Females keep telling me - "Ha she is going to come crawling back."

[Movingthrough]

Ok, i was really debating all day if i should start a thread like this or not because its going to come off as some sort of "yes there is still a chance!". Im telling you now as my LS.com friends lol that its not about that, while i do still have feelings and i still hurt, i know she is not the one for me and i dont trust her after all of this. This is more of a psych question i guess and i want to hear what people think.

 

In the last 3-4 weeks that i have been NC, there have been a couple girls that are either with my friends, or family that have said this to me. I was talking to a girl the other night who is a friend of a friend, i barely know her (no interest in her) but she knew about my situation because of my friend. She asks me what happened, i gave her a 10 second summary and right in the middle she cuts me off and says "Pffff wait a few months and she will be crawling back to you saying she has made a mistake." I mean she was confident, like this was something she has seen and dealt with before. Then the next day, i was talking to my sis, and she said the same almost exact thing to me.

 

If you read around on here there are so many threads that are talking about how NC after time makes people "come back", may not always work out but i always see the "ex contacted me" threads here.

 

I know me and her arent going to work out and i can tell you with no issue that if she called me today and said lets make this work that i would know it wouldnt. But to have girls tell me this with such seriousness, to see it on here, what is the deal with this? I dont really get the whole aspect of breaking it off and then wanting to get into contact again. My ex even with her new guy would send me messages saying she missed me so much she couldnt think etc etc.

 

I guess my question is, can you really be with someone else after an ex, moved on and being so "happy" but still have feelings about the guy you broke up with to the point of "having" to contact them like these girls keep telling me? This all just really blows my mind the more i hear it. The last two threads i just read on here talked about "two months after NC he/she contacted me and said i still miss you"...

[Hhhh]

my ex has disappeared off the face of the earth as soon as she broke up with me 3 and half months ago. Sometimes they don't come back. Here on LS we don't want people to cling to hope we would rather them heal and move on. Treat this break up as permanent and get out there!

 

(i lost my phone a month ago and i am using another number so she can't contact me, starting a new chapter of my life)

[GreenPolicy]

Hhhh is right. It's about healing. Until you heal from the b/u, getting back together a second time probably won't work out.

[homebrew]

Hhhh is right. It's about healing. Until you heal from the b/u, getting back together a second time probably won't work out.

 

From what I have seen... if you are not healed... it will not work.

 

The successful reconciliations that occur or usually years later... It's like a brand new relationship at that point.

[Movingthrough]

From what I have seen... if you are not healed... it will not work.

 

The successful reconciliations that occur or usually years later... It's like a brand new relationship at that point.

 

The reality is there is no way we would ever work out unless it was a big break, almost to the point of forgetting about what we had before. We didnt have alot of drama but our situation was so weird and secret that it can almost make someone laugh. But there were a lot of feelings for me so thats why i still hurt over it as much as i do.

 

I didnt want this topic to go in a direction of me hinting i may have a chance, its just blows my mind how this seems so "common" from what i read and hear. I mean there was no hey im going to make him feel better by saying this, these girls were dead serious and its been more then once. Its funny how this all works out, or maybe like Homebrew writes about, it was just the GIGS syndrome.

 

I have a lot of guilt almost sometimes because i know she was torn between me and the new guy when i got back home, but i cut it off because i was sick of the random back and forth, some of me thinks i should have "played" that angle a little more and worked the fact that she still had a thing for me. All i kept thinking though was if i be cool with her, try to make it work, meet up, whatever it is - you think she is going to cancel her trip with this guy? Stop seeing him? Nope. So when days go by and she is busy with him....well i will hear from you later....hell no. Thats why i went NC. But i can say sometimes i wonder if i should have just been "cool" and rolled with it, made her question what she was doing..

[Karma20]

Usually guys come back at least once after dumping them more than girls. If she came back it would probablly be cause her new relationship didn't work out. At the end of the day only time knows if an ex will come back. Cause everyone is different

[ginastar]

so if thats the reason girls come back is that the same reason guys come back?

[Graceful]

I know me and her arent going to work out and i can tell you with no issue that if she called me today and said lets make this work that i would know it wouldnt. But to have girls tell me this with such seriousness, to see it on here, what is the deal with this? I dont really get the whole aspect of breaking it off and then wanting to get into contact again. My ex even with her new guy would send me messages saying she missed me so much she couldnt think etc etc.

Ok, Moving. I am a woman, hope that's clear.

And I do not subscribe to the above, not one bit. It's a generalization to say this is part of female DNA or to say that all women are like this. We are not.

