So your ex is feeding you crumbs......

[LifeIsGreat]

...... and you're trying to make sense of it?

 

If you have been dumped and wondering if you are getting signals from your ex that they want back, keep this in mind....

 

It's been said here that an ex should be knocking down your door asking for another shot at the relationship. I truly believe that. Whether I have been the dumper or dumpee I have always made my intentions very clear.

 

If you are getting mixed signals, or 'crumbs', let it go. If your ex doesn't have the fortitude to be straight up with you, that's not someone you want in your life anyway.

 

Relationships take work and communcation (not games and hints). These crumbs you are licking off the floor mean several things:

 

1) your ex isn't really sure they want you anyway

2) your ex is trying to make themselves feel better/get closure at your expense

3) your ex wants you back but doesn't have the emotional health, communication skills, balls, taking of responsibility, likes to play games, has unhealthy pride.

 

You see, either way it's a loose/loose situation if you keep working with these crumbs, and keep hoping they are a sign from God. Until your ex is clear about intentions, LEAVE THEM ALONE and stop wondering what they are trying to do. None of the answers is a healthy way to get back together anyway.

[ginastar]

but if they are giving you "crumbs" it does suggest they havent completely moved on?

so maybe be happy with that in that they are confused and ignore it until they figure it out.

[LifeIsGreat]

NO, it doesn't mean that. Sometimes an ex has NO interest in getting back with you, yet they don't want to completely stay out of touch.

 

Frankly, it doesn't matter what their crumbs mean. That's why I find it frustrating when I see so many people asking 'what does this mean'. It simply doesn't matter what it means.

 

The person broke up with you, so let them go and don't accept their crumbs. Move on with your life, otherwise you yourself aren't worth having. (not trying to be cruel)

[ginastar]

i didnt say it means they wanna get back. i just said it means they havent moved on, they are confused.

[homebrew]

LifeIsGreat,

 

Preach it brother!

 

You are DEAD RIGHT about the whole crumbs issue.

 

The Dumper wants you back... They will PURSUE you and there will be no doubt as to what their intentions are and what they are after.

 

You will not have to ask your friends, family or here on LS what the Dumpers is doing or what X means...

 

If you are doing this, The Dumper does not want you back and it is just them checking in, relieving guilt or boosting their ego. Nothing more, Nothing Less.

 

If you don't believe me... Go read the threads were people got back together... In all cases, the Dumpee knew exactly what the Dumper was doing because the Dumper TOLD THEM WHAT THEY WERE DOING / AFTER and MADE IT CRYSTAL CLEAR FOR EVERYONE TO SEE!

Edited December 29, 2010 by homebrew

[LifeIsGreat]

i didnt say it means they wanna get back. i just said it means they havent moved on, they are confused.

 

And what I'm saying is that none of the scenerios matter!! That person dumped you, so why does it matter if they moved on/confused??? Just keep telling yourself IT DOESNT MATTER.

 

My feeling is--- as long as you are giving any consideration to these crumbs, you aren't really moving forward with your OWN life. My advice to anyone is:

 

Stop licking crumbs off the floor and go get yourself a juicy steak.

[ginastar]

haha nice analogy. Im just saying sometimes it helps pple move on when they know there ex is not completely moved on either, so to ignore the "crumbs" but know u werent that easy to be given up, well as easy as it may have seemed. idk, is this bad to feel that way? I know it helped me a little, my ex had seemed head over heels with his new girl and once I started getting these signals from him it made me feel a bit better and yes I ignored them .

[LifeIsGreat]

Maybe I'm harsh, but I think I'm a mature guy. I really will never believe that what is going on in the ex's head should have anything to do with you, and your moving on. I DO see your point, especially remembering when I was younger. But the truth is, if you are relying on your ex's mindset to help you move on--- well, let's just say that's a bit of a problem.

 

One of the benefits of NC is that you don't know what's going on with your ex, so you don't really have to worry about it.

[Jake99]

NO, it doesn't mean that. Sometimes an ex has NO interest in getting back with you, yet they don't want to completely stay out of touch.

 

Frankly, it doesn't matter what their crumbs mean. That's why I find it frustrating when I see so many people asking 'what does this mean'. It simply doesn't matter what it means.

 

The person broke up with you, so let them go and don't accept their crumbs. Move on with your life, otherwise you yourself aren't worth having. (not trying to be cruel)

 

I totally agree! Too many times people sit and wait trying to figure out what the ex is trying to say. They feel either guilty because they hurt you and are trying to continue letting you down softly or you are a plan B waiting in the wings!

 

My ex gf dumped me after huge promises for a future. She has emailed a couple times and I refuse to respond! I know she went back to an old bf who whined and cried his way back into her life. The only reason she keeps in contact is because she knows it won't last with this guy and keeping intouch with me only boosts her ego and a hopeful plan B! Not gonne happen! I refuse to be a second for anyone and receiving crumbs only shows how low you would go.

