trying to keep us together

[bittersweets]

My boyfriend and I, for the past 2 months have been arguing a lot. Over little stupid things...... and ususally after an hour or 2 things are back to normal. But each time we did it......... each up till 2am fighting.... keeps wearing us down. When we did it 8 months ago... i remember him saying "if we do this much longer.... there isn't going to be much will.... it's just going to get easier and easier to give up on us".

 

a lot of arguments happened in january from a run in with his ex-girlfriend..... and mainly most of the arguments after have been stupid and have been from me being overly emotional and paranoid.

i know that the majourity of our arguments start because of my own mental health issues.

 

well yesterday morning, we got into another stupid argument. right after a wonderful morning in bed. eventually.. he lost it.... he reached his breaking point.. came into the room...... told me to tell my parents i was going back "home".. slammed the door and ran to work.

 

all the fighting.. and he finally lost his faith. i don't blame him. i am sick of arguing too. and they aren't even serious fights, they are so ridiculous and stupid it's almost laughable.

 

i was in tears all day........hysterical. i missed all my finals in college (yep. all that work now is down the tube)..... and i took lots of my old medication, seroquel, to make me sleep all day.

when he got home we talked.. and got no where.

 

basically: we love each other to death....... love is the only thing holding us in right now. we've been together 3 years and we both can imagine a split second with out each other. he says he'd try and try 250 more times to make each other happy in this relationship...... but he's lost faith that we can make it for the "long run".

 

we've made so many investments in this relationship......our future "dreams". getting a house.. kids........ our music together.

i can't imagine life with out him.

i can only compare the feeling in my heart right now..... like watching everyone i love die in my arms.

 

we held each other this morning........ and he held me tight...... and whispered "i love you". I broke down even more and cried.

I really can't imagine life with out this man.

 

I told him i will start going to therapy again and see if i can work out some of my own issues that start the fights......

he says he doesn't know if therapy will help our 'differences' and that it might just be us being our own people.

 

i honestly believe the main fights we have are due to my anxiety and emotions...

 

we don't want to break up. but he's lost faith for us in the long run....... and i am dying at the thought of being with out him.

 

can anyone offer me some advice to keep myself together ? i can't lose him. i love him more than any words can describe.

i am willing to do anything.

 

he suggested maybe us living apart...... instead of living together.. he says that we have options. but it still breaks my heart it has gotten this bad...

he says that i need time to grow up.. and that some of our fights are because i am not as experianced and old as him (10 year age difference).

 

this is ripping me apart. i love him.

 

any advice at all ?

 

thanks,

bittersweets

[Kate]

for some reason i have been through the exact same thing in almost every relationship i have ever had. i am probably/was in the best and most healthy relationship i have ever hoped for...and my anxiety and emotions are destroying it. i feel so distorted -- no matter how many times my exes would say "I love you", somehow it was never enough. does this sound like you? NOW, after 3 months of dating a friend of mine, i don't know if there is a tomorrow. we fight because i provoke fights -- only i have no clue as to what they are about. he just got out of a long relationship so he has less energy to give than i do, which hurts. but i guess the only thing i can do is take a step back if i really want him. you can't force emotions on anyone. i know you don't care about my situation, but i guess what i am trying to say is that this morning after waking up hungover, confused and humiliated, i have realized something: CHOICES. relationships are all about choices. your actions are really choices, and you can choose to act one way or another -- the question is, how bad do you want this relationship? you should really question that fact. i totally understand your position -- i have DEFINITELY been there, in fact for a 3 year relationship once. everything was a mess...but the right guy will actually NOT put up with it! he is allowing you to do this to him and to yourself whether you realize it or not...and that's not right. the right guy will walk away at the beginning to make a point -- then come back when you can come to a conclusion to change. i can give this advice, but can't easily take it as i am a complete mess right now. it sounds like you have gotten too comfortable being miserable in this particular relationship...think about it -- WHY would he stay with you if you do what you do...is it a security blanket for him? you can't respect someone for staying with you, even though he loves you.....what do you think?