how long did it take???

[ginastar]

so why did u break up with them to only end up going back out with them?

 

also, did u ever think u really liked someone else after breakin up with them?

[homebrew]

We broke up due to various issues (nothing bad)...

 

Bad Timing or G.I.G.S. (on my part or theirs) was the real issue in both cases...

 

Yes, I dated other people in between and "liked" them.

 

Having said that, I always take time off from dating after a break up. I like to get "me" back and I don't think it is fair or healthy to "use" people to get over someone.

 

So when I dated again... I had no issue with it and had no "unhealthy" motive for doing so.

[ginastar]

what is GIGS?

well i honestly hope i dont want him back bc i think he is a jerk for jumping right into that relationship and being all lovey with her and dropping me after all that time. i dont know how someone can do that and feel ok with themselves.

I hope I meet someone else better and I hope he does come back and I can tell him no thanks!! ugh i hope sooo bad!

[homebrew]

Grass is Greener Syndrome (G.I.G.S.) look for my thread on it or simply click on the link below!

 

You can't imagine or comprehend what I am saying because you are so fresh from the break up.

 

You are thinking and worried about Step 26...

 

Try and focus on Step 1 which is, healing and getting "YOU" back!

 

I wouldn't be surprised if you don't take your EX back if he should return...

 

You just don't know until you are "there" and when that time comes... You will do what is best for you.

Edited December 29, 2010 by homebrew

[ginastar]

OK well thank you for responding and the advice! I should have just private messaged u, haha.

[homebrew]

OK well thank you for responding and the advice! I should have just private messaged u, haha.

 

Feel free... I am here to help!

[Breakupguy12]

my ex and I broke up for the second time in a year in August. After a few talks with the wifes in my group of friends they have told me that she will contact me again and to have my NO ready. So these questions are directed at anyone who has heard from their ex.

 

1. Did you ever talk again?

-if so-

2. How many months where you in NC before they contacted you?

3. Was it just to check on you or was it more? (I am NOT going to feed the ego)

4. how did you handle it?

 

I ask because I hope I never have to deal with this situation and if I have to I would like to be as prepared as possible.

Thanks....

 

I would say that they gave you good feedback only if you don't want to get back with her. If you really want to get back with her, and she's truly willing to put in the work to get back with you, I say take her back, ONLY if you're both committed to working on the things that keep causing you to breakup (if that's possible).

 

In the one instance in my life where I was truly heartbroken and dumped, I spoke to her about a year later, to see how she was (and also because I honestly still missed her a bit). Luckily, we don't have any common friends or anything like that, so I hardly ever see her, and I was able to heal relatively quickly.

[coltsfan1]

breakupguy12-here is my whole story, i think the wifes are right regardless of how i feel. somethings/people are broken.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t219183/?highlight=coltsfan1

 

thank you guys for the feed back, i really appreciate all the experiences you all share. I just hope that I can get to the point where I truly know that if/when she calls I will be strong enough to say no. It has been a good solid 4 months since we broke up, and I have seen her out with another guy and she got angry and lied about even seeing me. I have with drawn from some of the people we shared as friends and I am forming a plan to not get her back but to become as successfull as possible in the coming year.

Edited December 29, 2010 by coltsfan1

[fiat500]

It's only been a month fiat500.

 

Hold on; hold fast; hold out. Patience is genius.

-- George-Louis Leclerc de Buffon

 

The ex ex took 5 or 6 months to get back in touch. He left you in a really ****ty way, I'd be very suprised if he didn't make contact in the future. Very suprised. Be it in a month or in 2 or 3 years. He doesn't deserve you to reach out to him if he acts like that. Keep up NC and have a "piss off loser!" ready for when he comes sniffing about!

 

Thank you, powerofone, I really appreciate the quote. I've been mentally beating myself up for the past six weeks over the breakup. I feel like he feels I deserved what he dished out. I've spoken to male friends and they've claimed that I hadn't done anything to warrant an ending like that. But it's different when the other person's away at college. We're both 24. I'm not really expecting him to want to reconcile. I plan on keeping NC.

