How did I get where I am? 19 and hopelessly in love with a married man.

[Fieldsofgold]

You asked the question:

 

"How did I get where I am? 19 and hopelessly in love with a married man."

 

That's a very good question, and a lot can be learned from examining the answers.

 

Probably the first thing that got you where you are today, is that you bought into his game-playing. Not at first, but when he persisted, you "bit the bait." You were intrigued by his irrational and flip-flopping behavior. You wanted to know more, wanted to know why, why the angry staring, refusing to speak directly to you, refusing to work with you. (instead of recognizing and dismissing him and his behavior for the childishly rude, manipulative, socially unacceptable game-playing it was.)

 

Probably the second thing that got you where you are, is assigning your own meaning to his behavior. Most people would have interpreted the above-mentioned behavior as rude, childish, and unacceptable in an adult. Insead of dismissing it for the unacceptable bahavior it is, you began to find it interesting, and believed there was more to it. That gave him an opening to put an advantageous "spin"'on it. He had the fun of treating you like crap, AND getting your attention!

 

The third thing that may have gotten you where you are, is the lust for forbidden fruit. People tend to want what they can't have.

 

Number 4: I'm guessing that being "hopelessly in love" win a married man, at the tender age of 19, is a heady and intoxicating experience. It probably makes you feel just a little more "mature" and "worldly-wise" than the girls who are dating their 19 y/o classmates.

 

Number 5: You don't respect the sanctity or boundaries of marriage. For some reason, you feel that those rules don't apply to you. You are above the rules. You have the mis-guided notion that the specialness of your "feelings" justify breaking the rules, to sleep with another woman's husband. You feel "entitled." After all, you loved him first. Right? I wonder if you will feel the same when some other woman thinks her feelings justify her sleeping with your husband.

 

Number 6: You think that somehow you can dodge the consequences of your choices. You don't believe in the principle of reaping and sowing, or Karma, or paybacks. Or you think you are above all that.

 

This is my best quess on how you got to be 19 and hopelessly in love with a married man.

[IfiKnewThen]

I was doing ok with this post, until I got to the bolded. I sincerely hope I am misunderstanding what this poster is saying.

 

Otherwise, IMHO, it is totally whacked.

 

Every day, people fall in love, then, for whatever reason, one of the people falls out of love and moves on, to eventually find someone else they love.

 

Sooo, are you saying that the person who loved them first, the one who was dumped and left behind, is justified in feeling they have priority, first dibs, so to speak, on the former love who jilted them and chose another? They are justified in feeling they have a right to an affair with someone, just because they knew/loved him/her first???? Even though their lost love chose someone else, instead of them.

 

LOL! I don't think so! That's some twisted logic there.

 

 

 

................ok Fieldsofgold. Hi glad you asked. let me clarify : )

 

someone in this post (back there) said to silly something like" spoken like a true 19 year old"...when silly said "I loved him before she did, and I feel oddly justified"

 

so when i commented "i think anyone at ANY age can understand this : ) (seriously)"

 

I in my MIND was thinking...geez i know OLDER people who think like this!! and feel...he was mine...etc etc.

 

 

i was not implying it was RIGHT or moral or whatever. I was implying it wasnt an "age" related thing.

 

i am not saying this responder/LS person did anything wrong...when saying spoken like a true 19 year old. I am just saying that we cant be indignant about age.

 

 

we humans make mistakes at all ages and have as silly said "odd" feelings and thoughts that permits us to do these things when not thinking clearly or vulnerable.

 

anyway, thats what i mean fieldsofgold.

[IfiKnewThen]

ps i dont know how to do that quote thingy. i highlighted and clicked "quote" but the quote didnt appear int he box like it does for you guys. oh well..