My story.

[Floridaman]

Duck,

I think it takes 30 days and at least 50 posts.... so there's a time element before getting PM privileges.

[hopesndreams]

I really admire your stance. Pretty soon he will be pulling his hair out, if he hasn't already.

 

You are doing great!

[Duckduckgoose]

His response to my last text: "Will use mail"

 

Kind of like two weeks ago when he was supposed to mail the air mattress.

 

I think I might pull MY hair out.

 

If he wants this divorce and I am giving it to him, why does he have to make the journey between here and freedom so damn difficult? He should be jumping for damn joy.

[dreamingoftigers]

He's got guilt and isn't 100% sure and he is acting, that would also explain why your lawyer has to draw up the papers, he doesn't want to be responsible for this.

 

Nice walk-away-spouse you got there.

 

Sorry you got the ****-end.

[Duckduckgoose]

Oh I told him he had to get a lawyer to do that. My lawyer is just to protect me, read the D papers over and tell me what they say (in terms I understand) so I don't sign anything that will screw me.

[Duckduckgoose]

Today I got a bill from Comcast internet, saying that last month's bill was late. He said he would pay the December bill and that I would start paying starting January's bill. Well he didn't pay the December bill so I got stuck with that AND the ****ing late fee.

 

I know now that I can not trust a single thing he says he will or will not do. He lied several times about the air mattress (first saying that he had it and was sleeping on it, then saying that he was using one of his buddy's air mattresses, then that he didn't have the air mattress), then he makes an issue about getting me the money for the air mattress, and takes back his offer for the $400, saying he'll only pay $200... and I have yet to see the money for either.

 

And saying he would pay the Comcast bill for December and not doing that. Nothing he says now is trustworthy. I can't wait for this divorce... I used to be upset about him leaving but now I probably want this more than he does.

 

BTW, a person really shows their ass in situations like this. I feel sorry for the next girl that has to deal with him.

[Floridaman]

Nothing he says now is trustworthy. I can't wait for this divorce... I used to be upset about him leaving but now I probably want this more than he does.

BTW, a person really shows their ass in situations like this. I feel sorry for the next girl that has to deal with him.

I think you're learning some things, Duck. You learn a person's true character when things go bad and they abandon you.

You're also starting to realize he wasn't such a great guy.

Best of luck to you, Duck. We're all rooting for you.

[Duckduckgoose]

Every day I start feeling better and better about this situation. I know I have been blessed now looking back on this. Today I finished my Healthcare Provider CPR & AED certification class, and got my card

 

I was kind of worried that I wouldn't be able to get my stbxH's bank information for the lawyer to try and get 1/2 of rent paid till this lease is up. She said I had leverage but I had to provide all the info I could. I knew he would never give his bank account # to me willingly during the divorce so I figured I was SOL.

 

I also had his mail stopped to this apartment last week because I asked him twice to change his address so his **** wouldn't get dropped here anymore.

 

Strangely enough today, his bank statement got dropped off here. I need it for the lawyer so I opened it...

 

Got curious and looked at the charges on it...

 

Oh.... about $300 worth of porn downloads... About $100 of dinners for two people...

 

He's buying cigarettes again too. One of the big things that he was so proud of was that I helped him quit smoking. He also would show me his bank statements while we were married and none of those things were on there.

 

So he's buying porn, paying for dinners (******* didn't pay for my dinners, we took turns, and definitely not $100 worth), and smoking again. What a worthless piece of ****.

 

But the important thing is I have the bank account numbers now. It seems like some divine hand was guiding the postman to put that mail in my slot when I had it stopped.

 

What is weirder is that I was doodling on my CPR assessment earlier today and I wrote the words "Three things can not be long hidden, the sun, the moon, and the truth" - The Buddah

 

I guess that truth wasn't hidden so long.

