The Boyfriend intercepted and replied to my email as if he can speak for her.

[isitme1]

(That advice assumes that the other man is the better man.

 

Though I have to admit I am following a variant of that advice. You know if you love someone, and if they know how you feel about them, let them go and they, if they love you back will decide to come back.

 

So I am letting her go. Letting her go to get a load of what a douchebag she has choosen. If she comes back, and I am still available, then good. If not then it's her loss.)

 

I am not saying he is the better man at all or your the better guy...its about whats best for her...Thinking or calling him every name in the book is not bringing her back...You have to let go of that anger also...I am upset that the woman I lost is working w/the guy she has gone on dates with...Talk about more salt in the wound...And on top of that the office she works at is 4 blocks away from my building on the same street...It kills me to know all that...I could go over and cause I stir if I wanted to...but its not worth it...I want her to be happy...She deserves it...I thought I did everything right for her...but she is gone...I want her to be happy..We all deserve that...Make her remember the wonderful times you had together...not the lasting impression you are doing..You are right its their loss if we are not available if they choose to come back...but hopefully they care & love us the same way we do for them to be happy as well...if its meat to be it will be...like I said I am doing my best to let go and it hurts so much...

[Mrlonelyone]

@ Those who doubt the part about me being the father of her child. You are failing to understand the social and cultural taboo that her relationship with me breaks.

 

Here is a post where an Indian American explains it quite well.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=3163552&postcount=25

 

I will be honest with you. I am totally open to Indians being with other races. So are my siblings and some of my cousins. My parents, "the older generation" and many people of the current "american born" generation are not though. It was hard to convince them to be okay. They act okay but will talk bad of the "relationship" the moment your back is turned.

 

I am very proud of what I am but I do consider people of my ethnic background to be very racist. I guess many people of my ethnicity believe that "we" are the supreme race and the "British empire" destroyed "our" power and "we are" destined to be great again.

 

Most Indian families DO NOT know what "falling" in love is. They view marriage as nothing more than a business transaction...seriously! They know love towards a child, a parent and a sibling but do not understand the concept of a man and a woman "falling" in love. If anything, "love" occurs after the "business transaction." Most Indian families are consumed with ego and statuses compared to other families in society (I am not talking about religious caste BUT is somewhat similar) so many parents are always trying to "better" or "secure" their family name by trying to climb the social ladder by marrying off their children to the man/women who can bring/secure prestige to the family.

 

There are many things that reinforce this system. Foremost is the astrological stuff which even though if two people are in love... it can be frowned upon because the "stars" don't match. There are religious stuff in forms of the caste system and even a physical system (tone of skin). Its all ridiculous and crazy.

 

When you have a Indian person go outside the "race," it can and likely will be viewed very bad. You will be talked about, viewed less in Indian society and your parents will be viewed as failures. Other than converting to another religion...nothing is worse in Indian society than marrying outside the race (or have a mix child).

 

Indians view black people lower then them. Its the assumption that they are unfaithful, participate in crime easily, unreasonable, uneducated and other things. I have had black friends who tried to date indian girls but they all failed (and my friends have excellent dating skills). Strange enough my sisters have all dated black guys. So its possible but my dad views himself as a failure because my sister has a half black children.

 

I want to make it clear that I am very proud that I am Indian but not proud in a "race" selfish way. I do believe there are Indians out there that don't mind being viewed as no better than other cultures/races. I do believe that there are Indians who don't care what other Indian families think when it comes to interracial dating, children, marriage. It will be hard to find it though..... I hope I helped.

 

The social expectations that are at play here are.... not those of anglo-American culture. Please try to be understanding of what I have to deal with.

[january2010]

Since you're determined to continue on this path, I guess you will just have to wait it out. If she never comes back to you, I hope you can accept that.

[Mrlonelyone]

Since you're determined to continue on this path, I guess you will just have to wait it out. If she never comes back to you, I hope you can accept that.

 

 

I can. The way I have feared this would work out for the longest time is with me... opening my door in another 14 to 21 years to see an angry young man. A man who will wonder why I did not do more. A man who deserved to have more done for him.

 

Trust me folks I am trying to negotiate a minefield here. I .... I asked for advice about manageable little pieces of a long and complicated situation so that things would not become side tracked. That's why I did not talk about the boy so much.

 

Please don't judge her badly. She had her reasons for acting as she has.

 

I am going to leave this where it lay for now. I have tried and done all that I can legally or morally do for the time being.

