I have dug myself into a hole, and can't get out.

[LostInDaytona]

I need help, and i have run out of places to turn. Please understand that i am not the bad person that this story makes me look like.The following is the long story of my current relationship(s), so of you may frown on me for my actions, god knows i do, but i need advice just the same, so here goes:

 

 

This all started around my 18th birthday, april 8th 2002, so it have been gradually getting worse for the last two years. I met the girl who i am currently involved with, we'll call her tiffany for now, and began what started out to be a great relationship. But after my graduation things started to get ruff and she realized that i was going to be leaving soon (Grew up in MN, but came to FL for school) and she was going to either decide to stay with me or break it off, if she decided to stay it was going to be a long long hard relationship. We stayed together and said our teary good byes as i got in my car and drove to Florida for school, from this point on everything is down hill.

 

I had trouble adjusting to college life, and the only person i know in florida was my room mate who i had been friends with through all of high school. I was trying the best i could to make friends, but it wasn't easy, especially when tiffany became suspicious of everything i did and began calling constantly to check up on me, this cause alot of love to be lost between us. while all of that was going on, and her trust for me was fading i finally started to make friends, one of them being the nicest girl i have met in my entire life, (we'll call her jamie for now) Jamie and i started hanging out alot and tiffany became more and more paranoid. after a while my stress because of the situation became overwhelming, i found myself falling in love with jamie while part of me started to hate tiffany. If i was smart this is where i would have broken things off with tiffany (Without using any un-called for words, she really wasn't the nicest person in the world anymore, to put it mildly) but unfortunately i continued to be with tiffany, while i fell more and more for jamie. at one point it happened, some where right after christmas break jamie and i confess our feeling for eachother and it ended in us making love. this being the first time i had ever cheated on someone, i had no idea how to handel it. i tryed breaking up with tiff, and just going out seperate ways, but she kept on trying to be with me and wouldn't stop bothering me about it so i gave in and we ended up back together.

 

Now in the mean time another guy started chasing after jamie, and when he found out that i had slept with her he decided he hated me, and started threatening me and vandalising my car. this just made things worse, i was a wreck, i was trying so hard not to break tiffanys heart, but at the same time the only person that was really there for me was jamie. somewhere in here, when jamie and i had a short falling out and tiffany came down to vist me i compouned all of my mistakes thus far, i proposed to tiffany, and she said yes.

 

This of course hurt jamie very badly, which i didn't see until much later because of how blinded by stress i had become. she ran to the arms of the other guy for a short time, and later told me how badly she missed being around me. at the end of my freshman year i had already made all of these mistakes, but it only gets worse. Jamie came home with my room mate and i to MN at the end of the year. Now of course tiffany was very very un-happy about this, but i did it anyway. after about a week jamie whent home to texas, but tiffany realized in that short amount of time how much i cared for jamie, and that there was probably more going on that i wanted to admit.

 

About a month into the summer, i had been neglecting my close friendship with jamie while trying to force myself to salvage my relationship with tiffany, (we had already made plans for her to move in with me and my room mates at our new apartment in FL), but she became more and more rude, cranky, and down right mean to me as time whent on. one day, in late july my room mate decided that tiffany was distroying my life, and he couldn't handel having he live with us, so he told her everything about jamie. (as mad as i was, he thought he was doing me a favor because he knew that a big part of me wanted to be done with tiff.) of course she broke it off with me in a fit of screamind swears, and i just felt horrible for breaking her heart. two days later i got a painful call from jamie to tell me that she was now with the other guy who had been there for her when i hadn't for the rest of the summer.

 

So there i was, as sad and lonely as i could be, and look who comes back saying she missed me and wanted to work through our differences..... no other than tiffany, and what do i do? of course, i end up back with her, and then move down to florida in the fall...... by now you must be thinking "how many mistakes can this guy make" well, we aren't quite to the end yet.

