. I told him that his obvious rude behavior frustrated me, because I felt like I had done nothing to deserve it. And I demanded an explanation.

 

His response was to grab me and kiss me, as hard and as passionate as he possibly could.

 

The next day, I confronted him, and we decided that we should discuss what happened. We met for coffee that evening, and he explained all of his feelings to me. He fell for me almost two years prior, right around the time I fell for him. He was too shy and too self-conscious to do anything about it. He was convinced that I would never want him, and even if I did, his relationship with my father and our age difference (he is five years my senior) would make any kind of relationship too difficult. He was almost relieved when I went off to school, but couldn't get me off his mind. He decided to propose to W because he felt that he had no other "safe" options. He cared for her, but he was not in love with her. She was older and also feeling desperate and wanted to marry quickly, so he let her make all the arrangements to marry as soon as possible. When he saw me again over the summer, he realized how stupid he'd been. He realized that he made a huge mistake and messed up his life. He was angry at himself, and angry with me... for simply being there. When I confessed that I also had feelings for him, he was even angrier at himself for ignoring the obvious connection. And I was admitting fault as well.

 

We agreed that the kissing could never happen again, though, and it could not escalate further. For a while it didn't. We became best friends, and each others' lifelines. Above all, he would lean on me about all the problems in his marriage. We were constantly texting or calling one another, and we would meet outside of work to hang out, extremely often... of course, without the knowledge of his W or my BF. To everyone else, it was a perfectly healthy friendship, but to us, it was rapidly turning into an EA. Toward the end of the summer, it turned into a bit of a PA... minus the sex. I hated myself for it, though, and tried to cut off contact with him when I went back to school.

 

I talked to him a few times over the fall. Once, was via a nine page letter and then a phone call he sent me for my birthday, explaining how sorry he was for putting me in the position he did, detailing how much he loved me, and plotting to end his relationship. A few weeks later, we met halfway between school and home and went to dinner, just to talk. I tried to remain NC, but couldn't... it was impossible for me to lose not only the man I was in love with, but my best friend.

 

I just came home for the winter and started to work again. I tried to ignore him as much as possible in the office, but not speaking to my best friend was just so difficult. We were at a Christmas party together the other night, and we spent the entire night inseparable; just catching up and talking. The next night, we went to dinner. We were unable to control ourselves and we ended up sleeping together. It was the first time we'd been intimate, and while I feel that I should regret it... I don't. I feel terrible, but I honestly love him too much to let him go. He called me the next morning to apologize, but I couldn't blame him for anything that happened. I told him we should end it, but in my heart, I know it won't end. Now, he’s spending his first Christmas married to his W. He’s been texting me all morning, and I just had to turn off my phone, because I can’t handle the pain and confusion anymore. I just don’t know how to feel.

 

He says that the only reason why he has not already left is because of financial responsibility. She was laid off from her job and is unemployed. Her parents technically own the house they live in, and his parents own her car. They took out a loan for the wedding that is in his name. He's gone behind her back and hired an attorney to figure everything out.

 

So now I am the OW in a marriage that shouldn't have even taken place. A marriage that, only a little over a year ago, was not even being considered. And while I feel guilty about what we are doing... I loved him before she did, and I feel oddly justified. I just don't know what I am doing, and I have no idea where to go from here. I think I just need some kind of advice… maybe empathy, and above anything, guidance from people who know what I am doing better than I do.

 

 

Merry Christmas to all of you. And thanks for reading.

 

Wow SLG... I am clearly in no position to give you any "sound" advice but I can only tell you what other people have told me on this site... "actions speak louder than words" If you can ignore the words and just focus on his actions, they will tell you all you need to know. Let the divorce/seperation happen before you start a real relationship with this guy. Besides, I'm sure your father would NOT be happy if he knew about this affair. Let MM clean up his life before he decides to mess up someone else's.

 

Good Luck and Merry Christmas!

[cerridwen]

Silly, how much time are you willing to give this?

Have you set an end date in your own mind, just in case he's playing you?

If his wife's financial position doesn't improve, in 2 years time will you still be there? Are you willing to keep sleeping with him in the absence of any PROOF he's ending his marriage? I'm sure you know doing so will only deepen your feelings for him and obscure your judgment.

 

Draw some boundaries for yourself. It will be empowering. You sound highly intelligent and capable of it.

[sillylittlegirl]

Thank you so much for your replies.

 

half_ofa_heart: I know he waited too long to make a move, and I blame myself for that as well, but I know it was neither of our faults. Our circumstances (first, my being underage, then our living so far away from each other, and his relationship with my father) all contributed to the lack of communication between us. I do still realize that what we have going on is completely inexcusable.

 

To address another point, even if everything else worked in our favor (and that's a lot), I feel like our biggest obstacle would be telling my father. As much as my father adores MM, this probably would not go over well with him.

 

cerridwen: I feel like I want to try to stop the PA from going any farther for now. I go back to school at the end of January. I'll completely support him through the process, but If nothing is changed by then, maybe I'll force myself to rethink everything. Honestly, though -- and this is probably idiotic -- I totally and completely trust him. I trust him to keep his word and I trust him not to hurt me. I know him, and I think he is different from most MMs, although I guess that's probably what everyone says...

