Not Sure Anymore

[Faded_x]

I think the reason why I found it so hard to stop contacting him at first, was because I felt like if I wasn't doing so, he'd forget all about me. I thought perhaps once I would say the right thing, or call at just the right time, and I'd hear from him. But if I wasn't making any contact at all, why would he suddenly think of me and pick up the phone to get in contact? I know it seems like silly logic, but I really couldn't help panicking over it. So far it's been 3 days since I've made contact, which I know isn't much at all, but I feel resolved now to wait it out. I felt close to breaking yesterday, but I stayed strong and overcame it. Now I feel really glad that I didn't give in to the urge. And so hopefully if I come close to caving again, I can think back to how glad I was when I didn't do it, and can continue being strong. Like I said, I know it sounds stupid that I even have to stop myself from contacting him. He's made it clear he doesn't want to talk; yet I keep trying to contact him? I know it's pretty pathetic, but it's so hard to stop. I'm sure LuLu and Narf know where I'm coming from.

 

I know I'm finding it more difficult than it probably should be because he was my first in every way (love, proper relationship, sexually). They always say you never forget your first, and I hate that this is what I'll remember. Anytime over the 2.5 years that I was really happy, now feels tainted and I can't remember it all with the same fondness I usually do. I guess I kind of feel betrayed by him; that he could hurt me in this way when I trusted him not to. I can't help myself doubting the whole relationship now, and the things that he said. It really sucks! It's so odd that the older one in the relationship, is actually the most childish!

 

 

 

I was just checking back to read the responses and again to express, on behalf of decent and honest men everywhere, I am sorry you all have been on the receiving end of such undeserved treatment.

 

I find the behavior exhibited by these guys deplorable and really unexplainable...except to say it is true that immaturity is wrought with foolishness and narcissism. And make no mistake - it is narcissism. Their behavior is all about them and their selfishness. It's about not wanting to face up to you and has nothing to do with you or who you are. Don't pretend it's because they don't want to hurt your feelings...it has nothing to do with how they think you feel. Obviously...if they did they would not treat you like this. For whatever reason they want to break it off with you and don't have the guts to tell you why. They're children and they're hiding, hoping you'll get tired of waiting and stop trying to contact them. That's all it's about; running away from an unpleasant reality. It's spineless, it's hurtful to you and it's a window into their emotionally-stunted selves. I know this may be difficult to accept but it's true.

 

I understand you can't help how you feel and would never tell you to feel differently; you'll have to go through your own healing process. But try to accept that these guys don't deserve you or the time you spend worrying about them and wondering what they are feeling. Because whatever they may be feeling, it isn't about you.

 

Take care of yourselves as best you can.

 

Oh, I certainly have no doubts that this is all about him. In no way am I assuming that this is his way of making things easier for me. He KNOWS this would be killing me. I mean, he literally knows; so I know this is more about his selfishness than about me. I already know and have accepted all that you say (this whole time, I've never thought any differently, really), but it's just really hurtful, and that is what I'm having difficulty with. I know he's not deserving of my love, but it's hard to just tell yourself that and harden up and move on. I know that's not what you're telling us to do; but I'm just saying that I'm trying to as best I can, it's not working just yet.

[LuLu65]

Oh yes, I know exactly what you're feeling and I feel silly and pathetic as well, even told him so or something similar in one of my messages to him but included that I'm not nuts or crazy, just confused and hurt.

 

I wish I could be angry with him or something......don't know if it would make me feel any better, probably not but I just don't......I just miss his friendship.

 

I am finding that each day is starting to get easier for me not to try and contact him....not that I don't think about it....even had something typed out today, but luckily I deleted it. And I'm sure I'll cave again but I can tell you Faded that it is beginning to get easier and I hope that with each passing day it gets easier for you.

 

I will always want to know Why? and hopefully one day I will know, hopefully all of us will know, but it's slowly, oh so slowly getting better.

