I have had new insight into obsessive question asking

[Thinkalot]

OK..I realise this may be a very boring subject for some of you, which I have laboured to death. However, obsessing, or obsessively feeling the need to ask questions about the past, is something which I am overcoming. Every now and then I have a flash of insight, which helps me further detach from things, and progress on the road forward. When that happens I like to share, because, one, it helps me, and two, it might help others, and three, I enjoy any feedback!

 

Another Lshacker has made me realise that asking questions is similar to a compulsion. Compulsions are usually a response to an obsession. For example, you obsess about germs, so you compulsively wash your hands. At the moment, my brain has been stuck on obsessing over my bf's past...all aspects of it, but especially his past marriage. I feel needy....like I HAVE to know, and worry if I don't. So I ask questions about all sorts of trivial things. Then, down the track, I start to worry about the SAME subject. I doubt my ability to remember the information correctly, and feel compelled to ask again. Obviously this pattern is very frustrating not only for me, but also my partner. That is where the 'question book' helps, and all my other useful methods.

 

Lately I have also realised, that I often truly DON'T recall the answers, because I don't really LISTEN. I simply hear the answer, which cures the obsession for that moment in time (or else, makes it worse) and then I move on. I don't actually care about the information (it's just an obsessive thought-stuck thing), do I don't process the answer properly. So, when the obsessive thoughts about that same subject reappear, odds are, I perhaps can't remember what I have been told!

 

My bf helped me realise this, when he said "Thinkalot you don't really listen...you just look for the words you want/need to hear at the time, then move on".

 

Does this make sense?

 

KNowing this is helping me become a better listener, and distinguish between REAL questions I have, and obsessive questions.

 

Thanks all.

[meanon]

Bunny boy didn't REALLY call you Thinkalot, did he?

 

Seriously - that's great, these flashes of insight are all milestones on the way to getting rid of this problem. Celebrate your sucsess, it's hard earned, and remember it when you have a bad day

[Thinkalot]

Originally posted by meanon

Bunny boy didn't REALLY call you Thinkalot, did he?

 

LOL! Well, meanon, we find it's great now to refer to each other by our Lshack usernames.... "Bunnyboy- you haven't cleaned up the kitchen!".... "OK Thinkalot...onto it now"..."Thanks BB"..

 

Just kidding.

[pav186]

Hi thinkalot,

 

I dont know if u remember me but we posted a couple msg's back and forth before u went on holiday. But i had a problem with when my gf lost her virginity last summer. Anyways, i went and talked to someone at my school and they said i have OCD and depression. unfortunately i havent been able to start treatment yet but i treated the depression part with St. Johns Wort, B-Complex Vitamins and 5-HTP. You would not believe the difference it has made in my life. I no longer wallow in a state of depression, at some points i was having suicidal thoughts, crying etc. It was really bad. Not only that it coincided with when I switched to a generic brand of st. johns wort (Vitamin Shoppe- DO NOT EVEN BUY THIS BRAND OF ST JOHNS WORT- IN MY OPINION IT DID NOTHING AND MY DEPRESSION CAME RIGHT BACK TO A DANGEROUS LEVEL!!!) St. Johns Wort is usually not helpful for people with OCD so perhaps my issue was more due to depression because those two disorders can occur simultaneously as they are caused by problems with serotonin. But im not sure what you're taking, i know it can interact with some prescriptions but I HIGHLY RECOMMEND at least trying St. Johns Wort, I use the standardized extract by Nature's Way. Make sure u get the standardized extract as the Hypericin is the active ingredient (the standard dose is 900mg Standardized at 3% Hypericin). If you take it with 5-HTP it creates a synergy (i.e. 1 + 1=3). Not to mention 5-HTP helps me relax a little and really helps with sleeping. Youre supposed to take it with B6 to make sure it breaks down properly. Oh yeah, make sure the 5-HTP is enterically coated so it doesnt break down in your stomach. 50-100mg per day is standard. Once again if you or anyone reading this is taking prescriptions, seriously call you doctor and ask if you can take these. I dont know about Australia but here in the states all these things are over-the-counter. I strongly recommend anyone who's depressed or w/e to try SJW, 5-HTP and B6.

 

Anyways, I just wanted to agree with u that questions were my compulsion and it really made things much worse because now i talked my gf into telling me every little detail. The ironic thing was the visual "movies" that were originally playing in my mind were WAY off from what really happened but honestly not that much less painful because it was just as real to me.

 

BTW i totally understand what u mean about just listening for the answer you want. Thats exactly what it did. I would ask a question just to get a specific piece of info. But as of right now im doing much much better and wanted to offer this advice to anyone it may benefit.

 

pav

[gaia]

Just a quick note of caution:

 

a) St John's Wort should not be taken with SSRIs eg Prozac, Seroxat etc (names vary from country to country - check).

