What's in store for me in 2011??

[DSM2709]

Now that 2010 is behind me (Thank God), what can I do differently in 2011 that will bring my confidence, self-esteem and overall persona about me to a higher level, and how do I leave all that BS from years past behind? I think for one, stop jumping into bad relationships and just date, get to know people first. Maybe just be single for a while. Continue to work on my goals and create new goals...just not sure what they are just yet. Be healthier and more positive towards life in general.

 

The past four years of my life have been a roller coaster of emotions, anger, heartbreak, and discontent. I feel that I am my own worst enemy. So I am vowing to never again go down that road. 2011 is all about me. It's time I took control of my life and did what I wanted to do.

 

I would appreciate any other ideas you guys and gals out there have about what I can do or what you are planning to do for your lives in the new year.

 

I hope everyone out here on LS has a safe and joyous 2011.

 

Thanks.

[dreamingoftigers]

Good for you,

 

Always a good idea to start the new year with a positive outlook.

[JohnnyBlaze]

As to your upcoming year, it sounds like you have a lot that you want to improve. My recommendation to you is to pick one or two things to start with, and make a plan. Don't just think it out, write it down. For some odd reason, when people put things in writing, we seem to stick to it better. I don't know why - I just know it works.

 

I wouldn't plan on making this year nothing like the previous years. The previous years have probably been developed by decades of conditioning, so turning them all around in one year is just asking too much. That's why I suggest picking one or two to start with. Once you see those aspects of your life changing to the way you want, let it ride for a bit (to make sure the change is lasting) and once that's good to go, then you can start looking at other changes.

 

I don't just suggest this because of internal factors, but because of external ones as well. When you try to change everything about you, friends and family seem to want to fight it. Again, I don't know why, but it's the way things are. So if you change one or two aspects at a time, you won't encounter as much external resistance to it, which will make the transformation that much easier.

 

I know it'll sound like prying, but if you provide some specifics on what you want to change, it'll make things easier for the rest of the board to give you more personalized advice.

 

 

As to my plans for 2011, I'm planning for the worst. There's an event that'll happen approximately 4-6 weeks from now that will psychologically crush me. I know that. There's nothing I can do to stop it, so it's a just a case of bracing for the impact. Naturally, a lot of my thought process is devoted solely to how I'll survive this. Other than that, it's getting a motorcycle to replace the one I crashed last fall, losing 30 lbs, and starting another thing or two that aren't worth discussing here.

[paleblue]

Good deal DSM. I hope that works out good for you. It sounds like a good way to start the year.

 

I dont plan on letting myself become a doormat for anyone. But at the same time I dont want to remain a complete jerk. Ive made some girls upset lately with my antics and have been feeling bad. So Im going to work on resolving my issues. I made one girl come over and rake leaves all day in my yard and then I made her pay for pizza and then pick it up. I called several others by the wrong name. I kicked another one while we were in bed sleeping because she was snoring and then dumped her. I have been using them out of spite bcause I was hurt. I need to stop that.

 

I am also going to do my best not to keep being a complete dick to my ex gf at work - the source of my frustrations. To date I have thoroughly enjoyed making her upset any opportunity I could get. When she was telling me last year about some problems she had, I was in a good mood for a week. I have enjoyed becoming friends with people at work that frustrate her just because it frustrates her. I told her I was going to lighten up. She wants to be cool with me, and I will try. But its hard when I see her my blood still boils over 2 years later and I still want to burn everything in her world to the ground for hurting me. It's going to be hard. But I will try. I will make a serious effort to put it behind me.

 

I will focus on my new girl I have been seeing. I dont have any animosity towards her. She is actually good for me.

[dreamingoftigers]

Good deal DSM. I hope that works out good for you. It sounds like a good way to start the year.

 

I dont plan on letting myself become a doormat for anyone. But at the same time I dont want to remain a complete jerk. Ive made some girls upset lately with my antics and have been feeling bad. So Im going to work on resolving my issues. I made one girl come over and rake leaves all day in my yard and then I made her pay for pizza and then pick it up. I called several others by the wrong name. I kicked another one while we were in bed sleeping because she was snoring and then dumped her. I have been using them out of spite bcause I was hurt. I need to stop that.

 

I am also going to do my best not to keep being a complete dick to my ex gf at work - the source of my frustrations. To date I have thoroughly enjoyed making her upset any opportunity I could get. When she was telling me last year about some problems she had, I was in a good mood for a week. I have enjoyed becoming friends with people at work that frustrate her just because it frustrates her. I told her I was going to lighten up. She wants to be cool with me, and I will try. But its hard when I see her my blood still boils over 2 years later and I still want to burn everything in her world to the ground for hurting me. It's going to be hard. But I will try. I will make a serious effort to put it behind me.

