redcurls Posted December 27, 2010 Share Posted December 27, 2010 No, we are not back together, and he definetly aint no prize! Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted December 27, 2010 Share Posted December 27, 2010 Love is such an elusive thing to define, don't you think? For me, once I fall out of love - there is no way for a person to be "re-loved" (this is good! We are coming up with a new language! Refound. Relove. Great!) XMM kept telling me over and over why what we were doing was wrong. How much he wanted to do the right thing. How he couldn't live with the duplicity. How he wanted to forget he was ever involved in an affair. Etc. Never. Not even once in over a year did he say "we should stop because I love my wife." And, man, was he adamant that we were over! Right. Untill I said "I need you" last week. And he came running. Its not uncommon for people to think they have lost the love for their spouse just because they don't feel giddy anymore. And, not too many MMs are going to tell the OW that they love, or are in love with their Ws. I'd wager that the first time the "love but not in love" statement is made, its to the OW in this form "I care for my W, but I'm not in love with her anymore". Regarding your MM in particular, what do you think his "right" thing is? Why did he say he wished he could forget the Affair and not his marriage? Not trying to lead your thinking, I just doubt he tells his W that he wishes he could forget their marriage and that he wants to do the "right" thing by divorcing her. Did he leave his W (when he came running to you)? Or is he still married and you still the OW? Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted December 27, 2010 Share Posted December 27, 2010 No, we are not back together, and he definetly aint no prize! LOL. Forget my last paragraph. We cross-posted. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted December 27, 2010 Share Posted December 27, 2010 Absolutely and categorically not. But I believe that its not the AP's responsibility to keep their MM or MW's family intact. Its entirely MM or MW's decision. What I'm saying is that I believe that its right and quite frankly understandable if the AP pulls all the stops to keep the relationship going if this is they want. however the MM or MW decide to respond is entirely up to them. I personally think that if MM or MW is absolutely convinced that they want to stay with their family, NOTHING the AP can say or do will change their minds. I do understand better. Though I guess what are all the stops one should pull out for a MP to leave. And I completely agree with the bolded. I'm wondering this too. What exactly can an OP do in "pulling out the stops" t keep the A going, instead of respecting the wishes of the MP to stay away that's not going to land them in court or jail? How does one do that without being labelled the dreaded "bunny boiler" name? Its classier to let go without needing to pull out any stops if the MP says its over. Not to assume the answer, but the only things that remain to me are manipulative and predatory. And would appear quite desperate to an outside observer. But what does "pulling out the stops" mean to keep an affair going? Link to post Share on other sites
redcurls Posted December 27, 2010 Share Posted December 27, 2010 For what its worth: I think that his feelings for her are very deep. I think that he is very attached to her. I don't ever want him (or any other man for that matter) to leave her for me. I could never provide the rejection that she is so expertly providing for him, and I will not take his passive-aggressive crap - no matter how much of an amazing kisser he is. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellin Posted December 27, 2010 Share Posted December 27, 2010 Wow..for a brand new member with only 22 posts (at this count), Starlight sure seems to be extremely familiar with all the posters on LS - and in such a short, short time, too. I find it rather unusual that a brand new member is SO confrontational with the regular posters right out the gate, don't you? Why, it's as though she's been doing this for a LOOOOONG time, or something. What has the length of time of being registered on LS got to do with being confrontational or not?? Is a "brand new" poster supposed to feel awed or intimidated by the ones with long history or inexperienced or something? What a strange idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellin Posted December 27, 2010 Share Posted December 27, 2010 To be perfectly honest, there are not many forums that are dedicated to supporting the OW. I have one friend that knows about my MM, but I was looking for another outlet to discuss the various issues and feelings that I sometimes find myself in, and I wanted to talk with others who are going through the same or similar things. Additionally, I found some of the responses to so many of the OW's to be so harsh I felt the need to say something. Sadly, neither is this one. Most of the "resident" posters - those who are here day in day out, seemingly most of the time, the ones with the most numerous posting stats, are the ones who sound like they are on a mission to rid the world of As. And OW who are not trying to get out of their A and post from that perspective get removed. So to call this an OW support forum is a bit misleading, unfortunately. