A reflection of my feelings

[Emissary]

I started a new job 9 months ago, I was paired with a rather helpful girl whom I thought was rather nice. As I continued to work I discovered that we went to school together, as soon as she told me it only took a moment of pondering to remember her, we had never talked once before I started this job.

 

I have no links to my old friends from high school, its rare to even glimpse any familiar face at all, despite her being nothing to me in the past, in a way she became so much more to me in the present, she`s always eager to share amusing memories of me from years ago, and I always enjoy the nostalgia.

 

As with virtually any girl that becomes friendly with me, I consider what it would be like to have a relationship with her. We work in a fairly stressful enviroment, so I`ve seen her more tense side a few times to say the least, and I`ve become quite moody at times myself. With all this in mind I concluded perhaps unwisely that we just wouldn`t work out well together at all.

 

There was a time some months ago where we went out together for dinner with a portion of our other co-workers. My car was in the shop, she ended up giving me a ride home. We joked about things from high school as we often did, but it was in this time alone that I confided many of my true feelings, my regrets over all my past friendships ended, whether they abandoned me or I abandoned them, it wasn`t emotional at all, but I think any human being could see past the impassive tone to see great pain. I did most of the talking, thought she made comment that she lost touch with everybody else as well.

 

I know from other conversations that she has much family drama going on at the moment, that she moved out recently due to issues with her mother, mainly that her mother is displeased with how she `has no drive`and is content to work this dead end job for any period of time. She`s also confided to me that it`s upsetting to hear of her old friends having rather successful lives while we are sitting here going nowhere.

 

Though I have regained my drive and have a much clearer vision of my future, I was lost for many years, I understand all too well that when a person is going nowhere in life, all they have is to look back upon their more glorious days. I wonder now if she is as lonely for her past as I have been, if perhaps I am as much a link for her as she has proven to be for me.

 

I like her more than any of my other co-workers, and though I initially could not imagine us being together, I cannot deny that some feelings have developed for her, my time at this job is coming soon to an end as I need to move foreward. But I wonder, there are possible parallels between us in terms of what we are to each other, but how far do they go, I wonder...

[january2010]

Even if this is not the same girl who you made a move on and she said no, I suggest taking a step back from this.

 

It makes me wonder if you have a tendency to fall for any girl who comes into your vicinity. To be honest, that's not very flattering for the girl and suggests that your main issue may be loneliness and wanting to be with anyone, rather than a special someone who really and truly makes your heart skip a beat.

 

I advise working on your issues of loneliness first before starting a relationship. Particularly a relationship with someone who already has a lot of issues and drama going on in their lives.