[Faded_x]

Oh yes, I know exactly what you're feeling and I feel silly and pathetic as well, even told him so or something similar in one of my messages to him but included that I'm not nuts or crazy, just confused and hurt.

 

I wish I could be angry with him or something......don't know if it would make me feel any better, probably not but I just don't......I just miss his friendship.

 

I am finding that each day is starting to get easier for me not to try and contact him....not that I don't think about it....even had something typed out today, but luckily I deleted it. And I'm sure I'll cave again but I can tell you Faded that it is beginning to get easier and I hope that with each passing day it gets easier for you.

 

I will always want to know Why? and hopefully one day I will know, hopefully all of us will know, but it's slowly, oh so slowly getting better.

 

I just find it funny because everything you say, I could have written myself. And exactly as you say it haha. I also said to him in a message something like "I know I probably seem really pathetic and stupid constantly contacting you, but I'm just really confused and hurt. All I want is to know what's going on, then I'll leave you alone if that's what you want". Personally I think that's a reasonable request. I must have said the same thing to him in a few different ways so many times, but never a response!

 

I also find that in some moments, things do feel a little easier. But again, I think that's when I feel I will hear from him again if I'm patient. I do feel that I have times where I think perhaps I will be ok. I don't exactly feel it yet; I still think of him and have this deep sadness. Like you, I find it hard to be really angry. A part of me is, but mostly I just miss him. He's been a big part of my life for going on 3 years, which I know isn't a big deal to most people, but really was for me. I just really hate the feeling that I'm mourning the end of this relationship, when it seems pretty obvious he got over it awhile ago, and isn't thinking of me at all.

[Narf]

Im glad it is getting easier... I remember the first time he did this i was horrified and txted, called and emailed a number of times but not to many cause i felt pathetic... This time wasnt so hard to not say anything, i have gone to type something or i have had a conversation in my head trying to decide what can be said to make him reply... but i come up blanks cause i know this isnt an issue about me so i am not the key to making him talk... It is all him plus then i think what if he did answer and just ignored everything i said? :/ more hurt and pathetic-ness... And even when they come back it isnt the same you just expect them to disappear again and just when your guard is down cause they have worked at building your trust back they leave AGAIN! and you feel even more foolish and hurt and angry at yourself cause you KNEW! he is capable of this and you let him do it a second time... The roller coaster sucks! Just 5 mins ago i was feeling strong i thought about him and thought well his loss and now im hurt... More then likely i would of been crying in another 5 if i didnt write this post :/ ARGH! Right now i hope he stays away and i hope the roller coaster ride is less up and down and lets me off soon...

[Faded_x]

Im glad it is getting easier... I remember the first time he did this i was horrified and txted, called and emailed a number of times but not to many cause i felt pathetic... This time wasnt so hard to not say anything, i have gone to type something or i have had a conversation in my head trying to decide what can be said to make him reply... but i come up blanks cause i know this isnt an issue about me so i am not the key to making him talk... It is all him plus then i think what if he did answer and just ignored everything i said? :/ more hurt and pathetic-ness... And even when they come back it isnt the same you just expect them to disappear again and just when your guard is down cause they have worked at building your trust back they leave AGAIN! and you feel even more foolish and hurt and angry at yourself cause you KNEW! he is capable of this and you let him do it a second time... The roller coaster sucks! Just 5 mins ago i was feeling strong i thought about him and thought well his loss and now im hurt... More then likely i would of been crying in another 5 if i didnt write this post :/ ARGH! Right now i hope he stays away and i hope the roller coaster ride is less up and down and lets me off soon...

 

I hope you're let off the rollercoaster soon too. I am exactly the same way; constantly feeling up and down. I am currently in a "strong" stage, but it's always changing. I find when I feel desperate to say something to him, I just write it down somewhere. I've done this many times, so I have a collection of things I want to say to him. For the time being, I'm trying to go NC and give him space. After awhile though, I still haven't heard from him, I'm going to collate all that I've wanted to say, and send it in a final "goodbye" message. I'll wait for a time when I'm feeling more calm about the situation, and can rationally sort through what I want to say. If it got to that point, then I wouldn't really expect a response. It's more so for me, knowing that what I want to say has been said. I would much prefer to actually be able to say it all to him though, in a proper conversation. But I guess I won't be getting that.

