RomoGuy Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 Im going to make this as short as possible. I'm a 23 year old guy, I have been with quite a few girls before, only one of which was a 2 year serious relationship. After the first night I met the girl I'm madly in love with I thought " That is the one".. I never had that feeling before with anyone. She is 6 months younger than me and has never "been with a guy" only dated 2 guys before for less than 2 month.. We hit it off amazingly, we had so much fun together, it was unreal, we fell head over heels in love. Her family and friends also saw how amazing we were together and how we brought out the best in eachother and they all loved me. We both got better when we were with eachother, we dropped bad habits and bad friends and continued to get better. She would tell me that I'm the the man of her dreams and Gods gift to her. We both felt the same! It was better that the love you see in movies. Everything was going great, we were creeping up on 6 months, until literally one morning I can tell from her voice that something was wrong. But she wouldnt tell me. We would tell eachother anything, if there ever was an issue we would tell each other and always end up resolving it. But she wouldn't. She told me she was going to talk to an older friend of hers that gave her advice that same day and that she would talk to me in the morning. The next day I try to contact her but no reply until the afternoon when she texts me and wanted me to meet her at the park. I end up going there and she ends up telling me that Im not the guy for her, because I basically am not spiritual enough for her and basically that I don't respect my parents enough and that maby one day I will disrespect her. She told me she loves me more than anything, but if we both don't have the Lord burning in our hearts, we wont make it through the hard times. I begged her not to give up on me and she said she wasnt. She said she knows I am amazing and that one day I will be brilliant but she cant be with me, not that day. She said maby one day but not that day..... We both cried and we told eachother ' I love you' and before she left I told her i want to be her friend, that I want her in my life anyway possible and she said she wanted me to be her friend and be in her life. And before she left I told her " just how we have worked through many other issues, We will work through this one" then we both left. She then texted me hours later basically saying 'no contact' so that we both can focus on what we need to do.... so for the first 2 days I beat myself up over it, praying and wondering how did this fantasy love story come to this? I kept saying to myself, I should have been better! I need to be more of a Christian! Then I realized, We all need to be better, we all need to be more christian.. not just me! nobody is perfect... Nothing adds up, how can someone go from being the man of someones dreams and God's gift to them, to being not good enough? or not yet? I believe it was influence from the lady or her father .... It has been 4 days and I have not contacted her... I love her and will always and I still believe she is the one. I also wonder if I will ever be good enough in her eyes.. I want to be with her, what do I do? I believe she needs her space to realize and analyze what is going on, and ultimately she will have to decide, but how long do I wait? if she doesnt contact me in a month or so, what do I do? there are too many unanswered questions and nothing adds up. She knows for a fact that I am good enough for her, she would tell me daily " how did I get so lucky", or "how did god make you so perfect". She would even say that when god made her, He had me in mind.... The strange thing is that I am good friends with all her brothers and sisters... and they do not know anything about whats going on.. They asked me why we broke up. Her and I were just as religious as one another... at times I considered myself more than her. This all Happened so suddenly. And the fact that none of her siblings know whats going on makes me wonder... For some reason I honestly dont think its over, too many things dont match up. We never slept with eachother, we both decided that is something we will save for marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
mmiller5373 Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 I have a close friend who had something similar happen to him. His ex girlfriend broke up with him because he wasn't "spiritual" enough. They both went NC and she ended up coming back. They dated for a few more months and then she left again because of the same reason. He's currently going through hell because of the same girl. Honestly, since you're young and she's young, you need to go 100% no contact for a few months. She's not going to go and sleep with another guy. She's waiting for the one. Just give her time to figure out who the one is. Let her miss you. If you're right for her, she'll see it once she dates several other wrong ones. Don't think you'll be able to get her back. It puts you in a state of mind that only pushes them away even more. Trust me. You need to heal. Give yourself time. Like your ex, my ex girlfriend didn't clue her family or friends on what was going on with her. She kept telling me things like, "I don't know what I want" or "I don't