I got a second chance?

[fofiffs]

This almost sounds just like my Ex from two years ago lol..not that you are but it just kinda reminds me off how my ex was trying to choose between me and her other ex lol. I say take your time and figure out what it is you really want. Either way, one of the ex's will end up getting hurt in the end. In my situation she choose the other guy who she is now divorcing lol..Funny how things work out.

 

I'm still thinking and no I'm not with anyone right now. I've been 100% honest with both of them and they both know that I'm confused right now. My most recent ex whose in Canada, is still pushing to get back with me. He said we can hold off on the move and is still trying. I told him I can't be with him now though because he wouldn't be getting all of me and unless I can give him 100% of me I won't get back with him. He deserves better than that.

 

The other ex from almost 2 years ago is trying to get me to come see him as soon as possible mostly due to the fact that he'll be training soon for his deployment and the sooner I see him, the more time we'll have together. I'm still single though, neither one of them has me and they both know that. And I was trying to find stuff to keep myself in love with my most recent ex but after he stopped trying I stopped caring. Then he went off on me and I snapped, he pushed me to the edge that is hard for me to come back from. I'm still trying to figure out what to do at this point. It's all just so confusing since all of this happened so quickly.

[HeavenOrHell]

Me too, you were so sure about moving to Canada, there was no doubt in your mind, you sounded 100% sure about him.

Please don't make any hasty decisions.

Take some time out

 

 

I don't mean to sound like a broken record here, but I'm in total agreement with everyone who suggested to take some time to yourself and wait. I really think that's the best thing for everyone involved.

 

I know it sounds dumb, but I'm personally still shocked over the breakup of you and your ex in Canada...I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now. Everything seemed to be going so great and you were so close to moving.

[Mrlonelyone]

What everyone has said about you needing to take some time to figure things out is very logical. So far you have only agreed to go visit EX1 (the soldier?) in a couple of weeks. The most logical advice to do would be to limit contact with either of them and spend these weeks meditating on what you want out of life, and love.

 

On an emotional level I read this thread and cant help but . So it is possible to get a second chance.... even when the woman has a boyfriend.

 

Whatever happens I hope that it works out for the best for you.

[aerogurl87]

What everyone has said about you needing to take some time to figure things out is very logical. So far you have only agreed to go visit EX1 (the soldier?) in a couple of weeks. The most logical advice to do would be to limit contact with either of them and spend these weeks meditating on what you want out of life, and love.

 

On an emotional level I read this thread and cant help but . So it is possible to get a second chance.... even when the woman has a boyfriend.

 

Whatever happens I hope that it works out for the best for you.

 

You know what, my ex (the soldier) actually understands that I need space and time, it's my most recent ex (the Canadian) who doesn't. I told him I need to get my head straightened out and figure out what I want and that I need space. Space that he won't give me. And yeah I understand he's heart broken and wants me back, but him constantly texting me isn't helping anything. The soldier (lol, I like calling him that) told me to block him on facebook and go NC with him like he did to me when we broke up. He said it'll be good for both of us, and I think he's right.

 

I'm still trying to figure out what I want though. And MrLonelyOne my ex didn't get me back when I had a boyfriend. He did the honourable thing and didn't ask for me back till after my boyfriend and I broke up. Before that I asked him what he wanted from me and he said he just wanted me to be happy with whomever I ended up with. It's something I respect about him.

[aerogurl87]

Me too, you were so sure about moving to Canada, there was no doubt in your mind, you sounded 100% sure about him.

Please don't make any hasty decisions.

Take some time out

 

I was because I wanted to be with him so badly. But when someone doesn't care anymore it's hard to want to be with them again. Then add to that all the guilt tripping he was doing, and continues to do, and it started to push me away more and more.

[poorguy]

I have a question. What if you and your ex (soldier) get back together and he decides he really doesn't want you anymore...say in a few months from now....Would you then go back to your other ex???? (Canadian dude)

[Mrlonelyone]

The soldier (lol, I like calling him that) told me to block him on facebook and go NC with him like he did to me when we broke up. He said it'll be good for both of us, and I think he's right.

 

He told you to go NC now? hmm.

 

He did the honourable thing and didn't ask for me back till after my boyfriend and I broke up.

 

I just let her know I was interested in her even after all this time. The situations are not totally analogous.

[aerogurl87]

I have a question. What if you and your ex (soldier) get back together and he decides he really doesn't want you anymore...say in a few months from now....Would you then go back to your other ex???? (Canadian dude)

 

You know I've asked myself this and the answer is no. Obviously if I got to this point where I broke up with him, then something was very wrong in our relationship. If me and my ex did get back together and broke up, I'd just continue on with my life. I wouldn't go back to my most recent ex (Canadian guy) because there is nothing I really want to go back to with him. Yes I loved him but we are very incompatible when I sit back and look at things. He wanted me to put my life on hold for him but he wouldn't have been willing to do the same for me. And despite the fact that now he's telling me he's willing to change everything to be with me, that's not what I want. I don't want him to change himself to make me happy, I want who he naturally is to make me happy and I don't see that happening. So no I wouldn't go back to him.