 

As I said, as each day goes on, my resolve to not contact him strengthens. I know I have a long way to go in the healing process, though.

 

 

Anyway, I would just like to thank everyone who has contributed to this thread. I originally tried on another forum, and got next to no replies or help. I was feeling desperate to talk to others about this, but still felt I couldn't really go to anyone I really knew about it. So I really am thankful for those of you who have shared with me your thoughts, and just listened to my venting. I really appreciate it.

[Faded_x]

I'm in shock. I just got a text message from him. I saw my phone light up, and then saw his name as the sender. I couldn't believe it and had to read the name like a million times before it could sink in that it was really him. The message didn't say much, mostly just that he just got home from somewhere (another city over the other side of the country from where he lives), and that he promises he'll get in contact tomorrow and we'll talk properly then. Mostly I'm thinking WTF..... This is the first contact I've had from him in 44 days (I just counted, lol) and he acted like it was nothing!

 

I don't know. I guess I'll have to wait until tomorrow to hear what he has to say. By no means am I considering a reconciliation. I don't know if that's what he's expecting; but if he is, I really hope I'm strong enough to tell him to take a flying jump. At this point I'm still feeling weak and vulnerable, so I really hope I can be strong! I KNOW I deserve so much better!

[LuLu65]

Hold strong Faded......

 

Keep in mind how you've been treated and his insensitivity towards your feelings.

 

I'm glad that you will get your questions answered though, that will go so far in letting you get on with your life.

 

I think I would feel the same way in your shoes......vulnerable and weak.....willing to accept anything they say and take them back.

 

My best advice would be listen to what he has to say, tell him what he put you through and tell him YOUR terms for any continued friendship if you still want that. Or at the very least, if he is trying to get back with you, don't give him an answer when you speak. Tell him you have to think about it so you can fully process anything he says, give yourself time to find your strength to do what you think is best. Hope that makes sense and I'll be thinking of you.

[Faded_x]

Hold strong Faded......

 

Keep in mind how you've been treated and his insensitivity towards your feelings.

 

I'm glad that you will get your questions answered though, that will go so far in letting you get on with your life.

 

I think I would feel the same way in your shoes......vulnerable and weak.....willing to accept anything they say and take them back.

 

My best advice would be listen to what he has to say, tell him what he put you through and tell him YOUR terms for any continued friendship if you still want that. Or at the very least, if he is trying to get back with you, don't give him an answer when you speak. Tell him you have to think about it so you can fully process anything he says, give yourself time to find your strength to do what you think is best. Hope that makes sense and I'll be thinking of you.

 

Thanks Lulu, I really appreciate the response. I've been going a little stir crazy these past few hours wondering how things are going to go tomorrow. I just feel such relief that I've finally heard from him and I know I'll be able to have my say, and hear what he has to say in return; no matter how it goes. Because that's the thing that has really affected me the most this past month. Not so much the relationship ending (though that has really got to me too); mostly just the silence and the confusion of not knowing what was going on.

 

I'm glad you understand what I mean about feeling vulnerable and weak, and feeling like you'd be willing to accept them back. I know everyone else will probably look at us like we're crazy for even thinking it; but it's so difficult. I just really wish we could go back to before this all happened, and make sure it never did. I really really hate this. A part of me is strong and telling me "Jeez.... think about what he did to you! You deserve SO much better. He's nothing but a selfish jerk!" But then I'm still in love with him at this point. So pretty much it's a battle of my heart and mind. So frustrating!