[Mimolicious]

@ January and Mimo

 

January. I once asked the woman outright if I was the kids father... She said to me "a real father would know by sight." The boy is the spitting image of me. I have as much certainty that I am the father of that child as any man did up to the wide availability of DNA paternity test in the mid 1990's.

 

We have come a long way... if you really wanted to know for sure, you can!

 

Remember for a long time, most of human history, fathers just had the word of mothers when it came to paternity.

 

WE are also in the 21st Century. This ain't the 1800's...

 

 

I did not write a long tome about how I feel about the kid for one reason and one reason only. What good does it do?

 

ARE YOU FACKEN FOR REAL?????????????????????????? What good is it talking smack about her BF?????? That's what you have no business talking about. Cut it out!

 

Other than to take up space. I mentioned that I have a child with her do I really need to write that it breaks my heart every day to not be there for him. Do I really have to say that I would rather teach him about his people and place in the universe?

 

"TAKE UP SPACE"? WTF did you just do now then?! Sounds like you DON'T rather at all. Sorry, I am known for telling it like it is. Yeah, actually you should really need to write about your child. Makes you sound less concerned with who his mother splacks it with. Let's be for real!

 

All of that should go without saying.

 

I have already done everything I could after I found out about the kid to establish paternity. I had no legal recourse at that point. There exist a statute of limitations on that. There is nothing else for me to do than to try to work things out with his mother.

 

BULLSHYTE!!!!!!!!!!! Show me one state that doesn't allow you to legally handle this. You want to work other things out with his mother.

 

Second As I just said expecting an adult to change their whole life around over a couple days over one email like that would not be realistic.

 

I have said my piece to her. She has to make a choice. For now it seems she is with that other man. That can change. I'm just going to leave the door open and move on. There is really nothing more I can do.

 

EXACTLY MY POINT! Thanks for highlighting it for us. You care about her personal life and who she is with. Not the kid. What a shame...

 

Poor kid.

[johan]

I don't think it's a particularly classy move to pursue a woman who is with another guy. You risk looking like a complete idiot and losing her respect altogether. I mean she actually showed him the email you sent privately to her that laid out all your feelings. She already doesn't respect you.

 

You're going to make a real enemy. For what gain? She will never amount to anything to you.

 

People associate drama with women. This example shows that men are perfectly capable of embracing the Jerry Springer lifestyle.

[Mimolicious]

Hone, the whole Indian American mixing with other races subject- Understandable. I am not sure if you are the same poster, you are black right? If it is you... This is far beyond that point now. In reality, she has a child out of wedlock, correct me but I want to say that your child may have some not so indian features. How did she explain having a child to her Indian family!?

[bentnotbroken]

I don't think it's a particularly classy move to pursue a woman who is with another guy. You risk looking like a complete idiot and losing her respect altogether. I mean she actually showed him the email you sent privately to her that laid out all your feelings. She already doesn't respect you.

 

You're going to make a real enemy. For what gain? She will never amount to anything to you.

 

People associate drama with women. This example shows that men are perfectly capable of embracing the Jerry Springer lifestyle.

 

 

So agree with this. Some folks just can't live life without having something going on all the time to make them the center of some body's attention.

[TaraMaiden]

@ Tara maiden.

You miss the detail that I was not in the picture when he choose her. I had not contacted her for a few years. When I did look for her on FB that relationship was already underway.

Irrelevant.

She is still with him, in spite of your attempts to entice her away.

has she given you any inkling that she would rather be with you?

Do you really believe her BF 'intercepted' her e-mail?

or is there a possibility that she might - just might - have said to him - "Why don't YOU answer him darling, so that he gets the message from you to back off, because I have no wish to talk to him at all!"

 

And has she tried to contact you since?

No?

Hmmm... wonder what that means.....

 

So no, she really did not choose him over me. I wasn't even around to be picked.

No she didn't 'choose'.

She has, however, 'chosen'.

 

 

The fact that you have spoken to her on FB, and she hasn't messaged you to say anything to the contrary - speaks volumes.

go No Contact.

leave well alone, and don't even give her the time of day any more.

Things will pan out, as they'll pan out.

 

It's a given......

[Mrlonelyone]

@Mimo "How did she explain having a child to her Indian family!?" She was arranged to marry another man at the time. This was during a break in our relationship of a little less than two years. She did not really want to be with him he would just satisfy her family.

 

I really don't know what she tells her family. The part of her family I have met in person knows what the deal is and it is treated by them as a family secret.

