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My story.


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Duckduckgoose

Already posted at the coping board lol

 

I'm not running away I'm just changing apartments so-to-speak :p

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  • 8 months later...
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Duckduckgoose

Its been a year since my exH left me, and almost 6 months since the D was final.

 

Time has healed many wounds. Some will stick with me probably forever. I'm not the same person anymore. I like to think I've changed for the better.

 

There are still days that I cry, but those are fewer and farther between now. I have just started a relationship with someone I've been "seeing" for several months now. It was very difficult at first... after I would leave from hanging out with him I would get back to my place, sit in my BRAND NEW CAR, and cry.

 

I took it very slow with him for that reason, and some other reasons (on his end). I didn't tell him about that, I didn't tell anyone really. Just Loveshack.

 

I got a good paying job that I very much enjoy going and doing everyday. I am so very thankful to have it!

 

I couldn't have done any of this without God first and foremost. DivorceCare and Individual Counseling helped tremendously. I understand where I messed up in my marriage.

 

Things I didn't do: I didn't drink away the pain, or take drugs to numb it. I didn't harass or stalk my exH. I kept NC even when he called me a few months ago. In fact I changed my phone number ASAP after that.

 

I took the time to focus on me, and while I don't enjoy the single life that much, I knew I needed the time to myself to recover from such deep wounds as my exH made when he left.

 

One thing I really want to point out is that you will not be the same person you were as when you got married, or as when you were married... as you are when you are divorced. Some days I notice things that are different about me. The DivorceCare teacher made a comment that when you are married you're like a piece of meat. When you get divorced its like ripping the meat in half. Parts of you will stay with that other person and parts of them will stay with you. There is a lot of my exH in me now. Nothing bad, just things about him that are now "me"... like analyzing food I cook for example, or not being able to stand silence for very long.

 

I also read a lot of self-help and dating books. I did a lot of introspection.

 

Things get better from the disaster and tragedy that IS divorce. I really don't recommend it in situations except where there is cheating, abuse, drugs and alcohol, etc... though.

 

I saw too many people who were walking wounded years and years after divorce... the impact of such a decision is SEVERE. Its not like Hollywood makes it out to be. It will drag you through hell and back, and then again, and again. It messes you up in ways you can't understand....and mine was one of the "cleaner" ones from what I understand.

 

So if anyone reading this is contemplating leaving because they've "fallen out of love" or whatever vague reason "I need to find myself" or something else shallow PLEASE RECONSIDER. Get counselling, independent AND marriage counselling. PRAY! Ask God to help you and your spouse.

 

Yes you can survive it, yes you can come out better. But you can also survive jumping from a 3-story building... but does that mean you should?

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