 

If I'll be seeing him every day for the next month, I can't go completely NC -- and I don't want to. I think I can trust myself to refrain from any physical involvement... but I can't be positive. What I am absolutely sure of is that my emotional involvement will probably deepen over time.

[BB07]

I read your post SLG and at first I thought someone was writing their own version of Romeo and Juliet.

Anyway........that is a whole lot of drama for someone so young, maybe you should reflect and ask yourself if it's something that you need in your life. Something to ponder over I would think.

 

Anyway......after reading your post, there isn't really any sound and superior reasons why he can't walk away from the marriage if he so chooses to. Sure there are things he can use as excuses but good reasons......no. Of course a lot of it depends on what you will accept as excuses.

I'm of the belief that if he really intends to leave this marriage then the sooner the better for all parties concerned and I also think that the longer that you accept being the 3rd party the less likely he will be to leave. I would suggest to you that you figure out a time line for when all this has to happen and if it doesn't you need to walk.

Also what you said about trusting this man......you really need to rethink that, as his behavior toward you and especially toward his wife is NOT trustworthy and if you will stop with the blind faith and blind trust thing you will see it for what it really is. In other words..........he is behaving like quite the asshat and the sooner you see this and stop allowing yourself to make excuses for him, you will see things through clearer eyes. Right now you are enabling him to act like the asshat and yes if he does it to her, he will do it to you.

BLIND faith and blind trust is always a mistake and I'm afraid you are going to have to learn this the hard way, but I sincerely hope not.

Take care of your heart SLG! No one else will care for it the way that you CAN.

[Heather1]

It will deepen. I can tell you this, being A LOT older than you (my son is your age), sometimes longterm love is a combination of timing & luck. If I were you, I'd go back to school & fall in love w/ someone else & let him be the "one who got away." It's one of life/love's first hard lessons. You don't want to start out your love & relationship road going down this path.

 

He told you he would never marry her, and he did. He has excuses not to leave her already, which means she's probably trying to have a baby.

 

Chalk it up to a sucky life lesson.....

[KarmasTestDummy]

Okay, maybe it's the romanticized version of the facts we got or the deep passion for your mm that I can sense from you, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and throw myself into total minority by saying if I ever read a person's story that sounded like it had potential for long term success, it is yours. I am sure I will be accused of cheering you on only because I chose to stay in my own R with mm, but let it be known I am just as quick to call a spade a spade an encourage a woman to leave a hopeless situation ehen the need arises. I do not feel yours is hopeless. I think honestly, let the romance continue until you return to school, and then put your focus back on your education while he takes the next few months to work out his personal life and what he wants to do. Your R clearly is not about the physical. This is not about cake eating, as there are genuine feelings and a history of long-term undeniable attraction and attachment. I think at the time you return from your break he should have had enough time to have made a choice and start some actions. If not then the choice is on you. But don't stop your life either. I wouldn't encourage you to stay with your boyfriend if you don't feel for him but I would say it's a good time to focus on you, do some self discovery and really know what you want, not just now but 10-20-30-50 years from now.

One thing I know at 30 is that I sure didn't think about 30 when I was 19....and I don't know a 30 year old that would say they truly knew what they wanted at that age either. It changed from hot guy working at the tasty freeze to charming, secure, honest, financially stable, goal oriented, family minded guy. Good luck! I wish you all the best in whatever your choice may be.

 

PS I don't know what you're going to school for, but you are a phenomenal writer. I didn't want the story to end.

Edited December 26, 2010 by KarmasTestDummy

[bentnotbroken]

This isn't real life. This isn't what life is about. NO one should be falling for this stuff at 19. Success....success at what? Being incredibly bad news from the beginning?

[fooled once]

I've been reading these boards for a few months, but in light of recent events, I felt the need to register and post my (very long) story.

 

I guess you could say I'm the boss's daughter. And that's how I met him... at work. It was his first job out of college, and my place of part-time summer employment. I only got the job because of my father's position at the company. While my father isn't directly in charge of him, the hierachal relationship exists. But they are extremely close and my dad thinks of him as a son.

 

When we first met, I was fifteen and he was twenty. I was stuck in the self-involved world of a high school student, and hardly paid him any attention. He was the guy that was physically "tolerable" to me. Probably the best looking guy in the office, but I had no interest.

 

It was about two years later when I started noticing him a bit more, and it seemed he was noticing me as well. He would never speak to me, but he would go out of his way to pass by my desk and shoot me an angry stare. With no explanation for any of his behavior, I took him as being a total ass and decided that I intensely disliked him.

 

It was my senior year of high school when I started working in the office more. Our relationship escalated to more intense staring. We still hardly talked; our only conversations were those that others started and we happened to continue. But he went out of his way to help me with problems I was having, without letting me know. And my opinion of him started to change slightly. We had so much in common and didn't even realize it.

 

That winter, a mutual friend of ours got married. At the wedding, I saw him in a completely different light. He was shy and timid, but funny and smart. And he absolutely glowed. I saw him across the room, and there was just something there that was never there before. I also realized that night, that he was with a woman... who happened to be his girlfriend of six months. Great. Just when I realize this guy is perfect, I find out that he is unavailable.

