lint Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 Is having an emotional affair considered adultry? I would really appreciate answers as I am in an emotional relationship only & consider it adultry where as the other party does not feel that. Please advise Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 Whether you stick your heart into it or your genitals, it's the same thing. It's taking something and putting it somewhere besides where it's supposed to be. If you're in a committed relationship and you're emotionally or sexually invested in someone else as well, you are cheating, committing adultery or whatever. This, of course, is my view and subject to the opinion and review by the world court. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 in my view, emotional adultery is more severe than physical one. i wouldn't care as much if my partner got his rocks off with someone else (although i'd wonder why he couldn't do it with me!). but if my partner went off and became more close with another woman than he is with me, i'd be very very upset. my 2c, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
End of my rope Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 In my opinion, emotional affairs are an even bigger betrayal of a relationship than a physical one. So yes...it is cheating, adultry...whatever you want to call it. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 I couldn't agree more. Emotional intimacy is precious; it requires trust and vulnerability and it creates bonds. I would be much more crushed if my spouse had an emotional affair than if he had a quickie with some other female. Sex is freely available and doesn't require intimacy (though it can create bonds quickly which is why an affair is different from a one-night stand) but emotional intimacy is hard-won and should be reserved for the couple. I once had a male friend who I was very close to emotionally. He wanted to continue our friendship after he found a girlfriend, but I could not do that in good conscience because I'd feel as though I were robbing his lady of something only she should have. I would hope my fellow females would have the same consideration for me! Link to post Share on other sites
fredrolin Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 Seriously though, is anyone ever completely happy with there partner? Example: A single man and a single woman meet. There is an attraction, they have fun together, and start a relationship. As time goes on things get alittle boring but they love and respect each other and the relationship they have built. One of the people in the relationship meets a member of the opposite sex and this new person is interesting and attractive. Being that this person is in a commited relationship they only become friends with this new person. These two friends become very close and there is an attraction and a bond that is very strong but this person is commited to another and doesn't want to break off the relationship. The friendship becomes an emotional affair...is it wrong? Must we go through life only being with one member of the opposite sex and not be permitted to get close to another of the opposite sex? Link to post Share on other sites
End of my rope Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 The friendship becomes an emotional affair...is it wrong? Must we go through life only being with one member of the opposite sex and not be permitted to get close to another of the opposite sex? Yes. When it crosses that line between friendship and emotional affair it's wrong. I have many friends of the opposite sex whom I love dearly, but would never think of them being my emotional outlet over my fiance. In your heart, you know if it's gone to point of being wrong... Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 The friendship becomes an emotional affair...is it wrong? Must we go through life only being with one member of the opposite sex and not be permitted to get close to another of the opposite sex? Yes, absolutely. Here's the thing. Nowhere does it say that you should get everything you would like in life. That you want it isn't good enough. If you want to be a decent human, there are things you have to not let yourself want. Life is not about getting your way all the time. You should not make friends and allow that friendship to get closer if you are married. You make this sacrifice for love. Love is action, and one of those actions is to give up something you might want for the sake of the person you say you love if that thing would hurt the relationship. You don't make friends with someone else's spouse if you think there is a danger of that person becoming attached to you. Why? Because decent people don't intrude on others' relationships. It's not about 'moral authority'. It's about being a decent human being and treating others the way you'd like to be treated. You don't want your wife's affections being taken by some other guy - so don't do that to your fellow human. Link to post Share on other sites
Kay Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 Emotional affairs are absolutely devastating. The damage to the unsuspecting spouse is profound. I speak from experience. Link to post Share on other sites