[Art_Critic]

Can you mention what positive things the ex (soldier guy) will bring to your life ?

Won't being in another LDR just be more heartbreak on a daily basis for you, meaning you can't be with someone you are in a relationship with but you so need to be with them ?

IMO after reading your posts and some of your threads I think 2 things are in order.

 

1) Don't go back to either ex

2) Spend some real alone time with yourself so you don't keep confusing yourself with the next relationship.

 

You have to create closure and move on form both or you will just keep yourself bogged down in this toxic dreariness.

 

I'm not trying to pooh pooh you getting back with the first ex but it seems to me that you have no idea what you want in your relationship let alone who your want at this time.

 

I hope I didn't come across too harsh.. but it seemed to be the only thing I could come up with in words...

[aerogurl87]

He told you to go NC now? hmm.

 

 

 

I just let her know I was interested in her even after all this time. The situations are not totally analogous.

 

Yep he told me to go NC because as he said it was the right thing to do at the time and it actually was. We went NC for a few months and then LC for about a year or so after that. I was actually the dumpee in our breakup (with the soldier) so I was basically the one waiting for him to show me a sign that he wanted to give things another go for a very long time. Then I gave up hope, met my now ex boyfriend (the Canadian), and decided I could find happiness again without having the soldier in the picture. I grew up, moved on, and stopped being so clingy and desperate. I gave him time to actually miss me which he told me about throughout the year or so we were LC. I'd get random texts saying he dreamed about me and stuff like that, but I'd just ignore it or brush it off as him playing games. Then I guess the past week or so happened and something clicked in his head I guess.

 

I'm just in as much shock at everything as most of my friends are and everyone who knows what happened. It was pretty much out of the blue that he called me and was bawling his eyes out, begging me not to hurt him again, and apologizing. Then he told me he wanted me back. So I guess second chances can happen, but I'd advise both parties to try and move on with their lives and grow up before attempting one.

[aerogurl87]

Can you mention what positive things the ex (soldier guy) will bring to your life ?

Won't being in another LDR just be more heartbreak on a daily basis for you, meaning you can't be with someone you are in a relationship with but you so need to be with them ?

IMO after reading your posts and some of your threads I think 2 things are in order.

 

1) Don't go back to either ex

2) Spend some real alone time with yourself so you don't keep confusing yourself with the next relationship.

 

You have to create closure and move on form both or you will just keep yourself bogged down in this toxic dreariness.

 

I'm not trying to pooh pooh you getting back with the first ex but it seems to me that you have no idea what you want in your relationship let alone who your want at this time.

 

I hope I didn't come across too harsh.. but it seemed to be the only thing I could come up with in words...

 

Nope, I need some criticism right now, so thanks actually. You asked what positives the soldier can bring to my life? Well there are a few things like him pushing me to go back to school, be successful in life, make myself happy and not everyone else happy, go and try to fulfill my dreams in life, etc. I actually could take being in a LDR with my ex. It was hard, but him and I communicated alot better than what me and the most recent ex did. Yes I know the soldier has issues, both of us do actually, but him and I have grown alot since we last dated also. We both made huge mistakes in our relationship, like jumping straight into one headfirst without really thinking things out. Hence why we're gonna see where everything goes this time around.

 

I am still trying to think about what I really want and need right now, although that's hard with my most recent ex (Canadian guy) texting me every 10 seconds. But even though I'm trying it doesn't mean I'm going to turn down another potential chance with the only guy I've ever dated whom I regret losing.

[poorguy]

HOw long were you with (Canadian guy) ? You should spend time alone seriously. You have to find it in yourself to motivate yourself to get more out of life, not use a crutch to do it

[aerogurl87]

HOw long were you with (Canadian guy) ? You should spend time alone seriously. You have to find it in yourself to motivate yourself to get more out of life, not use a crutch to do it

 

11 months with Canadian guy. Yeah I know I should find it within myself, but having people behind me to cheer me on doesn't exactly hurt either. Right now my main motivation is that I hate my job and want to do something with my certification which is just collecting dust at the moment.

[Mrlonelyone]

I asked about his saying you should go NC because I am afraid you are setting yourself up for a disappointment or decision when he's about to deploy.

 

A soldier about to go to war... a man looking at his future... often starts to think about what's really important in life. To me it sounds like he's looking at you as...how to put it... someone he could have a long term relationship with....a VERY long term relationship with. I'm thinking he does not want to go to war as a bachelor.

 

For his sake... and yours...be very sure about what you are doing. He may be keeping his true feelings close to his chest but trust me, I have been and sort of am where his is, theirs likely much more there than he has revealed.