 

When he was born and for the first few years of his life his features hadn't really solidified. In particular he had very straight hair just like his mothers. It did not stay that way.

 

Ok. Let me tell this part of the story from the begining. I am African American right... Well not just African... I am 3/8 African (Angolan) 3/8 European (mostly english), and 2/8 American indian mostly Potawatomi and some Powhatan. I am often mistaken for a Puerto Rican, or someone from South America.

 

The boy is only 3/16th African, 3/16ths European and 3/16ths American Indian... and 1/2 East Indian. His mothers genes perdominate in the racial sense. So he sort of passes for an East Indian however....

 

His is very curly. In a way that is kind of like this (http://photos-a.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-sf2p/v78/184/125/8844875/n8844875_34757660_1968.jpg) Characteristic of a race with straight hair mixing with a certain amount of Sub Saharan African.

 

He has a nose just like mine. Also much like the nose on the picture above of a random mixed black person.

 

... in short he has the features that one would expect for a mixed black person who's partly East Indian.

 

Furthermore my whole family who has seen his pictures of late agree's he looks about as much like me as any son ever looked like any father in my family.

 

I have tried to explain it a half dozen times here I looked into my legal options back then. Since I did not find out until I did the statute of limitations had ran out. She would have to voluntarily agree to a DNA test. She would have to, in effect stand up and say...

 

"Yes I had a child out of wedlock, with a man from a race that many in my community think is beneath us, and I have lied about it to dozens and dozens of people for many many years. "

 

All that said she has been a super mother to our son. She has sacrificed so much for him and ... in a sick sense... for me by not asking me for anything. Yet at the same time I have to recognize that she has her own self serving reasons for not claiming me. It tears me up inside.

 

Honestly I would not want to put her through that. She would not want to put herself through that.

 

The only way for me to preserve my moral honor would be to try to have a relationship. I made my one last try and it's probably over. Unless she takes some action I will take no action.

 

I don't want to seem to be a victim here. Nor do I want to make her out to be a bad person. The one person who needed to be most considered here was the boy, and he hasn't been and it tears me up.

 

Can anyone blame me for having strong almost irrational feelings about this matter. I am not made of ice. :_(

 

Now how does knowing this part of the story help me to make it better? How does your all knowing this get me to advice with which I could take steps to make it better? :-|

[bentnotbroken]

@Mimo "How did she explain having a child to her Indian family!?" She was arranged to marry another man at the time. This was during a break in our relationship of a little less than two years. She did not really want to be with him he would just satisfy her family.

 

I really don't know what she tells her family. The part of her family I have met in person knows what the deal is and it is treated by them as a family secret.

 

When he was born and for the first few years of his life his features hadn't really solidified. In particular he had very straight hair just like his mothers. It did not stay that way.

 

Ok. Let me tell this part of the story from the begining. I am African American right... Well not just African... I am 3/8 African (Angolan) 3/8 European (mostly english), and 2/8 American indian mostly Potawatomi and some Powhatan. I am often mistaken for a Puerto Rican, or someone from South America.

 

The boy is only 3/16th African, 3/16ths European and 3/16ths American Indian... and 1/2 East Indian. His mothers genes perdominate in the racial sense. So he sort of passes for an East Indian however....

 

His is very curly. In a way that is kind of like this (http://photos-a.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-sf2p/v78/184/125/8844875/n8844875_34757660_1968.jpg) Characteristic of a race with straight hair mixing with a certain amount of Sub Saharan African.

 

He has a nose just like mine. Also much like the nose on the picture above of a random mixed black person.

 

... in short he has the features that one would expect for a mixed black person who's partly East Indian.

 

Furthermore my whole family who has seen his pictures of late agree's he looks about as much like me as any son ever looked like any father in my family.

 

I have tried to explain it a half dozen times here I looked into my legal options back then. Since I did not find out until I did the statute of limitations had ran out. She would have to voluntarily agree to a DNA test. She would have to, in effect stand up and say...

 

"Yes I had a child out of wedlock, with a man from a race that many in my community think is beneath us, and I have lied about it to dozens and dozens of people for many many years. "

 

All that said she has been a super mother to our son. She has sacrificed so much for him and ... in a sick sense... for me by not asking me for anything. Yet at the same time I have to recognize that she has her own self serving reasons for not claiming me. It tears me up inside.

 

Honestly I would not want to put her through that. She would not want to put herself through that.