 

b) I have read that SJW can reduce the effectiveness of the contraceptive pill.

 

Will be back to post on this thread later - running late for work and school run now (as usual) !!!

 

Good on you, Thinkalot

[Thinkalot]

pav- glad you are doing better I do remember your posts.

 

gaia- I look forward to your invaluable insights....you inspire me and offer good encouragement, and you KNOW what I am talking about! Also, for your info, I am taking Lovan, which I believe is like Prozac

[sinkerswim]

My OCD is what got me into trouble with my fiance.

He left me because I was too controlling and asked too many questions all the time.

I dont know if he will be back.

We are together 8 years and he just got sick of it.

I am the sorriest person alive, that I didnt get help sooner...but I am getting help now.

I told him that...but I dont know if he will change his mind.

 

My life is now ruined.

Try to get help if you can.

[Thinkalot]

I'm so sorry to hear that. I worry that if I dont get cured quickly enough my fate will be the same. I am determined not to let that happen.

 

I send you my best wishes. I hope things work out for you.

[Arabess]

Originally posted by meanon

Bunny boy didn't REALLY call you Thinkalot, did he?

 

I was thinking the same thing while reading your post! HAHA! It made you sound like an Indian princess or something.

 

It sounds like you are really doing better with the whole thing though. You are coming to conclusions and remedies as to your past behavior and making changes to correct them along the way.

 

BunnyBoy is a lucky man............

[meanon]

I was thinking the same thing while reading your post

 

Not for the first time Maybe I was BLONDE in a previous life!!

[Thinkalot]

Originally posted by Arabess

 

It sounds like you are really doing better with the whole thing though. You are coming to conclusions and remedies as to your past behavior and making changes to correct them along the way.

 

 

But am I making the changes quickly enough?? Just in a bad mood today I think, and maybe have a bit of PMS

 

I carried on a bit last night about something, and we had a bit of an argument over the phone, as BB was away for work. Then I felt sad so I called mum to vent to her. She told me to get my act together or else I WILL lose him if I keep on, cos he only has so much patience. She fears for me, because she's been on the other side of the fence. My Dad has/had the same problem as me, and he drove my mum crazy. She had to leave in the end, because she said she needed peace. So she doesn't want me to lose my guy, and she thinks I should have a handle on it all the time by now I think...and be able to control my mind, or at least walk away. I wish I didn't f***c up at all too...but I do sometimes. I just do. Sorry- just venting. I'm determined to do even better still from here.

sinkerswim's tale was a further warning of what can happen.

[moimeme]

What sorts of things have you to remind yourself that whatever's going on is the product of your condition?

I know that I'm having much more success reminding myself what might be up when I've got PMS. Oddly enough, looking at my cat's pill bottle reminds me that vitamin B6 seems to help the moodiness! Have you any sort of visual or other help which will twig you to the fact that whatever's going on may be the product of your health situation so that you can govern yourself accordingly?

 

Sounds lame, but would wearing an elastic band help? I know people have done that to remind themselves of other sorts of things.

[Thinkalot]

well gaia, who also suffers OCD, said she wrote down a list of the possible bad consequences of asking questions or going on, and would carry that with her, and read it when she felt like she might overstep the line again. Think I will do that. You know..if I ask questions

1) I will create tension

2) I will make him angry and distant from me

3) we are happy right now...I dont need to know...this will pass.

 

I'm going to do that today I think, and carry it with me. An immediate visual reminder.

[moimeme]

And maybe a copy of Renee's post

[Thinkalot]

Yes, a somber reminder of the worst possible consequences.

[meanon]

Sorry you are having a bad day

 

Don't get too carried away now, re-read that perfectionist thread - you ARE allowed a bad day!!! Please don't make me surf the archives again

 

You are doing well, Thinkalot. Bunnyboy stuck with you when things were bad, why are you worried now things are so much better? You know he loves you

 

 

My Mum is just like yours - straight for worst case scenario. It's the protective instinct but the advice is more about her past than your future.

 

Cheer up Thinkalot. Tomorrow will be better

[gaia]

Thinkalot, please don't worry.

 

You've recognized your problem and you're working on it. What frustrated my husband for 6 years plus was my refusal to see anyone because "I can sort this out myself". How wrong I was.

 

He's still here. BB is a great guy - he can see you're doing your best. We all have bad days. I had one yesterday - the trick is to get them in perspective - if you start obsessing about not getting better fast enough, you'll get anxious again and it will turn into a vicious circle.

 

When I've had a bad day now, I find something that's funny in it and amuse my friends with it. I find it makes it much less powerful.

 

You'll be fine

[Thinkalot]

Thanks for the supportive words.