The Boyfriend intercepted and replied to my email as if he can speak for her.

[sally4sara]

Here's the skinny. As part of this story I took the decision to send her an email laying out just how I still feel about her.

 

A few days pass and lo and behold I get an email from her boyfriend. Where he takes a tone of threat with me. Saying.... claiming to be speaking for her... that I should loose her email address, that she does not want me in her life at all, that if he even finds me in the same block as her he will do this that and the other.

 

I sent an email back CC to her that with the attitude towards his chest thumping of . Then said that she is a grown woman, a fully grown woman, and will make her own decisions. That if she wants me to not contact her she can say that in her own voice on the phone, and I will honor it.

 

Oh and I also pointed out that she's his girl friend (of only two months by the way) not his wife. Furthermore you get a beautiful woman and a man thinks that no one will ever try to talk to her, ever,

 

Then I sent another email with a link to the video of Nicholson and Adam Sandler singing I feel pretty in the movie anger management to him. He really needs to calm down.

 

Personally if his possessive and controlling actions don't make her think twice then that says more about her. A relationship founded on strong bedrock does not need one partner to act like a jealous buffoon.

 

So what say you all now.

 

She chose the guy she is with. This was not enough for you to respect her fully grown adult choices. If you don't think the guy she chose is a good choice - then don't date him. Sending her an email detailing your romantic interest in her while she is in a relationship (even one you think is a poor choice) is the epitome of not respecting her as an adult.

I'd say you just wanted to poke the hornets nest. If it was all about telling her how you feel, I'm not sure why you'd even bother responding to HIM. You didn't keep him in mind when making the email, why start by getting even further under his skin? If he is some controlling douche - you might have put her in a dangerous spot with your email and insults.

 

All about you, very little about her and completely not cool.

[Mrlonelyone]

Sally

 

I was not in the picture when she entered a relationship with him. I did not find her on FB until after they were officially "in a relationship".

 

Therefore she did not choose him over me at that time.

 

I wrote an email to her saying how I still felt. There was nothing wrong with that.

 

I am not going to understand why some of ya'll want to treat a relationship that's not marriage as if it was marriage.

 

If she were married or engaged to the guy I would see where you are comming from and I would not even have thought to do anything. But they are not. They are in a relationship for two months.... They don't even have pictures of themselves together... yet I'm supposed to act like that is so damm serious.

 

Let me put this in one sentence for ya'll....

 

If it is your opinion that all other men are bastards, and that I in particular should just drop dead... then please feel free to go to heck.

 

Read the sign on the door when you click on this forum.

[sally4sara]

Sally

 

I was not in the picture when she entered a relationship with him. I did not find her on FB until after they were officially "in a relationship".

 

Therefore she did not choose him over me at that time.

 

There were lots of guys not in the picture when she entered into her current relationship. You knew she was in a relationship and you didn't respect that enough to look for someone else who was available. If you do find someone single, should all men send your GF an email of romantic interest simply because they were not around when she began dating you?

 

I wrote an email to her saying how I still felt. There was nothing wrong with that.

 

Sending the email wasn't a cool but it wasn't the end of the world. You went on to insult and poke at her BF when he responded indignantly over your attempt.

 

I am not going to understand why some of ya'll want to treat a relationship that's not marriage as if it was marriage.

 

Lots of marriages come from dating relationships. Who are you to decide when a relationship between two other people is worth respecting?

 

 

If it is your opinion that all other men are bastards, and that I in particular should just drop dead... then please feel free to go to heck.

 

I think its you who has a hateful opinion about women to assume my response is about you being a man. ANYONE doing what you did is not only disrespecting the relationship, but also the people who chose to enter into it. Not just her BF, but her and her ability to make a choice as well. It would not be any different if you were a woman sending an email of romantic interest to a man with a GF.