 

It was little occurrences and grand, modest gestures that made me fall hard for him that summer. We began talking a bit more and became friends. He stated time and time again that he did not foresee himself in a long term relationship with his current girlfriend -- that he would never marry her and he definitely did not want children with her. I took this as a positive sign, and continued to fall for him. Yet, shy and naive, I never made a move, convinced that our both our personal and professional standings would make being together impossible. And he wouldn't want me anyway.

 

August, I went away to college -- about 600 miles away from home and work. That fall I was shocked to learn from my father that he bought a ring for his girlfriend. The girlfriend he swore he would never marry. The girlfriend he swore he didn't love. I was distraught, but convinced that something had changed within the last few months. I tried to move on. I dated others, but I could never stop thinking about him.

 

In December, I went home for winter break and went back to work. The speaking had stopped. The stares turned angry again. I was outrageously confused about his mixed signals, but I chalked it up to everything being my imagination. I convinced myself that there were no feelings there, and that everything that had occurred up until now was over exaggerated in my mind.

 

They were married ridiculously quickly; in April. Apparently, she wanted it finalized as soon as possible. It is probably important to mention that she is ten years older than he is and this was the first serious relationship that either had been in. I was heartbroken, but I didn't understand why. I had no claim to him. I was 600 miles away and in a relationship with a great guy, but I just wanted to be with someone else. He was sweet, gentile, kind, stubborn, slightly awkward, brilliant, quietly good looking, and secretly hilarious. I just wanted to talk to him. I just wanted to figure out why he married her in the way he did. But I was stubborn too, and I resolved never to bring it up... even if he did speak to me again.

 

That next summer (which is this past summer, for those of you keeping track), we worked together again. Seeing the gold band on his ring finger killed me a little more every day. He was kind to me, maybe too kind -- but friendly nonetheless for the first few weeks I was in the office. I went abroad for two weeks and when I returned, so did the angry staring and the complete lack of communication, but this time he became rude about it. He would speak to me through other people so as to avoid contact with me. He would outright refuse to work with me. A friend confirmed his odd behavior with me, so I knew it wasn't all in my head. One afternoon, in the break room, I completely snapped. I couldn't take the mixed signals any longer. I asked him why he hated me, because it certainly seemed like he did. I told him that his obvious rude behavior frustrated me, because I felt like I had done nothing to deserve it. And I demanded an explanation.

 

His response was to grab me and kiss me, as hard and as passionate as he possibly could.

 

The next day, I confronted him, and we decided that we should discuss what happened. We met for coffee that evening, and he explained all of his feelings to me. He fell for me almost two years prior, right around the time I fell for him. He was too shy and too self-conscious to do anything about it. He was convinced that I would never want him, and even if I did, his relationship with my father and our age difference (he is five years my senior) would make any kind of relationship too difficult. He was almost relieved when I went off to school, but couldn't get me off his mind. He decided to propose to W because he felt that he had no other "safe" options. He cared for her, but he was not in love with her. She was older and also feeling desperate and wanted to marry quickly, so he let her make all the arrangements to marry as soon as possible. When he saw me again over the summer, he realized how stupid he'd been. He realized that he made a huge mistake and messed up his life. He was angry at himself, and angry with me... for simply being there. When I confessed that I also had feelings for him, he was even angrier at himself for ignoring the obvious connection. And I was admitting fault as well.

 

We agreed that the kissing could never happen again, though, and it could not escalate further. For a while it didn't. We became best friends, and each others' lifelines. Above all, he would lean on me about all the problems in his marriage. We were constantly texting or calling one another, and we would meet outside of work to hang out, extremely often... of course, without the knowledge of his W or my BF. To everyone else, it was a perfectly healthy friendship, but to us, it was rapidly turning into an EA. Toward the end of the summer, it turned into a bit of a PA... minus the sex. I hated myself for it, though, and tried to cut off contact with him when I went back to school.

 

I talked to him a few times over the fall. Once, was via a nine page letter and then a phone call he sent me for my birthday, explaining how sorry he was for putting me in the position he did, detailing how much he loved me, and plotting to end his relationship. A few weeks later, we met halfway between school and home and went to dinner, just to talk. I tried to remain NC, but couldn't... it was impossible for me to lose not only the man I was in love with, but my best friend.

 

I just came home for the winter and started to work again. I tried to ignore him as much as possible in the office, but not speaking to my best friend was just so difficult. We were at a Christmas party together the other night, and we spent the entire night inseparable; just catching up and talking. The next night, we went to dinner. We were unable to control ourselves and we ended up sleeping together. It was the first time we'd been intimate, and while I feel that I should regret it... I don't. I feel terrible, but I honestly love him too much to let him go. He called me the next morning to apologize, but I couldn't blame him for anything that happened. I told him we should end it, but in my heart, I know it won't end. Now, he’s spending his first Christmas married to his W. He’s been texting me all morning, and I just had to turn off my phone, because I can’t handle the pain and confusion anymore. I just don’t know how to feel.

 

He says that the only reason why he has not already left is because of financial responsibility. She was laid off from her job and is unemployed. Her parents technically own the house they live in, and his parents own her car. They took out a loan for the wedding that is in his name. He's gone behind her back and hired an attorney to figure everything out.