know what's going on with me." I'm thinking your ex (and mine) could be going through something we call The Grass is Greener Syndrome. Read about it here. This is such a good thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t251986/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author RomoGuy Posted January 4, 2011 Author Share Posted January 4, 2011 I have a close friend who had something similar happen to him. His ex girlfriend broke up with him because he wasn't "spiritual" enough. They both went NC and she ended up coming back. They dated for a few more months and then she left again because of the same reason. He's currently going through hell because of the same girl. Honestly, since you're young and she's young, you need to go 100% no contact for a few months. She's not going to go and sleep with another guy. She's waiting for the one. Just give her time to figure out who the one is. Let her miss you. If you're right for her, she'll see it once she dates several other wrong ones. Don't think you'll be able to get her back. It puts you in a state of mind that only pushes them away even more. Trust me. You need to heal. Give yourself time. Like your ex, my ex girlfriend didn't clue her family or friends on what was going on with her. She kept telling me things like, "I don't know what I want" or "I don't know what's going on with me." I'm thinking your ex (and mine) could be going through something we call The Grass is Greener Syndrome. Read about it here. This is such a good thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t251986/ wow, amazing thread... Sounds just like my situation. Link to post Share on other sites
homebrew Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 Your situation does not sound like G.I.G.S. to me but this is an easy one for me. 1. God knows what is best for you and He wants the very best for you. Whoever that is... You will not be disappointed! 2. Since God is in control. If it His will, the two of you will be reunited! 3. I would read the book "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge. 4. I would respect her wishes and stay no contact! 5. If there are areas of your life / faith that you need to address... I would pray and ask the Lord the help you with them. 6. I would also pray and ask Him if she is the one for you. 7. I would pray and read the bible some more. 8. Maybe talk with an older male Christian friend or youth minister (not somebody that knows her) and share with them what happened and ask them to pray about it. 9. Ask your friends and family to pray about it. 10. Trust in the Lord! There are several others people on here you could speak too... I would suggest hitting up Hades. She is a strong Christian Female that might have some thoughts about your situation / EX. Ask her to take a look at your thread and comment... She will be a good resource for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author RomoGuy Posted January 4, 2011 Author Share Posted January 4, 2011 (edited) Wow, interesting I was almost certain this was a G.I.G.S. case. How come you say it's not? just curious, also do you think I did everything and said everything good so far?.. It still confuses me, nothing makes sense, but God has given me peace in knowing that its not my fault. Edited January 4, 2011 by RomoGuy Link to post Share on other sites
homebrew Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 She had issues with your faith and it sounds like she shared with you excatly what they were. A Real Example of a Women with G.I.G.S. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RomoGuy Posted January 4, 2011 Author Share Posted January 4, 2011 How come those issues were never a problem until that day, we would talk about everything together, if either of us had an issue, we would resolve it. To me, it seems like excuses and why did she tell me Im the man for her and the next day decide to do this... there was just no sign of this happening... no one believed me when i told them.. Link to post Share on other sites
homebrew Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 It could be... Hades will know better than I... My experience (and my friends) with women like your EX... They are watching you like a hawk... When they see something that does not agree with them spiritually... they are out of there! They do not tell you ahead of time or give you an opportunity to fix it. Let's see what hades comes back with... Link to post Share on other sites
Hades Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Hi RomoGuy, I'm sorry for your hurt. Pray about it ... the bible says when you are brokenhearted, He is close to you. I can relate. My situation is a lot more complicated as my ex of 5 years struggles with a drug addiction (and he went to bible college!), but this statement really stood out: "She told me she loves me more than anything, but if we both don't have the Lord burning in our hearts, we wont make it through the hard times." When you are both in line with Him, you will find that you are on solid ground. If one or both of you are out of line with Him, then the foundation will start to shake. I love my ex. He knows I love him. The Lord knows I love him. And I know he loves me. Lack of love is not the issue for us. I confided in a Minister at my church and his advice? He told me to let go and let God. The