clack201 Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 My girlfriend and I are both 21 and very much in love. We have been going out for 2 years and I am her first boyfriend. She has never done anything sexually with anyone else and it is arousing to imagine her with other guys. She is going to europe to study abroad next semester and since she will be away from me for 3 months I am thinking of telling her my fantasy, but Im not sure how. I would like for her to be able to do stuff with guys and have fun while she is in europe because I think it would be fun for her to enjoy herself in that way. Many guys find her attractive, but she is somewhat conservative. Does anyone have any experience with anything like this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author clack201 Posted December 30, 2010 Author Share Posted December 30, 2010 I have had my fun in college with girls before we were going out and I would think it would be fun for her to enjoy the same sexual pleasure. Anyone have any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
homebrew Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 I'm all about being open and honest with the women I date... So by all means tell her. If you are "down with her" doing that... Nothing wrong with that. Now actually doing it... If you think she or you will be okay with being with other men and it not affecting things with the two of you... That is where I think you might be making an error in your calculations. Link to post Share on other sites
alexlakeman Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 Sure why not... I would play it out while she's where you at first and see how it goes... could be erotic Link to post Share on other sites
Author clack201 Posted December 30, 2010 Author Share Posted December 30, 2010 thats what I think. I want her to enjoy meeting another guy and I think abroad would be a great place. I know the night life in spain is pretty wild and we joke about her dancing with spanish guys. Link to post Share on other sites
welikeincrowds Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 I could tell you why I think you find it attractive but I would rather focus on how you might be able to work out your fantasy. You should listen to Dan Savage; he has great advice on various styles of polyamory. I would advise that you learn more about what works with other couples before you even bring it up with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author clack201 Posted December 30, 2010 Author Share Posted December 30, 2010 I have read somthing by him when searching. Its interesting because most of the people that have this fantasy are older married couples. I feel like everyone would think I am weird if I came out and said I wanted a one way open relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Yer_Blues Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 My girlfriend and I are both 21 and very much in love. We have been going out for 2 years and I am her first boyfriend. She has never done anything sexually with anyone else and it is arousing to imagine her with other guys. She is going to europe to study abroad next semester and since she will be away from me for 3 months I am thinking of telling her my fantasy, but Im not sure how. I would like for her to be able to do stuff with guys and have fun while she is in europe because I think it would be fun for her to enjoy herself in that way. Many guys find her attractive, but she is somewhat conservative. Does anyone have any experience with anything like this? It sounds like a great idea if you want her to break up with you or you want to confuse the **** out of a conservative girl who more likely than not just wants you. In my opinion, when it comes to things like this, porn has to suffice. Is this more for you or for her? If it's for her, I would forget the entire thing because she can do what she wants if that's what she wants. If YOU are the one this is for, I would reconsider how much she is worth to you and if this is something you are willing to sacrifice everything for. Gender roles are very heavily programmed by evolution despite everyones cry to the contrary, and a female is likely going to find something horribly disturbing about your manhood if you want other dudes banging her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author clack201 Posted December 30, 2010 Author Share Posted December 30, 2010 sure I find this idea arousing and I would like it to happen, but if it didn't my life wouldn't change. I just think it would be fun for her and me. Hooking up with new people is exciting and she never really experienced it. why not with me? Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 Q. Why am I so turned on by the thought of my girlfriend with another guy? A. Because YOU can CONTROL the THOUGHT. You lose that control in reality. Consider. Link to post Share on other sites
NoLongerSad Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 (edited) I would like for her to be able to do stuff with guys and have fun while she is in europe because I think it would be fun for her to enjoy herself in that way.It sounds like you think she won't unless you give her your permission first. You might want to give her a nice long kiss goodbye before she leaves, because odds are she'll do some significant experimenting whether you give her "permission" or not. College chicks don't spend months abroad in Europe, away from their bf, if they're heavily emotionally invested in the existing relationship. They go to Europe to find exotic European men (and women, perhaps) to expand their sexual horizons, esp. inexperienced chicks like your gf. Sounds like you were a good "starter relationship" for her, but now she's ready to move on. Kind of ironic that you would be posting this kind of thing, but like frisky says, most likely you already realize she's as good as gone and for ego's sake, you want to be the one to give her "permission" to have sex with other men, as an imaginary form of "control," when most likely that's what's going to happen whether you like it, or not. Edited December 30, 2010 by NoLongerSad Link to post Share on other sites
Yer_Blues Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 Q. Why am I so turned on by the thought of my girlfriend with another guy? A. Because YOU can CONTROL the THOUGHT. You lose that control in reality. Consider. EXACTLY! Just because when you imagine it in your fantasy, it's fun for everyone, doesn't mean that's going to be the case in reality. She is going to react to this in a very unpredictable way, because this is something uncommon and pretty taboo, and you mention that she's conservative. More likely than not, and I bet you can poll a majority of the women on here, she does not want the guy she is in a monogamous relationship with to be comfortable with her screwing around with other guys. She could very well be repulsed by this, go to Europe upset at or confused about you and have second thoughts, especially around these other guys you want to get into her. So just understand that you are taking a huge chance that could blow up in your face if you do this, that's all. Link to post Share on other sites
