Yes, there are second chances!!!

[stupidgurl]

Karma, you're right too. Maybe when this stupid snow goes away and it gets a little warmer (and I can get outside some) I'll be feeling better. We don't get much snow around here and I'm already WAY over it!

[stupidgurl]

LIG, have you got a brother? LOL

 

I need someone who knows the fine line between letting me be me and putting me in my place. I usually end up with a control freak or a wuss. Guess I must be the problem.

[LifeIsGreat]

Is there any way you could send me your email address or some other way to contact you?

 

 

Here's my email address. Copy it quick since I'm going to remove it promptly so I don't get spammed.

 

PetersFlying at yahoo

[stupidgurl]

got it thanks

[fiat500]

How do you at least get a reconciliation with a guy who implies he's not interested in you anymore?

 

We met each other in the spring and things fell apart when he went back to college in september. Were together for 9 mos. Communication was bad. He only chose to contact me via text or facebook. Got into many misunderstandings because of it and he claimed they were arguments and didn't like where the relationship was going. I drove up to see him two times a month. Rewarded me with the most dishonorable breakup over facebook after I expressed concern again about his flirting professor who posted on his wall. This was the only concern I had in the whole relationship. He always defended her and claimed she was only joking. Said he was stressed and I was adding to it. Never spoke again after breaking up with me. It's been over a month.

 

What can I do? I feel that I cannot make the first move to reconcile. If he is not contacting me, it's for a reason.

[fiat500]

it's also apparent that I lost value in his eyes. So I cannot initiate anything and have it go unappreciated.

[Karma20]

Fiat500, one of my exes only contacted me through text and facebook. Honestly, if he can't pick up the phone then it's not serious to him. Got dumped over fb too. It was a LDR so it's different when then having a relationship with someone close to you. Needless to say he told a friend he lost feelings for me too but never mentioned it to me. Anyway he came back but it was only for a few days and after I deleted him on fb and cut contact.

[fiat500]

Fiat500, one of my exes only contacted me through text and facebook. Honestly, if he can't pick up the phone then it's not serious to him. Got dumped over fb too. It was a LDR so it's different when then having a relationship with someone close to you. Needless to say he told a friend he lost feelings for me too but never mentioned it to me. Anyway he came back but it was only for a few days and after I deleted him on fb and cut contact.

 

that's depressing. he pursued me in the beginning and i honestly didn't want him since he was going to live away at college. but i opened up and ended up being the fool in the end. we're both 24. i gave him more credit than what he deserved.

[stupidgurl]

Test email sent. (It didn't come back....)

[Stilicho]

lifeisgreat, this is an issue i am heavily struggling with and can use your help.

i wrote a thread on my recent break up here

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t258518/

 

if you can read that, and tell me what you think, especially regarding reconciliation, it would be highly appreciated

[Karma20]

Fiat500, to be honest he wasn't that hard to get over because he didn't live near me. Karma came back to him for what he did though.

[LifeIsGreat]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t258518/

 

if you can read that, and tell me what you think, especially regarding reconciliation, it would be highly appreciated

 

I checked it out and have to say the replies and advice you got were pretty spot on. You are very young, and this is going to hurt like a b*tch, but you need to give her the space and go NC.

[fiat500]

Fiat500, to be honest he wasn't that hard to get over because he didn't live near me. Karma came back to him for what he did though.

 

Karma in what way? Hence your user name? lol

[Karma20]

I'm all about Karma. I've gotten back to me and I've seen others get it back to them. Tow things happened, I became friends with one his friends and would comment on his stuff, well my ex apparently got his feelings back and he blocked me so he wouldn't have to see me. Now we hadn't talked in months prior to this. Then I started dating someone and low and behold he got so pissed started writing things about me and my new bf on people's walls and made is statuses about me and my new bf. He had his chance and blew it. I believe in what comes around goes around. I also see that the one who dumps someone (as long as no cheating, abuse etc is involved) they usually come back at least once. I've done it, exes came back to me and same with my friends.

