Friend zoned and frustrated.

[Evans89]

I'm 21 male, intelligent, attractive in the physical department, nice but certainly no pushover. I'm not shy but introverted and doesn't talk a lot.

 

I don't know what's the problem here except that I've been rejected and friend zoned for 4 consecutive times with 4 different girls. I tend to establish a friendship first with said girl before professing any romantic interest but am always rejected with the "you're a really nice guy but it's better we remain friends" or "you'll find someone better. Now I do not know where the F* does the problem lies. Every time there will be a guy who enters the picture shortly after I've been rejected. When I look at their boyfriend, I do not in any way pale in comparison to them. I realize I have grown extremely bitter, angry and misogynistic.

I end up paying for meet ups even after being rejected. Tell me how I can avoid being friend zoned! I'm not looking for solutions to win her over because I wouldn't sell or trade my spine away for a chance with some girl who rejected me. I have grown comfortable being angry with the opposite gender and wouldn't want to shift from this comfort zone as of yet.

 

Tell me how I can hook up with some girl easily to show them I can indeed find someone better than them as they had wished so. Inputs please!

[Akumark]

I'm 28 and exactly in your situation! I have no answer for you right now, I just started to work on myself to try to break this cycle too. I do get girls when I get drunk, probably because I become such a ''bad boy'' lol. But when I'm sober I just can't be like that.

[shayan]

ahem, tease them, don't be an emotional tampon. be yourself but dont wait a thousand dates to go in for a kiss.

 

come on, don't be so nice, don't elevate them, treat them like an eqaul no better no worse.

 

go out to night clubs, dance clubs, jook with girls learn to become more comfortable physically.

[Evans89]

I'm 28 and exactly in your situation! I have no answer for you right now, I just started to work on myself to try to break this cycle too. I do get girls when I get drunk, probably because I become such a ''bad boy'' lol. But when I'm sober I just can't be like that.

 

You are right. Hooking up with girls at the club isn't an issue when I'm half-drunk.

[somedude81]

I tend to establish a friendship first with said girl before professing any romantic interest

There's you're problem.

 

I'm 29 and getting friendzoned all the damn time. So when the next semester starts, I'm going to force myself to be more direct. No more friends crap.

 

My issue is that I don't see normal girls as sex objects. Because of that, I don't try to make moves on them soon enough, and they get bored. If one waits too long to make a move on a girl, she sees you as just a friend and nothing can be done to change that.

[spiderowl]

I can see this is very frustrating. There could be three different things going on:

 

One is that maybe you are not making your interest clear soon enough. If a woman likes you as a friend but is not interested romantically, then it will take you a while to find that out. Maybe it's better taking that risk earlier on than ending up frustrated and hurt later?

 

The second is that if she is somewhat interested, then maybe you are not making it clear or making any kind of move for fear of rejection. I have to say that the guys I've ended up having relationships with have ALWAYS taken the risk to: compliment me, find out my relationship status, make efforts to make a date or at least meet up alone, or made a physical move (not recommended unless you get positive signs beforehand!). Sadly, some have taken the risks and I've had to say no because I just didn't feel that way about them. Interestingly, a few have made it clear from the start and then continued to be friends, cheekily asking me out every so often in a humorous way. It shows they are still interested but they don't appear too fragile when I've put them off. I admire that kind of resilience (so plus points for being manly) but I guess for the guy it still isn't a solution.

 

Thirdly, it could be there is something amiss that is putting off these women. This is a sensitive matter as it could be something personal. Sometimes guys are there own worst enemies and women are reluctant to point out something that is obvious to them. They have an attitude of expecting a woman to accept him as he is, which is great as long as there is no serious problem. Fact is that there are a few ways in which some guys could change that would make a big difference to their prospects. I'm not suggesting that this is what is causing you to have a negative result but it may be worth considering that something about your habits or behaviour could be offputting. I would guess that this is not the case if women like your company and regularly invite you to spend time with them. The following are reasons why I've been put off certain characters:

 

- smells - BO, bad breath, ear wax smell, strong natural smell which isn't attractive (actually, the natural smell is extremely important and I might go so far as to say it's crucial. If I don't like the way someone smells naturally, then there's no way it's going any further with them - again, this is something an individual has little control over, except by cleanliness, and is probably a fundamental natural instinct which helps us chose the right mate)

- smokes - smells of smoke, this is not just a question of smell but is a big part of it. It's also that this habit preoccupies him and takes time away from us as well as costing money, also just don't want to kiss someone and get intimate with someone who smokes

- drinks too much - he might think he's one of the boys and women laugh when he makes jokes about drinks, but do not be deceived, she is taking note and will not want someone who drinks more than moderately and within the legal driving limit

- doesn't take care of appearance - very overweight, unkempt hair never cut, greasy hair, extremely scruffy clothes that do not appear washed, overgrown and unkempt beard, wild beards or moustaches (women like neat!)

