homebrew Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 Most important I cried out to God for help. I gave this whole situation to Him and told Him that this whole breakup has physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted me. I asked Him to give me peace and comfort. I asked Him to give me closure with the way that the relationship ended. I asked Him to give her back to me if she is the one He wants for me. I told Him that I have made so many mistakes in the relationship and that He could trust me to do the right thing, even if we are supposed to go our separate ways. I told Him I LOVED HIM. I will remain in prayer and we will see how God works..... You are right about one thing... I was a fool for believing what you told GOD and everyone else on LS what you were going to do. You go from that post above to where you are now... I dont know how to do that quote thing but earlier I said, "I want revenge...I want to play her.....I want her to feel terrible......we lost our mojo....IT IS OVER!" .... Now, listen carefully, I am playing her. Iam taking my revenge. Iam angry. I want to feel better. Why, would I do this? BECAUSE SHE PLAYED ME FOR 2 YEARS! I gave and gave and gave and she took and took and took. When I think about her selfishness with me and how everything was about her and she tells me "She has never really done anything wrong." I cant accept that so instead of walking away Im gonna play with her mind, she deserves it. You don't see the stark difference between your two posts? You can blame me all you want... All I did was take your promise to GOD seriously... Maybe you should too! Link to post Share on other sites
Author rhonian Posted January 2, 2011 Author Share Posted January 2, 2011 Really, is that ALL you did? Answer this, did you speak any untruths? Any at all. Um, HS, listen just because I humiliated you on this board with my FACT dont try to gain ground now. Just walk away, like a whipped pup and your tail tucked between your legs. Yes, look at the two posts. Big deal, its called being in a R/L with everything involved, the full circle of emotions. The ups and downs, the roller-coaster, the mind wandering while Im sitting in my recliner. I got on here and spoke what was on my mind and heart, what I was "feeling". You come on here and make crap up. Why am I trying to explain myself to you? You are just stuck on the fact that you got schooled........go away little boy. Link to post Share on other sites
PowerOfOne Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 rhonian, do you think that revenge is going to make you feel any better? IF that's true you are a bitter, vindictive piece of work... She treated you like trash, you walked away. Leave it at that! It is NOT your responcibility to teach her life lessons. Your own good conduct will teach her that. Once she's got wind of the fact your acting out to make yourself better at her expense - isn't that only going to reinforce her own selfishness? Yes, she'll treat all her next relationships the same knowing that the next guy that give give gives is deep down STILL ONLY THINKING OF HIMSELF! You don't want her back, cut the cord and move on. Leave the people who are toxic in your dust. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rhonian Posted January 2, 2011 Author Share Posted January 2, 2011 Yeah, I guess not, thats why I have freely admitted that "they were just thoughts, in my mind at the time" (or something similar to that) a cycle. C'mon can anyone say that when they were having their heart broken that they didnt want to take vengence? Its emotion. I voiced it. I havent acted on it. Who says I dont want the relationship? I want the relationship. I love her. I know, "Train" is probably a bad word to use so I will use enlighten. Im trying to enlighten her, delicately trying to see the error of her ways and that in itself IS possible with humans. I have her right where I want her. Ive known all along that I have brought something to her life that none of her ex's have based on little things that she has said to me. Its a matter of expertly making her feel like she has the control but in all reality I do. Some of that might sound arrogant but its not that way. She has relationship issues, majorily. I care enough about her to help her to see them. Tks for your input Link to post Share on other sites
LifeIsGreat Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 Just FTR, dont think that everyone that is following didnt take notice to how I made you look like an a$$ with my questions that you dodged! In the future, IF you must choose to comment make sure you are sticking to fact....dont make $#!! up.....it makes you look like a fool. Dude, listen up. I have been following your thread, and even posted earlier on. But let me say, with all due respect, you are starting to sound like a crazed lunatic. Even if you are simply venting, and had no plans to do what you said can you please see what it looks like to others? Even having those thoughts about a break up is EXTREMELY unhealthy. I have no idea what it will take for you to see what some of us are saying here, but I hope you do. Link to post Share on other sites
PowerOfOne Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 My mistake, I made the assumption that you left because you were sick of the rubbish. People change their attitudes over the long term and only when they want to. Unless you've got a long term plan to this you're going to be back to the same old rubbish. Personally, I think you should 'teach' her a lesson by not accepting behaviour you don't like. You've done that, you left. It's up to her to realise why and (if she wants) to change that behaviour. Everyone goes through ups and downs so don't beat yourself up about it. Just be very mindful of your actions in both those stages. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rhonian Posted January 2, 2011 Author Share Posted January 2, 2011 Its all good, Life. Really just playing along now.....for argumentative sake! Im bored....and this is helping me. Link to post Share on other sites
LifeIsGreat Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 Its all good, Life. Really just playing along now.....for argumentative sake! Im bored....and this is helping me. Consider the following self-talk instead of what you were posting. How about: That woman never takes responsibility for anything, (then add all the other stuff you can't stand about her), blah blah blah. I'm not taking that crap anymore, I'm done!! Now leave her alone, and move on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenPolicy Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 I feel angry towards my ex at times. I feel like she handled the b/u poorly. But I don't want to hurt her like she hurt me, or wish bad things on her. I have to do NC for my mental health, and I hope she has a happy and fulfilling life if I can't be a part of it in the way that I wanted. I feel like hating her is only going to hurt me. Link to post Share on other sites
homebrew Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 I feel like hating her is only going to hurt me. It most certainty will! Link to post Share on other sites
