My prayer to God.....

[rhonian]

Yesterday, day 20 of NC, I felt so good. I had my best day since the breakup. I was fully prepared to get on LS today and boast of my "getting over it." I managed to get out of the house today and go get some sushi and read the paper. As I was eating by myself, I was looking around the restaurant and watching all of the couples, families and friends that had someone important in their life. I began to think of the someone that I had just a few weeks ago and the comfort, contentedness of being with her every minute I could. I went deeper into thought and visualized her at home maybe on the couch dead-stareing into a television having no idea what she is watching because she is dying for her phone to ring and it be me on the other end. Within milli-seconds I switch to another thought that she just got off the phone with her "new guy" and shes smiling because she cant wait to follow thru on the plans they just made to bring the new year in......what an exhausting ride and the excruciating pain of losing a love.

 

BUT then I thought, why was yesterday so good? What was different? This is what was different.....For starters, my mom and my sister both called me to offer support. Secondly, and most important I cried out to God for help. I gave this whole situation to Him and told Him that this whole breakup has physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted me. I asked Him to give me peace and comfort. I asked Him to give me closure with the way that the relationship ended. I asked Him to give her back to me if she is the one He wants for me. I told Him that I have made so many mistakes in the relationship and that He could trust me to do the right thing, even if we are supposed to go our separate ways. I told Him I LOVED HIM.

 

I will remain in prayer and we will see how God works.....

[ginastar]

good luck buddy. I feel you. im hoping my heartbreak will turn into a blessing and that someone ten times better comes along. I hope so for you also.

[rhonian]

UPDATE: I broke NC today, I swore I wouldnt but I did. I texted her first telling her, "Happy New Year....blah blah blah". Typically, she played her make-up game but I knew she wanted to talk and see me. She finally gave in and we talked from 2-430am on her couch. She was hurt, cold, walled up and distant at first and not much changed by the time I left and headed home but she did warm up to me a bit and it was enough for me for now. In the end I told her that I cannot lose her. That I must be the one that she leans on and comforts her. She said all she wants to be is happy with someone she loves. She said it was hard to explain to her family and friends why I wasnt around for the holidays. She asked me why I chose after 3 weeks to text her tonite? I told her that in my thoughts leading up to tonite I was determined that 2011 was going to be a "happy" year and I wanted to start it off right by reaching out to her. Parts of the conversation did leave me bewildered. She refuses to take blame for anything. Even went so far as to text me "I really have done nothing wrong ever." (earlier in the night before I got there-I have to process that statement, it didnt set well with me) I noticed that she also was able to pick out every one of my faults and every hurt that I have ever committed against her and probably noticing that she was being so negative she said that I could be so sweet at times but didnt go into any of those specifics....hmmmm??? almost like she doesnt like giving real compliments. Anyway, in the end I told her that I would be willing to go to dual counseling to get to the root of the problem, if we can? She didnt really seem to excited about this maybe because (1) she didnt want to give me clear signs that she wanted to get back together yet (2) she is afraid that the counseling will bring to light her faults ???......I gotta get some sleep. Im exhausted.

[TaraMaiden]

I think this is what they call, slipping down the ladder by quite a few rungs.

 

You need to stop clinging to any hope.

If anyone is going to initiate reconciliation, it will have to be her, because it's what she wants.

Don't become a stalker, or whipping post, or back-burner-boy, or second option, or anything else which would clearly indicate she's keeping in touch to assuage her guilt, and not to make you feel better.

The only thing you should be paying attention to, is "please can we try again, I think I messed up big time, and need you in my life"

 

Everything else is just 'smoke in your eyes'.

[nocoast]

I think this is what they call, slipping down the ladder by quite a few rungs.

 

You need to stop clinging to any hope.

If anyone is going to initiate reconciliation, it will have to be her, because it's what she wants.

Don't become a stalker, or whipping post, or back-burner-boy, or second option, or anything else which would clearly indicate she's keeping in touch to assuage her guilt, and not to make you feel better.