[coltsfan1]

Fiat500- I will tell you want everyone here has told me and you may not want to hear it anymore than I did. But listen to your friends and leave him alone, his is either broken or a miserable person. Whichever of the two he falls into you are much better off.

[PowerOfOne]

You're very welcome Fiat500. It's my favourite quote at the moment. I'm pretty sure i stole it from one of the other posters on LS.

 

I'm in the same place as you. I've been beating myself up for things I now realise I didn't have control over. I don't expect her to come back anytime in the next year or so. She's got plenty of things to keep her busy. Maybe one day. I've got plenty of things to focus on until if/when it happens!

[SeriousBob12]

 

SeriousBob12- How long were you and your ex broken up till there was contact? I am sure you are spot on, she was looking for a pass. +1 for you for not giving it to her. Way to stand your ground!

 

She dumped me back in may, but we stopped talking in June. We had limited contact via email, as she moved to a different state. I really wanted to try and work through things, especially since I had my own plans to move to the said state. I really put my feelings out there and proposed that we don't jump into things but work through our supposed issues (though these issues were foreign to me as I got no closure or real reasoning for the breakup). I cared about her a lot and made it known. She decided to just not respond to that email which killed me. Worse yet, I found out through a friend 5 days later that she had already started a new relationship. We had been broken up for just over a month at that point...Did I ever feel worthless, but the fact she dumped me via email to start with should have been enough for me to realize this. After her cowardly move of just cutting me off, that's when I swore to never contact her again.

At the very least she could have been honest and told me she was seeing someone else and that it was truly over. Saying nothing, really is the coldest treatment in my books. I was a fantastic boyfriend, who was supportive, caring, generous, and strove to always put a smile on her face. I deserved a much better hand than I was dealt.

 

Thanks for the encouragement. I couldn't imagine responding, as i knew full well it would have just been a pass. She decided to overlook her actions and didn't have the decency to apologize. I'm almost positive she's still dating the same guy, so I knew her motives weren't genuine care for me, but just relief to her guilt.

 

Funny thing is, I'm sure in her world I'm the immature bad guy for not responding.

[9Lives]

I am 38, have been dumped and been the dumpee several times over...

 

So at this point in my life, I am able to see things from a different point of view than I did in my twenties. I have the perspective of time...

 

I have dated several exes that were either dumped by me or I was dumped by them. All of them were more than a year later.

 

I was over them and the break up and so were they...

 

It's like dating someone for the first time... Think about it... Did you care who your EX dated before you dated them? No.

 

It's kinda like that!

 

It takes so long because you have to be over them and forgive them for the break up if you are the Dumpee.... That takes a long, long time. Anything less than a year... Is too short!

 

If they come back after a couple of weeks... That is not what most of us experience... So to me, a couple of weeks apart isn't really a break up....

 

You are pretty level headed with somewhat of a ego to go with it. My ex is somewhat like you. I was the dumpee and it has been real hard. I come on LS to relieve the pain alot of the time. It seems like my true outlet to keep my mind right when Im having a "moment".

 

My ex and I broke up for good in August. He text me each month afterwards to say hi, how you doing from august to oct. I got upset cause when I told him I was still hurt, he went silent. We wind up getting into a texting arguement saying we would never hear from each other again.

 

I miss him so much. I will never reach out to him again. He has a gf and she has been around for a while now. We have friends in similiar circles so our path might cross one day. I have told all my friends not to bring up his name to me and they respect it.

 

will he ever contact me? I wish he would even tho we had a ugly text fight but I dont think he would. He is too busy living his own life I guess. Sometimes I feel like he is thinking about me but doesnt want to hurt me anymore, knows he is with someone, and probably feels like Im still upset with him.

 

With all that being said..Am I ready to talk to him or see him? No. Im not over it. I still have some healing to do. Im not really over him being with someone else. I still think about that alot. His best friend told me he still doing things he use to do but it seems like that is not true. Seems like he really likes this girl. I could be wrong but i dont know.

