W...W...WTF just happened?

[SidLyon]

That's how it's been with me. I hesitated before registering mainly because of how some of the discussions are so against the OW; however, I thought about it and read the stories of so many OW's on this forum, that I decided to just join to be able to talk with other OW's.

 

Starlight you must surely be aware that some posters think you are a former poster (apparently currently banned).

 

You say you have been reading the forum for some time, so you must also know exactly who other people think you are (even if you are not that poster).

 

Therefore pretending you don't know who that may be, simply looks like dis-ingenuousness on your part and reinforces the assumption that you were previously another poster.

[Ms. Red]

 

You know, this post turned into quite a giant cluster, fraught with arguments and rants...but I want everyone to know that I got exactly what I needed out of it, especially from those of you who stayed on topic and gave me the wisdom and objectivity I can always count on. You know who you are. And everything is good - I'm back on track and feeling better than ever about it.

 

So glad to hear you're doing better.

 

 

 

...and of course, I can't forget those of you who make me laugh. A good giggle is in such short supply in my life these days, and you'll never know how much it means to me!!!

 

How about those that made you HAHAHAHAHA instead of giggle

 

Now, please forgive me while I respond off topic on your thread. I just can't help myself:

 

Starlight you must surely be aware that some posters think you are a former poster (apparently currently banned).

 

You say you have been reading the forum for some time, so you must also know exactly who other people think you are (even if you are not that poster).

 

Therefore pretending you don't know who that may be, simply looks like dis-ingenuousness on your part and reinforces the assumption that you were previously another poster.

 

Not specifically directed to you SidLyon but to all that have thrown out accusations:

 

I've been reading this forum regularly since 2006 and have a good knowledge of regular posters. I have no idea who people think Starlight is. I think some posters just think there is some hierarchy based on some silly things like post counts and joining date. What's up with that? Just because some new member comes in here and has some spunk she is accused of lies and deception. Some people need to take a chill pill IMO.

[donnamaybe]

Some things are obvious.

[KarmasTestDummy]

Starlight you must surely be aware that some posters think you are a former poster (apparently currently banned).

 

You say you have been reading the forum for some time, so you must also know exactly who other people think you are (even if you are not that poster).

 

Therefore pretending you don't know who that may be, simply looks like dis-ingenuousness on your part and reinforces the assumption that you were previously another poster.

 

I'd like to know how word spreads so quickly about the disciplinary actions taken on other posters? Is there a phone tree established for these kinds of things because if so, it may be fair to believe newly registered members weren't privy to that information. I certainly have no inside knowledge or leak on the moderator side feeding me this private information. As much as I respect 90% of the people and their opinions on this board, the juvenile (not even high school, more like junior high) behavior of grown azz women is pretty off-putting.

[bentnotbroken]

I'd like to know how word spreads so quickly about the disciplinary actions taken on other posters? Is there a phone tree established for these kinds of things because if so, it may be fair to believe newly registered members weren't privy to that information. I certainly have no inside knowledge or leak on the moderator side feeding me this private information. As much as I respect 90% of the people and their opinions on this board, the juvenile (not even high school, more like junior high) behavior of grown azz women is pretty off-putting.

 

 

Much like the juvenile behavior of one can't help who they love whether they are married or not..... or some such equally silly nonsense. I guess it depends on which lens of the juvenile glasses you are looking through.

[KarmasTestDummy]

Much like the juvenile behavior of one can't help who they love whether they are married or not..... or some such equally silly nonsense. I guess it depends on which lens of the juvenile glasses you are looking through.

 

Hmm, I've considered my actions a lot of things (or had them pointed out so lovingly) but juvenile hasn't been one of them. Hmmm each to their own I guess. I'd say that not having control over who you love is more a human nature thing, but hey it has now been deemed juvenile on LS, so it must be so. My mistake.

