The Boyfriend intercepted and replied to my email as if he can speak for her.

[dont-be-naive]

Personally if his possessive and controlling actions don't make her think twice then that says more about her.

 

there is nothing possessive or controlling about not liking someone messing around with their significant other.

 

 

A relationship founded on strong bedrock does not need one partner to act like a jealous buffoon.

 

uh, you are messing around with his girlfriend? what do you expect? that he can just shrug it off and say, "bah, no big deal?"

 

So what say you all now.

 

that your perception of someone being betrayed and how they should act when in pain is way off base.

[bentnotbroken]

I am bothered that there is a statute of limitations on establishing if the child is half yours. Had no idea that paternity by dna couldn't not be established without the mother's consent, at this time.

 

If you are certain that you have done all possible to let her know that you wish to pursue a relationship with her (other than warnings about her boyfriend) then there appears nothing more you can do.

 

There could be considered more to this.. as I think too often a step parent cannot raise a child in the same thoughtful way as a biological parent. (if she were to marry)

 

Perhaps one day you'll be able to establish paternity .. and then at that time, maintain a trust fund for the child.

 

 

Thank God for this for this. I know too many biological parents who not only don't deserve the right to raise these great gifts but they should be rendered sterile as to not inflict their crap on any other innocent parties. Sorry...I know to many butts who have children and the step parents are the best thing to happen to them.

[Heather1]

FB evokes emotions & memories, it's the weirdest thing ever!!

 

You're looking for every angle that you have an "in" when the message is a clear red light. She's taken, respect that, that's the only signal she's been giving you.

[Mrlonelyone]

You know based on the myriad of comments about how worthless and cheating either I or she is... even though no one has cheated.. speaks volumes about this board.

 

The sign on the door should read. "A place where those unfortunate enough to fall for someone who's in a relationship to get brow beaten".

 

@desertIslandCactus

 

I know it sucks. But there is a statute in every state on how long after a child is born a father can claim paternal rights as a biological father. There are many options for establishing a paternal relationship which are available to the mother for the purpose of receiving support. Fathers on the other hand have very few rights.

 

We hear the term deadbeat dad so often... and from what I have read about being a single father... they dont' get much symphathy out there. Sometimes the double standards do favor females.

 

In this case the family court needs such a statute otherwise they could be innundated with even more paternity cases. These statutes protect men from being taken advantage of.

 

 

@Don't be Naieve

 

How has she betrayed him? If you believe the way most people here imagine things.....

 

She simply handed him the email and told him to try and intimidate me into not bothering her ever again.. Furthermore that this is someone I am obsessed with and stalking and I am utterly insane. :-/

 

Where was she unfaithful to him in that?

 

Unless you see the possibility that.

 

He was simply snooping on her PC or phone and decided he was going to respond as if he could speak for her. This guy already once called the numbers of every male name on her phone to try and intimidate them. (I left that part out because I did not see the relevance.)

 

Her first notice that I was even talking to her could have been that message, and her notice that she was caught her being CC'd on the mail he sent.

 

To me I don't see a logical reason to take either scenario as more or less likely. Not to mention a whole universe of possibilities that none of us can guess.

 

But who am I kidding a BF or GF has NEVER looked at their SO's phone calls / messages/ emails to see if they have been up to anything. My sick mind must have came up with that.. people don't do that.

 

 

All I know is I said my piece. I have done all I can with a very difficult situation. All I can do now is step back and let whatever happens happen. Knowing how relationships are the odds favor them not lasting, and her not contacting me or my not being available because I will have moved on.

 

I really don't know what else I can do? I will pray once in a while that I can somehow have a relationship with my son. I just don't know what else I can do at this point.

[bentnotbroken]

You know based on the myriad of comments about how worthless and cheating either I or she is... even though no one has cheated.. speaks volumes about this board.

 

The sign on the door should read. "A place where those unfortunate enough to fall for someone who's in a relationship to get brow beaten".

 

@desertIslandCactus

 

I know it sucks. But there is a statute in every state on how long after a child is born a father can claim paternal rights as a biological father. There are many options for establishing a paternal relationship which are available to the mother for the purpose of receiving support. Fathers on the other hand have very few rights.

 

We hear the term deadbeat dad so often... and from what I have read about being a single father... they dont' get much symphathy out there. Sometimes the double standards do favor females.

 

In this case the family court needs such a statute otherwise they could be innundated with even more paternity cases. These statutes protect men from being taken advantage of.

 

 

@Don't be Naieve

 

How has she betrayed him? If you believe the way most people here imagine things.....