 

So now I am the OW in a marriage that shouldn't have even taken place. A marriage that, only a little over a year ago, was not even being considered. And while I feel guilty about what we are doing... I loved him before she did, and I feel oddly justified. I just don't know what I am doing, and I have no idea where to go from here. I think I just need some kind of advice… maybe empathy, and above anything, guidance from people who know what I am doing better than I do.

 

 

Merry Christmas to all of you. And thanks for reading.

 

So you are a mistress.

 

He is at home with is wife, who in your mind he was almost forced to marry.

 

When she comes up pregnant, then what? was he forced to have sex with her?

 

I do not get why so many women, such as yourself, make all these excuses for these cheaters.

 

He chose to marry her.

 

He chose to start a life with her.

 

Re-read what you wrote. Doesn't it sound a little far fetched? Why the comments on the fact that she is 10 years older and "desperate"? How do you know she is desperate? Do you know her? Have you talked with her?

 

Sounds like HE bought her a ring.

HE proposed to her.

HE attended his wedding.

HE goes home to her every night.

 

YOU are a young girl who he knows likes him.

 

You are his ego feed, his ego boost. He is 5 years older than you - 24. Which is quite immature for a man. I know, I have a 21 year old son.

 

Time for him to MAN UP, be a man, and either GET IN his marriage or GET OUT.

 

You can continue to wait around for him, to steal moments with him, to sneak around with him.

 

Or you can stop being his doormat, his ego boost. You can tell him you respect yourself too much to be a mistress. Or are you enjoying the 'romance' of sneaking around, the excitement of the forbidden?

 

How would you feel in his wife's shoes? How would you feel if you found out the man who bought you a ring, proposed to you, married you was messing around with the boss's younger daughter?

 

I sure hope you two are using protection - the wife doesn't deserve to be exposed to any STD's. The wife doesn't deserve the total disrespect her husband is showing her. He is a coward. He is a liar, a cheat and someone who has no idea how to be faithful.

 

Is this the guy you are in love with?

[fooled once]

Honestly, though -- and this is probably idiotic -- I totally and completely trust him. I trust him to keep his word and I trust him not to hurt me. I know him, and I think he is different from most MMs, although I guess that's probably what everyone says...

 

I am sure his wife trust him and believed him too, you know, when he said he loved her, wanted to spend his life with her and married her.

[fooled once]

Okay, maybe it's the romanticized version of the facts we got or the deep passion for your mm that I can sense from you, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and throw myself into total minority by saying if I ever read a person's story that sounded like it had potential for long term success, it is yours. I am sure I will be accused of cheering you on only because I chose to stay in my own R with mm, but let it be known I am just as quick to call a spade a spade an encourage a woman to leave a hopeless situation ehen the need arises. I do not feel yours is hopeless. I think honestly, let the romance continue until you return to school, and then put your focus back on your education while he takes the next few months to work out his personal life and what he wants to do. Your R clearly is not about the physical. This is not about cake eating, as there are genuine feelings and a history of long-term undeniable attraction and attachment. I think at the time you return from your break he should have had enough time to have made a choice and start some actions. If not then the choice is on you. But don't stop your life either. I wouldn't encourage you to stay with your boyfriend if you don't feel for him but I would say it's a good time to focus on you, do some self discovery and really know what you want, not just now but 10-20-30-50 years from now.

One thing I know at 30 is that I sure didn't think about 30 when I was 19....and I don't know a 30 year old that would say they truly knew what they wanted at that age either. It changed from hot guy working at the tasty freeze to charming, secure, honest, financially stable, goal oriented, family minded guy. Good luck! I wish you all the best in whatever your choice may be.

 

PS I don't know what you're going to school for, but you are a phenomenal writer. I didn't want the story to end.

 

Really?

 

You think this 19 year old teenager's infatuation with a 24 year old who is married is a relationship that is going to work?

 

How about telling the wife that you want her husband? I bet she gladly hands him over to you. I mean, he is free loading off her - as you stated the house is in her parents name.

 

Not sure why you think the WIFE is the desperate one. You are the one who is actively having an affair with a married man. You are the one who is unable to stay away from a married man.

 

But definitely let the wife in on all this. She may get the ball rolling so you two can be together. Nice that he is not only sneaking around behind her back sleeping with the boss's daughter, but also plotting and planning to leave her after less than 8 months of marriage.

[sugarmomma]

I would dump him and tell him to sort his **** out. You are too young for this and he is taking full advantage of your feelings for him.

 

Please do yourself a favor and get rid of him.

 

 

You can't build a house on quicksand and that is exactly what you're trying to do. You have no foundation except emotions and a r takes way more than emotions and attraction.

 

There's no future in loving a married man.

[whichwayisup]

Really?

 

You think this 19 year old teenager's infatuation with a 24 year old who is married is a relationship that is going to work?

 

How about telling the wife that you want her husband? I bet she gladly hands him over to you. I mean, he is free loading off her - as you stated the house is in her parents name.

 

Not sure why you think the WIFE is the desperate one. You are the one who is actively having an affair with a married man. You are the one who is unable to stay away from a married man.

 

But definitely let the wife in on all this. She may get the ball rolling so you two can be together. Nice that he is not only sneaking around behind her back sleeping with the boss's daughter, but also plotting and planning to leave her after less than 8 months of marriage.