exact words I felt in my heart days before he said that to me! Let my ex go so that he may grow strong in Christ. AND, so that I may grow in my walk. You see, I became a distraction to him and he wanted to focus on God and his addiction and his struggles. Together, my ex and I became disconnected from God because we were so wrapped up in each other. We started fighting - alot. Even though the love was still there. Even though we attended church together, prayed together. Something was missing. What could we possibly build on a broken foundation? Nothing. We needed to be individually rooted in Jesus. As much as I miss my ex, I know this was the right thing. I didn't at first. I cried for days and prayed for days. I prayed for the peace of God to fill my heart and guess what? I no longer have the heaviness, sadness and heartache. I changed my focus to God. What my ex said was true. I was looking to him for my happiness. I was desperate for my ex. I needed to take that longing to God and ask Him to turn it into a longing for Him alone. I also came to see that God was in dire need of my FULL attention. Only then would He bless our relationship or bless me with something greater! It may sound like an excuse or G.I.G.S. To many non-believers, they cannot comprehend. My heart was on fire for my ex when it should have been on fire for the Lord. God wants you to trust Him and wait for the one he has chosen for you. Let go and focus on yourself and your relationship with God. Use this time to glorify Him. Remember that God will weave everything together for GOOD. So it may seem like the worst thing ever, but it really isn't. It's your first step in trusting what God has for you. The first step in being obedient to Him. Only then will He give you the desires of your heart! One more thing ... stop blameshifting! Everything was going well for you ... was everything going well for her? "I end up going there and she ends up telling me that Im not the guy for her, because I basically am not spiritual enough for her and basically that I don't respect my parents enough and that maby one day I will disrespect her." I also completely agree with Homebrew ... high-five! Be strong! Link to post Share on other sites
homebrew Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Thanks Hades! I will add both you and Romoguy to my prayer list! Link to post Share on other sites
donovant91 Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 I think you need to give her time. Not entirely cut contact with her but just be there in the background. She is obviously a very religious person, and im not trying to start an argument but religion can be equally as ignorant as not having a religion. If you really love her you have to show her. If you are willing to become religious for her that is your choice, but she needs to understand that she is breaking up with you basically over assumptions, you haven't really done anything wrong but you might one day because you arent attuned with god. All that has done is created disrepect towards you, by basically saying you aren't worthy. She has to come to the realization that she can be a pawn of god her whole life living unreal expectations, or she can accept you for who you are. If she can't do that then im sorry, you have to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Hades Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Thanks Hades! I will add both you and Romoguy to my prayer list! Always a big fan of prayer. You da bomb! Link to post Share on other sites
Hades Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Based on what was shared here, she told you she loves you, but, you aren't what she is looking for. Plain and simple. Whether you understand, accept, disagree, blame her or fight it: "I end up going there and she ends up telling me that Im not the guy for her, because I basically am not spiritual enough for her and basically that I don't respect my parents enough and that maby one day I will disrespect her. She told me she loves me more than anything, but if we both don't have the Lord burning in our hearts, we wont make it through the hard times." Also, there are two sides to every story, then there is the truth. This is the truth, to you! RomoGuy, I would personally confide in a Pastor or Minister or even Christ-centered friends or online forums. Why? Because you are going to receive very different perspectives. Your ex clearly has a heart for God and she is being led by that. For reasons only she really knows, she doesn't think you are on the same page spiritually. I am guessing she has been observing your behavior and there is something that is keeping her from investing anything more at this point. Did she really pull this out of nowhere? That is her perception of you. You need to change her perception if you are trying to win her back. "We both got better when we were with eachother, we dropped bad habits and bad friends and continued to get better." It sounds to me like she is really pressing in and perhaps she feels that you aren't? Women feel. We operate on emotion. And let me tell you, we are SWAYED by these feelings! How is your relationship with God? Do you attend church? Do you pray? These are the things that she may be looking at. Do you lose your cool and cuss and flip out? Maybe not with her, but others. Things like that. How is your