Thinking about how I will cope when my Parents Die. :(

[rose45]

I am 26 years old and still live at home due to finances, helping my parents etc.

 

It isn't exactly easy living here either..my parents tend to bicker..i know they love each other and are always taking care of the other...but it is stressful here alot of the times..i have become sensitive to noise..i like things very quiet now.

 

The other issue is--i think due to me living here..i don't really appreciate the time with them like when you visit. I am irritable alot of the times because i don't get privacy, I live in a dorm room for a room, and i can hear their voices if they are somewhat loud even with a door closed..it's an aparment so that's how it is. I actually keep a fan on a night to block out any noise in the morning.

 

I definitely think i have slight anxiety now due to all of this.

 

The other issue that consumes me at times..is--my brother is married..lives around the block but we hardly see each other--he is busy so i dont rely on him which is fine..unfortunately i am still single...in my mind i am preparing for what will happen when my parents pass away or one of them does.

 

I feel like i will be alone later in life..but the other issue is..i feel stress over death. They are almost 60 and my father has been smoking for years so it is him i worry more about..he also worked 14 hours a day for years with his union job and he recently retired..there was no way he could continue that..that also gives me a sense that the end is coming now that he retired..his body will shut down in a year or two b/c it's been known at his job people don't last long after retiring.

 

I keep thinking how i will miss him so much and I will have SO MANY regrets b/c i had alot of attitude due to hearing the noise in the apartment, not having space...i feel like i will wind up breaking down when he passes when i think of all the times i cursed or had such a bad attitude even if it was justified. How i could have treated him better FOR YEARS. I have treated him bad even this week even though it can be annoying living here. But he would do anything for me that was in his power. He made me breakfest yesterday and today, constantly cooks for my mother. He enjoys it but its still work.

 

After meeting my ex in 2005, it seemed like i was just focused on that and school and working..so then after the break up years later i was so unhappy, I didn't know how to enjoy being around my parents when everoyne else i knew was moved forward--living with someone or moved out or had an apartment from the building family owned.

 

I am so scared he will pass away soon or my mom and i will feel so lost..i wont know what to do, or how to deal with his finances etc--he wanted me to sit down a long time ago to learn about his accounts etc.

 

I feel like i wasted years being mean, not really spending quality time--just kind of coexisting with them..i know already it will be a regret. But its just hard when i am around them constantly..so its hard to appreciate things at times when dealing with stress

 

I do buy them meaningful gifts, i took them on vacation last year but still..i know i will have regrets.

 

Just feel very sad..sometimes i check up on him at night to see if he still breathing and didnt have a heart attack.

 

I was thinking of giving him$1000 since the holidays are over and he is on a fixed income now and maybe it will help or relieve some stress

[Goldenspoon]

 

I was thinking of giving him$1000 since the holidays are over and he is on a fixed income now and maybe it will help or relieve some stress

 

Do it if you can afford it.

 

How do you devide finances/expenses/rent?

[griffinchicken53]

i know how you feel. I'm 30, and due to a medical illness I had to move back in with my parents. I wasn't able to work for a short while, and they've had to help me with some bills. I feel if i were on my own, I would enjoy spending time with them. Unfortunately, most of the time i still feel like a kid when i'm around them. It's not their fault. I don't have much of a social life, most of my friends are married, in relationships, have kids, so i kind of feel left behind.

I don't know the health status of your dad, that he used to smoke, work alot, and just retired. I don't know what kind of work he did, if it was in harzardous conditions, or just long hours. I've known several people who retired and many years later are still around. He needs to stay busy, with a hobby, interest, etc. The people i've seen who's health declined went from working to doing nothing but watching tv, they let themselves go.

You might be causing yourself more grief. I've thought the same, my parents don't have alot of friends, what will happen when one of them is gone? if you constantly think that, you are causing extra unnecesary stress on yourself.

I don't guess i have much to help, just to let you know that you aren't alone and i can sympathize with you.

[Nightsky]

Try to cheer up. You can’t live life worrying about the future. That’s not living.

[Seamless74]

First off let me just say I understand your predicament my father as well is of similar age and health status..

 

But bro you have to be at least happy that

 

1.) you still have him.

 

2.) Your smart enough to be aware of the issue

 

3.) That you still have time to make yourself appreciate every moment you have left.

 

So get busy with it to both make his remaining years better and yours better after hes gone which nobody knows could be at the ripe old age of 80+