 

The only way for me to preserve my moral honor would be to try to have a relationship. I made my one last try and it's probably over. Unless she takes some action I will take no action.

 

I don't want to seem to be a victim here. Nor do I want to make her out to be a bad person. The one person who needed to be most considered here was the boy, and he hasn't been and it tears me up.

 

Can anyone blame me for having strong almost irrational feelings about this matter. I am not made of ice. :_(

 

Now how does knowing this part of the story help me to make it better? How does your all knowing this get me to advice with which I could take steps to make it better? :-|

 

 

Nothing changes my opinion....leave them alone. You just chopped yourself and a child into percentages.....

[Star_Bright]

Like Mimolicious, I'm confused about the circumstances of this child's birth.

 

MrLonely, you made a comment to the effect of, she did what she did to get out of her engagement/arranged marriage to her fiancé. What did you mean? That she told him the child was not his (which you stated would cause her a lot of embarrassment and shame to her family)? She told him he WAS the father, and yet he still left her?? How does he not look different from the mother and her fiance and then that would cause the entire family to know it was you who was the father anyway? This is very confusing.

[Mrlonelyone]

Tara Maiden.

 

Your scenario is just as likely as mine. There is nothing in that email to indicate that the two of them spoke at all. No information he sent back that wasn't in what I sent.

 

In short their is no reason to believe that he didn't just see the email on her computer or something and take it upon himself to reply "for" her. Perhaps even caught her reading it.

 

Never the less as I have said, I made my feelings known. There is nothing else I can do but step back and let things happen as they will happen.

 

To say she has choosen irrevocably and forever is premature. She is afterall just his girlfriend not his wife. They have only been officially in a relationship for two months.

 

Ya'll are acting like I'm wrecking a cozy little home and trying to break up a family that's all emotionally bonded and stable. Ya'll are acting like everything wrong here is all my fault.

 

Come on. Odds are If I had never searched her name, If I never said a word a relationship that young would break up. Remember when you are writing here this is not a marriage.

 

If she were married to the guy I would be the very bastard you all think I am.

[TaraMaiden]

The fact alone that she is with somebody else makes her OFF LIMITS!!

 

Married or not, she is none of your business, and you have no business trying to do anything about it!!

 

That's what we're trying to tell you!

[Mrlonelyone]

@ bent

 

Are you for real People of mixed race can only use percentages to give an idea of how they look if they want to maintain anonymity.

 

How else could I have done that? Tell me how.

 

Like Mimolicious, I'm confused about the circumstances of this child's birth.

 

MrLonely, you made a comment to the effect of, she did what she did to get out of her engagement/arranged marriage to her fiancé. What did you mean? That she told him the child was not his (which you stated would cause her a lot of embarrassment and shame to her family)?

 

It's like she said to me when I asked. "A real father would know by sight".

 

The man knew how he looked right?

 

The man knew how she looked, right?

 

So he would know, by looking that the child was not his and then walked away. If he breaks the engagement that is acceptable to them. Her honor is preserved. He alleges unfaithfulness... they can just deny it. She is then seen as the sympathetic single mother etc etc. (Tell me it isn't working based on the reactions here.)

 

How does he not look different from the mother and her fiance and then that would cause the entire family to know it was you who was the father anyway? This is very confusing.

 

People can be willfully blind when it comes to things like this. To them having a father of my background, and under these circumstances would be a big shame to them.

 

Everyone in MY family that I have shown his picture to... they all agree that he looks as much like me as any son in our family.

 

My father and my uncle found themselves in similar situations with white women in their youth. In my fathers case the woman put the child up for adoption and did not tell him about it until years latter. My uncle was eventually sought out by his son, who had been put up for adoption, and made peace with him.

 

That was in the early 60's pre sexual revolution, pre civil rights movement. Pre Loving Vs the state of Virginia (a court ruling which overturned all the "anti miscegenation", or anti race mixing, laws.) It was a hostile time to be multiracial, and a hostile time to have a multiracial child.

 

In a sense the culture of East India is behind ours when it comes to accepting mixing of the races. In particular they don't want to see their race mix with black, as the posting from an East Indian man I showed yall demonstrated.

 

My father, before you think him a deadbeat. Married my mother, who was married to a man who did not take care of the family and raised her three children just as he raised me and my sister. He took responsibility as soon as someone would let him. I guess I may atone in the future by doing the same.

[Mrlonelyone]

The fact alone that she is with somebody else makes her OFF LIMITS!!