 

Then, after you don't get people telling you you were in the right, THATS when you decide to bring up that you believe her kid is biologically linked to you? Pffft! If you were contacting her because of the kid, it would have been in your original post and your email wouldn't have only been about romantic interest in her. Seems you only want the kid if she will let you in her bed.

[Trimmer]

Now like I said all I can do to get right with my son... is to get right with his mother.

I think it would help you to unfold and explore your different motivations here.

 

On one hand, there is some part of you that wants to have a personal - possibly romantic - adult relationship with this woman again.

 

And although I think it came in a little late in the discussion, I'll take it at face value (for now) that another part of you wants to foster a bond with this child that you believe to be your son.

 

I believe that it will significantly confuse things and create extra drama for yourself if you continue to mix these two goals into one. They are not the same thing, and they will require different approaches.

 

I'm not saying that someone in your position must pick only one, but I think that to pursue them both together will be much more complex - as you are now finding.

 

Since she is already in an adult relationship of her choosing, I agree with those posters who assert that you are showing HER a lack of respect in trying to put a wedge in there. Maybe it is cultural, but her involvement in her current relationship - whether it is marriage or not - is a matter of her own, personal, adult choice. You denigrate that to assume that you know better, and to pursue her romantically in spite of it. Whether you consider it a matter of respect to her boyfriend or not, it is a matter of your respect towards her.

 

Now, on the other hand, your hope to establish a parental relationship with your putative son... If this is really your primary goal here, then you could channel the character of a supportive, separated parent, put the romantic intentions on hold, and come at this from a strictly parental perspective. If you truly believe it is in your son's interest to have a relationship with his biological father (and I wouldn't argue that for a minute, assuming you are a stabilizing factor in his life - remember, this is about HIS needs, not yours...) then approach the situation with that, but be honest with yourself about his best interests, and don't use him a a lever to try to wedge yourself back into her life romantically.

 

Thus, communicate with her about your son from a position of a parent, and then if the boyfriend intercepts or puts up an obstacle, you have clear standing to say: this doesn't concern you, it is about two parents and their child. But it will make your life much easier in doing that, and make your efforts much more credible, if you keep it clean and make it strictly about your role as a parent. If you mix in your romantic interests, your efforts will lose all credibility, and you're right back to where you are now.

 

In the end, your insistence on engaging her on the adult, romantic front becomes an obstacle to establishing some kind of parental presence in your son's life. If you think the only way to get into your son's life is to become romantic with his mom again, then you become a threat to be defended against - certainly to the boyfriend, and possibly even to her, if she sees your attempts as destabilizing her life.

 

If your main goal - really now, be honest - is to have a presence in your son's life, then you should work towards being a stabilizing force. Anyone who sees you as a threat will react and defend against you. That's why I see the fact that you are trying to mix together your romantic-interest-in-her with your paternal-interest-in-your-son, as if it's all the same goal, will present you with more complex obstacles and resistance from their side.

 

Biological father trying to have a supportive, non-threatening, stabilizing presence in his son's life: good thing - hard to argue with that.

 

Guy trying to wedge his way into an adult relationship as a means of getting something else he wants: Dick. Threat.

 

If it's really a relationship with your son that you are after here, which path sounds more likely for success?

Edited December 30, 2010 by Trimmer

[Mrlonelyone]

@Sally.

 

Her BF did not respond in a cool and calm manner he tried to intimidate me. I will not be punked out by some big ox thumping his chest.

 

Had he been more nice about it... I would not have reacted like I did. It's not my fault he wanted to enter a battle of wit's unarmed.

 

@Trimmer.

 

Your advice would be good but for one thing.

 

Since I have no legally established paternity and due to the laws of this state not allowing me to establish paternity at this point I have no right to communicate with her about him beyond what she gives me.

 

This means I have to do a few things.

 

1.) I cannot let BF intimidate me into not contacting her again in any way. He said in any way... He want's to replace me all together an permanently. I'm not going to let that happen.

