The Boyfriend intercepted and replied to my email as if he can speak for her.

[Mrlonelyone]

Here's the skinny. As part of this story I took the decision to send her an email laying out just how I still feel about her.

 

A few days pass and lo and behold I get an email from her boyfriend. Where he takes a tone of threat with me. Saying.... claiming to be speaking for her... that I should loose her email address, that she does not want me in her life at all, that if he even finds me in the same block as her he will do this that and the other.

 

I sent an email back CC to her that with the attitude towards his chest thumping of . Then said that she is a grown woman, a fully grown woman, and will make her own decisions. That if she wants me to not contact her she can say that in her own voice on the phone, and I will honor it.

 

Oh and I also pointed out that she's his girl friend (of only two months by the way) not his wife. Furthermore you get a beautiful woman and a man thinks that no one will ever try to talk to her, ever,

 

Then I sent another email with a link to the video of Nicholson and Adam Sandler singing I feel pretty in the movie anger management to him. He really needs to calm down.

 

Personally if his possessive and controlling actions don't make her think twice then that says more about her. A relationship founded on strong bedrock does not need one partner to act like a jealous buffoon.

 

So what say you all now.

[bentnotbroken]

I personally hope you will be shopping for a new behind for the New Year.

[desertIslandCactus]

Here's the skinny. As part of this story I took the decision to send her an email laying out just how I still feel about her.

 

A few days pass and lo and behold I get an email from her boyfriend. Where he takes a tone of threat with me. Saying.... claiming to be speaking for her... that I should loose her email address, that she does not want me in her life at all, that if he even finds me in the same block as her he will do this that and the other.

 

I sent an email back CC to her that with the attitude towards his chest thumping of . Then said that she is a grown woman, a fully grown woman, and will make her own decisions. That if she wants me to not contact her she can say that in her own voice on the phone, and I will honor it.

 

Oh and I also pointed out that she's his girl friend (of only two months by the way) not his wife. Furthermore you get a beautiful woman and a man thinks that no one will ever try to talk to her, ever,

 

Then I sent another email with a link to the video of Nicholson and Adam Sandler singing I feel pretty in the movie anger management to him. He really needs to calm down.

 

Personally if his possessive and controlling actions don't make her think twice then that says more about her. A relationship founded on strong bedrock does not need one partner to act like a jealous buffoon.

 

So what say you all now.

 

I say you're determined, and you have a sense of humor ..

 

Also, I guess if you are going to try to break them up, you might as well do so while their relationship is only two months.

 

You may want to let her know exactly how you feel, and then walk away from it, leaving her free to make up her own mind.

 

(As for FB, it's no big deal. As you mentioned that you communicate with you regularly.. Perhaps she just didn't want him to discover you on there.)

[january2010]

I say, "walk away."

[Mrlonelyone]

@ bent. Trust I will not be looking for a new behind.

 

@Cactus. I have already let her know. Now she knows just what kind of a possessive, controlling bastard she's with. If she likes possessive controlling bastards then more power too her.

 

@January.

 

I will... sort of. Like I have said lines of communication are open. She can contact me once she's throughly tired of his BS.

[bentnotbroken]

]@ bent. Trust I will not be looking for a new behind. [/b]

 

@Cactus. I have already let her know. Now she knows just what kind of a possessive, controlling bastard she's with. If she likes possessive controlling bastards then more power too her.

 

@January.

 

I will... sort of. Like I have said lines of communication are open. She can contact me once she's throughly tired of his BS.

 

 

 

So you hope.

[Quiet Storm]

You put yourself out there. If she does not respond I would just it go.

 

You said in your other thread that she likes players. One option is to act like a player and maybe you'll spark her interest. Give her attention, and then ignore her for awhile. Let her see that other women want you. Too much interest will bore her and she'll think your desperate.

 

As for the boyfriend responding to you- she may have told asked him to do that. If she is a conflict avoider, she may not want to hurt your feelings and gladly accepted when he offered to do her dirty work. Or, since it seems like she plays mind games, she may have wanted to spark her boyfriends interest. Letting him know that others are interested keeps him on his toes and ramps up the passion. Many women, although they may not say it, like a man to be in control. I know I do (to an extent). I have been married for many years, but if my husband had responded that way while we were dating, I would think it was cute and sexy. Especially in her culture, control may feel like caring, protection, even love. So don't count on his controlling ways turning her off... it is likely to do the opposite.