 

Im just trying to reach a point of true inner peace about us not being together anymore. It has not happen yet.

[coltsfan1]

I understand how all of you feel, I was totally hurt by the way my ex left me. But I am doing my best to try and not hold it against her. She is young and has to find her own path, I have to find mine. I just hope that by April I am totally done with all the thoughts and at a place in my life that I can be proud of again.

[makelemonade1974]

I feel like he feels I deserved what he dished out.

 

I feel like this too and it pisses me off. I want an apology ****it! It sucks when you give so much of yourself to someone and they can just discard you like it's nothing. It's like they just want us gone, and that hurts more than anything. I was a good girlfriend! Even gave lots of ****jobs for crying out loud.

 

Excuse me - I'm having an angry day.

[homebrew]

I was a good girlfriend! Even gave lots of ****jobs for crying out loud.

 

Yes, you were a GREAT GF!

 

Being ANGRY is part of the healing process... Come on here and let it all out!

[makelemonade1974]

AND I'm way better looking than he is. He will never find someone like me ever again. Jerk.

 

Btw Homebrew your posts are fantastic - you have a great perspective and you are very kind to be so supportive to all of us raw, bleeding newbies.

[homebrew]

AND I'm way better looking than he is. He will never find someone like me ever again. Jerk.

 

Btw Homebrew your posts are fantastic - you have a great perspective and you are very kind to be so supportive to all of us raw, bleeding newbies.

 

You are welcome! Sounds like your EX is an idiot... You are hot and like to please your man! Hahahahaha! I just hope he didn't ruin you for the rest of us guys!

 

If you haven't already... click on my name, click statistics and click on threads created by me... There are several in there that will help you out. Feel free to ask any questions / comments you might have... Create a new thread though. You can't private message till you have 100 posts I believe.

[nanana]

I've heard a few times about dumpers coming back after the dumpees have moved on. Why is that?! Surely if enough time has passed that even the dumpee is over it, wouldn't the dumper be even MORE over it? I'm still in the early days so I'm thinking about my ex a lot, whereas I imagine he won't be thinking of me at all... And I think that's true about a lot of dumpers post-breakup.

 

So why much later on are they thinking of us when we aren't anymore?

[coltsfan1]

i think sometimes a person will regret leaving or they realize that their life with us is the best thing for THEM. However it is truly hard to judge what their intentions are if they ever come back.

[GreenPolicy]

I've had people tell me that my ex will likely contact me at some point down the line, to apologize for how she left, etc, and long shot she might want to rekindle things. But it would not be in the short to medium term, more a year or more down the line. At this point the idea of getting an apology for how she handled the b/u would feel like breadcrumbs, but I know eventually I will get over it.

 

Our relationship just has a tragic feel to it now that I hate. I want to be able to look back one day and see it as a beautiful r/l that had an unfortunate ending. There's a sickening feeling I get in the pit of my stomach when I think about some of the amazing things we did together, like our trip to Seattle, etc, and realize that 2.5 months on she isn't coming back, she's going to be with other guys and probably is at this point. It's hard to understand why/how she got the wherewithal to walk away given what we had together. I know it was the best r/l she'd ever been in and I was the best she's ever had. Her actions when we were together were in line with it.

[suddendumpee]

Our relationship just has a tragic feel to it now that I hate. I want to be able to look back one day and see it as a beautiful r/l that had an unfortunate ending. There's a sickening feeling I get in the pit of my stomach when I think about some of the amazing things we did together, like our trip to Seattle, etc, and realize that 2.5 months on she isn't coming back, she's going to be with other guys and probably is at this point. It's hard to understand why/how she got the wherewithal to walk away given what we had together. I know it was the best r/l she'd ever been in and I was the best she's ever had. Her actions when we were together were in line with it.