 

2.)I need to keep the respect of the mother... she respects men who are bold and not easilty intimidated... like me and I suppose like the BF. Otherwise why would she listen to me at all.

 

I view what happened as a test... to see if I would just melt in the face of some big ox. I did not and I will not.

 

3.) If she herself had said not to contact her that would be one thing. He sent the message claiming to be speaking for her... quite frankly wouldn't a man looking to eliminate a very dangerous rival "daddy" do just that? Tell that dammed lie.

 

I see no more logic in assuming what all of you have Plus I have the benefit of much fuller information than any of you have.

[Trimmer]

Your advice would be good but for one thing.

 

Since I have no legally established paternity and due to the laws of this state not allowing me to establish paternity at this point I have no right to communicate with her about him beyond what she gives me.

Whether you have "legal" paternity doesn't have any bearing - one way or the other - on giving you a "legal" right to communicate with her. My question is, why all the hand-wringing? If you're so convinced that the boyfriend is controlling and that this isn't really her talking, why are you beating around the bush - why haven't you talked to her directly yet? You certainly don't need our permission...

 

This means I have to do a few things.

 

1.) I cannot let BF intimidate me into not contacting her again in any way. He said in any way... He want's to replace me all together an permanently. I'm not going to let that happen.

 

2.)I need to keep the respect of the mother... she respects men who are bold and not easilty intimidated... like me and I suppose like the BF. Otherwise why would she listen to me at all.

So you think you will keep her respect more by pursuing her romantically in the face of her choice of this man, and the boyfriend's asking you to stop? You perceive that she will respect you more for that than she would if you respected her relationship choice, and talked to her directly and maturely from the perspective of a parent looking to have contact with his child? I suppose the answer to that will depend on what is truly your real goal here - her, or your son.

 

I view what happened as a test... to see if I would just melt in the face of some big ox. I did not and I will not.

Ahhh... interesting. So the question is: was it a test from her, or a test from him? That makes a big difference. Not that either one is any more mature, or less melodramatic - just different. Sounds like either way, both of them are Drama Queens, and you're ready to feed right into it.

 

3.) If she herself had said not to contact her that would be one thing. He sent the message claiming to be speaking for her... quite frankly wouldn't a man looking to eliminate a very dangerous rival "daddy" do just that? Tell that dammed lie.

Sure, I can see that, and actually, I don't have any problem with you saying "I will believe it when I hear it from her..." But will you, actually? If you hear that she's not interested romantically (directly from her) will that stop your interest in seeing your son? See why I say that mixing the two goals overly complicates things?

 

And all of that chest-pounding, penis-measuring, high-school game-playing aside, my points still stand - if you approach her with the intention to "get" her romantically, then you will be perceived more as a threat. If you approach her from the perspective of a parent wanting contact with his son, you will be perceived as less of a threat.

 

And my question still stands:

 

What is your goal here? Are you more interested in getting back with her romantically, or are you more interested in establishing a parental bond with the son you believe to be yours?

 

Or another question, similar, but a different approach: are you just wanting to pound your own chest and win at the love game here, or are you willing to act like an adult - a parent - to achieve a relationship with your son?

 

I see no more logic in assuming what all of you have Plus I have the benefit of much fuller information than any of you have.

So what was your actual question, then?

Edited December 31, 2010 by Trimmer

[Heather1]

You're right, we don't know the whole story but her signal is loud & clear. If she wanted a relationship with you again, you'd know for a FACT this is your son & she'd contact you.

 

As a woman, your actions would kind of scare me & I'd have someone else call too. Then I'd take my FB down.

[Mrlonelyone]

I do know for a FACT that he's my son.

 

There is a difference between that and having legally established paternity. What I need to do all the things ya'll are talking about is legally established paternity.

 

Oh and the guy wrote a reply to my reply. To be honest if he did not take a tone of trying to demonstrate dominance I would really be ok and walk away.

 

If he has the woman and is as secure in that as can be why does he need to try some species of intimidation to boot? That is a sign of a weak weak man. One who is not as sure of his position as he thinks he is.

