Young, Single and Stupid!!

[Lola_Rose23]

I am completely new to this and have no idea what to expect from it.

I suppose I am looking for somebody out there to take the time to read all about the mess I have gotten myself into and to help me to do the right thing!!

 

Okay here it goes;

 

I'm a 19 year old (single) girl and qualified from college around 6 months ago. I found myself a job in a childcare setting, which I completely love and wouldn't change it for the world.

 

A couple of months ago a man who lives close by to me, found me on facebook and sent me an email; a friendly 'How are you' type of email.

 

Me being the naive person that I am, thought nothing of it and emailed him back. This carried on for a while, and after a couple of emails he asked if he could add me on his blackberry messenger. Again, me being me, said yes and sent him my Contact PIN only to find a message off him confessing his feelings for me. NOT WHAT I EXPECTED AT ALL!

 

Some of you may be thinking 'Whats so bad about that?'

Well the thing is, he is married with children, who happen to go to the childcare setting in which I work!!

 

Of course as soon as he started to tell me how he had feelings for me and that he couldn't stand keeping it to himself any longer, I had no idea how to respond. I was shocked, scared and worried all at the same time!

 

I told him I was flattered but had no feelings for him and wouldn't dream of doing anything to not only come between his family, but jeoprodise the job I worked so hard to get.

 

I thought that would be the end of it. Wrong.

 

He kept talking to me, telling me that nothing would be awkward between us and he only told me because he had to get it off his chest. He asked me to meet him one night after work so he could explain properly, face to face. I had no idea what to do, so thought I would give him at least the opportunity to talk to me outside of work and away from anybody who knew us. So I went. I drove to the place he asked me to meet him and let him talk.

After around an hour of him telling me he hasn't ever looked at anybody twice since he got married and that he has no idea what to do to make his feelings towards me go away, I got back in my car and found myself not being able to think of anyone or anyting else but him.

 

My feelings were getting stronger and I knew I wouldn't be able to hide them from him much longer. We met up again, and just talked. Nothing else. I felt I was with a friend I've known for years as we talked and laughed for hours!

 

After around the 5th time we'd met up, I told him i couldn't do it anymore as I felt I was betraying everyone. As I started to become angry and upset, he never said anything. He simply lent over, grabbed me and kissed me.

 

I looked at him and found myself kissing him back.

 

Since then I haven't been able to think about anything else but him.

 

3 months down the line and all we have done is kiss a few times. I can't carry on with this as it is hurting me too much knowing I'll never be with him.

 

I am in no way looking for sympathy as I know that what I am doing is wrong. However I will never go further than a kiss and, as tempted as I am, will not kiss him again. I just don't know how to get him out of my life as I see him everyday at work.

 

Thank you for taking the time to read about my pathetic little life.

Please help if you can, it would be MUCHLY appreciated!x

[TaraMaiden]

Drastic times call for drastic measures.

 

He's cheating on his wife and children.

he deserves all he gets.

 

You know him.

You must know his wife.

Show her the texts and tell her you never want to see him again.

 

That should do it.

The minute you start putting excuses up for why you couldn't possibly do this, I'll know you've really got no intention of bringing this to a complete and abrupt halt.

[Feelin Frisky]

You're in a no win situation if you stay at that job. I'm afraid the only way to get him to stop is to hurt him. Then what would you have? You'd have him still around you hurt, perhaps angry, perhaps vindictive. Perhaps you should try one more time to tell him the facts and that the whistle has blown and it's firmly over. By hurting him I meant perhaps getting someone else in your life and being showy about that person when he's around. But using someone else to dissuade him wouldn't be fair. The ultimate answer might have to be completely removing yourself from his scope. I hope not if you really like your job and want to stay there.

[rhonian]

You are traveling down a DEAD END road. Think of it like this, given what has happened do you really think IN THE END he will leave his wife, you 2 get married and everyone lives happily everafter. It doesnt happen like that. END this right now or there will be pain and chaos if you dont!

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Perhaps the worst part of what you describe is the clear indication that the guy is immature and weak in just about every sense of the word. There could be nothing truly attractive about somebody who has effectively forced himself upon you.

 

(clarity: he has NOT yet "forced himself upon you sexually" in the classic sense, but every move he has made as described herein has been one of forcing himself upon you in many other ways)

 

As a 19yo woman you have millions of other options with decent, more secure men who would never force themselves upon you.

 

And yeah, when you're 19, it is hard to believe that so many GOOD alternatives are out there... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand it feels good to get some sort of attention/validation from somewhere.

 

It just isn't a very wise 'place' to be with your best future interests in mind.

 

Half of it is you - draw the line and make it STOP!

[paleblue]

What a jerk he is. You are going to have to get a lil tough on him. Sorry, I know it sucks, but sometimes life calls for it. Tell him very sternly NO MORE & YOU NEED LEAVE ME ALONE, from here on out. And if that doesnt work, than you threaten to tell his wife. That should knock things off. And if that doesn’t work , than you have a psycho stalker on your hands. Than you go and tell his wife in person.

 

As a side note, I hope that you are not egging him on in anyway, as in making eyes at him or being flirty. Not saying you are, but sometimes people who are trying to be nice, they come across as flirty. You need to stop that if thats whats happening.