 

I let out a string of cusswords so long and convoluted when I saw the crap on his statement that I am sure my birds probably picked up a few of them

[dreamingoftigers]

Every day I start feeling better and better about this situation. I know I have been blessed now looking back on this. Today I finished my Healthcare Provider CPR & AED certification class, and got my card

 

I was kind of worried that I wouldn't be able to get my stbxH's bank information for the lawyer to try and get 1/2 of rent paid till this lease is up. She said I had leverage but I had to provide all the info I could. I knew he would never give his bank account # to me willingly during the divorce so I figured I was SOL.

 

I also had his mail stopped to this apartment last week because I asked him twice to change his address so his **** wouldn't get dropped here anymore.

 

Strangely enough today, his bank statement got dropped off here. I need it for the lawyer so I opened it...

 

Got curious and looked at the charges on it...

 

Oh.... about $300 worth of porn downloads... About $100 of dinners for two people...

 

He's buying cigarettes again too. One of the big things that he was so proud of was that I helped him quit smoking. He also would show me his bank statements while we were married and none of those things were on there.

 

So he's buying porn, paying for dinners (******* didn't pay for my dinners, we took turns, and definitely not $100 worth), and smoking again. What a worthless piece of ****.

 

But the important thing is I have the bank account numbers now. It seems like some divine hand was guiding the postman to put that mail in my slot when I had it stopped.

 

What is weirder is that I was doodling on my CPR assessment earlier today and I wrote the words "Three things can not be long hidden, the sun, the moon, and the truth" - The Buddah

 

I guess that truth wasn't hidden so long.

 

I let out a string of cusswords so long and convoluted when I saw the crap on his statement that I am sure my birds probably picked up a few of them

 

Truly Duck, I totally thought that there had to be something adulterous for such a quick, emotionless escape with all of that "your lawyer has to draw up the papers stuff." He is probably telling someone that you dumped him and are filing for D.

 

It just seemed too conflict-avoidant to push so hard for the end of the marriage instead of telling you what's up. I caught the same kind of crap from my H in March. He was heavily, heavily critical of every move I made for about 3-4 months and then he just took off and claimed he couldn't handle us because "the house was never clean enough." I had just scrubbed everything top to bottom that weekend! We run a house cleaning service for chrissakes!

[Duckduckgoose]

Well this new person is welcome to my stbxH, she can deal with his ****, and I hope she likes the porn problem. As for me, I am just gonna move on with my life, no use crying over spilt milk. I am not sure how long I want to wait for him to file the D papers. He doesn't seem in a hurry to do it now, I would have expected to be served earlier already and am kind of looking forward to it. I want to be able to date again sometime and would not be morally able to do so if I was still legally married.

 

I hope your H came around, and you are whipping him into shape.

[Duckduckgoose]

Its been a few weeks since he said he'd send the $$ for my stuff and never did. So I texted this morning and said:

 

"It has been a few weeks and I have not received my things in the mail. Where are they? And also when can I expect the divorce papers so I can set up another appointment with my attorney?"

 

To which he has not responded, but when I got back today from paying my tuition and getting enrolled for my nursing class I got one of those 'Sorry we missed you things' from the mailman.

 

It was from him, certified mail, like I suggested he send the money. I am kind of hoping that the divorce papers will be in there too. I really want to get this mess over with. I will keep this thread updated.

[hopesndreams]

Did you let him know you found out he's a cheating piece of sh*t?

[Duckduckgoose]

No, because it's technically illegal to open someone else's mail. Having his bank account #s is the trump card I plan to use for my lawyer when I try to get him to pay 1/2 the rent till the lease is up.

 

The lawyer also wants me to get him to pay for my health insurance till I have a job again. I dunno about all that, but he's making about $2000/month and not having to pay rent or utilities, etc. Just whatever is left on his totalled truck payment, cell phone, and health insurance. Which is about maybe $600/month all total.

 

So he's got $1400/month of money not being used for anything, since he's freeloading off his co-worker... well... minus the $300 for porn and $200 for cigarettes. But I don't think addictions count. I guess I should include food for him too lol.

 

I do know from the bank statement that he wasn't able to kick me off the health insurance, but he didn't ask me for the $140 that I would owe him. Oh well.