[Heather1]

Well then add up the back child support & attach it to the love letter

[Mrlonelyone]

Well then add up the back child support & attach it to the love letter

 

I know I know. It's really easy to make me the bad guy.

 

Don't forget that I did make myself available for the first year of my sons life.

 

Don't forget that as soon as me and his mother were getting serious again she was shuttled away from me by her family.

 

A man only has so much power in these things.

[Trimmer]

I know I know. It's really easy to make me the bad guy.

Now, don't go playing the victim here. People are just pointing out what they see, and I still maintain that you haven't made it clear how much you really, truly care about establishing a bond with your son, whether you're using him to get to her, using her to get to him, or what. There's a lot of game playing going on, and while that may be all nice and fun and spicy in a romantic relationship, it doesn't have a place in a mature, parental relationship.

 

So, when you say stuff like this:

Oh and the guy wrote a reply to my reply. To be honest if he did not take a tone of trying to demonstrate dominance I would really be ok and walk away.

... it makes me think, if you're really trying to create a bond with your son, then you'd just walk away that easily? That makes it sound like what's really going on is that you got your ego bruised by dominant-guy, and now it's too much of a challenge for you to just walk away from.

 

And just being OK and walking away is not what a father would do if a new 2-month boyfriend nicely said "oh, please don't come and hang around my nice girlfriend, mmmmkay?"

 

A man only has so much power in these things.

Indeed, a man has what power - and what motivations - he has and chooses to use.

 

And a father has the power and the motivations he chooses to use.

 

I'm still trying to figure out what mix you are bringing to the situation.

 

There is a difference between that and having legally established paternity. What I need to do all the things ya'll are talking about is legally established paternity.

No, what you would need to do if you want a parent-child bond of some sort with your son would be to establish a mature, parental relationship with his mother. That doesn't require a court order to bludgeon her or her boyfriend with, but it does require that you interact with each other as parents, respectful, adult, and mature on both sides, thinking of the best interests of your child, without all the game playing.

 

Now maybe one or both of you isn't capable of that (or doesn't want it) and if so, then without that court order and proven paternity, you probably don't have much hope. But irrespective of that, much of what you are doing so far is acting against this goal - the romantic overtures to her, the posturing and provocation of her current boyfriend, all the game playing.

 

So my question still stands: what are you really after here?

Edited December 31, 2010 by Trimmer

[Mrlonelyone]

Timmer

 

Your assuming that I have been dealing with a completely rational and reasonable person all these years.

 

See this thread where I vented a little info I have been holding in about her. All the bad decisions and irrational things she has done so far...

 

I am dealing with a person who has a mental condition called Histrionic Personality Disorder. Look up what it makes people do... in short she is a pathological drama queen.

 

I am dealing with a person from a family which would consider it a great shame to have mixed the races... even greater than out of wedlock birth.

 

Legally I have no established paternal rights and I cannot establish them now due to the way the laws are here in Illinois. I have consulted two lawyers about this over the years i think they know more than any of us.

 

The result of all of this. is... That the only way I can have a realtionsihp with the child is by having a relationship with the mother. For someone with her mindset a mature parental relationship would be too boring and drama free. It would not get her the attention she craves and seeks out.

 

I have tried to do just what you are all saying. I have done all I can do at this time. All I can do is step back, wait for the situation she's setting up to implode with all the drama she likes so much then try to pick up the pieces....again.

 

I really think the best outcome for this situation would be for her to move to the state that her brothers family moved to, and live with them again. Her brothers family is the only family my son has known for many years and I know he misses them greatly. For that mental reason it would be in his best interest for her and him to live with or near them.

 

I would, in truth, rather have them move to be with her brothers family. The only family my son has ever known...than have her being with any man, including me here in this state.

