My love for a friend is killing me!

[Born2Run]

There's this girl that I've worked with for the last 10 months (on a cruise ship) and we've become really good friends... The only problem is that i am crazy about her and it's killing me. I tried hiding my feeling from her but I just end up getting more and more depressed.

A couple of months ago I told her exactly how I felt and she told me that she still has feelings for her ex-boyfriend and that I'm a really nice, kind and caring guy and we are good friends... I tried to leave it at this but everytime I see her my heart starts to ache and the depression hits me again.

 

She missed the ship a while back and had to rejoin it the next day, I tried to get off the ship too to wait for her as no one knew where she was, but wasn't allowed. When she got back on board I put a 'Welcome Back' banner and a rose on her door. This was a while back and she still has those things hanging on the wall above her bed. (I know this from when I had another chat with her a few days ago)

After this chat, I was a little drunk (it was christmas eve) and sent her an email telling her all O want to do is hold her and kiss her and that I'm crazy in love with her... I haven't seen her since! (It's a very small ship)

I think I may have scared her into thinking I'm some kind of Psycho stalker now!

 

I spent Christmas Day alone in my cabin asleep from 4am christmas morning to 7am Boxing Day morning because I was so miserable.

In a way the good news is that she's leaving the ship next week as her contract is over, but I'm going to miss her a lot. She comes back to this ship in March and I'll still be here for a month.

 

One thing she said to me was that she likes being alone at the moment and who knows maybe in 10 years or so when she's 40 she might be ready to have another relationship (I'm sure she was joking)... It's her birthday while she's away from the ship so I was thinking about buying her a ring and including the message "Maybe in 10 years?" or something similar! Do you think that's a good idea?

 

I can't even look at another girl as my mind is just full up with her... It's killing me!

 

AGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!

[Nightsky]

It’s a good idea not to get so emotionally invested in a girl you aren’t even dating. When you ask some one out especially a work friend there is a good chance they will say no. You shouldn’t take it personally and actively try to stop thinking about her and move on. Try to have more fun when perusing girls you find attractive and don’t take it personally or get depressed when rejected.

 

You would have been better off just asking her out or making a move. Telling some one you have feelings for them is awkward. When a girl says something like the “10 years” comment you don’t use it to further humiliate yourself you move on. If she starts giving you hope again then by all means ask her out or make a move. For now you should just try to forget her and have flirting and asking out other women. Don’t get depressed or take it personally when things don’t work out.

[spiderowl]

No, I don't think it's a good idea to send her a ring, even a toy one. It will put pressure on her. I think this girl already knows how much you like her: you've made it very clear. She's not into you in the same way and she's been tactful about that. This isn't to say that she might not change her mind at some later date; it's not impossible. But, you really need to back off and leave her be. If she feels pressured she won't have the mental space and freedom to miss you. While she's away, she could think about things and what a great guy you are, but if you send her the ring she'll feel pressured. You need to take the pressure off completely.

 

Because you are so smitten with her, you will be putting pressure on her inadvertently anyway, without any grand gestures such as the banner and the ring, so you need to occupy your mind with other things and get on with your life. Assume this woman is on sabbatical for a couple of years and that she won't be back until then. I know she'll be back earlier but she may well not be available emotionally for a relationship. It is just possible that if you focus on other things and she no longer feels under pressure, she might be able to look afresh at the relationship. But, don't bank on that and be prepared for nothing to change. One thing's for sure, if you put pressure on her, even gentle pressure, she'll disappear. This might not be a bad thing if you cannot tolerate anything but a romantic relationship with her. But, you can try to give her space now.