[bentnotbroken]

Hmm, I've considered my actions a lot of things (or had them pointed out so lovingly) but juvenile hasn't been one of them. Hmmm each to their own I guess. I'd say that not having control over who you love is more a human nature thing, but hey it has now been deemed juvenile on LS, so it must be so. My mistake.

 

 

As I said before it depended on which juvenile lens you choose to look through. You left out the loving a MP part..

[bentnotbroken]

As I said before it depended on which juvenile lens you choose to look through. You left out the loving a MP part..

 

 

Oh..and I left out the lying, cheating, my-life-is-miserable because my wife is a dope head part.

[KarmasTestDummy]

Oh..and I left out the lying, cheating, my-life-is-miserable because my wife is a dope head part.

 

Yup, and I still love him despite all that so I guess there really is something to that control thing huh? Don't get me wrong, I have control over the ability to walk away, but I don't have control to just tell my heart stop it! Everything else is blatant choice.

[donnamaybe]

Much like the juvenile behavior of one can't help who they love whether they are married or not..... or some such equally silly nonsense. I guess it depends on which lens of the juvenile glasses you are looking through.

Much like it, huh?

 

As for the other issue, it's not hard to recognize when someone is banned. They suddenly discontinue posting and, if you look them up in the members list, they are gone. And then, lo and behold, a brand new user (conspicuously well versed on the posters who've been around awhile, as well as with the workings of the site) shows up with a verrrrry familiar background story.

[bentnotbroken]

Much like it, huh?

 

As for the other issue, it's not hard to recognize when someone is banned. They suddenly discontinue posting and, if you look them up in the members list, they are gone. And then, lo and behold, a brand new user (conspicuously well versed on the posters who've been around awhile, as well as with the workings of the site) shows up with a verrrrry familiar background story.

 

 

What gets me is that people don't realize(or care) that you can try to change your posting style, but for the most part it is like a written signature...pretty obvious.

[Fieldsofgold]

W...W...WTF happened . . . . . To this thread???

 

I came back by to check on INF, and this thread has been so totally jacked, I almost didn't know whose thread I was on!

 

This is addressed to everyone - Guys, please . . . Old posters, new posters, new posters who have been reading here forever, you all know this violates the TOS. And is completely non-productive. And I hate to see everyone get kicked off LS.

 

**********

There's an old southern expression, "don't try to teach a pig to sing. You can't do it, and it annoys the pig."

 

If you think a poster is too juvenile, moronic or otherwise dense to have a sane, meaningful, or otherwise helpful interaction with, just stay off the thread. That's what I try to do.

 

Just take a deep breath. And don't respond. There is a scripture that says "even a fool seems wise when he keeps his mouth shut."

 

This is not intended to make any comments or judgments about anything that has been posted off-topic on this thread, but there are times when I realize a poster is someone else, even when they don't draw controversy. Just saying it has happened on LS.

[White Flower]

Much like the juvenile behavior of one can't help who they love whether they are married or not..... or some such equally silly nonsense. I guess it depends on which lens of the juvenile glasses you are looking through.

You say potato, I say potatta. True love is never junvenile.

 

Just sayin'.

[desertIslandCactus]

W...W...WTF happened . . . . . To this thread???

 

I came back by to check on INF, and this thread has been so totally jacked, I almost didn't know whose thread I was on!

 

This is addressed to everyone - Guys, please . . . Old posters, new posters, new posters who have been reading here forever, you all know this violates the TOS. And is completely non-productive. And I hate to see everyone get kicked off LS.

 

**********

There's an old southern expression, "don't try to teach a pig to sing. You can't do it, and it annoys the pig."

 

If you think a poster is too juvenile, moronic or otherwise dense to have a sane, meaningful, or otherwise helpful interaction with, just stay off the thread. That's what I try to do.

 

Just take a deep breath. And don't respond. There is a scripture that says "even a fool seems wise when he keeps his mouth shut."

 

This is not intended to make any comments or judgments about anything that has been posted off-topic on this thread, but there are times when I realize a poster is someone else, even when they don't draw controversy. Just saying it has happened on LS.