 

Yes. go talk to his wife, tell her that you loved him first, that she was a mistake, he doesn't love her, he loves you and should have married you.

 

I am telling you, he is lying. Not only to you, but to her as well.

 

This whole thing is going to blow up, and you are going to get hurt, your reputation will be ruined, not his.

 

I would dump him and tell him to sort his **** out. You are too young for this and he is taking full advantage of your feelings for him.

 

Please do yourself a favor and get rid of him.

 

 

You can't build a house on quicksand and that is exactly what you're trying to do. You have no foundation except emotions and a r takes way more than emotions and attraction.

 

There's no future in loving a married man.

 

At age 19, forget about this guy and live your life. IF you two are meant to be, he will divorce and find you "one day" after you live and learn, go through other relationships and grow as a person. what you feel at 19, isn't what you will feel at 30. Trust me, people do so much changing in their 20's!

[Ariadne]

SLG,

 

I read your story and congratulations for writing so well at 19. It was a delight to read.

 

Well, about your story, it sounds really complicated..

 

It seems like this guy just does the easy thing, whatever is available, and at the moment he has this house where he is living that belongs to the father in law, plus he is married, and all this stuff.

 

I think if you had gotten together before maybe things would have been different, and I can imagine how wonderful the moments with him must be, but now he may be just getting comfortable in his marriage.

 

And if he's been hanging out with you and the wife lets him, that means he has liberties in the marriage and even less incentive to change things.

 

See what happens and Merry Christmas! (at least you got to be with him )

 

Good luck!

[LucreziaBorgia]

The only thing to do now is to wait and see what happens. Time will definitely tell. I'm going to take a wild guess that he will end up staying put if for no other reason than it would be far cheaper for him to stay than to leave. He will have a loan to pay off, on top of divorce and settlement expenses. That is if she does not end up pregnant. If that happens, then it is almost certain he won't leave.

 

I wouldn't take a gamble on this. If you want to stay with him then, fine - just understand that your future with him may not go any further than you continuing to be the OW, and you will need to accept the parameters and limits of the relationship.

 

You are young yet - don't automatically discount any other opportunities at a full shot at a life of your own. Keep your options open, in other words.

[sillylittlegirl]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. While I understand the concept of tough love, I did not post here to be attacked. If that wasn't the intent, please excuse me. But allow me to clarify some parts of my situation that were, evidently, a bit hazy in my first post.

 

1) I'm not justifying this, by any means. I don't condone adultery. I know what we are doing is wrong, and I realize the situation I've gotten myself into. I realize that his is unfair to his W. I realize that I'm too young to be the OW. However, my age does not necessarily mean that I am immature and stupid. MM is young as well. My point in emphasizing my age was to point out my inexperience in situations such as these, and my utter lack of knowledge in how to proceed.

 

2) I have known this man for years. I know the way his mind works, I know what makes him tick, and I know that he would never willingly hurt anyone, including me, for his own benefit. He is NOT a bad person, and in saying this, I am not blinded by love and giddiness – If he was a liar and a cheat, I would be the first one to call him out on his crap. His is a truly kind person with a good heart who got himself into a bad situation and doesn't know how to rectify it. If you don't believe that, fine; you don't have to. I'm getting the feeling that there are posters who believe that all MMs are inherently evil -- and I think this is the farthest thing from the truth.

 

To the poster who bluntly stated that I was merely infatuated with my MM, PLEASE allow me to correct you. I am not an airy, immature teenager. While I certainly do not yet know for sure what I want out of my life, I do think I am grounded and intelligent enough to know the difference between infatuation and love. I have experienced both and can distinguish them. The fact that you've made that judgmental assumption based on several paragraphs of my writing is, quite frankly, extremely offensive to me. On a related note, we are not "sleeping around." I've slept with him once, in a moment of pure weakness, and it will not happen again. This is not a question of the MM "having his cake and eating it too." I can make the argument that the EA has lasted for well over a year -- since before his wedding. If we're talking crazy unrequited feelings, this has existed since before they began dating. You can argue many things against us, but to say that he is using me for a good time is simply ridiculous.

 

3) His marriage was one of pure convenience. This is an area where I will agree that he is and was being a complete ass. It was rooted in immaturity and a lack of common sense. I realize I have the bad habit of defending him, but this is inexcusable. MM's parents and W's parents were friends and set them up. He was 22 and had never been in a relationship, she was 32 and had never been in a relationship. They were both feeling pressure to grow up and move on, and so they took solace in each other. He is not freeloading off of her parents; the house was part of the deal. If they married quickly, her parents would find them a place to live. He tells me that he is not in love with her, and yes, I know -- typical. But I am not convinced that she is in love with him either. And, no, I DO NOT FEEL THAT THIS MAKES WHAT WE ARE DOING RIGHT.