- talks all the time and doesn't listen or ask about me

- is opinionated and/or controlling

- can't connect with women emotionally - talks South Park or IT and avoids anything emotional or about feelings, sees connecting with women as physical contact rather than emotional connection

- is impolite, doesn't use please or thank you, doesn't offer to buy drinks, food, or help get chairs, is sneering, sarcastic or critical, is too personal and gives unwarranted negative comments, is creepy and talks in sexual innuendo or makes too many sexual references for it to be just funny or part of conversation

- doesn't appear to do anything responsible, no job, money, or social contacts

- seems to include his mate in everything

- seems to have few social skills and I feel like I'm doing all the work when chatting

- is mean with money (I'm not expecting to be wined and dined, but I see it as a sign of mean-spiritedness generally as I'm always happy to give whatever I can afford to people I care about)

- is quite cold and unemotional or just criticises and complains about others

- there just isn't a fundamental physical/chemical attraction for both of us

 

I hope this doesn't sound negative; it's not meant to. I'm just sad at seeing so many guys lose out because they are missing something obvious to women.

Edited January 9, 2011 by spiderowl

[somedude81]

Wow, spiderowl, great post.

 

The most important point is your first.

 

One is that maybe you are not making your interest clear soon enough. If a woman likes you as a friend but is not interested romantically, then it will take you a while to find that out. Maybe it's better taking that risk earlier on than ending up frustrated and hurt later?

It's taken me a very long time to accept it. I need to take the early risk and just get it over with. Trying to become a woman's friend is just a waste of my time.

 

Your second point is pretty much the same thing. Take the risk.

Interestingly, a few have made it clear from the start and then continued to be friends, cheekily asking me out every so often in a humorous way. It shows they are still interested but they don't appear too fragile when I've put them off.

Has that ever worked?

 

The last time I tried to use that method just didn't work. She let me keep hanging out with her, but she just didn't like me that way, no matter what I tried.

[lee123]

I can see this is very frustrating. There could be three different things going on:

 

One is that maybe you are not making your interest clear soon enough. If a woman likes you as a friend but is not interested romantically, then it will take you a while to find that out. Maybe it's better taking that risk earlier on than ending up frustrated and hurt later?

 

The second is that if she is somewhat interested, then maybe you are not making it clear or making any kind of move for fear of rejection. I have to say that the guys I've ended up having relationships with have ALWAYS taken the risk to: compliment me, find out my relationship status, make efforts to make a date or at least meet up alone, or made a physical move (not recommended unless you get positive signs beforehand!). Sadly, some have taken the risks and I've had to say no because I just didn't feel that way about them. Interestingly, a few have made it clear from the start and then continued to be friends, cheekily asking me out every so often in a humorous way. It shows they are still interested but they don't appear too fragile when I've put them off. I admire that kind of resilience (so plus points for being manly) but I guess for the guy it still isn't a solution.

 

Thirdly, it could be there is something amiss that is putting off these women. This is a sensitive matter as it could be something personal. Sometimes guys are there own worst enemies and women are reluctant to point out something that is obvious to them. They have an attitude of expecting a woman to accept him as he is, which is great as long as there is no serious problem. Fact is that there are a few ways in which some guys could change that would make a big difference to their prospects. I'm not suggesting that this is what is causing you to have a negative result but it may be worth considering that something about your habits or behaviour could be offputting. I would guess that this is not the case if women like your company and regularly invite you to spend time with them. The following are reasons why I've been put off certain characters:

 

- smells - BO, bad breath, ear wax smell, strong natural smell which isn't attractive (actually, the natural smell is extremely important and I might go so far as to say it's crucial. If I don't like the way someone smells naturally, then there's no way it's going any further with them - again, this is something an individual has little control over, except by cleanliness, and is probably a fundamental natural instinct which helps us chose the right mate)

- smokes - smells of smoke, this is not just a question of smell but is a big part of it. It's also that this habit preoccupies him and takes time away from us as well as costing money, also just don't want to kiss someone and get intimate with someone who smokes

- drinks too much - he might think he's one of the boys and women laugh when he makes jokes about drinks, but do not be deceived, she is taking note and will not want someone who drinks more than moderately and within the legal driving limit

- doesn't take care of appearance - very overweight, unkempt hair never cut, greasy hair, extremely scruffy clothes that do not appear washed, overgrown and unkempt beard, wild beards or moustaches (women like neat!)