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 27, 2010 Share Posted December 27, 2010 If those who don't like LS and this part of the forum, why stay? If LS doesn't suit your (general your) needs and you (general you) feel the wrong type of support is being given, why not create your own forum? Once again, as it's been discussed to death..Support comes in different forms, shapes and sizes..From all sorts of different people and many are not bitter or rude. LS is kind of like the rest of the world, if you walk into room full of 400 people and tell your story, ask for input, those 400 people will give you lots of different advice, no different than here. I'm just sayin'.. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted December 27, 2010 Share Posted December 27, 2010 Sadly, neither is this one. Most of the "resident" posters - those who are here day in day out, seemingly most of the time, the ones with the most numerous posting stats, are the ones who sound like they are on a mission to rid the world of As. And OW who are not trying to get out of their A and post from that perspective get removed. So to call this an OW support forum is a bit misleading, unfortunately. I would love for that to happen, but I know that A's have been around since the beginning of time and they will be around when the world comes to an end. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ItsNeverForever Posted December 27, 2010 Author Share Posted December 27, 2010 For what its worth: I think that his feelings for her are very deep. I think that he is very attached to her. I don't ever want him (or any other man for that matter) to leave her for me. I could never provide the rejection that she is so expertly providing for him, and I will not take his passive-aggressive crap - no matter how much of an amazing kisser he is. LOL! Red, you make me laugh! I think you are me. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted December 27, 2010 Share Posted December 27, 2010 INF, you merely made the mistake of thinking this man has a shred of decency in him in responding to his text. Now you know better. And you DESERVE better. You ARE a very cool gal; one any guy in his right mind would feel lucky to have. Hold out for one who deserves you. Block him from being able to call or e-mail. It'll help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ItsNeverForever Posted December 27, 2010 Author Share Posted December 27, 2010 INF, you merely made the mistake of thinking this man has a shred of decency in him in responding to his text. Now you know better. And you DESERVE better. You ARE a very cool gal; one any guy in his right mind would feel lucky to have. Hold out for one who deserves you. Block him from being able to call or e-mail. It'll help. Donna, I heart you. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted December 27, 2010 Share Posted December 27, 2010 Donna, I heart you. Awww, thanks INF! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ItsNeverForever Posted December 27, 2010 Author Share Posted December 27, 2010 (edited) You know, this post turned into quite a giant cluster, fraught with arguments and rants...but I want everyone to know that I got exactly what I needed out of it, especially from those of you who stayed on topic and gave me the wisdom and objectivity I can always count on. You know who you are. And everything is good - I'm back on track and feeling better than ever about it. I also need to respond to you, Fooled, who felt it necessary to apologize to me...wha? That's just crazy!!! I meant what I said - I always appreciate your 'kicks in the pants', as they come when I need them most. I can really be quite an impetuous, impatient, silly little girl and when it gets really bad, I am powerless to reign myself back into the land of reality. Please don't EVER feel you need to apologize to me, ok? ...and of course, I can't forget those of you who make me laugh. A good giggle is in such short supply in my life these days, and you'll never know how much it means to me!!! Edited December 27, 2010 by ItsNeverForever Forgot to mention another vital group! Link to post Share on other sites
Fieldsofgold Posted December 27, 2010 Share Posted December 27, 2010 INF, you merely made the mistake of thinking this man has a shred of decency in him in responding to his text. Now you know better. And you DESERVE better. You ARE a very cool gal; one any guy in his right mind would feel lucky to have. Hold out for one who deserves you. Block him from being able to call or e-mail. It'll help. I have to totally agree with this!!! Link to post Share on other sites