 

Married or not, she is none of your business, and you have no business trying to do anything about it!!

 

That's what we're trying to tell you!

 

If they were married I would agree with you.

 

All is fair in love and war.

[bentnotbroken]

@ bent

 

Are you for real People of mixed race can only use percentages to give an idea of how they look if they want to maintain anonymity.

 

How else could I have done that? Tell me how.

 

 

 

It's like she said to me when I asked. "A real father would know by sight".

 

The man knew how he looked right?

 

The man knew how she looked, right?

 

So he would know, by looking that the child was not his and then walked away. If he breaks the engagement that is acceptable to them. Her honor is preserved. He alleges unfaithfulness... they can just deny it. She is then seen as the sympathetic single mother etc etc. (Tell me it isn't working based on the reactions here.)

 

 

 

People can be willfully blind when it comes to things like this. To them having a father of my background, and under these circumstances would be a big shame to them.

 

Everyone in MY family that I have shown his picture to... they all agree that he looks as much like me as any son in our family.

 

My father and my uncle found themselves in similar situations with white women in their youth. In my fathers case the woman put the child up for adoption and did not tell him about it until years latter. My uncle was eventually sought out by his son, who had been put up for adoption, and made peace with him.

 

That was in the early 60's pre sexual revolution, pre civil rights movement. Pre Loving Vs the state of Virginia (a court ruling which overturned all the "anti miscegenation", or anti race mixing, laws.) It was a hostile time to be multiracial, and a hostile time to have a multiracial child.

 

In a sense the culture of East India is behind ours when it comes to accepting mixing of the races. In particular they don't want to see their race mix with black, as the posting from an East Indian man I showed yall demonstrated.

 

My father, before you think him a deadbeat. Married my mother, who was married to a man who did not take care of the family and raised her three children just as he raised me and my sister. He took responsibility as soon as someone would let him. I guess I may atone in the future by doing the same.

 

 

:DYou are funny and sad at the same time.

[TaraMaiden]

All is fair in love and war

 

Doesn't mean a thing if you're a pacifist.

 

You're obviously a poor loser.

[bentnotbroken]

Doesn't mean a thing if you're a pacifist.

 

You're obviously a poor loser.

 

 

Key words.

[Mrlonelyone]

@ Bent

 

What the heck ever.

 

@Tara

You assume I have lost.

You assume she was not caught reading the mail, by him and that he showed it to her.

 

etc. etc.

 

There is no objective reason to accept your assumptions. In a month or so if I get a phone call from her or a message from her asking me to coffee. Which this kind of thing has happened before... what will I be then?

[Mrlonelyone]

The front door of this forum says.

 

"The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner."

 

Didn't you read the sign.

[Star_Bright]

Sorry, I posted before I saw your latest post about what the child looks like. I still dnt understand why she didn't get married to the arranged fiancé??

 

I don't mean to sound rude but to me it sounds like you are grasping at straws. I don't think her boyfriend's mother's FB quote meant anything pertaining to this situation at all. I find it strange that you are reading his mom's FB posts. You say you have your own life... I kindly suggest you focus on living it and forget about "winning" this woman away from her boyfriend. You said you weren't around in the past, now you are -- it almost sounds like you are just bothered that she is dating someone new. You have not been consistently trying to be with her over all these years and no at she is with someone else, you want her to just give that up for you because you feel like coming back into the picture?? I really don't understand how so much time passed in between you seeing her that by the time you knew she even had a son and that this could be your son, the statute had lapsed. How many years is the statute? How is it that you went so long without seeing her back then but now you expect her to give up her boyfriend for you because you found her on Facebook?? The whole sitch is so unclear to me. You come off as sounding very self-entitled and demanding and sadly this all seems like some kind of an obsessive game for you.

 

And yes, before you point the finger back on me, I was an OW but when exMM showed me through his actions that he was choosing his wife/marriage over being with me, I walked away and focused on my own life. So I am only trying to give you the advice that worked for me. She is showing you by her actions or lack thereof that she prefers her boyfriend/relationship over being with you. No amount of reading into FB posts or wondering why she didn't block you instead of just not accept your friend request etc. Is going to change that simple fact, so it's just a waste of time and energy! She knows where and how to find you if she wants to. I suggest you look at reality and walk completely away if there is really truly nothing you can do to determine whether this child is yours and establish a relationship with him. (PS nothing is stopping you from speaking up and telling her that if she doesn't allow a confidential and quiet DNA test, you will be left w/ no choice but to tell everyone in the family/community that you believe her son is yours too b/c you two were sleeping together at that time. if you truly want to know and to be apart of your assumed son's life, then nothing at all should stop you. Do whatever it takes if you truly believe he is yours.)