 

Tiff and i fought long and hard about my relationship with jamie, i still wanted to remain friends with her, because of all the things that we had been though, but tiff wouldn't even hear of it. the first semester of my sophomore year was incredibly painful, tiffany became a stripper because she couldn't handle college, and we started fighting even more. i lost all of my friends (i can't even consider my room mates friends anymore) and all i ever got to do in my free time was spend time with tiff. and the more i tried to make her happy the worse she started treating me, and every time we even had a small fight she had to throw it in my face that i had cheated on her. In the mean time i had very few conversations with jamie, but everytime i did her boyfriend would find out and threaten me..... after he bought a gun for "protection" i just couldn't even bring myself to talk to her anymore for fear of my own life.

 

The fall semester creaped by, with me spending most of it drunk, and depressed. especially after injurying myself with a knife when i was drunk, but thats another story. all i wanted to do was to have some one to turn to that i could talk with.... i could only see that person as jamie, tiffany just wouldn't ever listen to me, and started to tell me that i had ruined her life. so, thats where things were at up until a month ago, but realize the story i have just told is the short verson. so, on to how things are now.

 

About a month ago, i get a long e-mail from jamie, telling me how much she misses me and that her boyfriend was not as great a guy as she had expected. she asked me to come to her house to talk and i did. by the end of the night we were crying in eachothers arms, realizing that we loved eachother more than anything in the world, and that we had both made some many mistakes. we sat there trying to decide how to fix things, but there was no answer. i am locked in a year long lease with tiffany, and if i just kick her out she won't have anywhere to go, and jamie and are a quite frankly scared of her boyfriend, and what he might do if he ever even found out that her and i are talking.

 

Even if this ends in me being single and alone i don't care. i have been living a lie, and my relationship is not working. i have no idea what to do to make things better. i love jamie very much, but i do care for tiff and i don't want to see her hurt anymore because of me. i have dug myself into a hole by making mistake after mistake after mistake and not realizing any of them until things were way to screwed up to be fixed. so here i am, lost in daytona, looking for someone to tell that i am not the horrible person that i have come to believe i am, and for someone that might know what i need to do. but most of all, just looking for a friend that isn't involved in this situation that i could chat with, simply because i helps to talk to people. if you have any advice at all, please respond. Thank you.

 

Ryan

[Samson]

Well, Ryan, you'll probably survive, and so will Tiff and Jamie.

 

Hope this helps.

Sincerely,

Samson

[Fedup&givingup]

Ryan,

 

You are NOT a bad person. You are confused, and you have allowed someone else control you. We ALL make mistakes, so you don't need to beat yourself up for that. The good thing is that you know and realize that you've made a mistake.

 

My suggestion to you is to stick it out on the lease with Tiff. That could get very messy, and I think highly of you for not just kicking her to the curb knowing she has nowhere else to go (and she is thousands of miles away from home). I will say that her becoming a stripper is a test for you. She is trying to see how far she can push you and make you jealous. Trust me, there are lots of other things she could do to make money. The exclusive problem (that I see) that you have with this girl is you have allowed her to completely manipulate and control you.

 

As far as Jamie goes, there is nothing I can say. You both love each other, period. That relationship has a lot of potential, or seems to.

 

As far as Jamie's psychotic boyfriend...please clarify if he's EVER, EVER verbally threatened you (or Jamie) or done ANYthing to imply that he would hurt either of you. You said he owns a gun. If he's threatened or implied anything against you or Jamie, get a restraining order when the time is fit for the two of you to be together.

 

Hang in there, all is NOT lost...it's going to be a temporary hell until this is over. Who knows, maybe Tiff and Biff will end up together

[Fedup&givingup]

All four of you involved in this are all miserable....Tiff will learn from this that it is more cherishable to be with someone that wants to be with her, that she didn't have to manipulate and try so hard to be with. She is miserable herself, and she has done a fine job on making you feel her pain.

 

Same goes with Jamie's bo, who has decided to become armed and dangerous.

[LostInDaytona]

Thanks for the fast responses, it is good to hear from other people on this subject. I have to run to work, but starting to feel better already. By the way, he hasn't DIRECTLY said anything threating, unfortunately he is a little smarter than that. plus he runs with a frat, so he has plenty of minons to do his dirty work. when i get a chance i will tell you all what he said to all the people in the frat to make them hate me as much as he does, its actually kinda funny. thanks again everyone.

[Fedup&givingup]

Ok, Ryan! Have a good evening. This guy sounds like he's in a mini mob squad...rumor has it that this forum is planning on formulating it's own LOL