Jake99 Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 I feel angry towards my ex at times. I feel like she handled the b/u poorly. But I don't want to hurt her like she hurt me, or wish bad things on her. I have to do NC for my mental health, and I hope she has a happy and fulfilling life if I can't be a part of it in the way that I wanted. I feel like hating her is only going to hurt me. GP, I think we all feel angry towards the ex, that's only natural. I absolutely adore my ex and I still love her as much as I did when we were together however, she chose to break away from me and Homebrew's GIGS is exactly what has happened. It's sad, very disappointing and hurtful because I lost such a wonderful person. BUT she lost a wonderful guy who has so much to offer in life and the more I follow NC and trust God, I know I am fine! Actually I'm great!! I'm blown away by how much working out at the gym has helped me and how dedicated I've become towards it. I will always love my ex, but I refuse to disrespect myself and be second rate to anyone. I don't deserve it nor does anyone. You have a really good outlook and I appreciate hearing...Keep going and continue to be positive! Link to post Share on other sites
Author rhonian Posted January 2, 2011 Author Share Posted January 2, 2011 She was just rushed to the e.r. and wants me to come to the hospital. Its a 100 mile, 90 minute drive.....this is tough....I want to but I want to maintain NC too..... Link to post Share on other sites
homebrew Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 She was just rushed to the e.r. and wants me to come to the hospital. Its a 100 mile, 90 minute drive.....this is tough....I want to but I want to maintain NC too..... Are you NUTS!?!?! If anyone I knew (EX or not) called me after they were being rushed to the E.R., I would be there. Let's not take NC to extreme! I know you dumped her... but geesh! Link to post Share on other sites
GreenPolicy Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 I would break NC if my ex was in the hospital for something extremely serious. Link to post Share on other sites
Jake99 Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 I would break NC if my ex was in the hospital for something extremely serious. Totally agree!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author rhonian Posted January 2, 2011 Author Share Posted January 2, 2011 Ya, your right HB, im in the car now and im on my way.....adrenaline pumping...... Link to post Share on other sites
desertIslandCactus Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 Ya, your right HB, im in the car now and im on my way.....adrenaline pumping...... Drive carefully. You are doing the right thing. NC and the rest can happen later - or after she is stabilized. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rhonian Posted January 3, 2011 Author Share Posted January 3, 2011 Well, I made it to the hospital that nite just fine. When I arrived it was a bit awkward because her mom was there and she is a bit angry with me over the breakup....Im sure she is just trying to protect her daughter and doesnt want her heart broke. I stayed a few hours and really just wanted her to know that I cared enough to be there. They ended up admitting her to run tests. I drove home at 4am...... Today, she texted me around 8am thanking me for driving all that way and how much it meant to her. She ended up calling me around 530pm and I could tell that she was hinting that she wanted me to come back to the hospital. I ended up getting in the car and driving to the hospital and got there around 8pm. We had the most AMAZING next 4 hours by ourselves. It was so peaceful and deep. As we talked I could sense my love for her that I buried over the last 3 weeks slowly creep back into existence.....the connection was back. We talked about our issues, our fears in the relationships, our hangups, our views. It was a conversation similar to the ones we would have when the relationship was new and fresh. It was like we were falling in love again. She talked about her fears. How being rushed to the hospital scared her about where she would go if she died. She talked of crying out to God and asking for His healing and help. She said she wants to build a relationship with God and deepen her faith in Him. Everything she was saying was music to my ears. I rubbed her face, ran my fingers thru her hair, held her hand. I know she felt my love for her. Its early but I believe God has answered my prayer. He has turned my anger to a newfound love for her. This relationship will still take hard work but I firmly believe weve had a breakthru...... I will keep anyone interested posted......ty for reading. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 Aw, you are such a sweet guy.... (When things are going your way, that is.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author rhonian Posted January 3, 2011 Author Share Posted January 3, 2011 I know you meant that in good taste...... or, atleast I hope u did. Link to post Share on other sites
homebrew Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 I know you meant that in good taste...... or, atleast I hope u did. Rhonian... I am proud of you! However... you did get a little mean there for a few days when you didn't get your way... We all feel that way when this happens. Most of us don't act on those thoughts or feelings. Maybe it's something you should look at... maybe you were just venting... Only you know. If you need to work on it... then do. Link to post Share on other sites
Jake99 Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 Prayer answered!! Next! A prayer for all of us that God will let us see His will in our lives and with those who we love and loved. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Am4Real Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 Guys/Gals, One of the better exchanges I've read in a long time, had me giggling throughout. Bravo Tara, bravo!! Note to OP: If prayers worked for fixing relationships we all would bottle them up and sell them. Oh darn, I think our television evangelists already do that in their own way...LOL. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rhonian Posted January 3, 2011 Author Share Posted January 3, 2011 HB, gotta tell ya, I dont really know exactly what angle you are coming from. Didnt get my way, how? Explain....... If your words are about the exchange between you and I it sounds to me like you are taking no responsibility for your part. You tell me..... If your words are about my relationship then maybe you need to read my last post again and that should answer any of your questions. I dont know....... Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 Frankly, neither do I. You jump from the pitiful heartbroken desperate lovesick Romeo, to a vindictive, angry, vengeful, nasty and spiteful "spurned" and scorned hurt victim, to the loving, affectionate, conciliatory, gladdened, simpering thankful Christian. You've hit all three in this thread. TbH, I have no idea what you're doing or how your mind works, and furthermore, I think anyone would have a job trying to understand it. Including this poor hapless girl who's been in hospital and doesn't know what you're going to be like, depending on which way the wind is blowing. What do you think she'd make of all of this, if she could read the thread....? beats me. Frankly chum - I'm baffled. Link to post Share on other sites
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