[Mrlonelyone]

I thankyou for the advice Star. Realize though the boy just passes as East Indian enough. If you are unfamilliar with the concept of passing read this.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passing_(racial_identity)

 

My own African American characteristics are not so strong that they would make him "look black". He just looks like me, as much as any son looks like a father, and I am all mixed up racially.

 

I am not going to do what you suggested RE: a DNA test because

 

1.) It would not help me in legally establishing paternity therefore it would do me no good. The legal statute of limitations has passed. The only legal way I could get paternal rights to the boy... would be to have a relationship with the mother, marry her, and adopt him as my son. No DNA test can change that at this point in time.

 

2.)Technically what you propose is black mail and would definitely not be legal. Even if it was moral it would not be legal.

 

3.)What good comes from humiliating her at this point. I bear her no ill will. I want what will be good for her. If this man truly makes her all that happy, and things are all rainbows puppies and sunshine between them then great. The part of me that truly cares for her and my son will be and is truly happy for her.

 

Yet there is a second part that wants to be the one to make them happy, that wants to be made happy, that wants to have a relationship with the mother of my only child. Is that so hard for people to understand. How used and discarded I could feel here.

 

All I have done is all I could do. Now I can do nothing but work on my career as I have, and bide my time.... Then hope that my child can forgive me.

 

@bent. You don't so much as discuss... as i suspect you basically get to sit on a high horse and act superior. I wonder if you cheat on your taxes or while playing monopoly or something hmm. Or are you a perfect angel?

 

Further as for my only wishing to be in a relationship... So I guess your attitude would be better if instead of just asking her to leave this other man ... Then be with me.... If I was simply screwing her behind his back? That would be better to you? :-?

Edited December 29, 2010 by Mrlonelyone

[bentnotbroken]

I thankyou for the advice Star. Realize though the boy just passes as East Indian enough. If you are unfamilliar with the concept of passing read this.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passing_(racial_identity)

 

My own African American characteristics are not so strong that they would make him "look black". He just looks like me, as much as any son looks like a father, and I am all mixed up racially.

 

I am not going to do what you suggested RE: a DNA test because

 

1.) It would not help me in legally establishing paternity therefore it would do me no good. The legal statute of limitations has passed. The only legal way I could get paternal rights to the boy... would be to have a relationship with the mother, marry her, and adopt him as my son. No DNA test can change that at this point in time.

 

2.)Technically what you propose is black mail and would definitely not be legal. Even if it was moral it would not be legal.

 

3.)What good comes from humiliating her at this point. I bear her no ill will. I want what will be good for her. If this man truly makes her all that happy, and things are all rainbows puppies and sunshine between them then great. The part of me that truly cares for her and my son will be and is truly happy for her.

 

Yet there is a second part that wants to be the one to make them happy, that wants to be made happy, that wants to have a relationship with the mother of my only child. Is that so hard for people to understand. How used and discarded I could feel here.

 

All I have done is all I could do. Now I can do nothing but work on my career as I have, and bide my time.... Then hope that my child can forgive me.

 

@bent. You don't so much as discuss... as i suspect you basically get to sit on a high horse and act superior. I wonder if you cheat on your taxes or while playing monopoly or something hmm. Or are you a perfect angel?

 

Further as for my only wishing to be in a relationship... So I guess your attitude would be better if instead of just asking her to leave this other man ... Then be with me.... If I was simply screwing her behind his back? That would be better to you? :-?

 

 

I am too short for a high horse. There is nothing about me any where near perfect and I like it that way. Don't need to cheat because God sees it all and I never liked monopoly. Now Mortal Kombat is a different story. And you are still on the outside looking in waiting on someone who doesn't want you.

[desertIslandCactus]

I am bothered that there is a statute of limitations on establishing if the child is half yours. Had no idea that paternity by dna couldn't not be established without the mother's consent, at this time.

 

If you are certain that you have done all possible to let her know that you wish to pursue a relationship with her (other than warnings about her boyfriend) then there appears nothing more you can do.

 

There could be considered more to this.. as I think too often a step parent cannot raise a child in the same thoughtful way as a biological parent. (if she were to marry)

 

Perhaps one day you'll be able to establish paternity .. and then at that time, maintain a trust fund for the child.