 

When I cut a guy loose, I am sure. Even if he is the greatest guy in the world, I am sure he is not right for me. I know he is hurt, and I know he might even be wishing to hear from me. But do I play around with his feelings? NO. Do I call to see if he misses me. NO. Do I call to play a game b/c I have not heard from him b/c he isn't begging me or groveling to ask me to come back. NO.

 

I don't date guys I don't respect in the first place. So if I break up, I respect their feelings and this means NC, and that is respectful.

 

No offense to the woman in question here (your ex) but women who do things like this are attention "hogs" -- they have to have the upper hand, they have to know they are desired, they have to be the center of attention, and they have to still know you are pining away for them. It's about THEM not you. It's their basic MO that cannot rest until they have your attention. It is inconceivable to this type of woman that you could possibly be Okay! You must be miserable because she rejected you!! And she has to keep contacting you to make sure!! Otherwise, if you're not miserable, then she's gonna think she made a mistake!

 

I guess my question is, can you really be with someone else after an ex, moved on and being so "happy" but still have feelings about the guy you broke up with to the point of "having" to contact them like these girls keep telling me?

Yes, if you are an attention hog. See above.

 

You sound like a strong guy, with a full life, and it's driving your ex crazy. But not b/c she's sure she wants you. That's not it. She just has to know she has your attention. It's her MO.

 

All i kept thinking though was if i be cool with her, try to make it work, meet up, whatever it is - you think she is going to cancel her trip with this guy? Stop seeing him? Nope. So when days go by and she is busy with him....well i will hear from you later....hell no. Thats why i went NC. But i can say sometimes i wonder if i should have just been "cool" and rolled with it, made her question what she was doing..

No, you did the right thing. That would have just resulted in endless head games, with nothing to show for it.

 

This all just really blows my mind the more i hear it.

It blows my mind, too. So we're in sync.

[PleasantDeviation]

She will come back but not to get back with you. She'll contact you to see if she still has you on the hook. It's an ego boost. I'm a female and I've done it.

[Stilicho]

girls keep telling me the same thing......

 

she is prone to it too, as she told me she did that with an Ex in highschool

[coltsfan1]

i have heard the samething from the woman that know my ex. I have even been told to have my NO ready. I on the other hand do not believe she will contact me again.

[SimonSerenade]

I realised if the person can have the heart to leave then they never had the heart to be the one in the first place, Just my 2 pence, She probably will come crawling back in time and when that time comes have enough strength to say no, In the mean time don't worry about it, Live life, Enjoy it, It's all you can do.

[SithLord]

Its funny u say that lol. After i left my ex and she moved on and i try going back and she wasnt having it. went to no contact for about 2 months she returned and contacts me here and there, i act very indifferent. since it didnt go well for her, the thing that troubles me is the fact she came back but not enough to want a relationship.

 

 

She will come back but not to get back with you. She'll contact you to see if she still has you on the hook. It's an ego boost. I'm a female and I've done it.

[Movingthrough]

Thanks everyone for the replies.

 

I know the best way to be is not care about them coming back and thats really what im working on. The fact is, if they broke it off it was for a reason so them coming back to jump into something probably isnt going happen. My goal is to be at a point where she could call, text or whatever and i could respond with no issue, not hinting not wondering, truthfully no issue.

 

I do have a gut feeling i will hear from her again, now that honeymoon phase on her end is slowing down i can see it coming, but im not in the mindset now to talk to her and wouldnt respond.

 

Graceful, i never looked at it like how you said but it makes sense. She is very quiet and reserved, but not in a cute way, she has always has like a tough girl attitude and i always felt myself wondering what she was thinking, so its hard for me to see her as an attention hog. But it would make sense because she goes from guy to guy every time a relationship fails and rush's once she is in it. I actually am a really strong person and thats what makes this so hard, i have no idea why she is still on my mind, i really dont. You heard one post about her and can already tell how she is, imagine me who knows all about her, there are so many red flags that at this point i think im just thinking about her to think about her, i dont even know why anymore.

 

I do have some anxiety like i said though because i do have a gut feeling she is going to come back, not really to be with me but some sort of lets me up or something, BUT i also think thats the problem, the fact that i even think like that. I need to be at a place where i dont care either way. I still think this whole concept is crazy though, most who go NC seem to have their ex's coming back within the 2 month block..

[carhill]

OP, when you hear such recitations, merely ask them to relate a personal experience where they have 'crawled back' to an ex-partner/spouse. I think the answer will be enlightening