 

Your advice is already what I had in mind! Great minds think alike, eh ? I'm making dot points of things I want to be sure to say. I hate when you have a serious discussion with someone, and later think of all these things you wish you could have said, but at that point it's too late to mention it. So this way, if this is a final conversation between us, I can be happy that I had my say and can move on. I (hopefully) won't be plagued with "Ohhh, I really wish I had of thought to say *this*". I'm probably getting a bit ahead of myself, as we haven't even had this discussion yet and he possibly doesn't even want to continue a relationship or have a friendship with me. But I just want to be sure I know how to react if he does, for some reason, want either of these things. Like you advised LuLu, I already decided that I would make him wait on it. I'd take as long as I needed to weigh up the options. By no means will I jump into anything just yet (including a friendship); and if I did, it would certainly be by my terms. I feel so much better now because I feel like I have a bit more control back.

 

Again, thanks so much Lulu. And yes, what you said made perfect sense. I hope you come a bit closer to finding closure soon, too. Even if it only comes from yourself.

[LuLu65]

I can imagine how you must feel just now. I think I'd be going stir crazy, knowing that I'd finally get some answers but having to wait. You've had to wait so long now as it is........at least it's only a few hours away.

 

I think anyone who has been in love would understand it's not so easy to just let go. And no matter how awful you've been treated it doesn't stop the love you feel for that person.

 

Hell, I'm a perfect example of that.....I allowed a man to repeatedly cheat on me as I "loved" him and just knew that someday he'd change, after a while it made me feel so small and insignificant that I began to believe it was just what I deserved. He did finally quit but it was probably more because the offers dried up rather than anything to do with me. (My first love by the way) But over the past several years I've finally realized that I don't deserve this.....and we are divorcing.... That's a different story but I wanted to point out how it's not usual for people to go back to the ones we love no matter how they treat us. And it's not crazy to think about going back.....we want to believe that they love us as much as we do them so we keep trying..... Maybe some people are stronger and can more easily walk away but that doesn't make us crazy, it just takes us longer to let go of someone so dear to us.

 

I guess my point is, not to beat yourself up for having thoughts of taking them back, I think it's natural, you love/loved him, those feelings don't go away easily. And you have a plan, a good one.......having key points to make sure you say everything you want is an excellent idea, again I know how it is to forget to bring something up then it's lost.....and mostly I know you're strong enough to stick to it. Things, if there any "things" left between you and him, will be on your terms and your terms only.

 

I hope you will come back and let us know how it goes......whatever you decide. You are strong and you will do fine.

[Faded_x]

I can imagine how you must feel just now. I think I'd be going stir crazy, knowing that I'd finally get some answers but having to wait. You've had to wait so long now as it is........at least it's only a few hours away.

 

I think anyone who has been in love would understand it's not so easy to just let go. And no matter how awful you've been treated it doesn't stop the love you feel for that person.

 

Hell, I'm a perfect example of that.....I allowed a man to repeatedly cheat on me as I "loved" him and just knew that someday he'd change, after a while it made me feel so small and insignificant that I began to believe it was just what I deserved. He did finally quit but it was probably more because the offers dried up rather than anything to do with me. (My first love by the way) But over the past several years I've finally realized that I don't deserve this.....and we are divorcing.... That's a different story but I wanted to point out how it's not usual for people to go back to the ones we love no matter how they treat us. And it's not crazy to think about going back.....we want to believe that they love us as much as we do them so we keep trying..... Maybe some people are stronger and can more easily walk away but that doesn't make us crazy, it just takes us longer to let go of someone so dear to us.

 

I guess my point is, not to beat yourself up for having thoughts of taking them back, I think it's natural, you love/loved him, those feelings don't go away easily. And you have a plan, a good one.......having key points to make sure you say everything you want is an excellent idea, again I know how it is to forget to bring something up then it's lost.....and mostly I know you're strong enough to stick to it. Things, if there any "things" left between you and him, will be on your terms and your terms only.

 

I hope you will come back and let us know how it goes......whatever you decide. You are strong and you will do fine.