- talks all the time and doesn't listen or ask about me

- is opinionated and/or controlling

- can't connect with women emotionally - talks South Park or IT and avoids anything emotional or about feelings, sees connecting with women as physical contact rather than emotional connection

- is impolite, doesn't use please or thank you, doesn't offer to buy drinks, food, or help get chairs, is sneering, sarcastic or critical, is too personal and gives unwarranted negative comments, is creepy and talks in sexual innuendo or makes too many sexual references for it to be just funny or part of conversation

- doesn't appear to do anything responsible, no job, money, or social contacts

- seems to include his mate in everything

- seems to have few social skills and I feel like I'm doing all the work when chatting

- is mean with money (I'm not expecting to be wined and dined, but I see it as a sign of mean-spiritedness generally as I'm always happy to give whatever I can afford to people I care about)

- is quite cold and unemotional or just criticises and complains about others

- there just isn't a fundamental physical/chemical attraction for both of us

 

I hope this doesn't sound negative; it's not meant to. I'm just sad at seeing so many guys lose out because they are missing something obvious to women.

 

This is a little of topic, but what are these positive signs.

 

Cause i'm in a similar sort of boat, a friend came down to mine for 2 nights.

The first night we shared the same bed cuddled etc. Nothing more.

Last night, she slept on the other spare bed. I have i being rejected,

Is it cause i didn't move in for a kiss?

[somedude81]

This is a little of topic, but what are these positive signs.

 

Cause i'm in a similar sort of boat, a friend came down to mine for 2 nights.

The first night we shared the same bed cuddled etc. Nothing more.

:eek:!!!

 

Why did you not try anything?!

 

It was a girl in your bed. Heck if it was my sister I'd make a move on her, lol j/k

 

But seriously, WTF?

[spiderowl]

Thanks for your kind comments.

 

Re. whether cheekily asking a woman out regularly in a fun way works, well, in the instance mentioned above, no, it didn't work, but I am very fond of this guy and I have in the past known attraction to develop slowly. In fact, I married my long-term friend! Attraction won't develop in this case as there is an age difference and lifestyle difference too, but he has become a good friend. Had he carried on asking me out in an intense and serious way, I think it would have become creepy and I'd have avoided him. This has happened with someone else in fact.

 

Regarding positive signs, it does depend on the woman. I don't think a woman seriously interested in you would be put off if you didn't make a physical approach in bed when just cuddling. She might have wondered if you were interested in 'that' way but I would have thought she'd have waited to see. I suppose it's possible she came to the conclusion you weren't comfortable physically with her and that you might feel happier if she wasn't in the bed! Also, if I'm honest, I can remember a guy doing this with me and it was because he was pretty serious about me. At the time, I found this a bit odd as it wasn't the usual pattern but mostly because I didn't get any indication verbally that he was physically attracted to me. I was wondering what he wanted out of the relationship! I did feel he was almost too serious but we continued to date. We split up later over something completely unconnected. I'd suggest reassuring her you are very interested and that you were being respectful rather than rejecting.

 

What does work is smelling good, being tidy and caring for yourself, and being warm and fun. I have a lovely friend who'd like to meet a woman. He's very shy but covers up by being life and soul of the party. He drinks too much, smokes occasionally, and is far too easily distracted by other equally unsuccessful male friends onto chat about IT and 'fit' girls. I really feel he needs a woman to teach him how to talk to women but I think he'd be offended at the thought that he's shooting himself in the foot like this. There is a fine line between making slight recommendations for change and a complete makeover, especially when the person concerned hasn't asked for either. So I have to leave him to it and hope he meets a woman who understands that under all the male bravado is a sweet and caring guy.