 

I can TOTALLY relate. My ex and I were long distance. Every other weekend for 8 months we went on mini 3-4 day vacations together. Our entire dating scenario was vacationing. Figured if we had to fly to see one another, it might as well be somewhere new. Every trip was a new adventure filled with new and exciting memories. NEVER a dull moment. I mistakenly thought that building strong/unforgettable memories should build a strong relationship bond. Makes sense right?

 

So in the end, I'm left for the "guy friend" who was always behind the scenes. The one who she would never date because he's like her brother . Due to some of the timing the way the new r/l developed, I now know that this was developing while we were still together (seemingly moving in a positive direction). I have been robbed of the benefit of ever being able to look at this as a "beautiful relationship that had an unfortunate ending". Instead of cherishing the memories, I'm left attempting to shuffle them into a dark part of my subconscious, never to be thought of again. Sucks because at one point, I considered them the best memories of my life. Oh how I wish I could just erase the whole thing. My only solace is knowing that there is NO WAY this new guy will be able to compete. Her loss.

[GreenPolicy]

Sucks because at one point, I considered them the best memories of my life. Oh how I wish I could just erase the whole thing. My only solace is knowing that there is NO WAY this new guy will be able to compete. Her loss.

 

No, you don't want to erase those memories. You were a great guy to her, you gained valuable r/l experience, and as a result you will be an even better boyfriend to the next person you're with. At the very least, this was a stepping stone to a better romantic future. In time you will see this r/l as something that taught you how to be wiser, smarter, better. You will not love as fearlessly as you did before, but if you work through your grief, you will love as if you haven't been hurt. That's the goal: to love again as if we have not been hurt.

 

Getting involved with somebody else and opening up your heart involves taking the risk of getting hurt. Sometimes that hurt isn't so bad, like if you date somebody casually for a few months, you start to develop feelings for them and think it might go somewhere, and then they break things off. You're bummed out for awhile, but you get over it. And then there's your situation, where you feel really betrayed. But how would you have liked to have spent those past 8 months? Traveling somewhere different twice a month and creating memories and getting to love somebody and all the benefits that come with it? Or sitting at home playing video games, watching sports or other solitary activities?

 

You feel like you were duped and it tarnishes everything. I feel like I got involved with a broken person and it puts a sad hue over our r/l right now. Normally we're supposed to listen to our hearts. Not this time. When recovering from a b/u, we need to let our heads lead the way. We're both better off without our exes. Your ex has some growing up to do. My ex has some deep-seated intimacy and commitment issues before she would ever make good long-term SO potential. In either case, they cannot give us what we want right now. But there is somebody out there who can.

[makelemonade1974]

I've had people tell me that my ex will likely contact me at some point down the line, to apologize for how she left, etc, and long shot she might want to rekindle things. But it would not be in the short to medium term, more a year or more down the line. At this point the idea of getting an apology for how she handled the b/u would feel like breadcrumbs, but I know eventually I will get over it.

 

Our relationship just has a tragic feel to it now that I hate. I want to be able to look back one day and see it as a beautiful r/l that had an unfortunate ending. There's a sickening feeling I get in the pit of my stomach when I think about some of the amazing things we did together, like our trip to Seattle, etc, and realize that 2.5 months on she isn't coming back, she's going to be with other guys and probably is at this point. It's hard to understand why/how she got the wherewithal to walk away given what we had together. I know it was the best r/l she'd ever been in and I was the best she's ever had. Her actions when we were together were in line with it.

 

I can also really relate to this. I wasn't the only one there and I know it was beautiful for him as well. We went on amazing trips together and I still have to go through all these pictures at some point and put copies on a cd for him (which I really don't feel like doing right now). It IS a tragedy that people can be so in love and have it not work out.

 

What helps me is to think about the lessons I've learned from this. When I finally meet "the one" it will be even better having gone through this experience. I'll know what to do and what not to do. There are other people out there with whom we will have fabulous chemistry like we did with our ex. And like my good girlfriend says "another one ALWAYS comes along," just not necessarily on our time table. Although it doesn't feel so good, it's a blessing that we are going through this - pain is transformative. But ah, the tragedy.