The Boyfriend intercepted and replied to my email as if he can speak for her.

[Fight4Me]

I'm not going to address the bf issue since they haven't been dating very long and it's too confusing of a situation for me to give it much thought.

 

What I didn't expect to post about was Mrlonelyone's assertion that he had no legal grounds for establishing paternity. I was pretty dang skeptical until I did some research into Illinois law myself, and while he could pay money to go to court to try to get DNA proof he is the father, he would be fighting a huge uphill battle because legal paternity is established when another man is merely "assumed" to be the father. If the mother did not want her family to even suspect MrLonely as the father (because of race, honor, his astrological sign), she could have named the man they thought she was with and that would be that. The named father wouldn't be required to have his name on nor sign the birth certificate, but until she declares someone else the father, that man is it. It would be up to her to seek child support from the other guy, but if she hasn't, then he isn't required to do so unless he specifically signed documents acknowledging his status. It requires both her signature and his, to be exact.

 

This all hinges on whether the other guy was assumed to be the father, married or not. If a prospective father signs the wrong paperwork, he's totally screwed and is at the mercy of the mother. And even IF DNA paternity was to be established, she would still automatically retain sole custody while obtaining full child support, until the established father could attempt to win any type of visitation.

 

I don't think it's impossible for him to establish paternity and agree that he should continue to leave no stone unturned, but I believe I have some understanding of what he meant by having to go through her.

 

I'm not a lawyer, nor do I play one on TV, and there does seem to be a lot of caveats and addendums to snake through, but it was a little shocking to see how the law heavily favors the mother's word over anything else. I had to wade through a lot of footnotes and now I have a headache.

[Mrlonelyone]

THANKYOU I LOVE YOU I WANT TO MARRY YOU... Ok maybe that's a little over the top. ;-)

 

I'm just so glad to see that somebody decided to look at the IL law's as actually practiced and see just how manifestly unfair they are to fathers. Especially to fathers who would love to do whatever they could for their children. (True deadbeats get what the deserve.)

 

The only road to any kind of a relationship with my very likely son. The only road to a DNA test, even if it would not be legally binding. The only path leads through his mother and her good graces. For either a relationship or friendship of some kind.

 

That's a road I cannot just passively let someone else block forever. I couldn't live with myself if I did.

 

I'm not going to lie. I would prefer to be her man if that cannot be then I'll try to just be a father. Either way, with her, a submissive, and passive man will not get her respect in either role.

[desertIslandCactus]

Good job with researching, anyway .. F4M.

[dont-be-naive]

Don't be Naieve

 

How has she betrayed him?

 

emotionally. You did post this in the Other Man/Woman section.

 

if she is emotionally involved with you, she is betraying her boyfriend.

it doesn't take coitus to make it cheating.

 

 

If you believe the way most people here imagine things.....

 

She simply handed him the email and told him to try and intimidate me into not bothering her ever again..

 

nope, I don't believe that at all. I think he found out what is going on and is justifiably angry. his threats are simply him not being in his right state of mind and he isn't thinking clearly after finding out his gf is emotionally involved with someone else.

 

 

Furthermore that this is someone I am obsessed with and stalking and I am utterly insane. :-/

 

well then its simple. Leave them alone if that is the case.

 

 

Where was she unfaithful to him in that?

 

again, read above. If you are NOT the "other man", and you two aren't involved emotionally, then this would have been better posted in another part of the forum.

 

 

Unless you see the possibility that.

 

He was simply snooping on her PC or phone and decided he was going to respond as if he could speak for her. This guy already once called the numbers of every male name on her phone to try and intimidate them. (I left that part out because I did not see the relevance.)

 

well, when he finds that she was emotionally involved with one of the names on the phone. I'll digress, he is going overboard, because if it were me, I'd just tell her to leave and never come back.

 

 

But who am I kidding a BF or GF has NEVER looked at their SO's phone calls / messages/ emails to see if they have been up to anything. My sick mind must have came up with that.. people don't do that.

 

not any more sick than cheating and betrayal. tell us, why you posted this in the OM/W section.

 

 

All I know is I said my piece. I have done all I can with a very difficult situation. All I can do now is step back and let whatever happens happen. Knowing how relationships are the odds favor them not lasting, and her not contacting me or my not being available because I will have moved on.

 

ok, so you two ARE involved emotionally. Therefore she is betraying her bf emotionally.

 

again, although he went overboard, his anger towards her and you is justifiable. What he needs to do is dump her.

[dont-be-naive]

@ Cactus

 

That controlling nature revealed concretely now... but only hinted at before... is troubling.

 

Even if we assume she sent him the email with the intent of him "handling me". I can think of many men... most men... who would expect their GF or wife... to be able to handle a situation like that... herself.

 

Lord only knows where it'll end... when she decides to cook some food he does not like... or conflict over religion... her being muslim him not... Who knows.

.

 

oh don't even. its convenient for you to label a man who has found out his gf is not trustworthy to be "controlling".

 

thats what happens when one suspects, and finds out proof of one's untrustworthiness. they go beserk. I don't think anyone who found out of a betrayal hasn't had a bout of temporary insanity.

 

I never checked anything, forbid my wife to go out, etc., etc. But when I found out that my trust was taken for granted, boy that changed my tune, for a short few weeks until I divorced her.

 

so ya, a man finds out his gf isn't very trusworthy, and he is suppose to take it in stride:rolleyes:

[desertIslandCactus]

oh don't even. its convenient for you to label a man who has found out his gf is not trustworthy to be "controlling".

 

thats what happens when one suspects, and finds out proof of one's untrustworthiness. they go beserk. I don't think anyone who found out of a betrayal hasn't had a bout of temporary insanity.

 

I never checked anything, forbid my wife to go out, etc., etc. But when I found out that my trust was taken for granted, boy that changed my tune, for a short few weeks until I divorced her.

 

so ya, a man finds out his gf isn't very trusworthy, and he is suppose to take it in stride

 

Only a relationship of a few months. The man's gf Knows she and OP probably have a child together.

 

When you take on a relationship with Anyone, prev M - or not, - pretty much have to expect some baggage if a child is involved - or w the child's Other parent.

 

How would bf suppose child got here?

[Mrlonelyone]

So dont-be-naive... It would be OK to you for a rather large powerful man to "go berserk"? Suppose he hurt her in some way?

 

How would bf suppose child got here?

 

Magic? When man decides to take the kind of responsibility he has to have thought of... he has to have on some level fallen for the idea of being THE husband and THE father. I can respect that emotion.

 

I just can't respect him as a BF because BF's can be gone in the blink of an eye. Were this a long term thing, a more settled thing... I would just give up all hope. As it stands, all I can do is wait. Finish grad school and see where she is at in a few months.

Edited January 5, 2011 by Mrlonelyone

[dont-be-naive]

So dont-be-naive... It would be OK to you for a rather large powerful man to "go berserk"?

 

whose to say its ok or not ok? when someone is basically emotionally abused by finding out their so-called significant other isn't trustworthy, people sometimes freak out.

 

 

Suppose he hurt her in some way?

 

 

You can suppose til the cows come home. Even a "rather large powerful man" has feelings and emotions. He isn't allowed the same human reactions as others might have just because he is rather large?

 

 

I just can't respect him as a BF because BF's can be gone in the blink of an eye..

 

ah, so because he can more easily come to the decision to possibly leave her because she is unworthy of him being her untrustworthy character, that he doesn't deserve respect eh? So someone that leaves a cheater is not respectful. Now I've heard it all.