Akumark Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 There is always the partner-swapping club if you wanna try it at your own pace. I went there with a couple of really close friends and they really liked it even if they are pretty conservative. Half the crowd was about 25-30 years old and the rest 31-50. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 I had an ex who had this fantasy, and he told me about it. We never acted on it, because we didn't want to put our relationship at risk, but it was kind of hot to think and talk about. I'm a one-man woman and have no desire to sleep with anyone else while in a relationship, and no desire to see my man with someone else. But the thought of it was clearly very arousing to this guy, and I saw nothing wrong with exploring a fantasy. It felt intimate and hot to be so honest and open-minded with each other. You are not alone in this fantasy, and I think a lot of people just keep quiet about it because it's not mainstream. As for your relationship, it's up to you whether you want to talk about this fantasy or not. But at 21, I think many women would find it strange or possibly threatening, so I'd broach the subject very carefully. I'd start out by commenting on how it's hot when other guys check her out, or something relatively innocuous like that. She'll probably either crinkle her nose (eww) or raise an eyebrow (intriguing). Where to go from there is up to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author clack201 Posted December 30, 2010 Author Share Posted December 30, 2010 I agree it is a hot fantasy to explore, even if just talking about it. I know she will not cheat in europe, but the thought of her getting hot and heavy with a guy there is really a turn on. I feel like there is a 90 percent chance that she wouldnt do it even if I told her I was ok with it, but there is that 10 percent of a chance where she may be drinking and dancing and shes thinks "hey he did say I could do whatever" and hook up with a guy. I think it would be a good chance for her because abroad is a no strings attached kinda thing so even if she acknowledged that it was just a fling I couldnt see it hurting us. Its just fun, but probably not going to happen anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 (edited) I agree it is a hot fantasy to explore, even if just talking about it. I know she will not cheat in europe, but the thought of her getting hot and heavy with a guy there is really a turn on. I feel like there is a 90 percent chance that she wouldnt do it even if I told her I was ok with it, but there is that 10 percent of a chance where she may be drinking and dancing and shes thinks "hey he did say I could do whatever" and hook up with a guy. I think it would be a good chance for her because abroad is a no strings attached kinda thing so even if she acknowledged that it was just a fling I couldnt see it hurting us. Its just fun, but probably not going to happen anyway. I had a boyfriend back in the US when I studied abroad in Europe for 4 months (sigh, my first love), and I did not even come close to straying, though I had ample opportunities. There was this German guy in my program who was totally hitting on me that I STILL think about. He was my German Iron Man fantasy come to life, and an artist like me. Given that my relationship fell apart not long after I moved back to the States, and given that all signs were flashing that it was going to end, I wish I'd dumped him before going abroad. Or I wish that he'd given me free reign to go wild with hot European guys. But at the tender age of 21 myself, I probably would have felt a lot different if he had actually put that on the table. Edited December 30, 2010 by Ruby Slippers Link to post Share on other sites
ecm Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 Q. Why am I so turned on by the thought of my girlfriend with another guy? A. Because YOU can CONTROL the THOUGHT. You lose that control in reality. Consider. <<ding ding ding ding ding>> brilliant. don't do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author clack201 Posted December 30, 2010 Author Share Posted December 30, 2010 Thats a good point hahaha. I feel like she would never consider the idea, but if it was on the table she could take advantage of it if she felt like it would be a good experience. She will be gone for a couple months so I am sure she is going to run into at least one interesting circumstance with a guy she finds attractive. If she did I would not be jealous and the things that normal people would be jealous about I find to be a turn on. Like what if he was better or bigger than me? I think if she had fun doing it then that is a great experience. She could look back and have the memories of that wild night with whoever. It would also be fun for her to tell me about it. Alot of people probably think its weird, but I don't think of her as a slut or want to objectify her or anything. I just want her to have fun, which she is going to have regardless even if she doesn't experience anything like this. My first year of college I had numerous sexual encounters with my friends that were girls and I wouldn't take it back ever it was fun, It would just be cool if she experienced that too if the opportunity arose. Link to post Share on other sites
Yer_Blues Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 You recognize that you aren't like normal people, and yet by revealing how irregular you are, you don't expect any confusion or potential negative reaction? You really think she is going to **** a bigger guy and then talk to you about it and feel completely comfortable with you or not change her outlook at all? If it's really a dealbreaker if she won't cuckold you, I guess you should do this. Otherwise, you are setting yourself up to be single. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 My girlfriend and I are both 21 and very much in love. We have been going out for 2 years and I am her first boyfriend. She has never done anything sexually with anyone else and it is arousing to imagine her with other guys. She is going to europe to study abroad next semester and since she will be away from me for 3 months I am thinking of telling her my fantasy, but Im not sure how. I would like for her to be able to do stuff with guys and have fun while she is in europe because I think it would be fun for her to enjoy herself in that way. Many guys find her attractive, but she is somewhat conservative. Does anyone have any experience with anything like this? Clack, as I told you last time you wrote about this same concern: Clack, In your particular situation, with the girlfriend having never had another partner, there is the considerable impact of her putting great value in her true monogamy. Were you a pair of 45yo divorcees, who just met and started dating, then it would be a lit-tle easier to broach the subject and not send her running from the relationship. However, one hope you have, is (did I read correctly?) that she's going overseas THAT IS your window of chance to at least be "fair" to her and allow that she see and mate with other guys, in case the long time period is too constricting given the new environment. Now there is a CHANCE that she will never come back to you, given free roam of the European countryside that way, BUT, if she multiplies her sex partner 'number' while there, then IF she comes back, you are then free to share your unique interests with her without so much fear. For now, you just have too great a psychological barrier in her own 'pride' about having given it up to only one guy. Link to post Share on other sites
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