fredrolin Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 Nowhere does it say that you should get everything you would like in life. Life is not about getting your way all the time. Where does it say that you shouldn't try to get the most out of life? Another example. A man and woman fall in love. Over time one of these people gains a great deal of weight and becomes very unattractive to the other. The overweight person has no sexual desire and the other one doesn't want it from them anyway but still has strong sexual urges. The person still loves and respects the overweight person and the relationship. The person meets a member of the opposite sex that is attractive and gives in to there sexual desire, no love just a physical release. Wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 Where does it say that you shouldn't try to get the most out of life? Same place it says that love sometimes involves sacrifice. If you don't believe this, then you'll not believe the other. Essentially, if you believe that your needs should always come first, then bully for you, but stay single. no love just a physical release. Pretty much a myth. Sex creates bonds. Maybe one quickie in a bar washroom - but then we're into the whole issue of diseases. That's the problem. Link to post Share on other sites
fredrolin Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 I know I won't get many people to agree with my point of view, especially the female population. all I have to say is that many people, including myself, have wasted alot of valuable time emotionally suffering due to being in a bad relationship that they could not immediately get out of, for once reason or another. A temporary emotional or physical affair can sometimes be a positive thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Fofinha Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 In my opinion, a long term emotional affair should be considered a worst form of cheating than a physical one-night stand. Period. Link to post Share on other sites
cowgirl Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 When I was engaged a few years ago I was deeply attracted and found myself starting to have feelings for a guy that came into my work more than once a day. I felt so much guilt for feeling like that but as far as I was concerned I wasn't going to do anything about it. Addmitidly my partner and I were on the way out of our relationship and growing apart more and more everyday. That's the only reason I felt for this guy. Unless you take your emotions further I don't really see that anythings wrong with the way you feel. Gee, your only human. Im curious if this other person feels the same way and how long you've known him. How long have you been with your current bf? If this other guy feels the same way I think it's time you sat yourself down and had a good hard think about who and what it is you want from either of them. If you really love the current guy your with than think long and hard about what your feeling as it's sooo hard to go back a second time and try and rebuild what you had before. Good Luck with whatever lys ahead for you. Cheers!! Link to post Share on other sites
Qgal Posted March 18, 2004 Share Posted March 18, 2004 I may be niave but can someone explain to me: What is the difference between an emotional affair and a close male -female friendship? Are friendships with guys more restricted than what you have with close girlfriends? ie; sharing intimate thoughts/advice. Why aren't close friendships with girlfriends considered emotional affairs then? It can't be the sex issue because we have established that there is no sex in emotional affairs with guys. That is what makes it emotional only. So confused... Link to post Share on other sites
fredrolin Posted March 18, 2004 Share Posted March 18, 2004 good point. if two women or men have a sexual or emotional affair is that cheating? women are more prone to getting close emotionally. Is that so wrong? throws your whole theory out the window moimeme. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 18, 2004 Share Posted March 18, 2004 Um. This is not 'my' theory. http://www.relationship-institute.com/freearticles_detail.cfm?article_ID=156 http://abcnews.go.com/sections/relationships/Living/relatioshipsquiz031030.html http://www.americasfamilycoaches.com/Steps%20to%20an%20Emotional%20Affair%203-03-03.html I got 390,000 results so there's lots more to read if you don't like those! Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted March 18, 2004 Share Posted March 18, 2004 I had never even heard of the term "emotional affair" before I came on Loveshack. Did you guys invent it (JOKE). It all boils down to what you define as an emotional affair and, consequently, how much it affects the primary relationship. I suspect that many people simply don't want their partner to have close friends of the opposite sex. That's sad, many others don't feel that way. At the end of the day if it really disturbed your partner you'd have to compromise. Other relationships are essentially based on sex whether or not it is actually taking place. These are more likely to affect the primary relationship. It's the difference between platonic love and erotic love. Link to post Share on other sites