 

Oops, positive signs? Being happy to be alone with you, not hinting that it's time you went or she got some sleep, being happy to sit close, looking you in the eyes, being happy to hold hands (smiling), not moving away when touched, enjoying strokes and massages, laughing, sharing, showing you things of importance to her (photos, poems, etc.), touching you and giving you compliments on your appearance or style.

Edited January 10, 2011 by spiderowl

[spiderowl]

I feel I must say something about this friendszone thing too. It is not the end of the world if a woman wants to be friends with you. It doesn't mean she will never be attracted, it just means she isn't then or for some reason can't see the lasting relationship she has in mind. Don't take it as an insult! Plus, are you really saying that only women who will have sex with you are worth talking to and becoming friends with?

 

I could give some examples which I hope will be useful. Some guys I know are just friends because:

 

- too many undesirable traits (smoking, heavier drinking)

- just not attracted to them

- age difference too much (more than 10 years either side of mine)

- too eccentric

- self-absorbed, talk about self and really aren't interested in me as a person only if they can get me into bed

- totally different background and I'm not sure it could work long term as he doesn't write very well

- indiscreet (this is very, very important to me!). If I think a guy will repeat what I've said to him in confidence or that he will talk about or brag that he's sleeping with me, he will remain a friend only - in fact, this is a reason why several friends are still 'just friends'. When I'm first getting to know a guy and seeing if a relationship would work in the longer term, I want to keep it private, entirely private. If I can be sure he won't 'blab', then I'm more likely to risk a fling with him than the guy who is impulsive and talks about previous girlfriends.

 

Hope this helps ...

[TG4MJ]

Ya know at first glance I almost felt sorry for your post because I was in a similiar situation for almost a year, now listen up and listen up good little boy, my words may seem harsh, but they are based on facts that are meant to help:

 

When a man longs for a woman, he will do anything for her, he will provide for her, he will comfort her, he will make sacrifices that he would not normally make, and in return she will love him, she will complete him, she will bring out the very best in him. This is understandable, but what is not understandable is how you think any of this will ever work with you, for you are, for lack of a better terms, too nice for your own good. As long as you carry yourself like this, you will always be banished to a dark and dreaded "friend zone" by any and every girl you meet. Women are not the delicate, sweet hearted, flowers you make them out to be. They are cunning, they are cruel, they have little to no reguard for what you have to offer them, specially nowadays, and they thrive off of letting bleeders like you know what you can't have, no matter how good you treat them.

 

I don't doubt that you are a nice guy, but you're a man first. See when your a good guy, any girl can put you in the friend zone, but if you're a man, and this of course, if you are in fact a man, if you possess one iota of manhood within, then no girl, I repeat NO GIRL, can keep you, in the friend zone. You wanna know how to deal with this kind of stuff like a man ?

 

Only hang out with single women who seem to be searching for a boyfriend. Nothing wrong with laying in the cut and playing it smooth. Women like a guy who doesn't show all his cards. Your options are not that difficult from there. You can attempt to pursue her romantically and succeed, which would obviously big a win on your end, or you can attempt to pursue her romantically and fail, in which case you two really have no use for each other and by all rights should never speak to her again. At all. Like, ever. Unless she changes her mind of course. Sounds harsh doesn't it ? Look at it this way, you'd have no use for her because you don't really wanna hang out with someone who snubbed you like that do? She has no use for you because she's either not looking for a boyfriend, in which case she's made it clear that she doesn't want or need a man in her life, or she's dating someone else, in which case she already got what she needs and doesn't really need you. She doesn't like it, she can always cry to her man about it, hell that's why she got him ain't it ?

 

Someone once told me that the friend zone is like a bear trap for nice guys. Don't want to get caught in one ? STOP BEING A NICE GUY ! I know it sounds harsh but if you don't like being hurt then you don't really have much of a choice do you kid ? MAN UP LITTLE BOY !

[lee123]

:eek:!!!

 

Why did you not try anything?!

 

It was a girl in your bed. Heck if it was my sister I'd make a move on her, lol j/k

 

But seriously, WTF?

 

Well considering we'v just kinda met, i doubt she would want that, and i'm not going to force or pressure someone into it ethier.

 

Yeah i'm a guy saying that theres more to it than just sex.