relationship with your parents? Your thoughts and actions show where you are in your relationship with God. Really take a look at the situation and do some self-reflecting. But if you are only focused on trying to get her back, I don't think it's going to work. Not genuinely, at least. One final question: Now that you two are broken up ... will you continue pressing in to be a better man in Christ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author RomoGuy Posted January 5, 2011 Author Share Posted January 5, 2011 Based on what was shared here, she told you she loves you, but, you aren't what she is looking for. Plain and simple. Whether you understand, accept, disagree, blame her or fight it: "I end up going there and she ends up telling me that Im not the guy for her, because I basically am not spiritual enough for her and basically that I don't respect my parents enough and that maby one day I will disrespect her. She told me she loves me more than anything, but if we both don't have the Lord burning in our hearts, we wont make it through the hard times." Also, there are two sides to every story, then there is the truth. This is the truth, to you! RomoGuy, I would personally confide in a Pastor or Minister or even Christ-centered friends or online forums. Why? Because you are going to receive very different perspectives. Your ex clearly has a heart for God and she is being led by that. For reasons only she really knows, she doesn't think you are on the same page spiritually. I am guessing she has been observing your behavior and there is something that is keeping her from investing anything more at this point. Did she really pull this out of nowhere? That is her perception of you. You need to change her perception if you are trying to win her back. "We both got better when we were with eachother, we dropped bad habits and bad friends and continued to get better." It sounds to me like she is really pressing in and perhaps she feels that you aren't? Women feel. We operate on emotion. And let me tell you, we are SWAYED by these feelings! How is your relationship with God? Do you attend church? Do you pray? These are the things that she may be looking at. Do you lose your cool and cuss and flip out? Maybe not with her, but others. Things like that. How is your relationship with your parents? Your thoughts and actions show where you are in your relationship with God. Really take a look at the situation and do some self-reflecting. But if you are only focused on trying to get her back, I don't think it's going to work. Not genuinely, at least. One final question: Now that you two are broken up ... will you continue pressing in to be a better man in Christ? At the beginning when we first started dating I was a bit worse, things that she noticed were a bit of road rage, never really cussed ( ide actually get on to her for cussing on rare occasions) and the issue with the way i spoke to my father sometimes ( which she clearly new i was working on). She knew I was getting better every day, that is why should would tell me " George, I know God is living in you and I trust you"... We both got better and stopped hanging out with friends that put us down or encouraged us to live a non christian life style. I stopped smoking hookah, and not because she told me or hinted it to me. I attended church before her, but more when we dated, and I still am. I am still pressing on for Christ, not for her...Christ seems to be the only one I have right now and the only right choice. She seemed to think that I only got better throughout this time for her. You cannot change people in my opinion, you can influence them, but ultimately they decide. Just because she influenced me by example sometimes to be better doesnt mean I did it all for her. And it seems like that what she believed. I Love her so much and I know she loves me. And this literally happened overnight, she never acted differently and everything was perfect (even talked to my sister about marriage one day) until the day of and day before the breakup. She told me " I cant be with you today" and " hopefully one day you can give me your heart back" what and where does that leave me? obviously the last thing on my mind is to be with any girl right now, but I will never forget her. Do I put her on the back burner and obviously were not contacting eachother because thats what she wanted and I respect her wishes. But there is always going to be this thing in the back of my mind that tells me she is waiting for me to be better, trying to see where my life goes when she isnt it the picture. hmmmmm. I just dont know... please pray for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Hades Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 "She seemed to think that I only got better throughout this time for her." Did she tell you this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author RomoGuy Posted January 5, 2011 Author Share Posted January 5, 2011 yes, she said how do I know that your not doing all of this for me? Link to post Share on other sites