[Stilicho]

thanks for the input, but do you think that it would be foolish to attempt reconciliation, or that NC might bring her back to me?

[Karma20]

NC Stilicho, sometimes you have to let people go in order to come back together. I begged an ex back for 3 mos. he wouldn't budge, the min I stopped three months later he came back.

[Stilicho]

thing is karma, she is in like 3 of my classes nxt semester

[Breakupguy12]

In the last 10 years I have had 4 long term love relationships that broke up (sometimes I was the dumper, sometimes the dumpee). In each instance, I was able to get my ex back (sometimes multiple times). So yes, it IS possible (but not guaranteed) to get your significant other (S.O.) back

 

However, there are some things to keep in mind. SHOULD you try to get your ex back? Your heart is going to tell you ‘yes’. But my friend, you need to also use your head. That’s why everyone here talks about no contact (NC). If you recently broke up, the first thing to do is absolutely nothing! See some of the other NC posts here for details. Get your head together and really figure out if you guys are a good couple, or possibly just not compatible. BTW- If either one of you has excess baggage or emotional problems, then you are probably not compatible.

 

In some cases there IS a compelling reason to reconcile. If so there is most definitely a ‘right way’ and a ‘wrong way’ to do so- whether you were the dumper or dumpee

 

Here on LS there is a lot of ‘one size fits all’ advice on how to handle an ex. I can tell you from experience; this should not be the case. IMHO, the steps you take to reconcile are going to require doing something different from what you were doing in the relationship. If you were very distant in your relationship, then NC after a breakup can mean the end. If you were clingy in the relationship, then NC may do wonders. Every situation is different, but the ‘same old’ during a breakup could be a problem

 

Another thing…. If you win your ex back but do it incorrectly, you are just asking for trouble and more heartbreak. Simply getting your ex back should NOT be the goal. Getting your ex back into a different and better relationship should be the goal. For instance— you pleaded, begged, and threatened suicide so your ex comes back. Wow, that is a recipe for disaster.

 

I’ll stick around on this thread if you want to talk about it some more. I would be glad to get into more detail about if you should try a second (third or fourth) time, and some of the best ways to do it based on your situation and my experience. P.S.- I'm not selling anything

 

I certainly agree that there's no one size fits all way of mending a broken relationship, however some things (eg communication) are a mainstay. Forcing/begging/threatening suicide to get the other person to get back with you is a terrible idea, as it only breeds contempt and anger in the future from the party that reluctantly agreed to get back together... So one would be best to not waste their time and begin the NC period so that they can heal.

 

I've begged before, and it was a waste of time, not to mention in hindsight I looked like a complete idiot.

[Karma20]

thing is karma, she is in like 3 of my classes nxt semester

That's okay, just either smile politely or wave when you see her. Don't initiate contact. If she talks to you just be pleasant but don't say too much. Then excuse yourself and walk away.

[Stilicho]

i think your right, thats why i didnt particularly like it when she said she wants to be friends still. Also, she said she needed space, but also said she would wanna think about trying again a couple weeks down the line, to which i replied, im not waiting, dont string me along, although i did mention that i would wanna try again, just not under those circumstances... was that a bad move? nevertheless, i will maintain NC, but what effect do you think tat will have?

[LifeIsGreat]

You simply can NOT worry about the affect NC will have. Be nice and wave, but don't be her friend. It will get you nowhere. This means no conversations. Just a wave and maybe a 'hey' and keep moving. (be sure you do this in a very friendly way, like you might with any other class mate. do not look pitiful or hurt!!)

[Mrlonelyone]

An ex that I have gotten together with and broken up with over the last dozen years turned up on facebook. She and I were very into eachother once. From one of our dalliances she even had a child by me, which for complicated cultural reasons I am not openly acknowledged as being the father of. We, dated six years off and on, and last dated six years ago and had a LDR for three years more.

 

After about three years of no contact. She had just started a new relationship with another guy judging by her FB page about three months now.

 

We exchanged messages, nothing serious... Then something which I have had trouble adequately explaining here made me think she was interested.