 

You can't see it now, but the important thing is not this woman, it is the child that you presume is yours.

 

I would get an attorney and pursue your rights as a father. Change your focus from her to the child. If he is your son, he has a right to know you, your family, your culture and your influence. I am white/Native American and my husband is black. Our cultures and families of origin are very different. Teachers & coaches are always commenting on how well-rounded our kids are, and I attribute it to the different cultural influences. They would be totally different if I had been a single mother and raised them based on the values of my family alone. Your son needs you.

[Heather1]

You're both acting possessive. She knows how you feel & she'll contact you if she wants more & let you know.

[ladydesigner]

I bet she loves the fact that 2 men are pinning for her!

[Mrlonelyone]

@bent. What did I ever do to you? In thinking what a bastard @$$ other man I am remember two things.

 

I have known this woman longer, even through her being engaged to a man she did not want to marry. Second unlike a BF who is possibly throughly in the honey moon I actually have feelings based on real knowledge of what kind of person this woman is.

 

Who do you think has the more real true feelings?

 

@Quiet storm.

 

You put yourself out there. If she does not respond I would just it go.

 

You said in your other thread that she likes players. One option is to act like a player and maybe you'll spark her interest. Give her attention, and then ignore her for awhile. Let her see that other women want you. Too much interest will bore her and she'll think your desperate.

 

We are muy simpatico on these points. When we dated before we had a bit of a cycle. I would pursue and she would say no no no yes yes yes no no no... then I would say ok bye. Then she would come after me... repeat.

 

As she has not blocked me on FB as of now, and I will not block her, she can see how my life is. I am a rather successful man, with an active social life. She'll know how well I'm doing and should know that I have other options, which I do.

 

Many women, although they may not say it, like a man to be in control. I know I do (to an extent).

 

I know this. There is a man being in control and then there is a man who has to be all up in a womans back crack all the time.... Where are you? What are you doing? WHo are you with. Give me your email address so I can filter all your communications...

 

Further, I don't mean this as a negative towards you, she does not fit the stereotype of a meek east Indian woman. She was always the kind of person to say what was on her mind. She was and likely is fierce and independent in her thinking about most things.

 

I would get an attorney and pursue your rights as a father. Change your focus from her to the child.

 

I would love to do that. I have consulted with lawyers periodically. All have said the same thing. In this state there is a statute of limitations on a putative father being able to file a paternity action. That statute had ran out by the time I found out the child existed. In short my only way to have a relationship with my first born son... is to have a relationship with the mother.

 

Who In defense of her has been as great of a mom as a kid could ask for. On some level I think that her actions were as much for giving me the freedom to pursue my career... as they were about her being able to get out of that engagement, and look sympathetic to her people.

 

Why does life have to be so complicated?

 

Just to close this matter for now

Barring any other action by her or the boyfriend I will not be communicating with her at all for at least a month. Then there is her birthday. I might not even send any message then.

 

What really bothers me... is that if I take this at face value ... she was too chicken to reject me herself. Because she knows that would be final and irrevocable. While letting the BF do the talking sort of lets her off the hook.... She knows me well enough to know how my emotions would react... I would see it as a challenge... and not a true rejection.

[TaraMaiden]

2 words.

 

Drama.

 

Queen.

 

You work out who I mean.

[isitme1]

I am in much pain right now for losing what I consider "THE ONE"...I am very sad to say the least.. I am beating my self up over the relationship and I ave left several posts here about my situation. It is very hard to accept that she is out of my lief and started to see someone else...I have done some pretty dumb things in what I consider my care and love for her. I want my ex to be happy in her life because thats what I think she deserves! Its reality and I have ti own one day. I am not ready now but eventually I will accept. I can see that your ex means a great deal to you and you want her in your life again. Here is what I get from you about your ex.

 

You love her...You would do anything for her...she means more to you than anything in the world.

 

I will not criticize what you are doing about trying to get your ex back...I will say however if she means this much to you..the best thing you can do is LET HER GO...you want whats best for her thats will you do for her...if she means anything to you and want whats best for her then please do this for her. In all honesty a relationship is about 2 people w/out selfish needs. I am sorry you are doing and hoping what you want. B selfless not selfish...

 

I am have to accept that one day...