The only thing you should be paying attention to, is "please can we try again, I think I messed up big time, and need you in my life"

 

Everything else is just 'smoke in your eyes'.

 

Sage wisdom.

 

NC is the only way to go. We all slip during this process but we have to stick to a plan. You can do all the begging and logical thinking in the world (I know, I tried) but in the end your ex has to want to be with you. Till/If they reach that point, you gotta remain NC.

 

I hope the best for you bro.

[Graceful]

rhonian,

The main reason I am following your posts is b/c I was someone who saw your original post, responded to it, and you told me at that time that I had hit the nail on the head, and thanked me for giving you vindication for how you felt. All I had to do was read one post, one synopsis of your r/l, as a total stranger, to tell you that your GF is a blameless, selfish, non-empathic, miserable person who had somehow managed to make you feel like you needed her.

 

That's right. You need her. She does not need you. Do you get that?

 

Please go back and read your original post for starters.

 

Do not beat youself up over this. In a way, I am glad it happened. But what will not make me glad, or you for that matter, is if seeing her does not put things in perspective for you, if you do not see things through the right lens now, and if you did not learn anything from seeing her. If anything, seeing her should have given you the one-two punch that you have needed to know she is bad news, you have no relationship with her and she (big surprise) has not and will never change.

 

I don't mean to harsh on you, I hope you know that, but you really need to get this through your head. She will not change. She will not change. Nothing will change. Please. Make that your mantra.

 

She finally gave in and we talked from 2-430am on her couch. She was hurt, cold, walled up and distant at first and not much changed by the time I left and headed home but she did warm up to me a bit and it was enough for me for now.

What was enough for you? The entire experience should be enough for you to know that your relationship is over and she is not right for you. End of story.

 

In the end I told her that I cannot lose her. That I must be the one that she leans on and comforts her.

This has co-dependency written all over it. Why "must" you be the one she leans on?? She has done nothing but make you miserable, make you feel used. She does not thank you, she does not appreciate you, she does not reciprocate. So is this a "must" ? Seriously?

 

She refuses to take blame for anything. Even went so far as to text me "I really have done nothing wrong ever." (earlier in the night before I got there-I have to process that statement, it didnt set well with me) I noticed that she also was able to pick out every one of my faults and every hurt that I have ever committed against her and probably noticing that she was being so negative she said that I could be so sweet at times but didnt go into any of those specifics....hmmmm???

Well, that sounds like a very pleasant person to be around.

 

Anyway, in the end I told her that I would be willing to go to dual counseling to get to the root of the problem, if we can?

You clearly have lots of residual issues stemming from your divorce and you need to get some counseling not for the two of you, but for yourself. I don't know what happened, but you have said you moved 1,000 miles away from your ex-wife and kids, I don't know if you feel like you abandoned them or what, but you clearly have some abandonment issues with your ex here, and must have guilt around the idea you are abandoning her, even though this r/l is dysfuntional and is clearly doing a number on your self-esteem. She has you so twisted up that you are willing, and almost begging her, to see you when all she does is tear you down and make you feel horrible.

 

I mean, in the end, who cares who is "right" or who is "at fault" or "if only" or "why couldn't you" or she's a narcissist or a head case or if she loves you or ... it doesn't matter.

 

All that matters is that this r/l is making you feel horrible, it's making you do things that HURT YOU, and you are knocking yourself out to salvage it. ???

 

IT DOESN'T WORK. The relationship doesn't work. Why should you want to stay in it? And if she heaps all kinds of blame your way-well, so be it. It doesn't change anything at all. The relationship still sucks. You should not want to be in it. Bottom line. All of her relationships have ended the same way. I bet you anything if you could get into a room with all of her exes, you guys would all be howling talking about how she did the same things to each of you, how you put up with it, and then, how good you felt when you unceremoniously dumped her.