 

I should have a new job here soon, my CNA training starts later this month and most nurses get a job right out of school. The training is 10 days long.

 

I guess I will have to wait till next month's bank statement to see if he is still spending money on dinners.

 

For some reason I get this feeling he's going to come crawling back. I hope it's wrong.

[hopesndreams]

You're doing everything right, building up your strength and knowing you deserve more in life and he doesn't even figure into your new life. Who wants a backstabbing, dishonest, porn guzzling, chicken sh8t? Certainly not you, you're onto bigger and better things. He's OW's booby prize.

[Duckduckgoose]

Before he left I told him the next woman he gets with have her call me so I can give it to her straight about him. I don't think he will do that, probably because he doesn't want her to know the truth.

 

There is a list of all the things I didn't like about him on my fridge. I thought I would need to look at it from time to time when I am feeling down but there is this bright light at the end of the divorce tunnel that outshines all the good times we had together.

 

Soon-to-be-ex-Husband as I knew him is dead and gone. The person he is now is a different one and not the one I married. Therefore I see no reason to let him back should he come back, and he is not a factor in my life anymore.

 

I am not 100% better and probably won't be for a while, but there is too much going for my life to waste it on him.

 

I am just babbling, but it helps to let it all out.

[Duckduckgoose]

The parcel he sent was just the $200 and the $40 gift card to replace my air mattress. I was really hoping for the divorce papers too. He hasn't responded to my text message yet either.

[Duckduckgoose]

Bleh... yesterday and today are going to be "bad" days I guess. I've been having so many good ones lately I wondered when the pendulum was going to swing.

 

Its probably also because I am going to start ragging in the next couple days. I think that's it... cause the last couple "times of the month" have been bad also.

 

Right now I feel worthless, deflated, unlovable. I am going to a superbowl party with the single's group at the church I attend tonight... I already met some of the people... instead of being excited I feel more like "Thanks X, thanks a whole lot you ******* for making me have to go through all this meeting new people **** and having to eventually put myself out there to date again. You ****ing prick... I really hope you get what you deserve".

 

I feel like no one I would ever like or want will like or want me. The ladies in my Sunday School class all think I am wise far beyond my years... I am 27 and most of them are in their 40s+ married/divorced/ with and without kids. I told one of them that I probably have a very old soul... something I've been convinced of for a long time.

 

But if I was so wise why the **** am I the one getting the **** end of this divorce? What did I do to deserve this? I wasn't a perfect wife but I tried so hard to be patient and be a good wife... it feels like I shouldn't be having to go through this when much ****tier people have a lot easier road than I do.

 

I am trying not to throw myself a pity party... there are mountain bikers in the singles group... mostly males I think. I don't know if they would be open to a female mountain biker, but one of them lives really close to the trails. Some of the females are okay, they seems much more successful and prettier than I am... I feel like with all the other pretty women out there with so much going for them why would a good man want me?

 

I know this is one of my bad days and it will pass... I am trying to vent this out into my separation/divorce thread so others can see the process of divorce from my perspective. I have so much things going on this month, I don't know why I should be sad... I start CNA classes, I get my tattoo on Tuesday, I will hopefully be going to Mardi Gras in a couple weeks (throw me something mister!), and maybe next month if I don't get to go to Mardi Gras going to a big week long SCA event down in Mississippi (Gulf Wars).

 

There is so much bright stuff that to feel hopeless right now seems stupid... to feel worthless IS worthless...

 

But that is how I am feeling today and yesterday... and I did some crying too...I can't reconcile my logic with my emotions and emotions tromple logic and take up too much of my energy. Its a pretty day outside and I should be out enjoying it... but here I am typing cause I am sad

[Duckduckgoose]

The Superbowl Party I went to was nice. I talked to males and females of different ages. I started feeling like crap again towards the end.

 

When I left and was driving back to my apartment I had the feeling of having lost a big chunk of myself again... it felt like I wasn't missing companionship... but I was missing my stbxH in specific, as if I wished he was there.