 

I think I also detect a bit of the thought that this new guy is "stepping up" and is a great guy for it. Personally my read of the situation is that he's a guy in his midlife, who was just fine being a bacchelor until his younger brother got married and had children. Now big brother wants to cease the lead.

 

If he cared like I do he too would want her to move away from both of us so that the boy could be with his cousins, who are like his brothers and sisters. He would put his needs his... what can only at this early statge be lust... a distant second.

Edited December 31, 2010 by Mrlonelyone

[Trimmer]

Timmer

 

Your assuming that I have been dealing with a completely rational and reasonable person.

Actually, I was very much open to the possibility that you are not. That's why I pointed out in my scenario that you would BOTH need to be rational, adult, etc., and followed that with:

 

Now maybe one or both of you isn't capable of that (or doesn't want it) and if so, then without that court order and proven paternity, you probably don't have much hope.

 

Anyway, I get your further points about her state and status. I don't know what to tell you, other than that you do seem to have some rational concern for what is best for your son, and I applaud that. On the other hand, anything you might do to add further drama to their overall situation (again, poking at the new guy, trying to break them up, or whatever) doesn't seem like it's going to help him much.

 

The result of all of this. is... That the only way I can have a realtionsihp with the child is by having a relationship with the mother. For someone with her mindset a mature parental relationship would be too boring and drama free. It would not get her the attention she craves and seeks out.

Unfortunately then, isn't it a corollary of this reasoning, that a mature partner relationship between you and your son's mom will also inevitably be too boring and drama free, and therefore is not likely to be productive, long-lasting, and stable for your son? If that's the case, you're in a kind of a bind there, aren't you?

 

I really think the best outcome for this situation would be for her to move to the state that her brothers family moved to, and live with them again. Her brothers family is the only family my son has known for many years and I know he misses them greatly. For that mental reason it would be in his best interest for her and him to live with or near them.

 

I would, in truth, rather have them move to be with her brothers family. The only family my son has ever known...than have her being with any man, including me here in this state.

Understood. Well, I encourage you to keep working toward a solution that would work best for the kid, and some kind of long-term, stable family connection.

Edited December 31, 2010 by Trimmer

[Mrlonelyone]

@Trimmer

 

I wasn't "trying to break them up". I simply wanted her to know how I still felt. To be honest I expected it to go into the trash bin.

 

We don't really know that this guy is a "stable situation". There is an old saying where I come from... Anyone can date for 8 1/2 weeks. They will have reached that marker sometime next month.

 

I would like to establish the sort of stable "parent to parent" relationship you all speak of with her... however as I have tried to point out to you there are cultural reasons, and mental reasons on her side which make that impossible.

 

She's from a culture where admitting to a extramarital affair with a man and having a child with him would bring great shame. She's of a mindset which craves maximum drama. The result being that she has no mental motivation to have such a relationship. It's either I can woo her and win her or nothing at all.

 

If I had five minutes to talk to her, just five.. I would ask about my child. I would then urge her to move in with her brothers family for his sake and to leave both of us. That would be best and I hope I really hope that's what she does. I hope the next time our boy breaks down crying for his cousins and uncle she gives his tears the weight of 1000 of hers and 1,000,000 of mine.

[bentnotbroken]

This story gets more confusing with each post. She is great mom-she isn't a great mom by exposing the child to this man. The man is controlling but the man is stepping up to be a good father figure. She didn't cheat, she had an extramarital affair. She is the one for you, yet she is hysterical and put you through hell for 12 years. Anybody else get the sense this story is being made up and changed as it goes?

[Mrlonelyone]

has the child been adopted by another man

 

No.

 

or is another man listed as the child's father on the birth certificate

 

No.

 

or was a voluntary acknowledgement of paternity filed or was there a court ordered determination of paternity?

 

No.

 

Was she married to another man at the time of the birth or did she subsequently marry?

 

OK, I am confused. So she was married at the time you two conceived the child?

 

Neither. She never married her fiancee. He denied paternity and left the picture after the child was born. It was that clear to him that the child was not his.