 

All you had to do was to direct helpful comments to the OP. No soap box necessary ..

[White Flower]

W...W...WTF happened . . . . . To this thread???

 

I came back by to check on INF, and this thread has been so totally jacked, I almost didn't know whose thread I was on!

 

This is addressed to everyone - Guys, please . . . Old posters, new posters, new posters who have been reading here forever, you all know this violates the TOS. And is completely non-productive. And I hate to see everyone get kicked off LS.

 

**********

There's an old southern expression, "don't try to teach a pig to sing. You can't do it, and it annoys the pig."

 

If you think a poster is too juvenile, moronic or otherwise dense to have a sane, meaningful, or otherwise helpful interaction with, just stay off the thread. That's what I try to do.

 

Just take a deep breath. And don't respond. There is a scripture that says "even a fool seems wise when he keeps his mouth shut."

 

This is not intended to make any comments or judgments about anything that has been posted off-topic on this thread, but there are times when I realize a poster is someone else, even when they don't draw controversy. Just saying it has happened on LS.

FoG you always had style and class, love that about you.

 

INF,

 

I would suggest reading the short and sweet book by Dr. John Gray called, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. In it, Dr. Gray shares how women are very different than men and his intention is to get the sexes to understand each other's thinking, even though they come from different worlds.

 

Men are very direct in general. When he said he missed you too he meant it. Your reaction doubted his words and unlike a normal man he went off on you. My guess is that he is a little passive-aggressive and maybe even NPD but still, his original statement was true enough to him to want to go off on you when doubted. Had he been a normal guy he would have just said to himself, 'Wow, just another typical female questioning a man's motives'.

 

Your reaction may have been passive-aggressive as well. It appears that you wanted him to say, 'Oh yes I DO miss you sweetie! And when can we get together so I can prove it???'. This is a natural desire so I am not knocking you. I have been known to use this tactic myself in the past.

 

How have things come along?

[desertIslandCactus]

You say potato, I say potatta. True love is never junvenile.

 

Just sayin'.

 

I think so-called "true love" is also self-sacrificing.

 

But the kind of so-called love of an outsider - and for another Inside a Marriage - is more like soap opera style fantasy, and of a destructive nature.

[White Flower]

I think so-called "true love" is also self-sacrificing.

 

But the kind of so-called love of an outsider - and for another Inside a Marriage - is more like soap opera style fantasy, and of a destructive nature.

Please clarify your statement.

[ItsNeverForever]

FoG you always had style and class, love that about you.

 

INF,

 

I would suggest reading the short and sweet book by Dr. John Gray called, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. In it, Dr. Gray shares how women are very different than men and his intention is to get the sexes to understand each other's thinking, even though they come from different worlds.

 

Men are very direct in general. When he said he missed you too he meant it. Your reaction doubted his words and unlike a normal man he went off on you. My guess is that he is a little passive-aggressive and maybe even NPD but still, his original statement was true enough to him to want to go off on you when doubted. Had he been a normal guy he would have just said to himself, 'Wow, just another typical female questioning a man's motives'.

 

Your reaction may have been passive-aggressive as well. It appears that you wanted him to say, 'Oh yes I DO miss you sweetie! And when can we get together so I can prove it???'. This is a natural desire so I am not knocking you. I have been known to use this tactic myself in the past.

 

How have things come along?

 

Ya know, I have read that book but it's been many years, so I suppose it would be a good idea to read it again & brush up, not even necessarily to figure out this current issue. You are right in your deduction. I consulted a few of my older wiser male sages, if you will, & their take was same as yours.