 

I have destroyed or gotten rid of most everything in the apartment that reminds me of him, I have also been burning a purification candle and have bought the sage smudge sticks to finish the purification process once I sign the divorce papers to get his "residue" out of the apartment... to get it clean and open for a new mate whenever that happens.

 

But back to the suck drive. It was trying to put words to my feelings so I could write them here and discuss them with my counselor when she gets back from the counselor conference she is at this week.

 

It felt like I had backslid really bad from the good progress that I've made in the past month. I don't know why besides maybe PMS hormones... I've not contacted him or looked at pictures or anything. I am just staying busy and doing my best to move on with my life.

 

Besides feeling like a big ass chunk of myself was missing, it felt like I had been stomped on with a big heavy soled boot, it felt like the pieces of ego I had been building up had runnoft and left me with a sore heart. It felt like I was experiencing the first month after he left again before I got to my senses. I wanted to blame him for everything I am having to go through now, of having to meet new people, the whys and how could yous of it all.

 

I tried flipping the radio stations and the CD changer to find a good song to sing along with or whatever but everything was crap. I get to my apartment complex and almost hit the hot cop, who is getting out of his car (in uniform yummy) and walking in. I pull my car in and he's just loitering around it seems like he was almost waiting for me to park.

 

So I park and apologize, and make some small talk with him. He said he was glad I wasn't the Mercedes Benz guy that tries to hit him all the time and is always drunk. I tell him a joke about Benz drivers. "What is the difference between a porcupine and Benz driver? The porcupine has the prick on the outside"

 

Hot cop kind of smiled. This is same hot cop that has tailed me before on the road running my tags, and a few days ago I gave him the "I wants to **** you" eye as he was leaving and I was downstairs getting my mail. It was only about 10 seconds of us both staring but that **** was kind of intense.

 

I said I hoped he wouldn't pull me over if he had a Benz since I made that joke and he said he drove a Mitsubishi. *phew*

 

That gave me a bit of an ego boost. This cop is very nice looking and I have been thinking of some rebound sex with him. I don't know if that would be the right thing to do. Would it be worse in the long run?

 

I also spoke with a neighbor for a while about another neighbor that is going to jail tomorrow... as he is turning himself in. He commited a crime on New Year's Day and when I got back from church the next day he told me what he did... well he got on Most Wanted and now he's got a lawyer but is still going to jail for a while. I asked if I could have his Tolkien books:p

 

When the neighbor brought the cop up, I mentioned that I would like to **** him, divorce or not. It might get around...

 

The normalcy of that I guess kind of helped me feel more balanced again.

 

Maybe my period should just start so my hormones won't make me have moods like this.

[Duckduckgoose]

I haven't seen divorce papers yet. I texted stbxH last week he said he'd call his lawyer... then never texted back.

 

I texted him again yesterday about the divorce papers and he texted that his lawyer was on vacation but I should have my papers by the end of this week.

 

We shall see. I think he is lying and said as much to my father. My father suggested that if I don't get the papers to ask him for the name of his lawyer, if he even has one.

 

I guess "Believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see" applies here. I can only assume that stbxH is lying to me until I get served.

[Duckduckgoose]

The end of the week has arrived and still no D papers. Its kind of stupid to fiddle fart around about this. He is the one that wanted the divorce and quickly as possible. Hell he left over 2 months ago, and I've had time to contact a lawyer and get my **** together by now, I don't really understand the holdup on his end. Surely the freedom ringing in his ears would be enough to motivate his ass?

 

Mr. Please-don't-drag-this-out-and-let-it-be-a-clean-cut is the one dragging it out.

[Duckduckgoose]

I sent a text this morning... my obligatory Tuesday text it seems to be. "What is the name and phone number of your lawyer so my lawyer can contact them about getting the papers".

 

His response "The papers have just been signed and my lawyer will mail to you. Sorry for delay".

 

Lets see if this week holds any merit.