IzzyB Posted December 27, 2010 Share Posted December 27, 2010 What has the length of time of being registered on LS got to do with being confrontational or not?? Is a "brand new" poster supposed to feel awed or intimidated by the ones with long history or inexperienced or something? What a strange idea. Wow, thanks for this, I was thinking the same thing! Why call someone out because you THINK they were already on here. Ive been reading on here for months and only recently started posting because I WANT TO. Im thinking of posting about my situation as well, now that I feel like it. And I have a very good idea about how people are on this board. If you are halfway intelligent it doesnt take long to get a "feel" for individuals on this board, no judgment, just fact. Sooo, how about we just give input for the OP? I dont get the snarky comments about the poster being someone else before. It reminds me of grade school. Link to post Share on other sites
IzzyB Posted December 27, 2010 Share Posted December 27, 2010 For what its worth: I think that his feelings for her are very deep. I think that he is very attached to her. I don't ever want him (or any other man for that matter) to leave her for me. I could never provide the rejection that she is so expertly providing for him, and I will not take his passive-aggressive crap - no matter how much of an amazing kisser he is. OMG, this is me too. I'm three weeks out, not No Contact, but as in OVER and I am missing his kisses soooo bad. But not the dysfunction. Link to post Share on other sites
IzzyB Posted December 27, 2010 Share Posted December 27, 2010 INF, you merely made the mistake of thinking this man has a shred of decency in him in responding to his text. Now you know better. And you DESERVE better. You ARE a very cool gal; one any guy in his right mind would feel lucky to have. Hold out for one who deserves you. Block him from being able to call or e-mail. It'll help. I think Donna has nailed it here. I think you're a "cool gal" too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ItsNeverForever Posted December 27, 2010 Author Share Posted December 27, 2010 I think Donna has nailed it here. I think you're a "cool gal" too. Well, I've said it before, and you know I heart you too, Izzy! Link to post Share on other sites
IzzyB Posted December 27, 2010 Share Posted December 27, 2010 Me tooooooo girlfriend! Link to post Share on other sites
starlight102 Posted December 27, 2010 Share Posted December 27, 2010 I respectfully disagree. Love is love. Married or single. Yes, married people are obligated to each other. Absolutely. But call me selfish. I would never want a man who stays with me out of obligation. What a horrible way to live. I completely agree with you. There is no way I could live a happy, fulfilled life knowing the man I'm with is with me purely out of obligation only. Link to post Share on other sites
starlight102 Posted December 27, 2010 Share Posted December 27, 2010 Sadly, neither is this one. Most of the "resident" posters - those who are here day in day out, seemingly most of the time, the ones with the most numerous posting stats, are the ones who sound like they are on a mission to rid the world of As. And OW who are not trying to get out of their A and post from that perspective get removed. So to call this an OW support forum is a bit misleading, unfortunately. Thank you. There are other forums on line, of course; however, I noticed at other forums that there wasn't as much discussion, which is the reason I decided to register here. I don't want to join a forum where there is not a high membership. I want to be able to talk with other OW's who experience the same things I do, try to help each other through the good times, the bad times, and everything in between. Link to post Share on other sites
starlight102 Posted December 28, 2010 Share Posted December 28, 2010 (edited) Wow, thanks for this, I was thinking the same thing! Why call someone out because you THINK they were already on here. Ive been reading on here for months and only recently started posting because I WANT TO. Im thinking of posting about my situation as well, now that I feel like it. And I have a very good idea about how people are on this board. If you are halfway intelligent it doesnt take long to get a "feel" for individuals on this board, no judgment, just fact. Sooo, how about we just give input for the OP? I dont get the snarky comments about the poster being someone else before. It reminds me of grade school. That's how it's been with me. I hesitated before registering mainly because of how some of the discussions are so against the OW; however, I thought about it and read the stories of so many OW's on this forum, that I decided to just join to be able to talk with other OW's. Edited December 28, 2010 by starlight102 Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted December 28, 2010 Share Posted December 28, 2010 Love is letting go... Can I get an amen!!! It's just like the setting free of the butterfly...if it comes back it was always yours. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted December 28, 2010 Share Posted December 28, 2010 (edited) Love is letting go. Really??? So if a BS loves their WS they should just let them go to their AP and not fight for them. Am I getting this right? You can't make someone love you. Of course it is natural to want to try, but at some point you've got to cut your losses or you end up looking like a fool. Edited December 28, 2010 by White Flower Typo Link to post Share on other sites
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