 

I have taken the time to read your threads and... I really want this all to work out for you in the best way.

 

Peace.

[aerogurl87]

I asked about his saying you should go NC because I am afraid you are setting yourself up for a disappointment or decision when he's about to deploy.

 

A soldier about to go to war... a man looking at his future... often starts to think about what's really important in life. To me it sounds like he's looking at you as...how to put it... someone he could have a long term relationship with....a VERY long term relationship with. I'm thinking he does not want to go to war as a bachelor.

 

For his sake... and yours...be very sure about what you are doing. He may be keeping his true feelings close to his chest but trust me, I have been and sort of am where his is, theirs likely much more there than he has revealed.

 

I have taken the time to read your threads and... I really want this all to work out for you in the best way.

 

Peace.

 

Oh yeah it's fine I understand that. I know he wants a future with me, as his wife in particular. He's made that quite clear as he mentioned to me on the phone that if I hadn't screwed up (and he had stuck with me and not been a complete jerk) we'd already be married with a kid on the way and how he'd be proud to call me his wife, etc. I know he's looking for something long term and that doesn't scare me. I'm also sure that him going off to war soon has something to do with him reaching out to me suddenly. But he was the one who suggested we take things slow and see where they go. It's not like he asked me to move to be near his base right away and asked me to marry him, lol. I know this could all blow up in my face but I'm prepared for that.

[Mrlonelyone]

I want to ask you something but not put it where everyone can see. Can I send you a private message? I think you might actually be able to give me the most useful feedback.

[aerogurl87]

I want to ask you something but not put it where everyone can see. Can I send you a private message? I think you might actually be able to give me the most useful feedback.

 

Yeah that's fine

[Janicee]

You are now having choice about a possible future with the first ex. I wonder if you could feel the pain of your second ex as being abrupted dumped by you, whilst you were still claiming yourself in great love with him by beginning of January! I feel some:( cruel smelling here!

[aerogurl87]

You are now having choice about a possible future with the first ex. I wonder if you could feel the pain of your second ex as being abrupted dumped by you, whilst you were still claiming yourself in great love with him by beginning of January! I feel some:( cruel smelling here!

 

Let me clear this up once and for all, there was no possibility of a future with my first ex before I broke up with my recent boyfriend. I broke up with my boyfriend, not once, but twice before my first ex told me he wanted me back. The decision to break up with him was decided based on months of arguing, bickering, and him deciding he didn't care to work things out anymore while I was away from him, but thinking I'd still move to be with him. Him not listening to me when I told him I was having second thoughts and attempting to guilt trip me into moving. I was in love with him but when he told me 1) he regretted losing his virginity to me 2) he didn't give a f*ck anymore about me or the relationship and 3) to f*ck off I went numb inside towards him. You can't treat someone like crap for no reason and then expect them to still want to be with you, let alone put off a year and a half of their life to come be with you while putting their own aspirations on hold.

 

To some that may be cruel, but had it not come down to how he treated me and how he wouldn't even try to work things out, we would've never broken up. My ex asking for me back came after the fact, so I did not leave him for him. In fact when I broke up with him I was just planning to move in with my best friend and start focusing on building a career finally and going back to school, not having my ex cry and tell me he wanted me back out of the blue.

[pandagirl]

Let me clear this up once and for all, there was no possibility of a future with my first ex before I broke up with my recent boyfriend. I broke up with my boyfriend, not once, but twice before my first ex told me he wanted me back. The decision to break up with him was decided based on months of arguing, bickering, and him deciding he didn't care to work things out anymore while I was away from him, but thinking I'd still move to be with him. Him not listening to me when I told him I was having second thoughts and attempting to guilt trip me into moving. I was in love with him but when he told me 1) he regretted losing his virginity to me 2) he didn't give a f*ck anymore about me or the relationship and 3) to f*ck off I went numb inside towards him. You can't treat someone like crap for no reason and then expect them to still want to be with you, let alone put off a year and a half of their life to come be with you while putting their own aspirations on hold.

 

To some that may be cruel, but had it not come down to how he treated me and how he wouldn't even try to work things out, we would've never broken up. My ex asking for me back came after the fact, so I did not leave him for him. In fact when I broke up with him I was just planning to move in with my best friend and start focusing on building a career finally and going back to school, not having my ex cry and tell me he wanted me back out of the blue.

 

I still suspect that some of your recent ex's behavior was caused by insecurity due to your relationships with your ex-ex.

 

People say far more hurtful things in a LTR or marriage, but it's whether or not you are committed to that person and the way you communicate about it after the fact.

 

Even though you ex-ex didn't ask you back until after the fact, but it's pretty clear that he always wanted you back from what you've written on this forum. There were always feelings there between both of you, while you were planning on marrying recent ex.

 

I don't think you planned any of this out of course! But I think you need to open your eyes a little to see the situation for what it is.