 

Also, I wondered how his grandparents were doing so I did a google search of them last night. And that turned up that his Grandmother had died on January 25th. No one bothered to tell me. How ****ty. I probably wouldn't have attended the funeral due to my now "estranged" relationship with their grandson, but it would have been nice to know so I could have paid my respects with flowers or a card.

 

His grandparents really liked me, and I really liked and respected them as well. We visited them on their farm in Kentucky 5 days before stbxH left me. I spoke to his grandmother on the phone a lot, and she taught me how to sew. I helped them put up Christmas decorations, built their Christmas wreath... made a holder for their bubble candles... they gave me all kinds of neat pieces of driftwood, rocks, and fossils to decorate with. They had a really neat rock and driftwood garden that I helped by getting neat driftwood from bike trails and dragging it back with me...

 

I asked my father and my counselor what I should do about it, and they both agreed that it was wrong for no one to tell me she had passed... less than two months after we visited... and less than a month after the last time we talked (pretty sure it was less than a month).

 

Should I send the condolences card? Should I mention that it was late because I didn't know she had passed? She was 75, her husband is 81. They've been married since they were teenagers... I don't think he's going to live much longer without her?

[Duckduckgoose]

I would kind of like a response as to what to do about the card... and what to say. My dad says don't mention that no one told me it would rub salt in the wound. I would like them to know though that I wasn't informed and I found it quite rude as I really liked her, whether or not I am part of the family anymore or not.

[hopesndreams]

I sent a text this morning... my obligatory Tuesday text it seems to be. "What is the name and phone number of your lawyer so my lawyer can contact them about getting the papers".

 

His response "The papers have just been signed and my lawyer will mail to you. Sorry for delay".

 

Lets see if this week holds any merit.

 

Also, I wondered how his grandparents were doing so I did a google search of them last night. And that turned up that his Grandmother had died on January 25th. No one bothered to tell me. How ****ty. I probably wouldn't have attended the funeral due to my now "estranged" relationship with their grandson, but it would have been nice to know so I could have paid my respects with flowers or a card.

 

His grandparents really liked me, and I really liked and respected them as well. We visited them on their farm in Kentucky 5 days before stbxH left me. I spoke to his grandmother on the phone a lot, and she taught me how to sew. I helped them put up Christmas decorations, built their Christmas wreath... made a holder for their bubble candles... they gave me all kinds of neat pieces of driftwood, rocks, and fossils to decorate with. They had a really neat rock and driftwood garden that I helped by getting neat driftwood from bike trails and dragging it back with me...

 

I asked my father and my counselor what I should do about it, and they both agreed that it was wrong for no one to tell me she had passed... less than two months after we visited... and less than a month after the last time we talked (pretty sure it was less than a month).

 

Should I send the condolences card? Should I mention that it was late because I didn't know she had passed? She was 75, her husband is 81. They've been married since they were teenagers... I don't think he's going to live much longer without her?

 

Yes, send her husband the condolence card with no mention of no one telling you. You know now, that's the main thing, google can be pretty darn handy. Write in it what you wrote here about your special memories.

[BlindRage]

I would kind of like a response as to what to do about the card... and what to say. My dad says don't mention that no one told me it would rub salt in the wound. I would like them to know though that I wasn't informed and I found it quite rude as I really liked her, whether or not I am part of the family anymore or not.

 

Well if you feel that special bond with them -which you obviously do based on the fondness you have for them- please do send a card with love. I think at a hard time like this it would show your support and respect. Don't send it with intend of ANYTHING from your ex-husband, just genuine love.

 

I'm sorry I do not have advice on what to say. You should say what comes to your heart I don't think anyone could answer that for you. It has to be as innovative as your care for them.

[Duckduckgoose]

I don't plan to mention my stbxH in the card, nor do I plan to mention that I now know she passed away to him, or how he... or anyone... failed to mention it to me.

 

I will probably write the card out tonight and mail it tomorrow. I am upset that stbxH was too ****ty to mention it to me. Just another black mark in his book.