 

She simply handed him the email and told him to try and intimidate me into not bothering her ever again.. Furthermore that this is someone I am obsessed with and stalking and I am utterly insane. :-/

 

Where was she unfaithful to him in that?

 

Unless you see the possibility that.

 

He was simply snooping on her PC or phone and decided he was going to respond as if he could speak for her. This guy already once called the numbers of every male name on her phone to try and intimidate them. (I left that part out because I did not see the relevance.)

 

Her first notice that I was even talking to her could have been that message, and her notice that she was caught her being CC'd on the mail he sent.

 

To me I don't see a logical reason to take either scenario as more or less likely. Not to mention a whole universe of possibilities that none of us can guess.

 

But who am I kidding a BF or GF has NEVER looked at their SO's phone calls / messages/ emails to see if they have been up to anything. My sick mind must have came up with that.. people don't do that.

 

 

All I know is I said my piece. I have done all I can with a very difficult situation. All I can do now is step back and let whatever happens happen. Knowing how relationships are the odds favor them not lasting, and her not contacting me or my not being available because I will have moved on.

 

I really don't know what else I can do? I will pray once in a while that I can somehow have a relationship with my son. I just don't know what else I can do at this point.

 

 

Try more often than that and you might actually get somewhere.

[desertIslandCactus]

Thank God for this for this. I know too many biological parents who not only don't deserve the right to raise these great gifts but they should be rendered sterile as to not inflict their crap on any other innocent parties. Sorry...I know to many butts who have children and the step parents are the best thing to happen to them.

 

My grandson's biological parents have always treated him with 'kid gloves' so to speak.. Have spoiled him, have taught him, and raised him to be bright and happy.

 

His mother married once.. The 'stepfather' pulled him by the ear when he got angry, getting him bludgeoned haircuts, and was put into a rigid daycare at his young age. ..

 

Hope she doesn't find another local 'live one' till my grandson is grown. Right now, all she can get is LD relationships - Canadians ... Hallelujah

 

And I'm not a Dr Laura fan, but when I used to hear the callers complaining - she told all of them the same thing: People shouldn't remarry until the children are of age. Too many problems and it isn't fair to the children, because they have already been through enough with the breakup.

 

I noticed impatience, resentment, jealousy and lack of understanding for the step children.

[Mrlonelyone]

@Cactus

 

Stories like that, are a large part of why I am so concerned about this situation. On the other hand my own father was step father to my older sisters and brother. He didn't do any of that.

 

Though my father was a kind and gentleman.

 

Part of the reason so many step parents are abusive... I think... is because they target single parents, think the single parent desperate for a partner... and they can get away with things. Conversely they see in the single parent someone they can ply with gifts and attention and then run roughshod over them and their children.

 

In essence an abusive step parent, is the same type of person who is an abusive partner. They look for someone they can control or dominate... not an equal partner.

[desertIslandCactus]

@Cactus

 

Stories like that, are a large part of why I am so concerned about this situation. On the other hand my own father was step father to my older sisters and brother. He didn't do any of that.

 

Though my father was a kind and gentleman.

 

Part of the reason so many step parents are abusive... I think... is because they target single parents, think the single parent desperate for a partner... and they can get away with things. Conversely they see in the single parent someone they can ply with gifts and attention and then run roughshod over them and their children.

 

In essence an abusive step parent, is the same type of person who is an abusive partner. They look for someone they can control or dominate... not an equal partner.

 

He already appears to be controlling over who she can talk to, rather than allowing her to handle Her emails and communication.

 

Still there's no certainty that they will marry.

 

Everyone outside a situation such as this, is tied - incl a grandparent.

 

Things do happen for the best sometimes .. I know they did for my grandson.

[Mrlonelyone]

@ Cactus

 

That controlling nature revealed concretely now... but only hinted at before... is troubling.

 

Even if we assume she sent him the email with the intent of him "handling me". I can think of many men... most men... who would expect their GF or wife... to be able to handle a situation like that... herself.

 

Lord only knows where it'll end... when she decides to cook some food he does not like... or conflict over religion... her being muslim him not... Who knows.

 

Legally I have no say any more.

[desertIslandCactus]

@ Cactus

 

That controlling nature revealed concretely now... but only hinted at before... is troubling.

 

Even if we assume she sent him the email with the intent of him "handling me". I can think of many men... most men... who would expect their GF or wife... to be able to handle a situation like that... herself.

 

All you can do is let it go for now, and see if she contacts you.

[bentnotbroken]

@ Cactus

 

That controlling nature revealed concretely now... but only hinted at before... is troubling.