 

Under Islamic Sharia law and Pakistani custom their arrangement/"engagement" was considered to be almost as serious as marriage...and any sex outside of marriage or such an arrangement is considered Taboo... having a child outside of those two states of a marriage or "engagement"*

 

I stepped in and for the better part of a year we tried to make things work. For a year of my son's life I was his father in practice. I was not a wealthy man. I had just finished college. I helped out any way I could with what money I had from the job I found near where they lived was just there for her in every way.

 

She did not claim me as the father... for the reasons of shame and custom and all that I mentioned before... It would ruin her rep amongst that community even more. When I outright asked her if I was the father she did not say no. She said "A real father would know by sight". In other words if I have to ask the answer is yes. Though said in that way it's not usable in court. I checked.

 

I should have seen trouble ahead when she would not introduce me to her parents and refused to see mine.

 

Our last argument was about of all things...weather true romantic love in the western sense of the words really existed. To her she sees relationships as a business arrangement....love may or may not come latter. Or so she says. After that little spat we seemed to make up... then without warning her family moved away and she did not tell me where. Just like that I went from father and uncle to nobody and stranger. :_(

 

We eventually started up email correspondence... some of which were quite racy. She never told me where she was though she did tell me how the kid was doing. That eventually died off after a few years.

 

*Another reason to be pessimistic that this new relationship will be the wonderful stable thing some assume/hope it would be. She's still Pakistani, and her family culture and religion's requirements will more than likely end this relationship too. The cultural differences will be no less between the two of them.

Edited December 31, 2010 by Mrlonelyone

[Mrlonelyone]

Penney.

 

You asked if I have requested the child's birth cert to see if anyone else is listed as his father. I have seen it, no other man has signed as his father, nor has she claimed anyone as his father.

 

Try to understand this. Illinois gives a mother who keeps a baby two years to claim someone as the father and order a DNA test.

 

However a putative father, a man who thinks he a childs father, i.e. me, only has 30 days not two years.

 

On the other hand a man who thinks he is not a child father can sue to get out of paying child support up to the kid's 18th birthday.

 

Understand.

 

I can understand the confusion on this point because we are all used to seeing men sue to get out of paying child support years and years latter. Most assume that a man can step up and take responsibility in the same way. No.

 

The only legal way I could step up, and have legally protected rights would be for me to have a relationship with the mother... to marry her... then as a couple adopt my son.

 

Otherwiswe I have no more right to talk to her about him than some random guy on the street. No more of a right than she decides to give me. Understand.

[You'reasian]

OP -

 

one question: how do you know that the boyfriend intercepted the phone message?

[Mrlonelyone]

Mrlonelyone - who were these lawyers you consulted with? Were they Illinois family law attorneys whom you made appointments with, visited their law offices to discuss the facts of the case and gave you formal legal advice?

 

Yes. I made an appointment, and told them everything.

 

They told me that a man in my position, who's not married to the woman... or who wasn't at least a live in boyfriend had no options. If the mother did not want to claim me I was just pooched.

 

I went to a very prominent and expensive lawyer too. One who fights for fathers rights all over the country. Even he said I was just SOL.

[Mrlonelyone]

@You'reasian

 

There are a couple of reasons that I think he intercepted the message. One is that we had been exchanging messages via Facebook before I sent that email. Those messages had been short and discrete.

 

The email was long, like two full pages. If she was sitting there reading it, and put her phone down he could have easily seen it. He may also have been suspicious and checked her phone. That's not an uncommon thing now a days.

 

@Penny

 

I asked lawyers here in Illinois and they tell me due to the time that had passed, and now has passed even more so... I am just out of luck.

 

Why would I lie to a room full of strangers about this?

 

The timing of our having sex, his birth, and the way he looks all point to me being his father. That's as much certainty as any man had before DNA paternity test... and to tell the truth it's as much certainty as most men ever need for claiming paternity.