[LifeIsGreat]

I totally agree! Too many times people sit and wait trying to figure out what the ex is trying to say. They feel either guilty because they hurt you and are trying to continue letting you down softly or you are a plan B waiting in the wings!

 

My ex gf dumped me after huge promises for a future. She has emailed a couple times and I refuse to respond! I know she went back to an old bf who whined and cried his way back into her life. The only reason she keeps in contact is because she knows it won't last with this guy and keeping intouch with me only boosts her ego and a hopeful plan B! Not gonne happen! I refuse to be a second for anyone and receiving crumbs only shows how low you would go.

 

How did you find out she went back to the old BF? And I agree... a whishy/washy woman like that is not worth having.

[homebrew]

TeraMadian summed it up best...

 

The problem is, a lot of Dumpees do not actually WANT to press / move on.

 

Your heart doesn't belong to anybody else. it belongs to you!

 

Your EX has no claim on it, other than the one you are still insisting on giving them.

Your EX doesn't want it.

Your EX has no use for it.

Your EX has discarded it, disregarded it, and is frankly ignoring it.

 

But you still want your EX to have your heart?

 

Kind of dumb, really, isn't it?

 

Don't you see how crazy that is?

__________________________________________________________________________

 

For some... They just can't "see" the situation for what it is at the moment.

 

I like how TeraMadian describes what a Dumpee is essentially doing with their heart / to themselves by not moving on / pursuing their EX / Pinning for the EX...

 

It also puts into words... What a Dumper did and why trying to get them back is an exercise in futility!

 

Props to TeraMadian!

[Jake99]

How did you find out she went back to the old BF? And I agree... a whishy/washy woman like that is not worth having.

 

As they say, it's a small world out there and it was passed on to me by a friend who didn't know we were broken up.

I am focused on myself. I work out 4-5 days a week, hang out with close friends who appreciate the value of my life and spend time for me!

I refuse to look back and punish myself for her wrong doings! Her loss, and she knows it too!

[SimonSerenade]

Thanks for this thread, Keep them coming, My ex fed me crumbs, Bought me nice gifts for Christmas, Sent me texts and after a nice phone call said she's sorry but things are awkward, Dosent want to talk about stuff etc, Feels now like she did all that just to put me back in a place I like to call HELL.

 

Took me a while to come back around to reality and in reality if she wanted to come back I'd be the first one to know as would all of you if your ex's had a sudden change of heart, Nothing in the mean time means anything.

 

Why hold these people so close to your heart when they did nothing but chew it up, Spit it out and stomped it into the ground, Hold dear who they used to be and realise there not that person now and try your hardest to move on, If you put half as much effort and focus on somebody else or something else that your putting on holding your ex up on some sort of pedestal, Think now about where you would be and where you could be.

 

Don't sit outside in the rain chained to the kennel hoping your owner will come back cause it simply don't work like that, Live now and carry out your life like they never existed cause that's what there doing right now, Will they regret it one day? If it was a bad break up or hardly anything was said then yeah they will, Maybe not to get you back but to at least say there peace.

 

Don't wait for that moment though, Work for the moment where you couldn't care less about what they have to say or what there intensions may be and though right now it may seem a million miles away, Just know that day will come and when it does =] be thankful you'll have your pride back.

[soleharmony1123]

LifeIsGreat,

 

I am so glad I came to this forum today. I don't usually come to the "Second Chances" forum, but I saw your thread and decided to "drop" in.

 

Your advice here is so strongly geared to what I'm experiencing with my ex. It's becoming like a d**n nightmare (and I'm not one to use profanity). And you're so right when you state "and you're trying to make sense of it?"

For what? It would only continue to serve my ex's egotistical mindset or his craving for attention. I have to continue to accept that, at this point, he's just up to no good. It also helps realizing he's not the same person I was in love with. He's drastically changed.

 

Thanks much for such sound, practical advice!

 

...... and you're trying to make sense of it?

 

If you have been dumped and wondering if you are getting signals from your ex that they want back, keep this in mind....

 

It's been said here that an ex should be knocking down your door asking for another shot at the relationship. I truly believe that. Whether I have been the dumper or dumpee I have always made my intentions very clear.

 

If you are getting mixed signals, or 'crumbs', let it go. If your ex doesn't have the fortitude to be straight up with you, that's not someone you want in your life anyway.

 

Relationships take work and communcation (not games and hints). These crumbs you are licking off the floor mean several things:

 

1) your ex isn't really sure they want you anyway

2) your ex is trying to make themselves feel better/get closure at your expense

3) your ex wants you back but doesn't have the emotional health, communication skills, balls, taking of responsibility, likes to play games, has unhealthy pride.

 

You see, either way it's a loose/loose situation if you keep working with these crumbs, and keep hoping they are a sign from God. Until your ex is clear about intentions, LEAVE THEM ALONE and stop wondering what they are trying to do. None of the answers is a healthy way to get back together anyway.

