moimeme Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 Miss Prolixity I think you hit the nail right on the head here. Really good post. I guarantee most people "subconsciously" would rather have a best friend for life, someone there through thick and thin, than a few months of heated passion. Heck, I even consciously want that! Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 I just read a few replies in here and I'm going to have to go back to the Love Languages.....sorry but it just makes perfect sense to me. My wife's family were never the types to show PDA or even hugs and kisses before nite nite. This of course has rubbed of in our marriage until just a little bit ago, ( Probably a year now ), once I found out what she needs from me, and mind you, that took a little investigating and soul searching on her part, and I started providing her with that...the intimacy and closeness returned as if it were brand new again. I really sell this Love Language thingy cause it has worked for us. Sure, we were still best friends before this lesson, but we are now both friends and intimate lovers. I am serious when I say that you can have the best of both worlds but BOTH the Husband and the Wife have to give it 110% and be dedicated to making it happen. If you don't have that then you don't have a chance. And, don't get me wrong, there are still things wrong in our marriage and there always will be,,,something we have accepted just like there is always something that you're not going to like about your job....but you go on because you have to work. Most people now and days think that quitting at a marriage is the easiest way out, and wind up miserable with their lives and without hope. We choose to work at it and be happy, talk to her, find out what she is missing and what you need to do to help HER out. Link to post Share on other sites
Juggs Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 I know my husband and I are having some issues with passion in our marriage as well. Heck, that's what brought me here to begin with. I know my problem is I just don't desire sex as often as my husband does. I wish I could fiund the article that said it, but men typically do want sex MUCH more often then women. Women typically are only in the mood a couple times a month and men want it every day. And let me tell ya, he keeps pushing it at me every day every time he opens his mouth.... It has just about killed my sex drive. I read a few posts back about how the best approach is to not make the end result sex.... I think that was some of the best advise I have seen here to date. If my husband would just not constantly throw sex in my face every waking moment, I might actually want it. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 Women typically are only in the mood a couple times a month Um. No. They may be hornier a couple times a month but that doesn't mean they're not at other times. If my husband would just not constantly throw sex in my face every waking moment, I might actually want it. It's sad that people think that they can make somebody do something by forcing them and nagging them when that usually has the exact opposite effect on everything from watching porn to having sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Juggs Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 They may be hornier a couple times a month but that doesn't mean they're not at other times. Yes, I think this is probably a much more accurate statement. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 Look at the MarriageBuilders website and I can recommend the book The Great American Sex Diet. You can look at my post about Never Give Up, Never Surrender for what is going on in my marriage as far as passion. Really, communication with your partner is important, but its also important to understand why you feel the way you do. Read the sex diet book. Link to post Share on other sites
confused88 Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 Hokey, First thing I'm going to do tonight is look up your post, and the book. Yes - we as a couple have a lot going for us. I tend to concentrate on the bad, rather then relishing the good! I honestly think I can "solve", compromise, communicate through all of our other issues (different interests, different schedules, lack of unified goal for the future, different backgrounds) - but the sex and passion issue is one where I don't see an answer. Two problems that I hope other posts, reading, inner searches, and counceling will help with: VASTLY differing sex drives (Should I accept it and live through frustrated, take matters into my own hand (so to speak), or expect her to change?); and passion. I disagree - everyone wants the flicker in the eyes and heartfelt feelings. Maybe I'm dreaming, but I expect (ed) my wife to be my best friend and a lover that ignites passion when she wants to. Thanks - I'll look into your recommendations Link to post Share on other sites
confused88 Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 BTW - where is your post on the marriage builders site? Link to post Share on other sites
confused88 Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 disregard.... found it here! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Sorry about your DW. That has to be really hard on you and the kids.. As well as herself too! I can suggest depressionfallout.com for ya. It's a good site for those who are married to depressed spouses. Hope this helps you out abit. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Oh no! Another shacker falls for the dreaded Year-Old-Post Syndrome! I swear it's an epidemic!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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