 

Once again, thank you Lulu. I made bold the part of what you said that I 100% agree with. I know most people in love find it difficult to just let that go, but I'm somewhat trying to look at this from the point of view of a totally unbiased outsider. I know they'd probably think "WTF... are you crazy?" at the idea of staying with him, haha. The thing is, I've always had these things in my mind that would be relationship breakers to me, and that would cause me to walk away (typical things like cheating, abuse, etc.). The fact that this isn't on that list puts it into a grey area for me. That probably makes no sense or sounds really silly; but it's really confusing. I just don't want to be taken for a fool, you know?

 

Thank you for your support. You've been a great help . And I definitely plan to report back here sometime after our talk. Trust me, expect many more posts to come. I'm sure I'll have a whirlwind of emotions tomorrow!

[LuLu65]

The fact that this isn't on that list puts it into a grey area for me. That probably makes no sense or sounds really silly; but it's really confusing. I just don't want to be taken for a fool, you know?

 

 

NO....it makes sense and NOT silly........This was just something you never expected, me either. You think most people will tell you that the relationship is over, it that's what was going on with him. And the fact that you don't know why this happened keeps you in that grey area and confused.

 

So thinking about it, how can you truly make up your mind until you know what was going on, so you know what you're making your mind up about.

 

Ultimately no matter the reason, he did wrong.....he never should have hurt you this way.......and trying to look at everything from an outsider is good, you looking at all sides from different angles, not just as the person that was hurt.

 

I'll be here to listen that's for sure.......stay strong and true to yourself.....I KNOW you will.

[Faded_x]

So thinking about it, how can you truly make up your mind until you know what was going on, so you know what you're making your mind up about.

 

Exactly. I'm speculating too much about him wanting to continue things, or have a friendship. I don't want to go into it expecting that, and then have him want the total opposite. Will make me feel even worse. So I'm trying to keep the mentality that anything can happen. Even if things end, I will be immensely sad; but just happy that things will be resolved (at least hopefully they will be).

 

I'm trying not to have any expectations on how the talk will go, as I don't want to be let down or anything when I really have no idea what will happen. The thing is, I'm expecting us to have this great big talk to sort out everything, but I'm not even sure if that's how it's going to go. His message to me started with "I'll message or email you tomorrow ok!" and ended with "Anyway, chat tomorrow, I promise". So I took that to mean that he's planning on having a talk about everything, but who knows. He seems to have been pretty unreasonable up until this point, so I'm not even sure if a proper talk about it all is even what he had in mind. I don't know. I just don't want to assume that's the plan, if he turns around and doesn't want to really have a proper talk at all. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to wait until tomorrow (well later on today, really) to find out what happens either way!

[folieadeux]

Faded_x, stay strong and try to resist the temptation to give off the impression that everything is okay. I seriously had to read your post twice. I'm glad he finally contacted you so that you can get the closure you need (hopefully) and am pissed as hell that he had the nerve to keep you waiting for so long all at the same time. I can only imagine how you feel. There is no excuse, no matter what he was doing or where he was, to completely ignore you for the better part of over a month. I know you'll make the right choice, and I really hope you give him a piece of your mind when he contacts you again.

 

Best of luck and keep us updated!

[Faded_x]

Thanks for the reply, folieadeux! I certainly don't plan on giving off the impression that everything is ok. I will be really giving it to him when he contacts me sometime today. I completely agree. There is no excuse for why he couldn't contact me sooner. I'm still very angry at him, but mostly relieved that I should hopefully get some closure now.

 

 

I also just thought I should add that I didn't reply to him. I'm actually quite proud of myself, since usually I would have jumped into replying, without really stopping to think about what I should say. I'm not playing a game with him or anything. A 'you ignored me, so now I'm going to ignore you' kinda thing. No, I just didn't see the point of jumping to say something to him, when he said he's contacting me tomorrow. I'm trying to act as calm as I can, since freaking out and getting emotional really won't help matters. There wasn't much to say anyway other than 'ok', which seemed rather pointless.

