Need some ...

[TyraA]

Hi all, I'm new to the forum. It's nice to meet you all. =DSo, this is sort of a long story. 2 years ago I was in an open relationship, and started sleeping with my best friend. After I realised how dysfunctional my romantic relationship was (whole other story, unrelated to the open relationship itself) I left him.

I kept sleeping with my FWB and we're very close and get along great. After a while I found myself falling for him, and initially he felt the same way but we agreed to wait as I had just come out of a serrious relationship.A few weeks after that discussion he told me that he didn't think he felt strongly enough about me to risk ruining our friendship with romance. I was very upset, but wanted to keep the friendship so I worked hard on getting over him.

Unfortunately I decided to keep sleeping with him, so it was still a FWB situation. Once we became roommates I called off the sexual relationship as I felt it was disrespecting both of us and it would make things difficult in the long run.

It's now been 8 months since we've slept together, or done anything like that. We're best friends, tell one another everything and are very close (emotionally and physically, lots of hugs etc). I still have incredibly strong feelings for him but I'm not letting it interfere with my life (ie I don't let it stop me dating and etc). I still wonder if maybe one day he'll change his mind but I've more or less accepted that it might never happen.

He's now dating somebody he met through work, I'm happy for him and I want it to work, but as I still have feelings for him I'm not wanting to hear every little detail about her and how he feels. I want to be a supportive friend, I'm happy to hear about how things are going with them and etc, but I don't want to hear the intimacies.

My question is, how do I successfully put those boundaries in place? I don't actively ask questions about her or how's it going, and I really only talk about it if he prompts the conversation, but the problem is, the more I try to distance myself the more he tries to engage conversation with me. Even in regards to being cuddly and tickling one another, I'm pulling back because I feel it's innapropriate but he keeps wanting more and more of it.I'd really like to learn how to stay supportive as a friend without having to hear all the intimacies. It's very confusing, he seems to constantly want to be affectionate with me but he stated a long time ago that he doesn't want to be with me. But whenever I pull back he closes the distance. Grr it's very annoying, lol.

How can I set up these boundaries and stay supportive?

Also, I'd just like to ask if anyone has ever been in this situation and it's worked out for the best? I feel like he wants me when I pull away, but I'm aware I probably do have false hope in that regard. Just wondering if any of these sort of situations wind up with the best friends getting together... He seems to like being affectionate with me, and tells me everything, but he has admitted he likes the thrill of dating and getting to know someone. I find it all so crazy.

Edited December 31, 2010 by TyraA
Hard to read paragraphs.

[D-Lish]

There is only one way to handle a situation like this, and that's to cut off contact! You won't be able to move on otherwise and find yourself a healthy relationship where someone makes you a priority.

 

You want to be with him and he wants to talk to you about his new relationship while he tickles you- bad news.

 

You control the boundary in this situation, so really, it's up to you to make things right for YOU.

 

As soon as you accept that you deserve better than to be an option- you'll like your life better.

 

I think you're fooling yourself into believing that if you just hang on that he's going to realize that you are "the one". Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way.

 

This guy is bad news for you. Don't be an "option"- be the prize.