 

I will focus on my new girl I have been seeing. I dont have any animosity towards her. She is actually good for me.

 

You are really only going to hurt yourself in the long run, the rest of the girls who have any self-respect will walk away quickly.

 

I hope you don't let your ex that you resent consume any more of your time, because really you might be annoying her, but it has become your world. Focus on getting healthier.

[paleblue]

Thanks Dreaming. I am trying. I realize its not the best thing for me to keep going with this anger and resentment inside towards her, but its hard to expell it. Im not sure how you let it go. I guess it just needs to resolve itself. And I think it slowly is. It is less than what it was. So I think that is good news. I think this has lasted because I see her at work. Its a constant reminder.

 

This is what it must be like having a child with someone you are no longer with. You still have to see them all the time. Im surprised more people don't lose it.

[dreamingoftigers]

Thanks Dreaming. I am trying. I realize its not the best thing for me to keep going with this anger and resentment inside towards her, but its hard to expell it. Im not sure how you let it go. I guess it just needs to resolve itself. And I think it slowly is. It is less than what it was. So I think that is good news. I think this has lasted because I see her at work. Its a constant reminder.

 

This is what it must be like having a child with someone you are no longer with. You still have to see them all the time. Im surprised more people don't lose it.[/QUOTE]

 

I still have trouble with anger and resent towards my husband everyday and we have a child together. (we are also still together, you can check my threads)

 

I found what has helped is just detaching from the whole thing. If you resent your ex, you really resent something she didn't do or isn't doing for you. You are using your anger and resent to get a reaction of pain out of her, but it will never be enough to fill the void. It may temporarily be "fun" but it does wear off, then it is followed by feeling ashamed or bad for doing it.

 

At this point your ex is definitely not going to do or feel what you need her to. Your focus is on the wrong spot. What you really want and don't know it is to deal with the grief and move on.

 

That is the trouble with trying to control things, you put energy into something that you can't change. You can't change what happened in your relationship anymore, you can't change if she rejected you or she let you down or she let you know that you didn't meet her expectations.

 

As soon as I stopped trying to meet my husband's ridiculous expectations, I felt a million times better. Don't hold back on your own life just to rebel against someone else. It costs too much.

 

What you can do is focus on caring about yourself. Exercising, cleaning your place, socializing and doing things just for you until you feel a little better about yourself. As soon as you stop feeding these feelings and letting them run your love life, you will feel better because at the very least you can tell yourself: "Yes I feel this way, but it won't control my day." And stick to it!

 

Yah it's a bitch to work with the ex (been there done that) but you need to focus on the other parts of your day and work (or you need to find another job). good luck, getting over relationships can really suck. It also is a tremendous time for personal growth.

[paleblue]

Dreaming,

 

I checked your threads. Thanks for sharing. I think you must be a very strong person to stay with him. Especially after what you posted yesterday. He sounds completely poisonous. You are very strong indeed to handle that and stay with him.

 

Yes, I continue to resent a number of things about her. I could spend all day talking about it, but won't. Mainly now, her ignorant delusional behavior has much to do with it. She says things like she has been single for years before her new bf. Which really angers me because she has been with someone just about the entire time. From day one. Does she hear herself?? I think she actually believes herself. Her statements just annoy me beyond tolerable limits because they are so fantastic. She makes things up like this all the time. I dont believe a word that comes from her mouth, or any of her motives. It makes me feel it's impossible to allow her to become an acquaintance. I say acquaintance, because I dont believe its a true friendship. Yet I do my best to play along.

 

Detaching.. Lots of times I try to picture me looking at myself thru the other persons eyes and adjust my composure that way. Do you think that is a form of detachment? It seems to help.

 

Interesting... I havent realized this..now matter how mad I make her its never enough. This is true. I made her so mad one time she literally stomped her feet walking by, for two days in a row. It wasnt enough for me. I was hoping she would fall down the stairs after that. I have to stop this.

 

We have never not seen each for more than a week or so, in 8 years because we work together. Things ended about 2 and half years ago. In that time we have spoken a lot. We even had a short fling again at one point. She wanted another fling I think about 6 months ago. At the time I refused to speak to her. LAtely she has been trying to reach out to me.

I guess it just comes down to a decision to forgive her. Its very difficult. I don't want to be her doormat if I do. And I refuse to sacrifice any of my dignity for her.

 

Again Dreaming, I give you a lot of credit for trying to make things work with your Husband. You are Incredible! And he is so stupid. I think I can use your situation for inspiration. Thank you!

Edited January 2, 2011 by paleblue