Promises don't mean much because people change. Maybe they can change back?

[Faded_x]

I really wish he would respond to you. It legitimately angers me that he would put you through this. Selfish. Just selfish.

 

Yeah. We didn't talk for a day after sorrylol-gate, but then he messaged me in the morning yesterday. I don't know, blah.

I don't want to ignore him after THIS though. Yes, if he doesn't say anything meaningful or as a REAL response to what I've said to him, I'm going to ignore him.

Otherwise, I have to address this issue, I suppose.

 

Yes, VERY selfish and immature. It frustrates me so much, to the point where I want to send him angry, abusive messages. I know that won't help the situation at all, though.

 

I would definitely make what you want clear one more time. That is, that you want him to make more of an effort, and not say things like "sorry lol" in reply to something major. Make it clear AND tell him that you won't bother to reply if he keeps it up. That way you aren't technically ignoring him, as he knows why. He'll know he needs to step up a bit more.

[eidolon]

The talking thing isn't even the big issue I have with him. I mean, it hurts, a lot, but the things he said to me the other morning didn't have a hint of the filler stuff. That's what I want to address when and if I email him, or contact him (or vice versa).

 

I'm going to try and do that paper I was supposed to do yesterday. I have to "wake up" in less than 2 hours. Haha.

 

And thank you. Thank you so much for responding and giving me some insight. You've been really helpful

 

I hope he gets over himself and talks to you. What a child.

[Faded_x]

The talking thing isn't even the big issue I have with him. I mean, it hurts, a lot, but the things he said to me the other morning didn't have a hint of the filler stuff. That's what I want to address when and if I email him, or contact him (or vice versa).

 

I'm going to try and do that paper I was supposed to do yesterday. I have to "wake up" in less than 2 hours. Haha.

 

And thank you. Thank you so much for responding and giving me some insight. You've been really helpful

 

I hope he gets over himself and talks to you. What a child.

 

Then definitely email him about that. I'd do that now, and then do your paper and take your mind off him for a bit.

 

It's no problem . I'm sorry I can't really be of much help; but I just thought I'd let you know what I would do in your situation, and let you do with it what you want. I also know it helps just to talk about it. I know that's what it's like for me anyway, as that's why I joined up and started my own thread!

[eidolon]

I finished my work, so yay to that. It's the only thing I've really accomplished for about two weeks, haha.

I'm on my phone in bed right now. Can't take a nap :/ can't sleep.

Yes, it really helps to just talk to people- about it or anything else really.

Again, thank you for your opinion.

 

I don't feel that "I'm missing something in my heart" feeling right now. I don't know how to feel about that. I just want to go back a few weeks, and have found this place sooner. Maybe I would have been able to fix things then. Anyway. Hm. It's kind of funny how love endures through stuff like this for some people, but others just allow it to fade.

I'm talking nonsense, haha...

Night for now.

[Faded_x]

I don't feel that "I'm missing something in my heart" feeling right now. I don't know how to feel about that. I just want to go back a few weeks, and have found this place sooner. Maybe I would have been able to fix things then. Anyway. Hm. It's kind of funny how love endures through stuff like this for some people, but others just allow it to fade.

 

I 100% know what you mean about this. I keep going in and out of moments where I feel numb to the situation, and think I'll be ok. I had actually been feeling that way for the past few hours, but after awhile something in me changes, and I'm back to feeling upset and hopeless. In my case, though, I think my lack of feeling is due to my belief that I will hear from him again eventually. I don't know what will happen or how I'll feel when I have to come to accept that I won't. And I also totally get what you mean about wishing you came to feel like that weeks ago. I myself feel that if I had of remained calm to begin with, my boyfriend would have got back to me a lot sooner. While it by no means excuses him, I think perhaps me freaking out put him off bothering.

 

I'm glad that you finally got some work done. I really need to get some done myself, haha. Have a good sleep.

[eidolon]

I 100% know what you mean about this. I keep going in and out of moments where I feel numb to the situation, and think I'll be ok. I had actually been feeling that way for the past few hours, but after awhile something in me changes, and I'm back to feeling upset and hopeless. In my case, though, I think my lack of feeling is due to my belief that I will hear from him again eventually. I don't know what will happen or how I'll feel when I have to come to accept that I won't. And I also totally get what you mean about wishing you came to feel like that weeks ago.

 

Yes, exactly. Instead of sleeping I just laid in bed and thought about everything, the past, the love that was in the relationship, and I just didn't feel anything at all. I just felt empty, and like I was a shell of a person looking back on a life that wasn't mine.

After that, I did my little sad clown crying bit, and I'm back to where I was a few hours ago. Back to "love me, love me please love me."

 

Anyway, it's time to get ready for the rest of my day. No sleep for me, I guess, haha. Good luck on whatever work it is that you have to do!

[Els]

I'm sorry you're hurting, OP. Your threads bring back some of the raw pain I felt before, when I too was in a relationship with an addict.

 

How did the question go?

Edited January 5, 2011 by Elswyth

[eidolon]

I never asked...He hasn't contacted me since then. I'm still working up the courage to send him an e-mail.

[Els]

No, don't email. You'll remain in limbo if he doesn't answer. Just wait for the call, if you can't call him.

 

Best of luck.

[eidolon]

He just called my phone. I froze up really badly. I couldn't say anything but cold and short responses to his inquiries.

Maybe he'll call after another two days.

[IfiKnewThen]

i went thru this too and my heart goes out to you.

 

there was a time though that i think i might have had this small window of opportunity with him. and i wished i had seen it back then and didnt live in fear and jumped on the chance to tell him how much he was missed and loved. and that i wish i said i am right for you..give me another chance.