 

Even if we assume she sent him the email with the intent of him "handling me". I can think of many men... most men... who would expect their GF or wife... to be able to handle a situation like that... herself.

 

 

And many who just don't want to deal with the mess at hand and pass it off to someone else to handle. Maybe she is one of those.

[Mrlonelyone]

And many who just don't want to deal with the mess at hand and pass it off to someone else to handle. Maybe she is one of those.

 

I also know many men... who are with attractive and semi attractive women... who would get tired of being asked to reject every man who tried to talk to them.

 

Unless they are a control freak.

[bentnotbroken]

I also know many men... who are with attractive and semi attractive women... who would get tired of being asked to reject every man who tried to talk to them.

 

Unless they are a control freak.

 

 

You just ticked because you not only didn't get friended on FB, you are pissed you aren't HER man. For as many as you know who might get tired..there are as many who would like for their wives/GF would love and respect them enough to show them unsolicited communication from someone who won't see there is nothing there. Kudos to her.

[Mrlonelyone]

You just ticked because you not only didn't get friended on FB, you are pissed you aren't HER man. For as many as you know who might get tired..there are as many who would like for their wives/GF would love and respect them enough to show them unsolicited communication from someone who won't see there is nothing there. Kudos to her.

 

I am not ticked. In fact I feel better about the situation than I have in weeks.

 

Second the people I know do not sweat their GF or even wife talking to other men... They sweat them F___ing other men. We expect our women to handle their business.

 

Still it does not take a rocket scientist to see that a man needing to speak for a woman is a rather controlling, and retrograde attitude... more suited to the 1710's than the 2010's.

[bentnotbroken]

I am not ticked. In fact I feel better about the situation than I have in weeks.

 

Second the people I know do not sweat their GF or even wife talking to other men... They sweat them F___ing other men. We expect our women to handle their business.

 

Still it does not take a rocket scientist to see that a man needing to speak for a woman is a rather controlling, and retrograde attitude... more suited to the 1710's than the 2010's.

 

 

Nor does it take a rocket scientist to see when someone can't handle rejection or being ignored by the woman they want.

[Mrlonelyone]

Nor does it take a rocket scientist to see when someone can't handle rejection or being ignored by the woman they want.

 

Your assuming that I'm sitting here raging mad all day.

 

Before I sent that email I was feeling depressed with a burning heart.

 

After I sent it I was 1000 lbs lighter.

 

After I read his email back I was 10,000 lbs lighter.

 

After I wrote a reply that makes me look funny and confident. (I told him that a grown woman can speak for herself. I also suggested he chant Gooz Fwaba and hum a few bars of I feel pretty al la "Anger Management".

)

 

Does the pissed off psychopath you have me fitted up for do that?

 

I could only feel better if she had replied on her own.. for then I would have full closure. Doing it this way is just so.... I mean what ... So she can say at some latter date "it wasn't me". Phfft.

[bentnotbroken]

Your assuming that I'm sitting here raging mad all day.

 

Before I sent that email I was feeling depressed with a burning heart.

 

After I sent it I was 1000 lbs lighter.

 

After I read his email back I was 10,000 lbs lighter.

 

After I wrote a reply that makes me look funny and confident. (I told him that a grown woman can speak for herself. I also suggested he chant Gooz Fwaba and hum a few bars of I feel pretty al la "Anger Management".

)

 

Does the pissed off psychopath you have me fitted up for do that?

 

I could only feel better if she had replied on her own.. for then I would have full closure. Doing it this way is just so.... I mean what ... So she can say at some latter date "it wasn't me". Phfft.

 

 

:lmao:I don't think you are a psychopath..that seems like more of your "make up as I go". I just think you don't know when and where you aren't wanted or doesn't take rejection too well. He got the lollipop and you want it.

[Mrlonelyone]

:lmao:I don't think you are a psychopath..that seems like more of your "make up as I go". I just think you don't know when and where you aren't wanted or doesn't take rejection too well. He got the lollipop and you want it.

 

 

Trust me after 12 years and all the tumult I have been trough with that woman... I know that lollipop is no ideal candy. She has layers. First you get the sweet layer, then the bitter layer, then the garlic flavored layer.. then another sweet layer.... But no body's perfect.

[bentnotbroken]

Trust me after 12 years and all the tumult I have been trough with that woman... I know that lollipop is no ideal candy. She has layers. First you get the sweet layer, then the bitter layer, then the garlic flavored layer.. then another sweet layer.... But no body's perfect.