[Mrlonelyone]

 

I will not criticize what you are doing about trying to get your ex back...I will say however if she means this much to you..the best thing you can do is LET HER GO...you want whats best for her thats will you do for her...if she means anything to you and want whats best for her then please do this for her. In all honesty a relationship is about 2 people w/out selfish needs. I am sorry you are doing and hoping what you want. B selfless not selfish...

 

I am have to accept that one day...

 

That advice assumes that the other man is the better man.

 

Though I have to admit I am following a variant of that advice. You know if you love someone, and if they know how you feel about them, let them go and they, if they love you back will decide to come back.

 

So I am letting her go. Letting her go to get a load of what a douchebag she has choosen. If she comes back, and I am still available, then good. If not then it's her loss.

[bentnotbroken]

@bent. What did I ever do to you? In thinking what a bastard @$$ other man I am remember two things.

 

I have known this woman longer, even through her being engaged to a man she did not want to marry. Second unlike a BF who is possibly throughly in the honey moon I actually have feelings based on real knowledge of what kind of person this woman is.

 

Who do you think has the more real true feelings?

 

@Quiet storm.

 

 

 

We are muy simpatico on these points. When we dated before we had a bit of a cycle. I would pursue and she would say no no no yes yes yes no no no... then I would say ok bye. Then she would come after me... repeat.

 

As she has not blocked me on FB as of now, and I will not block her, she can see how my life is. I am a rather successful man, with an active social life. She'll know how well I'm doing and should know that I have other options, which I do.

 

 

 

I know this. There is a man being in control and then there is a man who has to be all up in a womans back crack all the time.... Where are you? What are you doing? WHo are you with. Give me your email address so I can filter all your communications...

 

Further, I don't mean this as a negative towards you, she does not fit the stereotype of a meek east Indian woman. She was always the kind of person to say what was on her mind. She was and likely is fierce and independent in her thinking about most things.

 

 

 

I would love to do that. I have consulted with lawyers periodically. All have said the same thing. In this state there is a statute of limitations on a putative father being able to file a paternity action. That statute had ran out by the time I found out the child existed. In short my only way to have a relationship with my first born son... is to have a relationship with the mother.

 

Who In defense of her has been as great of a mom as a kid could ask for. On some level I think that her actions were as much for giving me the freedom to pursue my career... as they were about her being able to get out of that engagement, and look sympathetic to her people.

 

Why does life have to be so complicated?

 

Just to close this matter for now

Barring any other action by her or the boyfriend I will not be communicating with her at all for at least a month. Then there is her birthday. I might not even send any message then.

 

What really bothers me... is that if I take this at face value ... she was too chicken to reject me herself. Because she knows that would be final and irrevocable. While letting the BF do the talking sort of lets her off the hook.... She knows me well enough to know how my emotions would react... I would see it as a challenge... and not a true rejection.

 

 

Ohh, I'm sorry....you knowing her longer makes everything alright. I had no idea:rolleyes:. Playground mentality. Yup. That makes everything alright. You and your feelings are getting nothing from her right now are you?

[Mimolicious]

@ bent. Trust I will not be looking for a new behind.

 

Right, because you too are almost about everything you are calling this person (see below).

 

@Cactus. I have already let her know. Now she knows just what kind of a possessive, controlling bastard she's with. If she likes possessive controlling bastards then more power too her.

 

Next, she will know what kind of "bastard" (your words not mine) with such little self-respect and sense of neediness she is going to get herself involved with. Sounds like you guys are a match made in heaven.

 

 

@January.

 

I will... sort of. Like I have said lines of communication are open. She can contact me once she's throughly tired of his BS.

 

How nice! You are such a gentleman and a very thoughtful at that!

 

Hone, listen to how 12y/o and pathetic you sound. Your "boo" is no prize, she is a cheater and you are a trouble making piece in her life. Good luck to the both of you! We'll be here when she treats you as what you behave like.

[TaraMaiden]

That advice assumes that the other man is the better man.

You're forgetting one thing: She believes this is the case.

Otherwise she would still be with you - and not with him.

 

Though I have to admit I am following a variant of that advice. You know if you love someone, and if they know how you feel about them, let them go and they, if they love you back will decide to come back.

But you won't let her go. You keep harassing her, pestering her and frankly, it sounds as if you are stalking her.

SHE'S WITH ANOTHER MAN.

Does that not speak volumes to you?

Do you not see she has made her choice?