 

Your need to go after this woman who makes you feel like crap is a problem for you and you need to figure it out. She has her own problems, she owns them, they are not your's, and she has no intention of even admitting she has any problems. You did not move closer to her. You certainly have no intention of marrying her. Remember? So what is the point?

 

Who wants to spend every last precious day of their lives in a disharmonious, acrimonious, dysfunctional, painful, frustrating, accusative, dreary, tedious, repetitive struggle??

 

I hope you didn't just raise your hand.

 

ps Hope you understand I am on your side, and trying to help you, even if I am being a little harsh. Take care.

Edited January 1, 2011 by Graceful

[LifeIsGreat]

rhonian.....

 

You really messed this up, but it's OK. You're human, you're supposed to make mistakes.

 

There's a couple things I'm going to say (and you NEED to listen) because that couch conversation you had sounds exactly like one I had with my ex after one other time we broke up.

 

She won't take responsibility for anything, and seems to blame you for everything (just like my ex). This will never change. Even if you guys get back together, YOU will always be the bad guy. Are you really prepared to live your life like that? No, you are not. Eventually you would get tired of it--and trust me---would wind up breaking up with her anyway. Frankly, it was STUPID of me to get back with a woman like that (live and learn=won't do it again).

 

Most women would be grateful for a man that is willing to get counseling and communicate (my counsler told me this). My ex and I tried counseling, but she had the SAME EXACT attitude as your ex. It was like she knew she had issues, but really didn't want someone telling her so. The counseling wound up being a complete waste of time and money. Trust me, even if she goes the odds of it making a difference are so small.

 

You may have just set yourself back by talking to her, OR-- this may have helped you to realize there is nothing more for you to do. You have done your best, now learn and move forward.

 

As was said previous, LET HER GO!! This is her journey now, there is nothing you can do to help. If she wants to try again, she will let you know. Dude, if you were a friend of mine I would probably consider shaking you til you came to your senses, or possibly tying you up in my basement until you got over it.

[TaraMaiden]

rhonian.....

 

You really messed this up, but it's OK. You're human, you're supposed to make mistakes.

 

There's a couple things I'm going to say (and you NEED to listen) because that couch conversation you had sounds exactly like one I had with my ex after one other time we broke up.

 

She won't take responsibility for anything, and seems to blame you for everything (just like my ex). This will never change. Even if you guys get back together, YOU will always be the bad guy. Are you really prepared to live your life like that? No, you are not. Eventually you would get tired of it--and trust me---would wind up breaking up with her anyway. Frankly, it was STUPID of me to get back with a woman like that (live and learn=won't do it again).

 

Most women would be grateful for a man that is willing to get counseling and communicate (my counsler told me this). My ex and I tried counseling, but she had the SAME EXACT attitude as your ex. It was like she knew she had issues, but really didn't want someone telling her so. The counseling wound up being a complete waste of time and money. Trust me, even if she goes the odds of it making a difference are so small.

 

You may have just set yourself back by talking to her, OR-- this may have helped you to realize there is nothing more for you to do. You have done your best, now learn and move forward.

 

As was said previous, LET HER GO!! This is her journey now, there is nothing you can do to help. If she wants to try again, she will let you know. Dude, if you were a friend of mine I would probably consider shaking you til you came to your senses,

 

That's just nice.....

 

or possibly tying you up in my basement until you got over it.

 

That's just creepy......

 

 

 

 

 

[rhonian]

Okay, well, I just got done typing a book of a response and FREAKIN' lost it and it didnt post. Now, I have to simplify it because I dont feel like typing all that again....sorry....

 

GRACEFUL you are an angel! Everytime, your advice penetrates the core of me and my role in this relationship and the REALITY of what this relationship IS. How old are you? What state are you in? Male or female? Just curious....

 

LIG, it has amazed me how parallel our relationships were/are. Im afraid to ask you your exs name for fear that we might of been seeing the same woman and have been played in some wicked game the whole time.