 

I just don't have a legal leg to stand on because of this odd situation. Just trust me on this aspect.

[Mrlonelyone]

Penny everything you are saying is something I have done. I have tried every way there is to do this. A court would not at that time act...

 

possibly because they perceived her and her families moving away and not telling me where as an indication that I was not wanted... and we could not know where to send the supoena

 

No court would act now if they would not act then because it would mean disrupting that boys life. (This new BF is not a father figure yet).

 

In an ideal system perhaps things would be as you say. The family courts here in Illinois have a backlog of ...I think a couple years right now. So they are looking for any reason at all to throw a case out, any reason at all.

 

Sometimes the world just sucks and this is one of those times.

 

I should not have fooled with her when I did, but I was 22 going on 23... 23 year olds are not known for good judgement. I tried at 24 to make it work between us and so did she. It did not. We tried to just be parents with me very indirectly involved... That petered out.

 

Now I told her how I still felt about her, and our child and I got some big ox acting like she's his property after only a couple month's. No man with a shred of self respect would take that just laying down. I did not. I said my piece and that's that.

 

It's over.

[desertIslandCactus]

@Trimmer

 

If I had five minutes to talk to her, just five.. I would ask about my child. I would then urge her to move in with her brothers family for his sake and to leave both of us. That would be best and I hope I really hope that's what she does. I hope the next time our boy breaks down crying for his cousins and uncle she gives his tears the weight of 1000 of hers and 1,000,000 of mine.

 

I know where you're coming from by suggesting to her that you still care for her, or asking her if you can have a place in your son's life.

 

But it would probably be out of the question for her to want to consider moving back with her family. No woman wants that.. She would want a man/woman relationship for herself, rather than she and her son living alone in a family commune.

 

I do agree with you that two people together is not set in stone - until Marriage. But once she knows of your feelings, you pretty much must let it go for now.

[You'reasian]

@You'reasian

 

There are a couple of reasons that I think he intercepted the message. One is that we had been exchanging messages via Facebook before I sent that email. Those messages had been short and discrete.

 

The email was long, like two full pages. If she was sitting there reading it, and put her phone down he could have easily seen it. He may also have been suspicious and checked her phone. That's not an uncommon thing now a days.

 

@Penny

 

I asked lawyers here in Illinois and they tell me due to the time that had passed, and now has passed even more so... I am just out of luck.

 

Why would I lie to a room full of strangers about this?

 

The timing of our having sex, his birth, and the way he looks all point to me being his father. That's as much certainty as any man had before DNA paternity test... and to tell the truth it's as much certainty as most men ever need for claiming paternity.

 

I just don't have a legal leg to stand on because of this odd situation. Just trust me on this aspect.

 

It may have infact been her who wrote the email/message to you. Just food for thought.

[desertIslandCactus]

I do agree with you that two people together is not set in stone - until Marriage.[/quote

 

It is not set in stone when people marry. It just costs more to break up once you have married.

 

 

He can let go of her for now, but not his son.

 

It Should be set in stone upon marrying, and it was the original intention of marriage.

 

Just trying to point out, that I think all is Still fair game - until marriage.

 

Agreed. I too feel his son is of the most importance in this - and for his relationship with him.

 

While he has said the Illinois Supreme Court issued a ruling to back up the fact his attorneys cannot do anything for him.. I too, am still hopeful for an opening or a way.

[desertIslandCactus]

Well, here is something you haven't done. File a Complaint to Determine Parentage and state in the complaint that you believe these are extraordinary circumstance in that a legally fatherless child who is part black is being raised in an environment in which blacks are denigrated and he is being taught to deny his black heritage.

 

Because from all I can gather from your posts, you do in fact believe that.

 

If you think you can't find her, what was the IP address from where her boyfriend sent your reply email. That is a start.

 

I would think it would be a matter of finding an attorney who would consider doing this.

 

Court documents incl service have to lineup - or a judge would not allow or consider.