Him over you?

 

 

So I am letting her go. Letting her go to get a load of what a douchebag she has choosen. If she comes back, and I am still available, then good. If not then it's her loss.

Then be silent, and stop trying to hawk her flow. If she sees that, and comes back to you OF HER OWN ACCORD - all well and good.

 

But leave her be.

Stop trying to contact her.

You are merely coming over as Mr desperate, and that's simply undignified.

Her current squeeze is quite right to get irritated by it.

Wouldn't an ex- of your GF, doing the same thing to you, get under your skin?

Wouldn't you tell him to back off?

I think you would!

 

Back off.

If they stay together, and they make something of this, then you know you were wrong - about both of them.

 

Her relationship is none of your business.

Your opinion of her BF is completely irrelevant.

It's her opinion that counts.

And it looks as if she has made her decision, for now, doesn't it?

[Mrlonelyone]

How nice! You are such a gentleman and a very thoughtful at that!

 

Hone, listen to how 12y/o and pathetic you sound. Your "boo" is no prize, she is a cheater and you are a trouble making piece in her life. Good luck to the both of you! We'll be here when she treats you as what you behave like.

 

Correct me if I am wrong isn't everyone here an Other woman or other man? Isn't everyone in this sub forum some species of cheater?

 

I guess you could say we deserve each other given what you have said.

 

I really don't know what you all expect a person in my position to do? The only way I have to ever do right by my child is via his mother who I still have feelings for. I really wish things had gone differently. I really do. But what's done is done, what's past is past. I am trying to move forward in the most moral and sensitive way I can think of.

 

I made my feelings known. I stepped up to the plate as much as I legally can at this point. It's now up to her to make some choices.

 

Real life is complicated sometimes. Real life has a way of taking unexpected turns. This relationship has been full of those.

[bentnotbroken]

Correct me if I am wrong isn't everyone here an Other woman or other man? Isn't everyone in this sub forum some species of cheater?

 

I guess you could say we deserve each other given what you have said.

 

I really don't know what you all expect a person in my position to do? The only way I have to ever do right by my child is via his mother who I still have feelings for. I really wish things had gone differently. I really do. But what's done is done, what's past is past. I am trying to move forward in the most moral and sensitive way I can think of.

 

I made my feelings known. I stepped up to the plate as much as I legally can at this point. It's now up to her to make some choices.

 

Real life is complicated sometimes. Real life has a way of taking unexpected turns. This relationship has been full of those.

 

Didn't she make the choice? You are still on the outside still looking in.

[Mrlonelyone]

@ Tara maiden.

 

But you won't let her go. You keep harassing her, pestering her and frankly, it sounds as if you are stalking her.

SHE'S WITH ANOTHER MAN.

Does that not speak volumes to you?

Do you not see she has made her choice?

Him over you?

 

You miss the detail that I was not in the picture when he choose her. I had not contacted her for a few years. When I did look for her on FB that relationship was already underway.

 

So no, she really did not choose him over me. I wasn't even around to be picked.

 

Second I am not stalking or harassing her. I sent messages to which she replied on FB. I then sent an email laying out how I felt. One email does not constitute harassment or stalking. Looking at someones facebook page does not constitute stalking. (It would if I had to hack it....which I don't and would not do.)

 

Onece again I will let her return of her own accord if she wants. The ball is in her court. How many times do I have to repeat that?

[january2010]

Correct me if I am wrong isn't everyone here an Other woman or other man? Isn't everyone in this sub forum some species of cheater?

 

I guess you could say we deserve each other given what you have said.

 

I really don't know what you all expect a person in my position to do? The only way I have to ever do right by my child is via his mother who I still have feelings for. I really wish things had gone differently. I really do. But what's done is done, what's past is past. I am trying to move forward in the most moral and sensitive way I can think of.

 

I'm not an OW or a species of cheater.

 

We expect you to walk away.

 

Has it been confirmed that it is your child? If it has and you wish to be a part of the child's life, then I suggest you go about this through the proper channels rather than insinuating yourself into the mother's life and trying to create a wedge between her and her current chosen partner.

 

Your posts don't come across as moral or sensitive. They come across as very self-centred because you're focused on your needs rather than those of your ex and her child.

[Mimolicious]

Correct me if I am wrong isn't everyone here an Other woman or other man? Isn't everyone in this sub forum some species of cheater?