[Narf]

Wow! He txted! That is crazy... It must be so confusing for you... Like so happy he finally got incontact, relief, excitement even though you dont want to feel it... and then scared! Crazy! Argh! the feelings you must be going through would be crazy...

Sometimes i wonder if silence is better then all the crazy emotions...

 

I hope the conversation goes the way you would like it too that he is open and honest with why he has been such are low, cowardly boy... I hope it doesnt bring more hurt for you! and that you get the closure you want!

 

Im excited and scared for you all at the same time!

 

I think all your thoughts from above and the advice you have gotten are all great! Try to keep emotion out of it... If you start to feel it try to stop it... I know i loose control in convos like that :/ and then go to upset with myself after

[folieadeux]

Thanks for the reply, folieadeux! I certainly don't plan on giving off the impression that everything is ok. I will be really giving it to him when he contacts me sometime today. I completely agree. There is no excuse for why he couldn't contact me sooner. I'm still very angry at him, but mostly relieved that I should hopefully get some closure now.

 

 

I also just thought I should add that I didn't reply to him. I'm actually quite proud of myself, since usually I would have jumped into replying, without really stopping to think about what I should say. I'm not playing a game with him or anything. A 'you ignored me, so now I'm going to ignore you' kinda thing. No, I just didn't see the point of jumping to say something to him, when he said he's contacting me tomorrow. I'm trying to act as calm as I can, since freaking out and getting emotional really won't help matters. There wasn't much to say anyway other than 'ok', which seemed rather pointless.

 

Good job for not replying, I'm proud too.

 

I know that was a really difficult thing to do, but definitely a step in the right direction.

[Faded_x]

Wow! He txted! That is crazy... It must be so confusing for you... Like so happy he finally got incontact, relief, excitement even though you dont want to feel it... and then scared! Crazy! Argh! the feelings you must be going through would be crazy...

Sometimes i wonder if silence is better then all the crazy emotions...

 

I hope the conversation goes the way you would like it too that he is open and honest with why he has been such are low, cowardly boy... I hope it doesnt bring more hurt for you! and that you get the closure you want!

 

Im excited and scared for you all at the same time!

 

I think all your thoughts from above and the advice you have gotten are all great! Try to keep emotion out of it... If you start to feel it try to stop it... I know i loose control in convos like that :/ and then go to upset with myself after

 

Thanks, Narf! And yes, I am a huge mixture of emotions right now.... including scared, like you mention. I just really hope we get to have a good, honest conversation about it all. I guess I'm just somewhat worried that he'll contact me, and the conversation won't go the way I was thinking it would. I just really think I need to say all I have to say, to really begin to get over this/the relationship. I'm just hoping the conversation can remain civil and mature. I'd definitely prefer this uncertain feeling over the silence though. The silence was just cruel; but at least this way, I can begin to get over this once we have this discussion.

[Faded_x]

Good job for not replying, I'm proud too.

 

I know that was a really difficult thing to do, but definitely a step in the right direction.

 

Thank you! I'm actually really surprised how easy it was to not write back. I know that has something to do with the fact that he mentioned contacting me tomorrow (well, today) though. If he just sent a generic sort of reply, not mentioning a time to talk; I'm pretty sure I would have responded. At this point though, I really think I would have taken a bit of time to think over what I would say in my reply though, so that's really something. Normally I would write back to him ASAP without really having the chance to think over what I would say, as I'd be hoping to "catch" him while he's still there (that is, he just texted me, so surely he still has his phone on him and can easily reply).

 

Either way though, I definitely feel it is a step in the right direction. I'm just hoping I can remain as calm in our talk! I don't want to be completely aloof and emotionless; but I do want to stay in control of my emotions, and I feel I have a pretty high chance of that.

[LuLu65]

Just stopping in to check......I hope all is going well Faded.

[Faded_x]

Just stopping in to check......I hope all is going well Faded.

 

Thanks LuLu. Nothing new to report just yet. It's only 3:45 in the afternoon here and I wasn't really expecting to hear from him until tonight, I'm pretty sure.