Qgal Posted March 18, 2004 Share Posted March 18, 2004 meanon, What do you mean by "other relationships are "based" on sex"? Still confused... Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted March 18, 2004 Share Posted March 18, 2004 meanon, What do you mean by "other relationships are "based" on sex"? Still confused... Is the relationship based on erotic or platonic love? That's what I mean. Some do change, I know but basically if the developing intimacy between friends means you start seeing them as a potential lover then you are leaving the realms of platonic love and heading for the erotic. I wouldn't call this an emotional affair myself but it is certainly a potential threat to your primary relationship that you would need to treat with caution. If you couldn't pull back to a safer form of platonic love then you'd be in dangerous territory. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted March 18, 2004 Share Posted March 18, 2004 i dunna if somebody already mentioned it, but of course you don't have to go through life dedicating yourself to just one person - but it's nice to let them know you're not planning to stick to one partner, so that it's their free choice to be with you until you fly off to a new flower. my 2c, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Bronzepen Posted March 18, 2004 Share Posted March 18, 2004 Originally posted by fredrolin A temporary emotional or physical affair can sometimes be a positive thing. I personally don't believe anything positive can come out of an affair. Right off the bat, your lying to your SO. Very bad in a relationship. Your looking at the positive from the stand point of the individual but in a relationship there is no room for individuality. I am speaking in terms of supporting, loving and respecting one another. It's OK to take care of yourself and be yourself as long as no one gets hurt by your actions. Here is one rule I have always used to save me from "temptation" be it physical or emotional affair. If I ever feel like I am getting close to a person I ask myself this one question. If I was single and the other person was single, would I date them? If there is even a hint of the possiblity of a definate maybe, then I know I am in the danger zone and I will back off or end it before my emotions get the better of me. Which is what happens in all affairs. Of course, this is just me. But this has saved me many times. Link to post Share on other sites
Wolvesbaned Posted March 18, 2004 Share Posted March 18, 2004 What is the difference between an emotional affair and a close male -female friendship? I'm a little confused myself. I have somewhat conservative ideals about interaction with the opposite sex while married --but I'm also open to different viewpoints. I'm also still fairly young and I'm not as "set in my ways" as I thought I was. Based on some of the definitions I read about emotional affairs, it seems that it can be used to describe a close girlfriend. Most women feel more comfortable talking to their galfriend when times are rough at home & most even call them first when something eventful has occurred. Is this healthy for the marriage? Probably not. But it isn't an affair either. From what I've gathered lately (yes, I'm new to this) it seems that it is an affair or outright cheating if there are "feelings" for that other person. (Physical intimacy is is outright cheating in my book!) So the real issue is: Does your spouse share similar views with you on appropriate vs. inappropriate behavior? If you don't share the same views is there a compromise? Is respect and consideration practiced? Will being closer to someone else really take something away from your relationship? Does your spouse know him/herself enough to be aware of his/her feelings, emotions and intentions? If you feel your spouse is honest and knows himself enough to be aware of his intentions and emotions --trust now plays a huge role. My confusion lies on platonic relationships as a whole. Platonic love is defined by dictionary.com as "a pure, spiritual affection, subsisting between persons of opposite sex, unmixed with carnal desires, and regarding the mind only and its excellences; -- a species of love for which Plato was a warm advocate." or simply, "Pure, passionless; nonsexual; philosophical". My question: Is platonic relationships really possible? From my observations, someone always falls for another and one thing I do believe in is if feelings surface it can not be undone: a friend that suddenly likes you will always like you regardless, even if feelings aren't reciprocated. Link to post Share on other sites
Wolvesbaned Posted March 18, 2004 Share Posted March 18, 2004 Here is one rule I have always used to save me from "temptation" be it physical or emotional affair. If I ever feel like I am getting close to a person I ask myself this one question. If I was single and the other person was single, would I date them? Bronzepen, thanks! This gives me something to think about:) Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 18, 2004 Share Posted March 18, 2004 Platonic relationships are possible with people that you could never fall in love with or be attracted to for any reason. However, even people you think start out 'safe' can become more appealing or attractive to you over time. I think Bronzepen's rule of thumb is excellent; if the person is someone you could see yourself with if your present relationship didn't exist, then that person is in the 'danger zone' already and you should avoid him or her. If this is not the case at the beginning of the relationship but you notice feelings starting, then you have to end the friendship. People keep saying they didn't intend to fall for their OM/OW; this is why - they thought they could be 'just friends' but the friendship grew into something else. Link to post Share on other sites
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