 

I guess you could say we deserve each other given what you have said.

 

I really don't know what you all expect a person in my position to do? The only way I have to ever do right by my child is via his mother who I still have feelings for. I really wish things had gone differently. I really do. But what's done is done, what's past is past. I am trying to move forward in the most moral and sensitive way I can think of.

 

I made my feelings known. I stepped up to the plate as much as I legally can at this point. It's now up to her to make some choices.

 

Real life is complicated sometimes. Real life has a way of taking unexpected turns. This relationship has been full of those.

 

On the bolded- Wrong.

 

A person in your position- I don't expect you to do anything, who am I?! But one thing that you are expected to do is to act as an adult. Your post came across as some HS ish. There is a child involved. There are laws and regulations that can make this situation less dramatic and more effective for the sake of this child. In your entire post, not once did you mentioned how hurt you are because you are not able to be part of this child of yours life. Instead, you too the opportunity to belittle, ridicule and name-call your exGF's new squeeze because the set you basically put you in your place. You would have done the same, if you were him. Regardless of the amount of time they have been together, she is with him and you should respect that until you see otherwise.

[Mrlonelyone]

Didn't she make the choice? You are still on the outside still looking in.

 

Is it realistic to expect someone to make a choice like that overnight and based on one email?

 

Facebook is an interesting thing. The mother of this boyfriend posted an interesting quote... for all the public to see.

 

"It is the heart always that sees before the head can see."

 

What does that wise old woman see I wonder?*

 

I myself spent a couple weeks after I found out trying to just be happy for the EX I tried with all my might not to belive that the pain in my chest was anything more than heartburn. But I could not deny it any longer.

 

*Don't call it stalking. If you put something on the internet it's like putting it where the whole world can see it like TV or in a news paper.

[Mimolicious]

Is it realistic to expect someone to make a choice like that overnight and based on one email?

 

Facebook is an interesting thing. The mother of this boyfriend posted an interesting quote... for all the public to see.

 

"It is the heart always that sees before the head can see."

 

What does that wise old woman see I wonder?*

 

I myself spent a couple weeks after I found out trying to just be happy for the EX I tried with all my might not to belive that the pain in my chest was anything more than heartburn. But I could not deny it any longer.

 

*Don't call it stalking. If you put something on the internet it's like putting it where the whole world can see it like TV or in a news paper.

 

Quick-fix: STOP LOOKING! that's what makes you stalker'ish and creepy. LET IT GO! and now focus on the other role this person may have in your life. If you guys really share a child, start acting like adults.

[bentnotbroken]

Is it realistic to expect someone to make a choice like that overnight and based on one email?

 

Facebook is an interesting thing. The mother of this boyfriend posted an interesting quote... for all the public to see.

 

"It is the heart always that sees before the head can see."

 

What does that wise old woman see I wonder?*

 

I myself spent a couple weeks after I found out trying to just be happy for the EX I tried with all my might not to belive that the pain in my chest was anything more than heartburn. But I could not deny it any longer.

 

*Don't call it stalking. If you put something on the internet it's like putting it where the whole world can see it like TV or in a news paper.

 

 

Did you try Mylanta or Maalox? Just because a person is old...doesn't make them wise and just because you want something..doesn't mean you will get it. Just sayin.

[Mrlonelyone]

@ January and Mimo

 

January. I once asked the woman outright if I was the kids father... She said to me "a real father would know by sight." The boy is the spitting image of me. I have as much certainty that I am the father of that child as any man did up to the wide availability of DNA paternity test in the mid 1990's.

 

Remember for a long time, most of human history, fathers just had the word of mothers when it came to paternity.

 

I did not write a long tome about how I feel about the kid for one reason and one reason only. What good does it do? Other than to take up space. I mentioned that I have a child with her do I really need to write that it breaks my heart every day to not be there for him. Do I really have to say that I would rather teach him about his people and place in the universe?

 

All of that should go without saying.

 

I have already done everything I could after I found out about the kid to establish paternity. I had no legal recourse at that point. There exist a statute of limitations on that. There is nothing else for me to do than to try to work things out with his mother.

 

Second As I just said expecting an adult to change their whole life around over a couple days over one email like that would not be realistic.

 

I have said my piece to her. She has to make a choice. For now it seems she is with that other man. That can change. I'm just going to leave the door open and move on. There is really nothing more I can do.