 

Folks, I have to be honest. I dont know any of you so I am going to be honest. I walked out of there with the feeling of wanting revenge. I want to play her and make her feel terrible. When I left her house a few hours ago I knew we had lost our MOJO. That intense love for her in my gut was gone. Im glad that we were in the dark talking last nite on her couch because she would of seen the smile on my face of amazement to how after a 28 month relationship one side has the audacity to stand pefectly blameless. She lost me last night and now I have to figure out how Iam going to handle it til the end. What I know is this relationship is over! IT IS OVER!!

[LifeIsGreat]

rhonian...

 

I see you're in MD. I'm in SW VA., so probably not the same woman. But I have to say, I think all relationships (or break ups) come down to some very common denominators. It's either her, you, both! Simple, huh?

[Graceful]

GRACEFUL you are an angel! Everytime, your advice penetrates the core of me and my role in this relationship and the REALITY of what this relationship IS. How old are you? What state are you in? Male or female? Just curious....

You are very welcome, rhonian!

 

But seriously, you had to ask if I am a male or a female? Really, it's not obvious? I hope if you saw me it would be easy to tell I am a female human. I think it's best to keep my "stats" private, I'm sure you understand, but let's just say you and I are in the same time zone, I'm further north; I do love where I live, just wish the winter did not last so long and wasn't so cold!

 

Now back to you.

 

I don't drink during the day, but I am popping a bottle of cyber champagne in your honor and having myself a little drinky right now! :D

 

You have finally crossed over from the dark side!! I know you will not take "active" revenge, now all you need to do is follow your gut once and for all.

 

That intense love for her in my gut was gone. Im glad that we were in the dark talking last nite on her couch because she would of seen the smile on my face of amazement

Well, I don't know you, and I wasn't there of course, but if it makes you feel any better, just reading that makes me envision a cartoon with this guy with a light bulb going off over his head, and the guy going crazy that he has finally seen the light!!

 

IT IS OVER!

Music to my ears. And it should be to your's, too. Update us as needed, we'll be here.

 

PS I also meant to say in light of the title of your post and the idea you did pray, you do have to acknowledge that your prayer was perhaps answered --if you see it that way, God was definitely telling you something!!

Edited January 1, 2011 by Graceful

[rhonian]

God definitely answered my prayer. If anything just to get the lines of communication open to where I knew where she stood even if I didnt like it and it was the same ole (her name).

 

With that being said, once I got back to my place early this morning. I didnt know exactly where to go in the relationship. I was thinking, "Do I text her a simple, "How are you?" or go NC again until she thinks the conversation over and "maybe" contacts me.....

 

Well, I decided to wait it out and never contacted her. She called me about 30 mins ago and proceeded to tell me that just after I left her house she started with vomiting and diarrhea and that her son was so scared that he started crying and she had to call her mom to come be with her. (a 100 mile drive for her mom cuz she lives near me). She went into her disease that she cant be sick because of her weakened immune system. We talked about her being sick for about 20 mins and general stuff. I knew better than to get into anything of what we talked about last night as I still want her to process all of it. One thing worth noting, once we got the meat of our conversation out of the way and there was that awkward lull in the coversation she came out with, "Well, I really called because I just wanted you to know that I was sick and If you get sick it wasnt my fault because when you came over my house last nite I told you I was sick and not feeling well." (this is the kind of stuff that she does with the deflecting of blame, however, I wasnt or wuldnt blame her for me getting sick, ever!) I told her to get some rest and when her mom leaves if she wanted to talk she could call. We hung up.

 

20 mins later I send her this text...

 

"I hope you feel betr. Sure wish I was there to comfort. If u start to feel betr and want to talk to me please call...I'll be thinkn of u."

 

She replied, "Thank u. This is what makes me so sad about us/sad for me....things like this, where I needed someone to be there, I needed you....and instead I had to call my mom. Once I have time to think about our conversation early this morning I know Ill have more questions. Well talk soon.

 

Then I text, "K. I was thnkn exactly what you are saying the whole time we were talkn. Im very sorry. No xcuses. I should be there. Feel betr please....Get some rest."