[Evans89]

Ya know at first glance I almost felt sorry for your post because I was in a similiar situation for almost a year, now listen up and listen up good little boy, my words may seem harsh, but they are based on facts that are meant to help:

 

When a man longs for a woman, he will do anything for her, he will provide for her, he will comfort her, he will make sacrifices that he would not normally make, and in return she will love him, she will complete him, she will bring out the very best in him. This is understandable, but what is not understandable is how you think any of this will ever work with you, for you are, for lack of a better terms, too nice for your own good. As long as you carry yourself like this, you will always be banished to a dark and dreaded "friend zone" by any and every girl you meet. Women are not the delicate, sweet hearted, flowers you make them out to be. They are cunning, they are cruel, they have little to no reguard for what you have to offer them, specially nowadays, and they thrive off of letting bleeders like you know what you can't have, no matter how good you treat them.

 

I don't doubt that you are a nice guy, but you're a man first. See when your a good guy, any girl can put you in the friend zone, but if you're a man, and this of course, if you are in fact a man, if you possess one iota of manhood within, then no girl, I repeat NO GIRL, can keep you, in the friend zone. You wanna know how to deal with this kind of stuff like a man ?

 

Only hang out with single women who seem to be searching for a boyfriend. Nothing wrong with laying in the cut and playing it smooth. Women like a guy who doesn't show all his cards. Your options are not that difficult from there. You can attempt to pursue her romantically and succeed, which would obviously big a win on your end, or you can attempt to pursue her romantically and fail, in which case you two really have no use for each other and by all rights should never speak to her again. At all. Like, ever. Unless she changes her mind of course. Sounds harsh doesn't it ? Look at it this way, you'd have no use for her because you don't really wanna hang out with someone who snubbed you like that do? She has no use for you because she's either not looking for a boyfriend, in which case she's made it clear that she doesn't want or need a man in her life, or she's dating someone else, in which case she already got what she needs and doesn't really need you. She doesn't like it, she can always cry to her man about it, hell that's why she got him ain't it ?

 

Someone once told me that the friend zone is like a bear trap for nice guys. Don't want to get caught in one ? STOP BEING A NICE GUY ! I know it sounds harsh but if you don't like being hurt then you don't really have much of a choice do you kid ? MAN UP LITTLE BOY !

 

I'm not the typical nice guy. I don't suck up to anyone and I certainly am highly individualistic. I am always straight forth with my comments but I tend to tone it down when with someone I am potentially interested in. I am feeling very frustrated and will NEVER even pursue anyone who has rejected me. My pride and esteem refused to allow that, much less be the one who has to take the 'left over'. I hate it when girls change their mind about not wanting a relationship with me, and then start expressing their interest. The thing of that puts me on a boiling point. The thing is I am trapped in a personal quandary: when I am nice to a girl, I end up in the friend zone, whereas if I am in a default position from the start, these girls becomes my enemies. I never remain contact with those girls who rejected me.

 

Take for instance a girl who rejected me few years ago, and continued to manipulate me after she had a boyfriend. I made the decision to distance myself from here and thereafter one year of no contact, she decides to ask me out for coffee after she had broke up with her bf. I told her that I saw her as a parasite, and hence, she has no value to be my friend, and therefore, I would not have anything to do with her. My comments are perfectly right, factual and indisputable. She was angry and defensive at my comment and she has no right to even feel angry.

 

Something has to be wrong here for a guy who is mature, intelligent, good looking, is nice but isn't a pushover, good dressing sense and has extremely good personal hygiene. Could the issue be that I am too intelligent? I tend to like talking a lot about philosophy, physical and abstract theories which she has no intellectual capacity to hold her ground against. Yes, I am fully capable of holding a witty repartee with my highly intelligent female friends but it seems like if I engage in a witty sparing with my dates, they end up feeling lost. On the other hand, she likes talking about social circle-girlfriends and family-parties and shopping which I have no inclination towards but which I'll just listen to. All the while this girl continue to accept my invitation to movies and dinners while know I have a romantic affection towards her. A while after she rejected me, she got together with some other guy. That guy is a Christian so I presume must be 'nice'. I feel really really bitter, tormented and frustrated at my failures. I have no issues with mathematical modelling and rocket science concepts but I do not understand this whole dating stuff!