 

So, how has it come along? Well, after realizing that in some way it WAS a tactic on my part (even though I knew that if he had tried to assure me instead of react as he did, it wouldn't have changed anything about our situation), I really just felt ashamed, immature & ridiculous; so much so, that I had to apologize for pulling that on someone I care deeply for (our effed up situation aside). I wrote an email, explaining my understanding of why I did it; written as I imagined I would write to a close girlfriend. Very matter of fact, no romantic undertones at all, & I felt a ton better. The interesting part is, before I even sent it, he was blowing me up...sweet texts, phone calls...like HE was trying to make up to ME. It was strange, but I kept it all short & sweet, arm's length, & I made no mention of the email. Turns out he didn't read it until yesterday evening, and then texted a sincere thank you. So that situation has been settled, water under the bridge, I guess.

 

It's what happened today that takes our whole mess in another direction. I can't put my finger on what it's all about yet, so I won't talk about it yet bc if it follows our R's protocol up until this point there's likely nothing to talk about.

 

I will say, however, that today, aside from the part that YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW, another VERY weird thing has happened eerily similar to the weirdness of last week...honestly, the universe is shouting in my face. I just can't hear what it's saying yet.

[Fieldsofgold]

Ya know, I have read that book but it's been many years, so I suppose it would be a good idea to read it again & brush up, not even necessarily to figure out this current issue. You are right in your deduction. I consulted a few of my older wiser male sages, if you will, & their take was same as yours.

 

So, how has it come along? Well, after realizing that in some way it WAS a tactic on my part (even though I knew that if he had tried to assure me instead of react as he did, it wouldn't have changed anything about our situation), I really just felt ashamed, immature & ridiculous; so much so, that I had to apologize for pulling that on someone I care deeply for (our effed up situation aside). I wrote an email, explaining my understanding of why I did it; written as I imagined I would write to a close girlfriend. Very matter of fact, no romantic undertones at all, & I felt a ton better. The interesting part is, before I even sent it, he was blowing me up...sweet texts, phone calls...like HE was trying to make up to ME. It was strange, but I kept it all short & sweet, arm's length, & I made no mention of the email. Turns out he didn't read it until yesterday evening, and then texted a sincere thank you. So that situation has been settled, water under the bridge, I guess.

 

It's what happened today that takes our whole mess in another direction. I can't put my finger on what it's all about yet, so I won't talk about it yet bc if it follows our R's protocol up until this point there's likely nothing to talk about.

 

I will say, however, that today, aside from the part that YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW, another VERY weird thing has happened eerily similar to the weirdness of last week...honestly, the universe is shouting in my face. I just can't hear what it's saying yet.

 

What do you mean, we don't want to know???? Of course we want to knooow! Please be very, very careful! When you listen to the universe speaking to you, be sure you know what language it is speaking. The word for 'rose' in one language means 'crap' in another language.

Edited December 29, 2010 by Fieldsofgold

[Ellin]

Much like it, huh?

 

As for the other issue, it's not hard to recognize when someone is banned. They suddenly discontinue posting and, if you look them up in the members list, they are gone. And then, lo and behold, a brand new user (conspicuously well versed on the posters who've been around awhile, as well as with the workings of the site) shows up with a verrrrry familiar background story.

 

What gets me is that people don't realize(or care) that you can try to change your posting style, but for the most part it is like a written signature...pretty obvious.

:rolleyes::rolleyes:

[White Flower]

Ya know, I have read that book but it's been many years, so I suppose it would be a good idea to read it again & brush up, not even necessarily to figure out this current issue. You are right in your deduction. I consulted a few of my older wiser male sages, if you will, & their take was same as yours.

 

So, how has it come along? Well, after realizing that in some way it WAS a tactic on my part (even though I knew that if he had tried to assure me instead of react as he did, it wouldn't have changed anything about our situation), I really just felt ashamed, immature & ridiculous; so much so, that I had to apologize for pulling that on someone I care deeply for (our effed up situation aside). I wrote an email, explaining my understanding of why I did it; written as I imagined I would write to a close girlfriend. Very matter of fact, no romantic undertones at all, & I felt a ton better. The interesting part is, before I even sent it, he was blowing me up...sweet texts, phone calls...like HE was trying to make up to ME. It was strange, but I kept it all short & sweet, arm's length, & I made no mention of the email. Turns out he didn't read it until yesterday evening, and then texted a sincere thank you. So that situation has been settled, water under the bridge, I guess.