[LifeIsGreat]

LifeIsGreat,

It's becoming like a d**n nightmare (and I'm not one to use profanity). /QUOTE]

 

Oh, that's not profanity. Mother F)cker. Not THAT'S profanity. Give it a try sometime, it may make you feel better :)

[Mrlonelyone]

My heart is slowly moving around to seeing things the way you say lifeisgreat. It takes time to see crumbs of attention for what they are.

 

The brain knows what's going on. What game is being played. However the heart does not care, and takes it's sweet time. Sometimes the heart sees before the brain.... sometimes the heart is slow on the uptake.

[homebrew]

My heart is slowly moving around to seeing things the way you say lifeisgreat. It takes time to see crumbs of attention for what they are.

 

The brain knows what's going on. What game is being played. However the heart does not care, and takes it's sweet time. Sometimes the heart sees before the brain.... sometimes the heart is slow on the uptake.

 

Mrlonelyone,

 

That is great news to hear!

 

Be strong!

 

Hope you understand why I had to be so hard on you... You were going down a VERY bad road! Trying to protect you from yourself!

[Mrlonelyone]

I don't understand a think Homebrew. To be quite frank I wonder about people who are so hostile to those of us... who have fallen into complicated situations.

 

I can't just turn off what I feel and decide to just get involved with a single, other woman as if I am going to truly give her my heart.

 

Weather ya'll belive it or not there is so much more to my situation than can be adequately explained here. Soo much more.

[homebrew]

When you are getting threatened by your EXes boyfriend from HER email... It does not matter what you think and feel!

 

I am trying to PROTECT you from having a RESTRAINING ORDER filed against you... Which is the very next step that her Boyfriend is going to take if you do not stop. That is what I would do and so would all the other guys on here...

 

That GOES ON YOUR RECORD and can cause you some major damage with future employment!

 

If you are here on a Visa... Say Bye, Bye! You are gone...

 

Do you understand how bad that would be for you?

[soleharmony1123]

Alright....here goes....FotherMucker!!!! FotherMucker!!!

 

Did I get it right?!!! lol!

 

LifeIsGreat,

It's becoming like a d**n nightmare (and I'm not one to use profanity). /QUOTE]

 

Oh, that's not profanity. Mother F)cker. Not THAT'S profanity. Give it a try sometime, it may make you feel better :)

[homebrew]

Mother F)cker!

 

I feel better!

 

Sole, Do you?!?!?!

[Breakupguy12]

 

You see, either way it's a loose/loose situation if you keep working with these crumbs,

 

True, not to mention that eating the crumbs is elongating the amount of time it will take for you to heal.

[Mrlonelyone]

When you are getting threatened by your EXes boyfriend from HER email... It does not matter what you think and feel!

 

I am trying to PROTECT you from having a RESTRAINING ORDER filed against you... Which is the very next step that her Boyfriend is going to take if you do not stop. That is what I would do and so would all the other guys on here...

 

That GOES ON YOUR RECORD and can cause you some major damage with future employment!

 

If you are here on a Visa... Say Bye, Bye! You are gone...

 

Do you understand how bad that would be for you?

 

I don't think I have to worry about a Visa.... My family got here in 1608... not counting the American Indians. :-)n (her family is east indian.)

 

Second.... I don't think a BF can file a restraining order to keep guys from hitting on his GF. Not in this state... not in this country. You have to at least be a husband and even then I don't think that would fly.

 

Third perhaps I want that.... Since if domestic proceedings are open suddenly matters that were once closed may be reopened.. i.e. that paternity matter that I can't do anything about at the moment. ..... For then i would have a inalienable right to father my son... regardless of her life's issues.

 

Nahh.

 

Like I have said a dozen dozen times. My next move is not to move. She knows I'm there. She knows how to find me again. If she wants me I'll be around and open to her.

 

My mother, who I asked for advice says. "Women like that love to have men fight over them. They end up choosing the one who will not fight because he's the challenge." Hence I will not fight.

 

Which in effect is taking your advice.

[homebrew]

Good for you!

 

Since she has no mind of her own nor free will and is controlled by her family....

 

Why would you want to be with her?

 

She would never be "yours"... and you would be in a relationship with her family... not her.

 

Maybe that is how it works in your culture... but I want someone that isn't going to take my crap!

[Mrlonelyone]

Good for you!

 

Since she has no mind of her own nor free will and is controlled by her family....

 

Why would you want to be with her?

 

She would never be "yours"... and you would be in a relationship with her family... not her.

 

Maybe that is how it works in your culture... but I want someone that isn't going to take my crap!

 

Homebrew once again I am a person of African american, American Indian (feather not dot), and Eropean descent. I have ancestors who fought in the continental army and served in the house of burgeses of Virginia.

 

My culture is your culture.

 

She is in a relationship right now that her family would find.... marginally more acceptable... and is older and more mature and independant now than she was when I dealt with her. So who knows.

 

Either way I'm just going to move on. See what else is out there, like I was before last month when I decided to see if she was on FB, and who knows. In a few months we could have a complete role reversal. I'll be in a relationship... and she won't be. LOL