My best friend has turned into a snob

[StarryEyes86]

My best friend lives in another state from me. He broke up with his ex about 3 months ago, which was a shame because I actually liked her (I'm a girl obviously and my best friend is a guy), but I understood why she broke up with him because he was trying to get serious too fast. But she had a good head on her shoulders and it rubbed off on him. I don't preach to know it all about dating, but it seems that his girlfriends break up with him for a common reason...and over the last few months, I tried to give him some advice about relationships recently, but he shot me down because I was single and not married so I only knew just as much as him when it comes to dating.

 

So now he has a new girlfriend, they dated for a month and now they're official. All of his recent girlfriends in the last year had been previously married. I talked to him a few days ago since they became official and he had this elitist attitude and talking down to me. Which is very unlike him. He was telling me that he and his gf are now in a serious relationship, etc. And I reminded him that the reason why the last girl broke up with him was because he was already introducing her to his family and friends, talking about marriage, etc. He didn't appreciate it and started chastising me about my dating lifestyle and because I'm not "actively looking for a spouse" unlike him, I don't have room to talk. My basic philosophy about dating and marriage is to not put all my eggs in one basket and taking things somewhat slow...aka not rushing into a serious relationship or marriage. It really hurt me when he said that.

 

I guess what I'm getting at is...it seems that now that he's found a chick whose willing to go along his notions of being in a serious relationship after only dating in a month and becoming official in a few days. He seems to be talking down to me even more with how perfect *his* life is and his elitist attitude is really hurting my feelings. He was always my rock in my life and he was always there for me and gave me advice on life, dating (sometimes), etc. I haven't met his new girlfriend, but I don't like the attitude he's taken on since he started dating her. It's the snobby and superior attitude that came out of nowhere. I even tried avoiding the subject but he brings up his girlfriend which I can understand since its a new relationship.

 

I'm not sure what to do or say to him. I haven't met the new girlfriend yet, but if he's acting like this, I don't know if I want to meet her. This is so unlike him. Last time we talked, we actually had an argument. Very unlike our friendship. I'm just worried about our friendship and where its headed. He's like my big brother and I would hate to lose him over something stupid like this. Any advice would be appreciated.

[january2010]

In my experience, when two people come together different parts of their personalities are brought out and sometimes magnified. That's why there are certain relationships that are bad for us because they can encourage behaviours that are detrimental to ourselves and those we care about.

 

As you've experienced, he's already starting to dismiss your advice and any further attempts to advise him are likely to result in more disagreements, which is not what you want.

 

I know you're very close and don't want to lose him but I think that you need to give your friend the space to make his own mistakes and to find out for himself whether this relationship is good for him or not.