 

4) Probably most importantly, I do not want him to leave HER for ME. I want him to leave her for himself, if that is what he wants to do. If he is truly as unhappy as he says he is, all I want for him is to solve his problems. I love him, and I want to be with him, but I know that at the points we are both at in our lives, a stable uncomplicated relationship between us would be impossible. I have two-and-a-half years left of school. I have hopes and dreams and things I want to see and do in my life. By no means am I ready to settle down, and he knows this. This is why I am unsure as to what I want. I have no right to WANT him to leave his W if I don't plan on starting a relationship with him. I want him to leave if it is what he wants to do, but selfishly I want him to leave so it is easier for me to love him. If we are going to continue this -- whatever it is -- I would rather him be unattached than married, naturally. I am not interested in having an affair with him, but I also do not want him to be waiting in the wings for me while I go out and live my life. I just want us both to be happy. I think this is why I am so uneasy and confused -- I have no idea what it is that we truly need to be happy.

 

Could I go back to school and find someone who I fall harder for? Sure. It's unlikely, but it could certainly happen. Could he separate from his wife and find someone else while I'm away at school? Sure. Could I move overseas and never see him again? Could I drop dead tomorrow? Absolutely. I'm not looking to plan for the future here. I'm not implying that he'll leave his marriage and marry me. All I know is that I love him right here and right now, and he says he loves me too. And we need to do what is right for us. But what is right? Do I walk away and live my life and let him live his? Do I encourage him and stand by him and support him? Do I try and cut my best friend out of my life just because I can't help but feel something for him that is considered morally reprehensible? I don't know how to handle it.

 

Call me stupid. Call me naive. Call me an immature, infatuated teenager. Perceive this as you wish. Just know that I believe I am of sound mind enough to understand my own feelings.

Edited December 26, 2010 by sillylittlegirl

[bentnotbroken]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. While I understand the concept of tough love, I did not post here to be attacked. If that wasn't the intent, please excuse me. But allow me to clarify some parts of my situation that were, evidently, a bit hazy in my first post.

 

1) I'm not justifying this, by any means. I don't condone adultery. I know what we are doing is wrong, and I realize the situation I've gotten myself into. I realize that his is unfair to his W. I realize that I'm too young to be the OW. However, my age does not necessarily mean that I am immature and stupid. MM is young as well. My point in emphasizing my age was to point out my inexperience in situations such as these, and my utter lack of knowledge in how to proceed.

 

2) I have known this man for years. I know the way his mind works, I know what makes him tick, and I know that he would never willingly hurt anyone, including me, for his own benefit. He is NOT a bad person, and in saying this, I am not blinded by love and giddiness – If he was a liar and a cheat, I would be the first one to call him out on his crap. His is a truly kind person with a good heart who got himself into a bad situation and doesn't know how to rectify it. If you don't believe that, fine; you don't have to. I'm getting the feeling that there are posters who believe that all MMs are inherently evil -- and I think this is the farthest thing from the truth.

 

To the poster who bluntly stated that I was merely infatuated with my MM, PLEASE allow me to correct you. I am not an airy, immature teenager. While I certainly do not yet know for sure what I want out of my life, I do think I am grounded and intelligent enough to know the difference between infatuation and love. I have experienced both and can distinguish them. The fact that you've made that judgmental assumption based on several paragraphs of my writing is, quite frankly, extremely offensive to me. On a related note, we are not "sleeping around." I've slept with him once, in a moment of pure weakness, and it will not happen again. This is not a question of the MM "having his cake and eating it too." I can make the argument that the EA has lasted for well over a year -- since before his wedding. If we're talking crazy unrequited feelings, this has existed since before they began dating. You can argue many things against us, but to say that he is using me for a good time is simply ridiculous.

 

3) His marriage was one of pure convenience. This is an area where I will agree that he is and was being a complete ass. It was rooted in immaturity and a lack of common sense. I realize I have the bad habit of defending him, but this is inexcusable. MM's parents and W's parents were friends and set them up. He was 22 and had never been in a relationship, she was 32 and had never been in a relationship. They were both feeling pressure to grow up and move on, and so they took solace in each other. He is not freeloading off of her parents; the house was part of the deal. If they married quickly, her parents would find them a place to live. He tells me that he is not in love with her, and yes, I know -- typical. But I am not convinced that she is in love with him either. And, no, I DO NOT FEEL THAT THIS MAKES WHAT WE ARE DOING RIGHT.

 

4) Probably most importantly, I do not want him to leave HER for ME. I want him to leave her for himself, if that is what he wants to do. If he is truly as unhappy as he says he is, all I want for him is to solve his problems. I love him, and I want to be with him, but I know that at the points we are both at in our lives, a stable uncomplicated relationship between us would be impossible. I have two-and-a-half years left of school. I have hopes and dreams and things I want to see and do in my life. By no means am I ready to settle down, and he knows this. This is why I am unsure as to what I want. I have no right to WANT him to leave his W if I don't plan on starting a relationship with him. I want him to leave if it is what he wants to do, but selfishly I want him to leave so it is easier for me to love him. If we are going to continue this -- whatever it is -- I would rather him be unattached than married, naturally. I am not interested in having an affair with him, but I also do not want him to be waiting in the wings for me while I go out and live my life. I just want us both to be happy. I think this is why I am so uneasy and confused -- I have no idea what it is that we truly need to be happy.