[TaraMaiden]

Oh good grief.....

 

So this -

 

GRACEFUL you are an angel! Everytime, your advice penetrates the core of me and my role in this relationship and the REALITY of what this relationship IS.

 

Is all utter BS, then?

 

I genuinely hate it when this happens.

someone comes on looking for support, guidance and advice. They get it, they know it's the way to go, they admit it's the way to go, they're grateful somebody has kicked them up the @$$ and shown them the way to go - then the next second we might all just as well have been pi$$ing in the wind, because they completely do a total 180, ignore and forget all the great advice and basically do the total opposite to what they should do!!

 

Are you a complete waste of our time??

 

I think you are.

 

 

See your Doctor.

You need a spine implant, and a pair of balls.

 

GRRRRR!!!

Edited January 1, 2011 by TaraMaiden

[rhonian]

Tara, maybe after you listen to what I have to say (because obviously you didnt READ) than you might want to offer an apology for your outburst....

 

I dont know how to do that quote thing but earlier I said, "I want revenge...I want to play her.....I want her to feel terrible......we lost our mojo....IT IS OVER!" ....

 

Now, listen carefully, I am playing her. Iam taking my revenge. Iam angry. I want to feel better. Why, would I do this? BECAUSE SHE PLAYED ME FOR 2 YEARS! I gave and gave and gave and she took and took and took. When I think about her selfishness with me and how everything was about her and she tells me "She has never really done anything wrong." I cant accept that so instead of walking away Im gonna play with her mind, she deserves it.

 

Nothing about what Iam doing is an attempt to reconcile the relationship. Did I want that thru this whole 3wk NC...YES! But after our conversation last night and she ripped me apart and saw no good in me its time for revenge. UNDERSTAND NOW?????

[TaraMaiden]

Tara, maybe after you listen to what I have to say (because obviously you didnt READ) than you might want to offer an apology for your outburst....

Nope, and I'll tell you why....

 

I dont know how to do that quote thing but earlier I said, "I want revenge...I want to play her.....I want her to feel terrible......we lost our mojo....IT IS OVER!" ....

But it's not 'over' is it....?

 

Now, listen carefully, I am playing her. Iam taking my revenge. Iam angry. I want to feel better. Why, would I do this? BECAUSE SHE PLAYED ME FOR 2 YEARS! I gave and gave and gave and she took and took and took. When I think about her selfishness with me and how everything was about her and she tells me "She has never really done anything wrong." I cant accept that so instead of walking away Im gonna play with her mind, she deserves it.

Nasty, nasty nasty.

If you really believe in God, you'll know that this is not the kind, Christian generous and compassionate thing to be doing at all. By doing this, you don't maker her look stupid.

You make you look stupid.

How could you stoop so low?

 

Nothing about what Iam doing is an attempt to reconcile the relationship. Did I want that thru this whole 3wk NC...YES! But after our conversation last night and she ripped me apart and saw no good in me its time for revenge. UNDERSTAND NOW?????

Yes I do.

You're a smaller meaner man than I originally thought, and I don't think you'll garner any encouragement or sympathy from anyone for this.

[homebrew]

Tara, maybe after you listen to what I have to say (because obviously you didnt READ) than you might want to offer an apology for your outburst....

 

I dont know how to do that quote thing but earlier I said, "I want revenge...I want to play her.....I want her to feel terrible......we lost our mojo....IT IS OVER!" ....

 

Now, listen carefully, I am playing her. Iam taking my revenge. Iam angry. I want to feel better. Why, would I do this? BECAUSE SHE PLAYED ME FOR 2 YEARS! I gave and gave and gave and she took and took and took. When I think about her selfishness with me and how everything was about her and she tells me "She has never really done anything wrong." I cant accept that so instead of walking away Im gonna play with her mind, she deserves it.

 

Nothing about what Iam doing is an attempt to reconcile the relationship. Did I want that thru this whole 3wk NC...YES! But after our conversation last night and she ripped me apart and saw no good in me its time for revenge. UNDERSTAND NOW?????