Edited January 12, 2011 by Evans89

[spiderowl]

"I tend to like talking a lot about philosophy, physical and abstract theories which she has no intellectual capacity to hold her ground against. Yes, I am fully capable of holding a witty repartee with my highly intelligent female friends but it seems like if I engage in a witty sparing with my dates, they end up feeling lost. On the other hand, she likes talking about social circle-girlfriends and family-parties and shopping which I have no inclination towards but which I'll just listen to. All the while this girl continue to accept my invitation to movies and dinners while know I have a romantic affection towards her. A while after she rejected me, she got together with some other guy. That guy is a Christian so I presume must be 'nice'. I feel really really bitter, tormented and frustrated at my failures. I have no issues with mathematical modelling and rocket science concepts but I do not understand this whole dating stuff!"

 

Just a note of caution here. I know guys who can talk philosophy, physical and abstract theories, physics, maths and so on. It's good to know they are intelligent and I like to talk philosophy and other theories too, but I can have a flexible conversation which will wander through all kinds of subjects. I've noticed that male friends tend to stick to their particular areas of expertise and interest and lose track of the fact that other participants are losing interest. Like you, those sitting half-listening are not participating. If you want success with women, you need to be able to recognise this switch off as soon as it happens. Women like to talk about feelings and to feel understood. If you switch off when they start on an emotional stuff, then they will not be able to connect with you. When they feel they can talk to you about their feelings about different things without you looking embarassed, falling into silence, switching off or, worse, changing the subject, then they will trust you more and you will be allowed closer.

[philhatesyourlove]

Tongue wars!!!!!

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Your problem is that you waited too long, and so she already friendzoned you. And then you make a move? This confuses the heck out of the girl, who already thought of you just as a friend.

 

I've learned, through trial and error, that it's always best to make your interest known as soon as possible. Friends don't become lovers, except in music and in the movies, or in very rare circumstances.

[spiderowl]

I would second Leanings post by saying that it is important to make your interest known early on. Otherwise, she won't know you are interested and, if she does like you that way, she might not dare to flirt with you. Also, provided you do not hassle her and take her response in good spirit, it shouldn't put a barrier between you. The worst situations from a woman's point of view are where a new friend is all serious, intense and gloomy with you or he behaves as a friend and you have no real idea if he's interested or not. A woman can't make assumptions. If he let's you know he's interested but he's basically spooky, then you'll back off and avoid him. But, if he lets you know he's interested and is fun and not taking it too seriously if you say no, then you don't end up avoiding him and he actually could be a friend. If he's fanciable, then that friendship may turn into more - but don't bank on this!

 

Generally, I think indulging in a bit of fun and flirting banter is a better way of approaching things than the dark, serious talk.

[East7]

Women are not the delicate, sweet hearted, flowers you make them out to be. They are cunning, they are cruel, they have little to no reguard for what you have to offer them, specially nowadays, and they thrive off of letting bleeders like you know what you can't have, no matter how good you treat them.

 

 

Only hang out with single women who seem to be searching for a boyfriend. Nothing wrong with laying in the cut and playing it smooth. Women like a guy who doesn't show all his cards. Your options are not that difficult from there. You can attempt to pursue her romantically and succeed, which would obviously big a win on your end, or you can attempt to pursue her romantically and fail, in which case you two really have no use for each other and by all rights should never speak to her again. At all. Like, ever.

 

 

Well said !

I would add:

 

1 - Don't be too nice and giving too much, too soon. We think that being gentleman is that, but it is not. If you act like a friend, you will be a friend in her eyes. OR - You will just sound too easy to get.

 

2 - Instead, tease her, ask her out soon, be 50% funny-confident and 50% mysterious.

 

3 - Act quickly. Don't spend ages with a girl that shows you no sign of interest whatsoever. Learn to read the signs (body language etc).

A girl may very well hang with you and have no interest. The attraction and feelings pop-up very quickly at the beginning or they never happen. If you go on hanging with someone hoping that something will happen later you are just waisting time.

 

4 - Move to the next ! If a girl tells you "let's be better freinds and blah, blah" just walk away and ignore her (unless you are OK with really being her friend and comfortable with her dating another guy.) In my experience if she rejected you once, she may loose respect and probably she will avoid you or will be mean with you.

Edited January 19, 2011 by East7

[somedude81]

Thanks for the tips East7

3 - Act quickly. Don't spend ages with a girl that shows you no sign of interest whatsoever. Learn to read the signs (body language etc).

A girl may very well hang with you and have no interest. The attraction and feelings pop-up very quickly at the beginning or they never happen. If you go on hanging with someone hoping that something will happen later you are just waisting time.