 

I'm about to bring out a yoga DVD that I got for Christmas. I've never done it before, but I hear good things about it being nice and relaxing . Mostly I just want to keep myself busy, so I'm not just waiting around to hear from him. Tonight I'm also going to spend a bit of time with my dad as well. Coincidentally my dad wanted to do something tonight, so I figured it would be a good distraction so I'm not waiting around for him and wondering when I'm going to be hearing from him.

Edited January 7, 2011 by Faded_x

[LuLu65]

You're doing much better than I think I would. I'd likely not leave the house waiting to hear from him. I'm glad you are getting out and not letting it stop you. I'll keep checking back and my thoughts are with you.

[Faded_x]

You're doing much better than I think I would. I'd likely not leave the house waiting to hear from him. I'm glad you are getting out and not letting it stop you. I'll keep checking back and my thoughts are with you.

 

Thanks LuLu. I was actually surprised how strong I felt about it. Up until a few days ago, I wouldn't have been able to go anywhere without my phone on me, just in case he called/texted. Or I wouldn't have been able to not sign into MSN... just in case he came on. It felt good to know I wasn't feeling so desperate. While I still did really feel desperate to hear from him; I felt a bit more in control of myself/my emotions.

 

We've kind of spoken, but it got to the point where I felt that I was a bit too tired to be having an important conversation such as this, so I decided to save it for tomorrow. We then spent awhile just having trivial conversation, before going to bed and agreeing to continue the talk tomorrow.

 

I'm kind of confused. I don't have the full story yet, but from what I've been told; I kind of feel for him. By no means do I think what he's done is excusable, but I do understand that is about a problem with him personally, not me. I don't know. I guess I'll wait and see how the conversation goes tomorrow. It was so emotionally difficult, just the part of the conversation we had; so I'm pretty glad it will be broken up into two parts. It's kind of good to be able to reflect and think over what we've discussed so far.

Edited January 7, 2011 by Faded_x

[LuLu65]

I'm glad to hear that things are going well....... I had my breath held....I was so afraid he wouldn't contact you and that scared me a bit. I'm glad my fears weren't necessary.

 

I know these sort of conversations can be quite draining on a person so it is good that you are able to break it up.....

 

Things are going well for you and I'm so happy for that..... You know what's best for you, once you know the full story you'll be better able to figure out what should come next.... I hope things go the way you like....whatever that is.

[folieadeux]

Hope the second part of your conversation went well.

[Faded_x]

Thanks Lulu and folieadeux!

 

I'm glad to hear that things are going well....... I had my breath held....I was so afraid he wouldn't contact you and that scared me a bit. I'm glad my fears weren't necessary.

 

I know these sort of conversations can be quite draining on a person so it is good that you are able to break it up.....

 

Things are going well for you and I'm so happy for that..... You know what's best for you, once you know the full story you'll be better able to figure out what should come next.... I hope things go the way you like....whatever that is.

 

Once I heard from him and he said he'd talk to me the next day, I knew I'd hear from him. There were a few moments though where I wasn't sure and doubted it for a second; but for the most part I was secure in knowing we'd eventually talk. Even just that knowledge made things a lot easier.

 

We haven't continued our discussion yet, as I had to go out today and I wanted to wait until I was at home and had no distractions. I find it pretty ironic that I've spent days and days at home, hoping to talk to him. And then when I get the opportunity, I'm constantly busy . It's ok though; I know it will happen, so I can be patient. We have spoken a fair bit in the meantime, about little, meaningless type stuff.

 

Like I said, I don't know everything yet; so I'll reserve judgement until I do. However, I do know the gist of it. It's kind of personal to him, so I won't go into it, but I can see why he did what he did. I definitely don't condone it, or think it's ok; but I understand. It still doesn't make it ok though, so we have much more to discuss before I decide on anything.

 

I've still got my dot pointed list of things I want to talk about. It's quite a list, but oh well. I won't be satisfied until we talk about all of it!