 

I sent a message to her sister in law, who I knew well (from a past relationship with this woman her children refered to me as "uncle".) Her sister in law blocked me, but the ex did not. Then the ex wrote this profession of affection in a sort of riddle form... "if you have a man who does X Y Z and yada yada post this as your status". The thing is XYZ and yada yada were things which refereed to me and not this other guy.

 

I sent another message and made a friend request, which she did not accept but did not reject. Further the ex did not block me...which would be a indication of no interest.

 

Yesterday I decided to go for broke and just tell her that I was still very interested in her and in being there for her in every possible way.

 

I have a few questions.

 

Is it wrong of me to interpret lines of communication being kept open as a sing of interest in a future relationship?

 

Does a frank admission of feelings ever work in winning a woman over or , as so much advice says, is it a automatic turn off?

 

Am I totally insane for wanting to keep working on such a complicated situation?

Edited December 28, 2010 by Mrlonelyone

[Karma20]

An ex that I have gotten together with and broken up with over the last dozen years turned up on facebook. She and I were very into eachother once. From one of our dalliances she even had a child by me, which for complicated cultural reasons I am not openly acknowledged as being the father of. We, dated six years off and on, and last dated six years ago and had a LDR for three years more.

 

After about three years of no contact. She had just started a new relationship with another guy judging by her FB page about three months now.

 

We exchanged messages, nothing serious... Then something which I have had trouble adequately explaining here made me think she was interested.

 

I sent a message to her sister in law, who I knew well (from a past relationship with this woman her children refered to me as "uncle".) Her sister in law blocked me, but the ex did not. Then the ex wrote this profession of affection in a sort of riddle form... "if you have a man who does X Y Z and yada yada post this as your status". The thing is XYZ and yada yada were things which refereed to me and not this other guy.

 

I sent another message and made a friend request, which she did not accept but did not reject. Further the ex did not block me...which would be a indication of no interest.

 

Yesterday I decided to go for broke and just tell her that I was still very interested in her and in being there for her in every possible way.

 

I have a few questions.

 

Is it wrong of me to interpret lines of communication being kept open as a sing of interest in a future relationship?

 

Does a frank admission of feelings ever work in winning a woman over or , as so much advice says, is it a automatic turn off?

 

Am I totally insane for wanting to keep working on such a complicated situation?

Depending on the type of girl she is the only way to know if she will be turned off by admitting feelings. Listen you had to try if not you might always wonder "What if". Don't stress about it now, you did it and know you have to see what she says.

[homebrew]

If your EX wanted to be with you... Nothing on Earth would Stop her!

 

Her other man would not be in the picture and she would be sending you friend requests on Facebook, emailing you, texting you, calling you and showing up at your door.

 

Go read my thread I posted this evening about the TWO Worst Things that Dumpers Do... You are doing both of them!

[Mrlonelyone]

If your EX wanted to be with you... Nothing on Earth would Stop her!

 

Her other man would not be in the picture and she would be sending you friend requests on Facebook, emailing you, texting you, calling you and showing up at your door.

 

Go read my thread I posted this evening about the TWO Worst Things that Dumpers Do... You are doing both of them!

 

Homebrew with all due respect ....

 

First of all I did not dump her she dumped me. (I am pretty sure under pressure from some of her kin.)

 

Second this is a woman in her early 30's were talking about not a 15 year old. Plus a child is involved. Someone has to be real sure of what they are going to do in such a situation.

 

Third she has never been an aggressive pursuer. When she wanted my attention in the past she would use these sort of ....passive aggressive ways.

 

Edited to add: A couple of other things. By your standard any man who has to exert any effort what so ever to get a woman's attention is fooling themselves.

 

Then there are examples such as this.... Cong. Anthony Weiner of NY who married one Huma Abedin. She outright rejected him at first. I guess he's a fool for keeping at her too.. oh wait... he's married to her now isn't he?

Edited December 29, 2010 by Mrlonelyone
Adding a counter example.