 

Dude... This forum and the advice given on here is for people that actually love and care about their EX.

 

Since you never loved or cared about your EX... Do us all a favor and go post your hate / revenge stories elsewhere.

 

The God I pray too and read about in my Bible wouldn't be very impressed at the way you are acting / behaving towards your EX.

 

Are you a child? Are you having a temper tantrum? You didn't get your way and now you are going to lash out and attack your EX... no wonder your relationship failed. It will not be to difficult for her to "upgrade" from you!

 

Do yourself a favor... Read your first post and read your last... You should be embarrassed!

 

Seriously, Do you think God is on-board with your new plan?

Edited January 1, 2011 by homebrew

[rhonian]

If you dont like what is in MY THREAD...then just move on....maybe read out of curiosity but dont post a reply....just move on.....dont you see the column of people that read a particular thread and then the column that actually respond to it....GET THE HINT! If you dont like what Im doing or saying than just moooooooove on and dont reply, its that simple. You are not in this relationship. You dont know what Ive had to deal with.

 

Take note. I was attacked first by Tara. Im going to defend my position.

 

And Tara, show me where I asked for "sympathy" for doing this.

 

I have been respectful and polite with my dealings so far on LS and have started to build a few good relationships but one thing I wont do I sit idly by when a member attacks me and draws their own conclusions, assuming and not KNOWING the whole story. Not gonna happen.

 

Mooooove onnnnnnnnnnn.........

[TaraMaiden]

Oh get over yourself. This is a forum, and everybody and anybody is fully entitled to tell you precisely what they think of your half-witted, ridiculous and hare-brained ideas.

They suck.

If anyone needs to move on, it's you.

 

If you hate and feel vengeful towards someone, you hold them as closely to your heart as if you still loved them passionately.

 

Remember that when you set out to deliberately damage anyone, you harm yourself first and foremost.

prime example, look at this: You have done nothing to her yet, and already, we're condemning you for it, and moving our sympathies over to her side of things.

 

Way to go, genius.....

[homebrew]

Remember that when you set out to deliberately damage anyone, you harm yourself first and foremost.

prime example, look at this: You have done nothing to her yet, and already, we're condemning you for it, and moving our sympathies over to her side of things.

 

Way to go, genius.....

 

Hahahahaha!

 

I for one am glad she dumped his a55.

 

I have 4 sisters... I would hate for them to be with a jack-off like him.

 

Your EX wants SPACE and TIME to go figure things out... You don't like that.

 

So instead of respecting her wishes... You are now are set out to destroy her. Where in the bible do you get that instruction?

 

As a Christian, I have no doubt that GOD is protecting your EX from YOU and that is why you find yourself in your current situation.

 

Once you calm down an realize that... Your anger and selfishness is what you and GOD should work on together... you will be a better person for it and your next GF will be grateful too.

[rhonian]

Homesuck, one problem. Where in any of my posts did you read that my ex dumped me? Who said she wante space and time? WHO?? What the hell are you talking about? You said that you read my first post.....can you not read? I WALKED OUT ON HER. HELLOOOOO!! "Maybe" you were reading the wrong post or you've been drinking too much "brew"? Which is it. You tell us. Your bucket has holes in it because you are not even stating facts. You're just taaaaaalllkiiiinnng!

 

I walked out on her. I bruised her ego. No man has ever done that to her and it gave me the control. I know her. I know how cruel she can be. I will slowly teach her a valuable lesson.

 

Only thing I know for sure is.....you got a big mouth behind that keyboard, where you can hide and be Mr. Macho-tough guy.

 

What part about moooooooooove onnnnnnn dont you understand, jackwagon!

 

 

Tara, nothing to say. Just stay out of my thread and Ill stay out of yours.

[homebrew]

I walked out on her. I bruised her ego. No man has ever done that to her and it gave me the control. I know her. I know how cruel she can be. I will slowly teach her a valuable lesson.

