Engaged.. but kid problems

[x0x0]

I dated this wonderful man for 4 years, and absolutely inlove with each other. We bought a house and moved in together 6 months ago. He has a little girl from a previous relationship, she's just turn 7 last week. We have her over at our place every other day and every other weekend. We both work full time, he has every weekend off, I run my own business, so I try to take my weekends off to spend when we have her over. Yesterday, when she was over, my fiancee needed to go work half day, and ask if I can pick his daughter up, which I did. After I pick her up, we went to McDonald's to grab lunch, and went to my in-laws' place after. My brother in law have 3 kids, ages 8, 3 and the youngest, 1 years old. When us adults were having a conversation, the kids were playing on the carpets. Out of no where, my step-daughter started pinching the baby's cheek, pulling her hair, and push her over at one point. I told her, "No, that's not nice thing to do, please appologize, and give her a hug and a kiss." Her response shock all of us, and it did sort of offended me. "You are not my mother, don't tell me what to do, I don't have to listen to you." After that I sent her to her room to take a nap, and as a time out. I told my fiancee about this, and he had a talk with her, and told her if she keeps this attitude up, we would just stay home and do nothing when she's over, not even watching TV. Today, my fiancee suggested we should put the wedding on hold, because his daughter's behavior towards me really concerns him. I understand where he's coming from, but what can or should I do about this situation? Was it something I said or done?

[Lauriebell82]

Putting the wedding on hold is a very BAD IDEA!!! I am surprised your fiance even suggested that. I understand that he is worried about his daughter but you are going to be his WIFE. The three of you (you, your fiance, and step daughter) need to sit down and have a chat about what happened. It could be she just didn't feel like listening to you and used the fact that you aren't "technically" her mother as an excuse to discredit you. You and your fiance need to have a conversation with her about what life is going to be like, that you aren't her mother, however she will need to listen to you because you are going to be responsible for her. You need to communicate because you will be a family.

 

It's also possible that your fiance's ex has been saying "not so nice things" about you and the girl has picked up on the negativity. Maybe a conversation with her may need to take place as well. Do you guys get along?

[tigressA]

I agree with Lauriebell. If the wedding is postponed, it will only serve to encourage the girl's abominable behavior (bullying a baby like that is just :sick:). She will continue to think that she can do whatever she likes and that the world begins and ends with her. By all means, continue with the wedding as scheduled, and have a sit-down talk with your fiance and soon-to-be stepdaughter.

[x0x0]

thanks for the suggestions. I had a talk with the ex and yes we try to be respectful with each other. I also had a serious talk with my hubbie and my step daughter. My step daughter doesn't talk back to me anymore, but she just felt so left out and mostly jealousy, because we've been so busy with the wedding planning lately. She felt neglected but we explain to her we didn't mean to, but I really hope she understands. Surprisingly, the ex is on our side, trying to talk to our little girl. Our wedding is back on schedule.

[tigressA]

I'm glad that things are getting better. Now at least you know the root of the problem. And you're blessed to have the ex on your side! It doesn't happen that way a whole lot.