moimeme Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 I fail to see how a little harmless flirtation to get me through the day at work suddenly constitutes adultery Emotional affairs are not about 'a little harmless flirtation at work'. They are about developing emotional intimacy with a person of the opposite gender who is not your spouse. Big difference. Link to post Share on other sites
gaia Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 The rules posted by Tigereyes effectively banned any discussion other than that of a professional nature between members of the opposite sexes. My point is merely that one can break these rules left, right and centre without coming anywhere near having an affair, emotional or sexual. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerEyes Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 Originally posted by moimeme I fail to see how a little harmless flirtation to get me through the day at work suddenly constitutes adultery Emotional affairs are not about 'a little harmless flirtation at work'. They are about developing emotional intimacy with a person of the opposite gender who is not your spouse. Big difference. Huge difference, Indeed. Thanks for making that point. Noone doubts the people who 'use their self control-or harmless flirtation'...we are talking about the people who carry a 'casual' relationship over the bounds of intimacy meant only for a significant other. Someone had asked the difference/definition earlier in the thread. I simply answered her question. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion of the research I did to help her. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerEyes Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 May I also point out that sometimes those who find themselves involved in what they see as a casual friendship between co workers.....may soon find they are/or the other person is.. in WAY over their head in the relationship, as they have shared personal details about their life/their feelings/their ups and downs, maybe EVEN details of their relationship with their spouse. That OTHER person has become their confidant, and the person they turn to... They have 'replaced' your significant other EMOTIONALLY. How long before they replace you, physically, as well. Emotional Infidelity is devastating. I'm not sure about any of you.....BUT, I know I wouldn't want MY husband being that close to another woman. Also, emotional infidelity isn't about guy/girl casual friendship that your spouse knows about, etc. The person usually doesn't discuss this other relationship they have, because deep down they KNOW it has crossed barriers, over into being WAY TOO CLOSE. Until you have lived it...you cannot imagine the betrayal. That's all. Kudos to those who say they would never cross those lines with a casual friend. I HOPE for your sake, and your significant other...you never do. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerEyes Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 Originally posted by meanon May I add an 11th to make ABSOLUTELY sure?: 11) Die I was just trying to help someone out who asked the difference between casual friendship between male/female, and when it crosses over into 'emotional infidelity' It's amazing to me how defensive people get about this topic. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 I was just trying to help someone out I'm sorry TigerEyes, I was in a flippant mood last night. My post was a personal reaction. Your rules seemed a little over the top to me but if they work for you and you are happy that's fine. We all have our own set rules which we use to navigate our way through life, thanks for sharing yours Link to post Share on other sites
TigerEyes Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 Originally posted by meanon I'm sorry TigerEyes, I was in a flippant mood last night. My post was a personal reaction. Your rules seemed a little over the top to me but if they work for you and you are happy that's fine. We all have our own set rules which we use to navigate our way through life, thanks for sharing yours I appreciate that, thanks.... Link to post Share on other sites
gaia Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 Tigereyes, I didn't mean to offend you either. I wasn't quite myself last night and my normal gentle approach got lost somewhere! It's obvious from what you've posted that you have some personal experience of this problem and that's bound to make you very anxious to do everything in your power to prevent it. You're not alone - many others have posted similar comments. I just happen to disagree with the severity of the restrictions. It would be impossible to stick to those rules in my job. I have to be alone with male members of staff. I could not do my job otherwise. I feel confident that I can deal with this. I do not feel I need a set of rigid rules to live by. I am fully aware that there is a massive difference between harmless flirting and an affair. Otherwise I would be typing this on my lap top in the divorce lawyer's waiting room! I just think the two have become a little blurred on this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerEyes Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 Originally posted by gaia Tigereyes, I didn't mean to offend you either. I wasn't quite myself last night and my normal gentle approach got lost somewhere! It's obvious from what you've posted that you have some personal experience of this problem and that's bound to make you very anxious to do everything in your power to prevent it. You're not alone - many others have posted similar comments. I just happen to disagree with the severity of the restrictions. It would be impossible to stick to those rules in my job. I have to be alone with male members of staff. I could not do my job otherwise. I feel confident that I can deal with this. I do not feel I need a set of rigid rules to live by. I am fully aware that there is a massive difference between harmless flirting and an affair. Otherwise I would be typing this on my lap top in the divorce lawyer's waiting room! I just think the two have become a little blurred on this thread. appreciate your thoughtfulness, gaia.... probably the 'rigid rule list' should have been followed up with the rest of the article, I was researching....but obviously there isn't room here. It makes more sense when you read all of it. Of course harmless flirtation is just that....emotional infidelity isn't even close to what you are describing, so yes...this would seem rigid! Thanks for writing! Have a great afternoon! Link to post Share on other sites
gaia Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 Thanks, Tigereyes, but it's 11pm here! I had a lovely afternoon sitting in a conference with a steaming hangover!! Link to post Share on other sites
TigerEyes Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 Originally posted by gaia Thanks, Tigereyes, but it's 11pm here! I had a lovely afternoon sitting in a conference with a steaming hangover!! Whew! So sorry to hear that! Link to post Share on other sites
Cakewalk Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 Not to knock anyone, but this post is under marriage>infidelity. Boyfriend/girlfriend relationships or even engaged couples can be close, but it's nothing like a marriage. I know many people say that couples who live together are just like married people. I beg to differ. When I looked at my now wife and thought "she's my girlfriend" or "she's my fiancee," in retrospect that was significantly different to when I look at her now and say "that's my wife." The degree of permanency, emotional connection, and lifelong vows makes the point of view dramatically more important. Breaking up with someone you're dating is not nearly as hard as getting a divorce, or even thinking about getting a divorce. Emotional affairs are devastating to both the betrayer and the betrayed. I nearly killed myself. But, if it's handled the right way, and the love is genuine, it can be a blessing in disguise. Affairs don't happen to people, they happen to marriages. They're not the cause, they're the by-product. Link to post Share on other sites
garfunkel Posted April 15, 2004 Share Posted April 15, 2004 Thank you for this thread. I hope it will help me. I am married to the best person in the world, and have been for 20 years. But somehow an old friend of mine and I have gotten past that "tipping point" you're talking about, and I'm teetering. Nothing has happened yet, but words have been exchanged, and I'm really fighting myself. It kind of came out of left field at me, and I'm shocked at myself, because I've never been even remotely tempted before, but now I seriously am. Keep your fingers crossed for me--I'm trying to be a good person and I'm finding it hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Fraggles Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 garfunkel Remember your marriage and your spouse (the best person in the world!!) 20 years is a great amount of time and effot and, I am sure, love that has been devoted to one another. Please reconsider your actions with your old friend. Keep them a FRIEND! Your spouse will be devistated if you continue along this path. Put yourself in your spouse's place. Would you want it this done to you?? Thank you for posting and giving yourself the chance to go in the RIGHT direction. I wish you luck and hope you choose the right path! Link to post Share on other sites
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