 

It's what happened today that takes our whole mess in another direction. I can't put my finger on what it's all about yet, so I won't talk about it yet bc if it follows our R's protocol up until this point there's likely nothing to talk about.

 

I will say, however, that today, aside from the part that YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW, another VERY weird thing has happened eerily similar to the weirdness of last week...honestly, the universe is shouting in my face. I just can't hear what it's saying yet.

Thanks for the update. You sound very introspective and I'm pretty sure you're well on your way to understanding yourself, your MM, and the universe too!

 

Hugs.

What do you mean, we don't want to know???? Of course we want to knooow! Please be very, very careful! When you listen to the universe speaking to you, be sure you know what language it is speaking. The word for 'rose' in one language means 'crap' in another language.

LOL, FoG, I think you're right.

 

Do share INF.

[ItsNeverForever]

What do you mean, we don't want to know???? Of course we want to knooow! Please be very, very careful! When you listen to the universe speaking to you, be sure you know what language it is speaking. The word for 'rose' in one language means 'crap' in another language.

 

*siiiigh* I know you (all) want to know...I'm just trying to spare myself the a$$ whoopin'...when I pretty much know it's meaningless as far as having any true bearing on our R & it certainly doesn't give me any sense of comfort, calm or clarity. I'd like to think I'm wrong, but I'm an old hag who knows better. Rose surely = merde here. If it doesn't, dammit, I shoulda bought that lotto ticket @ the gas station earlier...

 

Because of my aged sensibility, it seems the universe is trying to eff me over.

 

Please don't make me tell you what I did. Just wait, I'm sure I'll be here next week crying/hollering/swearing about it. :/

[SidLyon]

I'd like to know how word spreads so quickly about the disciplinary actions taken on other posters? Is there a phone tree established for these kinds of things because if so, it may be fair to believe newly registered members weren't privy to that information. I certainly have no inside knowledge or leak on the moderator side feeding me this private information. As much as I respect 90% of the people and their opinions on this board, the juvenile (not even high school, more like junior high) behavior of grown azz women is pretty off-putting.

 

As for the other issue, it's not hard to recognize when someone is banned. They suddenly discontinue posting and, if you look them up in the members list, they are gone. And then, lo and behold, a brand new user (conspicuously well versed on the posters who've been around awhile, as well as with the workings of the site) shows up with a verrrrry familiar background story.

 

I think the point has been made, it's been laboured to death and the horse well and truly flogged now.

 

Frankly I'm pretty sure that having more than one username, often happens. I'm not sure what the TOS says about it though.

 

If someone is banned for whatever reason then is it Ok for them to come back again provided they behave themselves from then on? If it is OK for them to return, they can't use their old name so have to create a new one. Surely permanent banning is only for the extreme cases.

 

I don't know much about the PMs but I get the impression that there is some sort of OW private group going because on this forum a couple of days ago several OW mentioned that they had "heard" that a poster was banned. I think one OW publicly volunteered to be a conduit to the poster concerned, so there must be some sort of phone tree or e-mail list or whatever.

[White Flower]

LOL INF. Well, when you're ready, after all this IS your thread!!!

[starlight102]

Yup, and I still love him despite all that so I guess there really is something to that control thing huh? Don't get me wrong, I have control over the ability to walk away, but I don't have control to just tell my heart stop it! Everything else is blatant choice.

 

This is so true. All relationships go through ups and downs. I think it's important to remember that it takes two people to make or break a relationship. Relationships happen sometimes whether we are looking for them or not, marriages end, things change.

 

Karma, I like what you said that you "have control over the ability to walk away, but I don't have control to just tell my heart to stop it!" I couldn't agree with this more.