tom_gbr Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 Im really confused and dont know what to do Around 2 weeks a go my girlfriend of six months finished our relationship just out of the blue when speaking on the phone one night. We had done so much together in that time, spent christman together and i took her to paris.she is 16 and i am 20 and she is my first proper girlfriend. we also live 2 hours apart as we met on holiday. She told me that the last thing she needed in her life was a boyfriend and that she needed some time to sort out her life and that she couldn't appreciate me and everything i do for her. she also said that because of her age we both want different things in life at the moment and that she could be missing out on something if she carried it on any longer. I love her so much and when we are together it's amazing as we have the best time, she said at the time when we broke up that she loved me but now im not so sure. For several days after we broke up we were still texting each other and phoning each other both quite upset. She then told me that i couldnt keep phoning and texting her all the time but recently she's been doing that to me! We havent met up yet since we broke up and im trying to arrange to see her but she says its too soon. She wants us to be close friends but im not sure i could deal with that.She still means the world to me and i would do anything to have her back in my life. Do i just see her one last time as we broke up over the phone and just walk away? Or do i try the close friends option? someone help! Link to post Share on other sites
FreeMe Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 I'm sorry you're hurting, but I think you should let her go and find someone your own age. She's absolutely right. She's too young for you - she's too young to have to deal with the stress of a relationship with a 20 year old who has different expectations. You should look at the experience with her as positive - as your first girlfriend, someone who cared for you, your capacity for love - but you should move on. Link to post Share on other sites
tom_gbr Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 You say i should let her go and move on, but is it a good idea to try and be close friends? I just find it really hard dealing with the fact that she will be having other relationships. She says that she doesn't need a boyfriend in her life right now so does that mean she's gonna just have flings with men? I would find it so hard to cope with this if thats true as the fact of someone else with her drives me crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
FreeMe Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 It's hard to be friends with someone you have feelings for because you can't detach enough. Like you say, it would be hard to know she was going on dates with other people, even if you knew they weren't serious. She also may be jealous if you're interested in someone else and then you may misinterpret her feelings as wanting you for herself, when you know that can't work right now. You could try to be friends, but I don't think it usually works until some time has passed and the feelings aren't as strong. I'm sorry you're going through this. I know how hard it is. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
miscel Posted March 19, 2004 Share Posted March 19, 2004 The fact is she is only 16 and probably incapable of knowing what she really wants at this point of her life. There is so much she wants to experience. You should really move on and find someone closer to your age. I know, when I was 15 I had a boyfriend who was 20 and he couldn't understand all the things I needed to do and get out of my system, being a teenager and all, and he didn't want to do them with me. He had already been there and done that. He wanted me too grow up faster than I wanted too. I also have dated younger guys when I was older and I know that there was too much immaturity there that made a relationship hard. I know what you are going thru and it is very hard. Once you start dating women, not little girls, you will see a difference in the maturity level regarding commitment and relationships. And once you turn 21 you wont have to worry about going out without her because she will be able to go with you unlike a 16 year old. Link to post Share on other sites
hurtingandconfused Posted March 19, 2004 Share Posted March 19, 2004 The fact is she is only 16 and probably incapable of knowing what she really wants at this point of her life. Girls/women still do not know what they want until they reach the age of 25.(-around there-my theory) Consider yourself more fortunate this ended sooner than later. You should not contact her until YOU are ready to become friends. Let yourself heal. I'm going through it for my first time also...so you are not alone. She's 16, it is against the law to have a "real" relationship with a minor. Just walk away and cherish the good times you once had. Let her grow up and learn what true love is all about. And then maybe she will realize what you guys had then. Who knows what could happen in the future? Link to post Share on other sites
tom_gbr Posted March 19, 2004 Share Posted March 19, 2004 the thing is that she is very mature for her age so its a good balance as i can be quite immature sometimes. ive changed my whole life for her. I moved home from university just so i could use my car to go and see her, got a new job and put her before my friends which was a bad thing. I feel so empty living at home now, before when i was seeing her it was ok as i knew i could look forward to seeing her on the weekend, so it didnt matter that none of my mates were around me. now what do i do? Im constantly thinking about her, Im supposed to be going up this wednesday to see her for the first time since we broken up. I dont wanna act upset and be asking loads of questions as i know this will probably be the last time i see her. she also wants me up there as a friend as it will be harder to let go if we acted more. But i want to have a special night with her as my girlfriend. I think it would be worse for me knowing that i can only talk to her. to be able to hold her hand and cuddle her would be great. also to make love for one last time as i would really like a time to remember is this wrong to ask her to be more of a friend even though thats what she wants? Link to post Share on other sites
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