rug pulled out from under me

[pinkjett]

i'm new to this kind of forum. i have read thru a lot of posts and the people here seem very nice. however it is a bit hard to be here amongst strangers, albeit very sincere ones, so please bear with me. i basically need to vent my frustrations here as i don't see anywhere else to turn.

 

my story is typical in that i was dating someone for 5 months and i was very happy. i had always in the past chosen what i thought was the 'wrong' guy, but in the past couple of years i had done a lot of major 'work' on myself, mentally, physically, etc., and without realizing it, i was 'making room' in my life for good things to come into it, and good things came.

 

so when i met this particular person, it seemed that finally my 'bad luck in love' was over. this person was so open, and gave every indication that this would be a long term situation. he was so open and caring, and would say things to make me offer up my vulnerability, which i believe is the biggest sacrifice one can do for another.

 

well, recently we had been spending less and less time together. then he came to me and wanted to break things off, but be friends, claiming that his responsibilities (new job, band, friends, etc) was too demanding and that he could no longer devote what he felt was sufficent time to the relationship. he also suffers immensely from guilt at saying 'no' to anyone. friends especially. he feels this incredible need to please. so much so that i am afraid that i was the thing that became expendible. i, on the other hand, believe that no matter how 'busy' you are, one always does what they want to do. they make time for it.

 

so knowing that there had to be more to the situation than what he claimed, i gently pushed him for more insight and info, to which he made statements like 'well, my last relationship was so long-term, that now perhaps i shouldn't settle down just yet', or 'i feel the timing may be wrong'. these statements hurt because he's not so young (31), and i'm not so young (34), and he seemed to give every indication that he wanted to be here long term. and when we talked more about breaking-up, he even expressed doubts. so we had left it that we wouldn't break up-, but merely slow down, and 'see' each other, and not see anyone else, but just slow down. i just couldn't figure out which end was up and why all of a sudden he had to make a good thing complicated and bad. i felt i did something wrong.

 

i thought the slowing down would let him be less stressed about things and let him see 'us' in a better light, and at first it was working, but suddenly it has not. he has recently pulled away more, and he is hurting me with every day that goes by that he doesn't call. the odd thing is that we still email, etc. it's only the past two weeks that the phone contact has dwindled. i fear that we soon may not talk at all, and i feel helpless. it's further complicated by my birthday being this weekend, and we have plans.

 

yeah, i read this and my own advice to myself would be 'see him one more time on your b-day, but then walk away, give him time, perhaps he'll come back perhaps he won't', but that's easier said than done. my life has been lonely without him, and i feel as if every time i get close to love it goes away. also, he had showered me with so many little gifts and tokens of affection that everywhere i look in my home it is a reminder of him.

 

i know i am not the first to feel this, but it hurts. i feel helpless, but also, so cast aside. i feel that he at least owes me an explanation for his recent behavior, instead of just changing his actions and expecting me to be just fine about it. what am i supposed to do, ask him to dump me? i don't feel that's fair. anyway, thanks for letting me vent.

[Sundaymorning]

Breaking up is never fair, however, I suggest you learn from this situation. I hope that you know there are many other good men out there....you will meet your match when the time is right. As for this guy- he sounds like a waste of time because hes wishy washy. Just move on and you will be happier! good luck

[overseas2004]

Yep you are right you have to let it go. If you keep hanging on and it keeps dwindling then you are not getting at all what you want and you are just going to be hurt.

 

By the way I am just a little bit older than you and my ex who I was with for 8 months was just a little bit older than yours. And kind of the same thing happned.

 

And so it just ended. And he only came by once after that.

 

I read somewhere it is better to have a painful end than pain without end.

 

And its true. It has been a month and half now for me. And I already feel a little better. So will you. Its hard to believe now but its true.