JK22 Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 BACKGROUND INFORMATION I've worked at a corporatation for almost a year and a half along with another girl downstairs who has worked there longer than that. Several weeks ago her and I began talking, and it soon led to a relationship. As with anything, the newness covered up the flaws and all seemed perfect. But the fact is, she has a habit of falling way to fast in love with any guy she dates. She did it with me, has done it with another guy I know, so it's a common thing with her. At first, yeah things were great. We do have things in common, she was fun to be around but now that the newness is wearing off I'm starting to see flaws and the fact is I'm realizing now that we went into the relationship so fast that it's not possible to be "in love", we never really even dated much before hand. The problem is, she's extremely emotional, she cries at random times over stupid things. For example, not long ago there was this toy - it's a game - where you touch the metal and it sends a shock into your hand and up your arm. I touched it at first, it shocked me, and you know she was luahing and I was joking that she should do it and what not and she did.. it almost brought her to tears because she said that was mean to encourage her to do that and she was trying to make it seem as though I "forced" her to do it. Granted, she is 10 years older than me, I think she is more than capable of making up her own decisions. But most recently, last week we both agreed and planned on going to another friend of our's house - another girl we work with. It was planned early afternoon and my girlfriend and I even talked about it later that evening. We both go home to change, and just before I leave she calls me up telling me that she forgot, but she told her sister that she would go to a club with her and she wanted me to go. The problem is, I had just talked to our friend not even 30 mins before and told her that we were coming over. So she put me in a position basically making me choose between my best friend (who I as friends with longer than I knew my girlfriend) or her (my girlfriend). I basically said to her that we made plans, she was expecting us to come and I was going to go because I blew plans on with my best friend in the past because of my girlfriend. Well, we hung up.. to make a long story short.. she called me 3 times in 20 mins with her voice sounding all sad and depressed trying to guilt me into going with her to the club instead of going to my friends house. The last time she called, still sad voice, I told her I would be over. So I get there and now she goes from sad voice to being all cheerful and happy. We talk and i explain to her that I cannot blow off my friend, I pointed out the fact that we made these plans and agreed to them before noon and the plans stayed in place all day long and she was now expecting us. I told her that I cannot be like that and stand my friend and her boyufriend up by not showing up. So she starts crying and gets all sad.. and she starts kissing me and is like keeping me from going as if she was doing it on purpose. CURRENT STITUATION I'm in a position now I do not want to be with someone that is going to get upset when I want to do my own thing, especially when we haven't even been together for more than a month. She things it's true love between us, she has already talked about life-long commitments, having a house together, and blah blah blah and I'm now sitting here thinking "how the hell can we be talking about long-term commitment when the fact is, we jumped right into a relationship without dating really at first, and we've only been together for like a month?"... of course, I didn't say this to her. Every weekend is spent with her, she always wants to do stuff and I'm feeling suffocated. So now I want to break it off with her, but several things: 1). I hate dealing with women who're crying and upset, I just don't like to see women cry. 2). She's very emotional as is, so I'll drown in her tears. 3). I can't bring myself to say something when with her. 4). She will probably try to make me feel guilty about breaking it off with her 5). I can never say what I mean in person. So with that said, is it acceptable to either tell her over MSN or perhaps write up a nice letter explaining my situation and email it to her? That way it breaks the ice, then we can talk about it in person? Even though we work together, I'm not worried about it cause we work in whole other departments on different levels so I wouldn't see her much. I just need advice. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 I understand that you have problems with communication, but a break up is really something that should be dealt with in person. That's nice that you don't like to see women cry, and I'm sorry she's so emotional. But out of respect, things like this should be handled in a face to face conversation. It takes a lot of strength to break things off, but I'm sure you can do it. Just be as nice as you can be. Tell her that you're not ready for what she's looking for and to be fair to her, you think you should end things. I may sound harsh when I say this (and some may not agree with me), but it's really not your job to stick around and comfort her and let her try to lay some guilt on you. Say what you need to say and then be done with it. Link to post Share on other sites
JK22 Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 Originally posted by Girlie I understand that you have problems with communication, but a break up is really something that should be dealt with in person. That's nice that you don't like to see women cry, and I'm sorry she's so emotional. But out of respect, things like this should be handled in a face to face conversation. It takes a lot of strength to break things off, but I'm sure you can do it. Just be as nice as you can be. Tell her that you're not ready for what she's looking for and to be fair to her, you think you should end things. I may sound harsh when I say this (and some may not agree with me), but it's really not your job to stick around and comfort her and let her try to lay some guilt on you. Say what you need to say and then be done with it. Dang, was afraid someone would say that. I know it would probably be better, but I know she'll be the type that'll beg me to not to do so and I know that I won't say all the things I should and want. How about over MSN? Like, bring it up casually to her then? Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 Well, it is up to you, in the end. I would handle everything in person. However, if you really feel the need to, you could say something like "I think we need to talk." Whenever people hear those words, they typically understand that it's not a good thing. Maybe that would at least prepare her. Link to post Share on other sites
dario Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 MSN? Yeah, good ticket, huh? Jesus, pick up the phone - call her, meet her and sort it out face to face. I know we live in an age of computers and the like...but man, breaking up through typing away at a keyboard negates anything that a relationship is supposed to stand for. Beginning, middle and END. Link to post Share on other sites
JK22 Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 Ok, I know I should call her and it should be done in person. So I call her, tell her I need to talk to her, take her somewhere and talk.. I mean how do I say it, what do I say, how do I react? I've never been in a relationship like this, so this is the 1st.. what if she starts making up excuses saying "I'll change" or trying to make me feel guilty? Link to post Share on other sites
dario Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 Anything could happen. If you don't want to be in a relatinship with her...stick to your guns no matter what. Just say that it's not working out for you and if she starts with, 'I'll change...' and you still don't want things to continue just stick to your guns. But, yep, these things have to be done face to face. Total respect for her and the time you have both shared together. If she starts going into hysterics...well, stick to your gun and just walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
JK22 Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 You guys are right, I knew it from the start but over the computer or through a letter is always easier.. but you're right I need to do it in person. Link to post Share on other sites
fredrolin Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 I have been in similar situations and it's tough. Say what you have to say and then just give her the cold shoulder. It may take time but she will get over it. Link to post Share on other sites
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