 

 

Yet here you are complaining that she has a man to handle her business. If it were 12 years of tumult, why are you even bothering? Me thinks you don't know whether the engine is coming or going.

[desertIslandCactus]

How old is the child, would he be about 12 or younger?

[Mrlonelyone]

@ bent.

 

Whatever.

 

@ Cactus. The boy is seven. When I found out about him he was about 8 months old. The period in which anyone who is interested can demand a paternity test in this state I recall is thirty days. In fact according to the Illinois putative father registry...

 

http://www.putativefather.org/faq.aspx#7

 

To protect my rights, when do I have to register?

You may register with the Putative Father Registry before or after the birth of the child. But in order to receive notice of pending adoption, you must first register no later then 30 days after the birth of the child.

But registering with Putative Father Registry is only one step in protecting a father’s rights. Fathers who register with the Putative Father Registry must also begin legal proceedings to establish paternity within 30 days of registering.

 

So a potential father gets just one month after the child is born. I think the statute on how long a mother can claim a father is two years.

 

Sound fair?

 

So you see I was royally screwed out of my childs love and affection. I had no choice but to deal with the mother. Which I did for most of a year. I became uncle to her nieces and nephews, virtual father to our infant son. Only to be discarded for who knows what reason.

 

I suppose I would like to hear a real explanation in her own voice for why? Is that really such a crazy thing to want?

[bentnotbroken]

@ bent.

 

Whatever.

 

@ Cactus. The boy is seven. When I found out about him he was about 8 months old. The period in which anyone who is interested can demand a paternity test in this state I recall is thirty days. In fact according to the Illinois putative father registry...

 

http://www.putativefather.org/faq.aspx#7

 

To protect my rights, when do I have to register?

 

 

So a potential father gets just one month after the child is born. I think the statute on how long a mother can claim a father is two years.

 

Sound fair?

 

So you see I was royally screwed out of my childs love and affection. I had no choice but to deal with the mother. Which I did for most of a year. I became uncle to her nieces and nephews, virtual father to our infant son. Only to be discarded for who knows what reason.

 

I suppose I would like to hear a real explanation in her own voice for why? Is that really such a crazy thing to want?

 

 

Ahh, perfect response for anything that gets too confusing.

[Mrlonelyone]

Just FYI

http://www.putativefather.org/faq.aspx#1

What is a “Putative Father”?

A “putative father” is a man who may be a child’s father, but who was not married to the child’s mother before the child is born and has not established the fact that he is the father in a legal proceeding. If the child’s mother wants to place the child for adoption, the putative father must take steps to show that he is the legal father of the child if he wants to have any say in the adoption. By registering with the Illinois Putative Father Registry, a father takes one step toward proving he is the child’s father.

 

So bent... Tell me more about simply not getting a lollipop? To be honest if she wasn't the mother of my only begatten son it would be easy to hate such a woman. How can one do something so loving... then be so cold?

 

I'm not confused just wondering why you are so invested in my situation.

 

You seem totally sure I am a scumbag and the other parties are saints.

[desertIslandCactus]

@ bent.

 

Whatever.

 

@ Cactus. The boy is seven. When I found out about him he was about 8 months old. The period in which anyone who is interested can demand a paternity test in this state I recall is thirty days. In fact according to the Illinois putative father registry...

 

http://www.putativefather.org/faq.aspx#7

 

To protect my rights, when do I have to register?

 

 

So a potential father gets just one month after the child is born. I think the statute on how long a mother can claim a father is two years.

 

Sound fair?

 

So you see I was royally screwed out of my childs love and affection. I had no choice but to deal with the mother. Which I did for most of a year. I became uncle to her nieces and nephews, virtual father to our infant son. Only to be discarded for who knows what reason.

 

I suppose I would like to hear a real explanation in her own voice for why? Is that really such a crazy thing to want?

 

She's with someone else, although she knows about you. But since you are certain the child is yours, it seems it would be good that you communicate with her (in person, not email) as to your wishes to visit him or be a part of his life.

[jwi71]

1.) It would not help me in legally establishing paternity therefore it would do me no good. The legal statute of limitations has passed. The only legal way I could get paternal rights to the boy... would be to have a relationship with the mother, marry her, and adopt him as my son. No DNA test can change that at this point in time.

 

What?!?!

 

How old is this child?

 

Because even in the few states with a statute of limitations on paternity law, I cannot think of ANY that expire BEFORE the child's 18th birthday. In fact, several states specifically EXTEND the time period for the SOLE purpose of establishing paternity PAST the child's 18th birthday.

 

What state do you live in? Actually...are you in the US?