 

Could I go back to school and find someone who I fall harder for? Sure. It's unlikely, but it could certainly happen. Could he separate from his wife and find someone else while I'm away at school? Sure. Could I move overseas and never see him again? Could I drop dead tomorrow? Absolutely. I'm not looking to plan for the future here. I'm not implying that he'll leave his marriage and marry me. All I know is that I love him right here and right now, and he says he loves me too. And we need to do what is right for us. But what is right? Do I walk away and live my life and let him live his? Do I encourage him and stand by him and support him? Do I try and cut my best friend out of my life just because I can't help but feel something for him that is considered morally reprehensible? I don't know how to handle it.

 

Call me stupid. Call me naive. Call me an immature, infatuated teenager. Perceive this as you wish. Just know that I believe I am of sound mind enough to understand my own feelings.

 

Yet all those things do not make you a mind reader or someone with a crystal ball to see inside someone else. The things you state about him and her are what YOU believe because you want to. Immaturity doesn't know age, race, gender or anything else. And until you have enough real world years at living life you can't possibly know the mind or feelings of a 32 year old woman based only on life experience.

[Ariadne]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. While I understand the concept of tough love, I did not post here to be attacked. If that wasn't the intent, please excuse me. But allow me to clarify some parts of my situation that were, evidently, a bit hazy in my first post.

 

1) I'm not justifying this, by any means. I don't condone adultery. I know what we are doing is wrong, and I realize the situation I've gotten myself into. I realize that his is unfair to his W. I realize that I'm too young to be the OW. However, my age does not necessarily mean that I am immature and stupid. MM is young as well. My point in emphasizing my age was to point out my inexperience in situations such as these, and my utter lack of knowledge in how to proceed.

 

2) I have known this man for years. I know the way his mind works, I know what makes him tick, and I know that he would never willingly hurt anyone, including me, for his own benefit. He is NOT a bad person, and in saying this, I am not blinded by love and giddiness – If he was a liar and a cheat, I would be the first one to call him out on his crap. His is a truly kind person with a good heart who got himself into a bad situation and doesn't know how to rectify it. If you don't believe that, fine; you don't have to. I'm getting the feeling that there are posters who believe that all MMs are inherently evil -- and I think this is the farthest thing from the truth.

 

To the poster who bluntly stated that I was merely infatuated with my MM, PLEASE allow me to correct you. I am not an airy, immature teenager. While I certainly do not yet know for sure what I want out of my life, I do think I am grounded and intelligent enough to know the difference between infatuation and love. I have experienced both and can distinguish them. The fact that you've made that judgmental assumption based on several paragraphs of my writing is, quite frankly, extremely offensive to me. On a related note, we are not "sleeping around." I've slept with him once, in a moment of pure weakness, and it will not happen again. This is not a question of the MM "having his cake and eating it too." I can make the argument that the EA has lasted for well over a year -- since before his wedding. If we're talking crazy unrequited feelings, this has existed since before they began dating. You can argue many things against us, but to say that he is using me for a good time is simply ridiculous.

 

3) His marriage was one of pure convenience. This is an area where I will agree that he is and was being a complete ass. It was rooted in immaturity and a lack of common sense. I realize I have the bad habit of defending him, but this is inexcusable. MM's parents and W's parents were friends and set them up. He was 22 and had never been in a relationship, she was 32 and had never been in a relationship. They were both feeling pressure to grow up and move on, and so they took solace in each other. He is not freeloading off of her parents; the house was part of the deal. If they married quickly, her parents would find them a place to live. He tells me that he is not in love with her, and yes, I know -- typical. But I am not convinced that she is in love with him either. And, no, I DO NOT FEEL THAT THIS MAKES WHAT WE ARE DOING RIGHT.

 

4) Probably most importantly, I do not want him to leave HER for ME. I want him to leave her for himself, if that is what he wants to do. If he is truly as unhappy as he says he is, all I want for him is to solve his problems. I love him, and I want to be with him, but I know that at the points we are both at in our lives, a stable uncomplicated relationship between us would be impossible. I have two-and-a-half years left of school. I have hopes and dreams and things I want to see and do in my life. By no means am I ready to settle down, and he knows this. This is why I am unsure as to what I want. I have no right to WANT him to leave his W if I don't plan on starting a relationship with him. I want him to leave if it is what he wants to do, but selfishly I want him to leave so it is easier for me to love him. If we are going to continue this -- whatever it is -- I would rather him be unattached than married, naturally. I am not interested in having an affair with him, but I also do not want him to be waiting in the wings for me while I go out and live my life. I just want us both to be happy. I think this is why I am so uneasy and confused -- I have no idea what it is that we truly need to be happy.

 

Could I go back to school and find someone who I fall harder for? Sure. It's unlikely, but it could certainly happen. Could he separate from his wife and find someone else while I'm away at school? Sure. Could I move overseas and never see him again? Could I drop dead tomorrow? Absolutely. I'm not looking to plan for the future here. I'm not implying that he'll leave his marriage and marry me. All I know is that I love him right here and right now, and he says he loves me too. And we need to do what is right for us. But what is right? Do I walk away and live my life and let him live his? Do I encourage him and stand by him and support him? Do I try and cut my best friend out of my life just because I can't help but feel something for him that is considered morally reprehensible? I don't know how to handle it.

 

Call me stupid. Call me naive. Call me an immature, infatuated teenager. Perceive this as you wish. Just know that I believe I am of sound mind enough to understand my own feelings.