That point is very, very important.

 

One thing I hate that you mentioned is that a girl will hang out with you and have no interest. Hell she'll even come to your house if she thinks you two are friends.

 

Right now I'm struggling on acting quickly and I don't know how big the time window is.

[East7]

 

One thing I hate that you mentioned is that a girl will hang out with you and have no interest. Hell she'll even come to your house if she thinks you two are friends.

 

Right now I'm struggling on acting quickly and I don't know how big the time window is.

 

I hate it too, that's why I mentioned it. Some months ago I hung out 4-5 times with a girl I liked because we had a lot in common, she even came to my place two times, she sounded glad to go out and spend time with me but at the end she let me know in a subtle way she was not interested. I cut her off but she never called me back either. Good riddance !

 

I would say give a 4-5-6 dates deadline. If at 6th one you have no progress, walk away ! Next !

 

I also think, when you meet a girl, fix your objectives right away, if you see her as potential GF or just a friend. If you are OK with being friends with her there is nothing wrong (common sense..). Don't propose her dating just to test her interest. I have a couple of female friends and it is good to have them as friends.

Edited January 19, 2011 by East7

[Perhaps]

1. Watch the movie Youth in Revolt.

2. Create an alter-ego.

 

 

No, seriously, though - if you've been rejected, stop hanging out with the girl or at the very least, STOP PAYING FOR THEM. If they ask you to hang out, tell them you'll have to re-schedule. Being funny and *kind* of arrogant always gets their initial attention. I've used this approach to get to talk to girls I don't really care about and they always seem to take an initial interest in me.

 

But if there's a girl you really like, don't wait too long to get comfortable. Hang out a few times, and pop the question.

[miss_28]

normally, i agree with everything said above, 100%. I was the poster child of this sentiment up until a few weeks ago. But now, I'm really going crazy over a great guy had squarely put in the friend zone... :S and he has no idea. This guy and I went on "dates" 4-5 times in 2009, and I essentially told him that I wasn't sure about us dating, could we be friends first then see? He first said yes, then he simply wrote me an email saying he couldn't handle it, so he removed himself from my life because he said just being my friend would have been too hard. I understood and let him go, amicably, figuring if/when he wanted to come back in my life, he'd come back and we could be friends.

 

Well, after about 6-7 months he did... we started with emails (for about another 4 months, a very casual exchange, I was happy we could be friends again) and we even hung out on New Years... again, I only saw him as a good friend, I didn't want to get involved beyond that. We've spoken twice on the phone since, and almost 2 weeks ago, it hit me like a ton of bricks, I really like him. I realized how much I enjoy talking to him and how wonderful he is (he's really been amazing to me all along) and that I actually miss the sound of his voice. Of course, as I realize this, I suddenly don't know how to act... he's been AWOL this week, I'm hoping it's cause he's slammed with work and is clueless about my feelings... I'd say it's karma biting me in the A$$, but I was always honest with him and with my feelings and never led him on or used him. Anyways, now all I do is think about him and wish I could have had these feelings sooner - and I'm hoping that things aren't too late, but like I said, I can't even reach him by phone (which is weird) and I don't want to send an email (doesn't seem personal enough).

 

All this to say, friendship can turn into more, I've heard many stories, but I don't want to give you false hope. Friendship can also just stay friendship. I'm scared I'm now in the friend zone. If I could just tell him how I feel... it's a strange situation for me to read. Maybe back away from the situation if its too painful to just be her friend and come back later, if you haven't already moved on... in my case, his very recent absence from my life is slowly driving me mad because all I want is to be with him. Sometimes, everything comes down to timing being off.

[Miko]

You professed your feelings...verbally? Don't do it man. Maybe show her somehow but don't say $hit until after you know she's in to you that way. You have to play the game, sucks if you don't want to but that's how it is.

 

Been there a million times. I was going to do that recently but I stopped myself and man am I glad I did. Sometimes they'll even come back around later like one poster said, BUT to me if they do, that just shows that they do/did like you except for you screwed up and spilled your guts and ruined the tension and excitement. NEVER NEVER NEVER until it's already a done deal, after that, she'll love to hear it.

[Billy_Boy]

This is simple guys... jesus...

 

Make a MOVE!

 

Dont become friends 1st, just make a move and see how she feels, you dont want to do it backwards... friendship comes 2nd.