mercedesgirl Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 I have been in a LDR for only 4 months, but have had trust issues, which are really getting to me. I was in a previous bad marriage that has left me paranoid about being cheated on again. I know that not all guys are gonna be like the guy I married. Anyways, I am now not sure that I want to even be in the relationship now, its not making me happy and feeling paranoid is really no fun! When we are together we get on well, good sex life but there doesnt seem to be the sparkle we first had. I would have thought that the sparkle would still be there, we have only be seeing eachother for 4 months! I am over sensitive to everything that he does, I just want to chill and enjoy our time, I just dont know what to do, please help? Link to post Share on other sites
kittie s. Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 I had some pretty big difficulties adjusting to the long distance when my SO first moved, and felt some of these insecurities. But you have to adjust to them. This might actually be good for you to help you grow & become stronger, especially after being in such a negative relationship before. I was cheated on in a previous relationship & that guy played all kinds of mind games with me. But if your current boyfriend is understanding, you should be able to talk to him about your problems, just don't drive him crazy with it. It's scary to be in a long distance relationship because you have to learn to trust, but you can do it You will learn to trust if he's the right one. Don't let the worries and insecurities take away something that might grow to be amazing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mercedesgirl Posted January 3, 2011 Author Share Posted January 3, 2011 I had some pretty big difficulties adjusting to the long distance when my SO first moved, and felt some of these insecurities. But you have to adjust to them. This might actually be good for you to help you grow & become stronger, especially after being in such a negative relationship before. I was cheated on in a previous relationship & that guy played all kinds of mind games with me. But if your current boyfriend is understanding, you should be able to talk to him about your problems, just don't drive him crazy with it. It's scary to be in a long distance relationship because you have to learn to trust, but you can do it You will learn to trust if he's the right one. Don't let the worries and insecurities take away something that might grow to be amazing. Thanks kittie s. Most people say I should leave him if I feel like I do, but your the first person to make me feel positive about it, I just need to chill and enjoy our time together. It is scary in a LDR, because if you want a hug to make you better, its not as easy as that. I have also just arranged to have hypnotherapy to try and sort out my paranoid thoughts, so that should help. He has been understanding about my insecurities, but he has said, he can only take so much of me going on about my past and why I am the way I am now. I can understand this, and I know that if I continue being negative about everything, I will loose him. Thanks again Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 I think it's of paramount importance to stay positive, especially given the circumstances of most LDR's, and to try not to let the past affect your current relationship. If the spark isn't there and you feel like you may no longer be interested in pursuing this relationship, fair enough, but this is a separate issue entirely from the distance. If you feel like it's worth sticking it out to see what happens, just be careful your negative thoughts don't inadvertently sabotage the dynamics of your relationship. How far apart are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mercedesgirl Posted January 3, 2011 Author Share Posted January 3, 2011 about 2 hours drive folieadeux Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 about 2 hours drive folieadeux That's not too bad at all. Maybe planning a visit together will help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mercedesgirl Posted January 3, 2011 Author Share Posted January 3, 2011 We try and see eachother every weekend, and have weekends away when money is good. I just need to be more positive about the relationship, and life generally, it is making me feel quite ill sometimes when I am negative and paranoid about things. Your kind words help me tho, thanks Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 We try and see eachother every weekend, and have weekends away when money is good. I just need to be more positive about the relationship, and life generally, it is making me feel quite ill sometimes when I am negative and paranoid about things. Your kind words help me tho, thanks No problem. I can totally relate to the negativity thing; I just try to encourage people not to make the same mistakes as me. Link to post Share on other sites
creighton0123 Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 Is it that you don't know the answer to your own question or you don't like the answer to your own question? After four months, it's natural to lose the "sparkle". Some couples lose this after a few months, some after a year, some after a few years, some never do. The question remains: Whether you like it or not, do you want to be in a relationship right now? Link to post Share on other sites
TokyoG33kyGal Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 being in a relationship is not about the sparkle. seriously, i think people who end up having broken marriages or sh*tty relationships is because we have these ideals in our head and if the reality does not match our expectations, we think that something is missing. we find someone new to find that "sparkle" but end up doing the same thing all over again. do you get into relationships just because of the feeling of being love and all the good stuff and not because you love that person? if you know what you want it shouldn't be hard to figure out if this is the right relationship for you or not. Link to post Share on other sites
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