 

Ok, this is a whole bunch of brat.

 

Chances zero.

 

And SLG, when I was 19 I also met guys who I thought were perfect and couldn't live without them and now I couldn't even remember their full names.

[starlight102]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. While I understand the concept of tough love, I did not post here to be attacked. If that wasn't the intent, please excuse me. But allow me to clarify some parts of my situation that were, evidently, a bit hazy in my first post.

 

 

I just had to chime in and agree with you. I've been reading this board for quite some time, and there are those here who are so bitter and angry. This is supposed to be a forum to support those going through an EMR. This is not a forum to support bitter OW's or BS. There are other forums for that kind of talk.

 

This is a public forum, yes that's true and anyone can respond however they like; however, inferring and sometimes outright saying to the OW that she's out of her mind is not helpful or productive advice. Individuals who post in this manner do not truly know the relationship that an OW has with her MM (what is written many times are snippets of what's happening), they don't know the feelings involved, the history (yes, history between the MM and the OW), the dynamics of the relationship, things that have been discussed, etc.

 

I find it curious as to how some people place all EMR's in the same light because that is not the case. That would be like saying that all troubled marriages are alike - that no differences exist, and that's completely false.

 

Good luck to you!

[whichwayisup]

If he was a liar and a cheat, I would be the first one to call him out on his crap.

 

How is him cheating on his wife and lying to her NOT make him a liar and a cheat?

 

If my post was harsh, sorry. I was fair and not rude at all.

 

You see this guy with rose coloured glasses and his poo doesn't stink. You think you "know" him well, but obviously you don't...If you did, you wouldn't be praising him and making him out to be more or less perfect.

 

Fact is, he IS married and his actions of staying married outweigh what he says.

 

 

 

I just had to chime in and agree with you. I've been reading this board for quite some time, and there are those here who are so bitter and angry. This is supposed to be a forum to support those going through an EMR. This is not a forum to support bitter OW's or BS. There are other forums for that kind of talk.

 

Here we go...Obviously you are reborn old member or been reading for a while.

Comments like these just fan the flames. MOST people both BS and OW give pretty good advice. Harsh yes, but not rude or mean. Reality sometimes need to be shown.

[whichwayisup]

However, my age does not necessarily mean that I am immature and stupid.

 

No-one said you were stupid.

 

Maybe picking sillylittlegirl wasn't the right username to use.. No offense by me saying that.

[starlight102]

Here we go...Obviously you are reborn old member or been reading for a while.

Comments like these just fan the flames. MOST people both BS and OW give pretty good advice. Harsh yes, but not rude or mean. Reality sometimes need to be shown.

 

Yes, I agree with you 100% that reality is needed in these situations and putting on rose-colored glasses isn't the way to handle things; however, I do not think it's fair to remark with so many of the same comments over and over again to OW's who are here to talk with others who are going through the same or similar things.

 

It seems to me that some posters here (and please correct me if I'm wrong) are posting from their experiences with being the BS?? If that's the case, it really goes without saying that they are bitter towards women who are AP, and I can understand that. I really do. That being said however, I don't see what real advice it is to say some of the things that are said here. Just giving my thoughts.

[whichwayisup]

Yes, I agree with you 100% that reality is needed in these situations and putting on rose-colored glasses isn't the way to handle things; however, I do not think it's fair to remark with so many of the same comments over and over again to OW's who are here to talk with others who are going through the same or similar things.

 

It seems to me that some posters here (and please correct me if I'm wrong) are posting from their experiences with being the BS?? If that's the case, it really goes without saying that they are bitter towards women who are AP, and I can understand that. I really do. That being said however, I don't see what real advice it is to say some of the things that are said here. Just giving my thoughts.

 

See, you ASSUME that ANY BS who is posting is bitter towards any AP. That is so not true.. I think I know who you *are* so you know this place well enough to know how things roll. It's honestly now just best to focus on the original poster and not side jack the thread into other conversations and point fingers at people for stating their opinion. NOONE was rude, or mean, honest, yes, harsh yes, giving her a reality check, yes. But not bitter.

[starlight102]

See, you ASSUME that ANY BS who is posting is bitter towards any AP. That is so not true.. I think I know who you *are* so you know this place well enough to know how things roll. It's honestly now just best to focus on the original poster and not side jack the thread into other conversations and point fingers at people for stating their opinion. NOONE was rude, or mean, honest, yes, harsh yes, giving her a reality check, yes. But not bitter.

 

You have no idea who I am. I've never posted here or registered here at this site. Sorry, you got it wrong!

[bentnotbroken]

Yes, I agree with you 100% that reality is needed in these situations and putting on rose-colored glasses isn't the way to handle things; however, I do not think it's fair to remark with so many of the same comments over and over again to OW's who are here to talk with others who are going through the same or similar things.

 

It seems to me that some posters here (and please correct me if I'm wrong) are posting from their experiences with being the BS?? If that's the case, it really goes without saying that they are bitter towards women who are AP, and I can understand that. I really do. That being said however, I don't see what real advice it is to say some of the things that are said here. Just giving my thoughts.

 

 

You right. When something is wrong....it should go without having been said.