in love with 2 women

[nothinggoldcanstay]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]I'm 31 and have been dating my girlfriend for almost 4 years…(I will refer to her as Alison). This is by far my longest relationship. We met as I was going to school in the San Francisco area. Instantly upon meeting her, I was smitten by so much about her. She laughed at my jokes, was able to hold intelligent conversation, displayed her expertise in the music that I loved, she was the ideal mold of the partner I had so long been in search of. Being away from home with this new and amazing person now a part of my life had me feeling utter excitement for what lie ahead. We wasted no time and were living together within a few months. I couldn't remember a time when I felt happier. San Francisco once seemed a world away from my hometown but now it truly felt like home. Upon graduating, we continued to live together and worked our respective jobs. [/sIZE][/FONT]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] Slowly, my life began to feel routine and monotonous. Yes, I was lucky to be with someone whom I loved and was loved unconditionally in return. But for some reason this has never been enough for me to feel stable. Stability has been a constant struggle with me as I am always looking for the 'next best thing'. Being the adventurous person that I am and wanting to always try new experiences, I felt like it was time to try a new city out. I kept these feelings of the mundane to myself until I decided, with no fair explanation, to let Alison know that I was ready to try something new by moving to the Los Angeles area. I explained that I was ready to be in warmer weather and that I wanted to be closer to my friends and family. I regrettably told her, "I'm moving to LA and you're either with me or you're not". Understandably, this was a bit of a shock to her and she was confused. With her being the strong-willed individual I fell in love with, she took this as a new challenge upon herself. Alison's never needed a man in her life to validate herself so she decided to plan a move back home to Hawaii. She said, "Maybe you're right, we should go work on being less co-dependent on each other, so we can eventually reunite with a better idea of what we want". I somewhat expected her to go along with my plan to go to L.A., but this was not going to happen. I was bummed by her decision, but what could I expect? I respected her all throughout our relationship for being so methodical in her decision making, mainly because this is the exact opposite in how I am, so we balanced each other out quite nicely. Reality pressed forward as our moving date approached. About three weeks prior to moving, I broke down and cried like never before. I begged and pleaded with her to re-think moving away. I truly felt like I made a huge mistake by suggesting we spend time apart. The move apart was going to happen whether I liked it or not. Plans had been made, plane tickets had been purchased, and all of our friends and family expected us back. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] Prior to this, I never understood how anyone could maintain a long-distance relationship. It didn’t take long for me to understand how effortless one can make it work, by nothing more than true love. I ached for her in every way imaginable. Since communication is all you have when faced with a long distance relationship, we speak at least once a day. We’ve now been living apart for about as long as we were actually together. Subsequently, I’ve visited her in Hawaii a couple times and she’s visited me here in LA a couple times. In the course of my time in Hawaii I try and picture myself living there to see if I’d be happy making the move to be with Alison permanently. What I’ve found is that I am much happier with her when she visits me here in LA. I know 100% we could make things work if she lived here. She, however, insists on staying in Hawaii for some more time as she gains work experience working for a reputable company there.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] A dilemma has since developed. I met someone else here in LA…(I will refer to her as Tiffany). She has known all along about my long distance relationship. I have recently been spending a lot of time with Tiffany while continuing to maintain communication with Alison. I realize that I should have never jeopardized my relationship with Alison by spending time with someone else. I justified it in the beginning by ensuring that it would remain strictly platonic. I now have strong feelings for Tiffany. She fits all the criteria I found in Alison. She has told me she thinks she is falling in love with me. I have not returned these words to her, but deep down I do feel some love forming for her as well. Alison and Tiffany are both aware of each other as I’ve tried to be as honest as possible with both of them as everything has developed. I can’t keep doing this, I can’t keep stringing them along.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] What do I do? I’m experiencing something I never faced before so it is difficult to proceed. Anyone would be lucky enough to have even one person be in love with them. I don’t feel like I warrant this kind of affection. As lucky as I am to choose between these ideal partners, I have never been so stressed in my life. For the past couple weeks, I have literally been sick as I ponder what to do. The stress is taking a toll on my health. Someone’s heart will be broken as a result of all of this and deep down I feel like I’m the one who should experience the heartbreak for being so selfish in my decisions.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[LikeCharlotte]

You stop talking to Tiffany and do not throw away all you have invested in Allison with whom you have made life altering plans. The only decision you have to make then is if you are still willing to wait for Allison. If not, take a long time alone (its the only way to be sure) and if you are over it and healthy you will meet someone new. Maybe the other girl will still be available. There is no decision here. You are in a relationship. End the emotional cheating or the relationship now or everyone loses.

 

I understand how you feel and these things can drive you crazy but you should look into the reasons why you are going elsewhere for attention and validation. A million women could fit your criteria but you know it works with one, you have the foundation... why would you put yourself somewhere else? I think the answer to that question is the most important one. Once you have it you will now what to do.