 

ok you might all want to say to me are you nutz? say THAT to him? but yes. i think it would have helped.

[eidolon]

Ah, how did you recognise that chance? Always hope.

 

I'm starting to think there is no little window for me, and there never will be. I don't know anymore. Sometimes all my hope just turns into more pain, or numbness.

I don't think he'd ever want me, or a second LDR with me.

 

It's weird. I've been talking to friends who also game, and they're always willing to drop their games for me. I wonder why humans only take priority over games for some people. Whether they're dating, or not.

 

I hope that the next time he contacts me, I'll be prepared.

[IfiKnewThen]

i knew when he made REAL authentic kind loving statements...and when he contacted me to talk about a hurricane coming my way one day. i am near 2000 miles from him. he seemed like he created a reason to talk to me. but all thru the course of the "after his break up with me"...he was cold , terse and distant. these were the ONLY times i can tell he was really reaching out. a few times he acted jealous too when he thought (assumed) i was making new friends online.

 

i strongly feel if i would have jumped on this and told him what he meant to me and that i still had feelings for him and WOULDNT have made him feel miserable or stupid to go back with me...i would have had a chance.

 

 

but these thoughts make me sick. because i know i was to blame for why he no longer wanted to be with me.

 

hes married now and hes completely different and seems to have no heart at all. still couldnt tell me if he even opened the christmas package i sent him before even knowing he was getting married.

 

i pray he contacts me someday just to let me know if he opened the package and to tell me what he did with the gifts i sent him and his mom and dad. they were toekn things ..but i went out of my way to get them all something special...and i see him online and he hasnt had the human decency to even just shoot me an email and say. hey got your gifts (which i know he recieved at his moms house) ...but to at least say SAW the gifts. opened them up.

 

he became such a self absorbed self righteous...inconsiderate human being

[eidolon]

I really do think it's terrible and immature of him to not even acknowledge the gifts, let alone everything else he has put you through.

I'm sure that even though he's put on this detached front, and seems cold and heartless, somewhere inside he does feel the pain and hurt that comes from hurting someone you care for.

 

This is just an update post, I guess, and mostly being put up because I can't sleep.

On Saturday, he called on Skype, and we talked (sort of).

He said he loved me, and explained the break up, and everything.

I'm not going to get into it...since I have a habit of making ridiculously long posts.

Anyway, it still hurts a bunch, but he gave me a second chance (though tbh it was me who gave him the second chance), and I took it.

He still messes up a little (and it hurts more than it should when he does, but that's just because of the timing), and the relationship is far from 100% great, mostly because there's stuff to work on, naturally. But yeah.

 

The only thing that bothers me now is that the friends I became closer to feel like I'm going to get hurt again, and are annoyed with me because I'm no longer spending so much time with them, and am choosing him over them, and all that. But I don't know, I think being a little selfish is okay given the situation and the fact that I'm trying to fix things.

But yeah. There's another board for that

 

Thanks to everyone who listened, gave advice, and stuck around

[Els]

Eidolon.. It's great you guys have managed to talk and are trying to fix things. However, what are both of you planning to do regarding his WoW addiction? What steps is he going to take to fix that and make your second chance work?

[eidolon]

He's quitting WoW. For now. He already told all his guildies and friends. He went on for a little today but he was just talking to friends, and it was fine.

He told me he was quitting before I responded that it wasn't too late to fix things, and I don't expect him to just go cold turkey with it, so it's all good.

I have no problem with it if he can learn to balance it properly with other things.

He's cancelling his subscription, and in a few hours (I think) he's going to a temp agency. That I think he's been planning for a little bit now. Pretty proud of him for that. And he starts classes again weds.

[Els]

That sounds great.

 

All the best to you both.

[IfiKnewThen]

woot!! i hope it all works out! crossing fingersX.

 

and thank you so much for your kind words. yeah still dont know if he opned that gift or what he did with it. i hope youre right about him feeling some hurt for hurting me..or feeling anything period.

 

thanks again and good luck to you

[impz]

He's quitting WoW. For now. He already told all his guildies and friends. He went on for a little today but he was just talking to friends, and it was fine.

He told me he was quitting before I responded that it wasn't too late to fix things, and I don't expect him to just go cold turkey with it, so it's all good.

I have no problem with it if he can learn to balance it properly with other things.

He's cancelling his subscription, and in a few hours (I think) he's going to a temp agency. That I think he's been planning for a little bit now. Pretty proud of him for that. And he starts classes again weds.

 

Good for you! I am glad that things are finally working out. Being a gaming addict is tough, and it will take a lot of effort to draw him out of it. It's probably a short phrase in his life where he feels burned out, and he finally woke up.

 

Personally, I spend close to 35-40 hours per week on gaming, with most of those hours during the weekend. This time is slowly cutting short with my wife finally flying to me, not that I mind it. Gaming is more like a replacement to fill time. I rather spend time with her. . Good luck to your r/s!

[IfiKnewThen]

checking in on you eidolon. how are you. how are things going now?

[eidolon]

Thanks for checking in

 

Things are going fairly well, and getting better daily. Sometimes I think about the past month and I break down a bit, but he's there to pick me up. I spent a lot of time telling myself he doesn't love me, so Im having trouble believing him and accepting it. I also don't trust him much right now, but that'll be resolved over time.

 

Hope you're doing well! You best bring me up to date on how you're doing, too!

 

@impz: thank you turned out a lot of it was my having been cold and ignoring him ( it made him pretty depressed...). He still games, but little to no wow. He's moved back to RTS. Glad you keep your gaming time in check, haha

Edited January 20, 2011 by eidolon