 

And you believe this to be Macho, Healthy or even SANE?

 

What part about moooooooooove onnnnnnn dont you understand, jackwagon!

 

That's funny... I was going to ask you the very same question!

[rhonian]

Just FTR, dont think that everyone that is following didnt take notice to how I made you look like an a$$ with my questions that you dodged! In the future, IF you must choose to comment make sure you are sticking to fact....dont make $#!! up.....it makes you look like a fool.

[homebrew]

Just FTR, dont think that everyone that is following didnt take notice to how I made you look like an a$$ with my questions that you dodged! In the future, IF you must choose to comment make sure you are sticking to fact....dont make $#!! up.....it makes you look like a fool.

 

Gotcha!

 

I am a fool and a a$$... You on the other hand, are a saint and a role model that all of us dumpees should strive to be like and emulate.

 

Originally Posted by rhonian

I walked out on her. I bruised her ego. No man has ever done that to her and it gave me the control. I know her. I know how cruel she can be. I will slowly teach her a valuable lesson.

 

I for one am looking forward to the following threads:

 

1. How to walk out on a EX.

2. How to bruise and EXes ego.

3. How to take control of an EX.

4. How to know your EX.

5. Learn how cruel your EX is.

6. How to slowly teach an EX a valuable lesson.

[Jake99]

Just FTR, dont think that everyone that is following didnt take notice to how I made you look like an a$$ with my questions that you dodged! In the future, IF you must choose to comment make sure you are sticking to fact....dont make $#!! up.....it makes you look like a fool.

 

hey Rhonian,

 

I have read your posts as well and I appreciate that you are angry and although you walked away from your ex, you have come across as being the victim. Yes she may have disrespected you throughout the relationship and hurt you, but you still have a piece of her in your heart and it's painful.

I was on the other end and got dumped. After many promises of a future with her and telling me how much she loved me, within a week she dumped me. She demanded me to respect her but refused to reciprocate and treated me horribly. So in a way, I feel for how you feel.

What others here have offered was experienced advice and knowedge of how to heal. I'm proud to say that the first advice I went to get was from God and asked for strength and His will to be done. Yes I asked for her back selfishly but as time has gone by, I want only His will to be done for both of us.

What I took from people here such as Homebrew was NC and work on myself. I have been in NC for almost a month and although she emailed me a merry Christmas, I deleted it without reading it and never responded. That in itself gave me my own power back and allows me to move forward. I work out at the gym 4-5 days a week and I know I'm healing. I did have a moment where I too wanted her to feel how I did and thought about having that second chance and stringing her along, then giving her a taste of her own medicine but I know that it would only hurt me in the long run because she has to live with herself not me. I also know that it would hurt her family and her friends who did nothing but allow me into their lives and loved me too.

Rhonian, be proud of yourself and respect yourself, don't let her disrespect bitter you.

Always remember that those here on this site are reading posts because they are in the same boat as you and I. People like Grace and Homebrew are encouragers and have a vast amount of knowledge and support. They aren't here to discourage but to be real, give help and offer hope where they know it can be done.

 

Cheers and all the best on 2011

[rhonian]

Good words, Jake and they are well-taken. However, if you have read this entire thread it was going along fine until TM called me out on not taking the advice of an LS member with whom I have grown to have a deep respect for. TM, had it totally wrong because she didnt read. She drew her own conclusions instead of clarifying not to say that what the real story is, is any better. Thats what Im angry about. She didnt even know what was going on but so easily and freely chose to shoot off at the mouth. Then, Homesuck decided to chime in and state incorrect information just making up stuff. That doesnt help anyone, trying to make himself look better at my expense. If I see an inaccuracy on my thread should I just move along or call those involved out on it?

 

I guess the humor in all of this is...they cant see me here in my living room all day struggling with doing what I described doing to her. So, I guess maybe it was the anger from last nights conversation with her shining through and I havent been able to think clearly instead of out of emotion. Oh, the power of the internet.......