Author RomoGuy Posted January 5, 2011 Author Share Posted January 5, 2011 Not sure if this is too much or over line, but here is the exact words. she wrote in a letter she gave me after the break up... RomoGuy = Me (break up note) December 30th My Dearest Romoguy, These last five months have been the happiest of my life. I have learned to love like I never thought possible. Your an amazing man! God has shown me that I am His and I always will be. I want to strive to always bring Christ Jesus honor. I will always think of you as a wonderful gentleman that I loved very much! I love you! I can't date you any longer. I will only be with a man that encourages me to be a stronger Christian and I know that will always treat me with respect and love. The way you hide stuff from your parents and live in a way that you know that they wouldn't like is disrespectful. The way you speak to your father is disrespectful. You respect me now, but how will I know you will respect me later in a few years. Without God burning strong in both our hearts we will crash and burn. I love you, but the love that fills my heart to over flowing for you won't keep us together through the thick and then unless we are both full of the Holy Spirit. I will remember you and always pray your life is blessed. I am giving you back your heart. You and your family are wonderful. God has shown me clear as day that you aren't the man for me. God bless you RomoGuy, I will be missing you! I pray God takes you to be the amazing incredible man you are meant to be. I want the best for you and I believe in you very very much! ( when she said I live in a way that my parents don't agree with, she was referring to a necklace I gave her. Her and I both dont have an issue with jewelry. I told her not to show my parents what I got her because they dont agree with jewelrt, and she took it as a sign of disrespect. And my parents dont agree with dancing either and she said that I also keep that from them too. If my parents dont like dancing, isnt it more respectful not to dance in front of them? or not tell them about it when i do?) Christmas card that said... You had me from the start, and you always will. (a week before breakup) Dear, RomoGuy I want to let you know Ive given you my whole heart. You are the most amazing gentleman Ive ever been blessed to know, I love everything about you. God has made you and amazing heart, body and soul! I will always cherish and love you. I'm very, very blessed to have you in my life, I love you and I love your family! Texts all within a month of the breakup. My dearest RomoGuy, your love fills my heart to over flowing! Your sweet words of love, brighten even the rainest of days! Your the only one for me and I will always love and cherish you forever also! Are love is growing stronger and stronger with every passing second and I know it will always be that way! When God made me He had you in mind. I have to be perfect for my Incredible RomoGuy! I'm sending you my love on the wings of the Angels... they rain that kisses your face are drops of love from me. I can't wait to see you again my wonderful gentlemen! I love you very, very much!!! Xoxoxoxoxo My Love, your like a breeze on a hot day... like the drops of dew on a morning rose... like the frost on the window pains... like the sweet in the honey... like the roar of a lion... like the excitement of a tornado... your as perfect as are first kiss... as wonderful as the prettiest sunset... and way more mesmerizing then anything I can imagine... your everything to me my RomoGuy... your the one I love to see... the one I love to think about... the one I love to dream about... your my favorite gift from God! I love you! Xoxo To my dearest RomoGuy, the incredible gentlemen of my dreams. You have given me the sweetest gift of all, your heart. Your words of love and happiness fill my soul with love. Your everything to and you always will be! You my RomoGuy have taught me to live every day to the fullest. Thank you for being the brightest star in my sky. Your love surrounds, your protect me, your eyes admire me. I love you my handsome guardian, lover and friend. I can't wait to be with you again! Link to post Share on other sites
Hades Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 yes, she said how do I know that your not doing all of this for me? Then you keep pressing in for you. You keep trusting in God and do not let your faith waiver. She is unsure. She needs reassurance. Just give her space and NC. Show her that you are a man of God. And if she never comes back, your faith in God will take you somewhere greater. You have to wholeheartedly believe in Him first. Link to post Share on other sites
Hades Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 I can't date you any longer. I will only be with a man that encourages me to be a stronger Christian andI know that will always treat me with respect and love. She is looking for a man of God. One that will encourage, motivate, edify ... take this as encouragement to press in! She is hesitant and unsure of you. She does not want to invest anymore at this point. She wants to see some stability in your relationship with God. Maybe you talk about it, but you need to be about it. The way you hide stuff from your parents and live in a way that you know that they wouldn't like is disrespectful. The way you speak to your father is disrespectful. She has been observing your behavior and she is telling you why she perceives you the way she does. How can a man who claims to be of God talk to his father like that? See ... be about it! God's Word is to be the solid ground you stand upon. As the Holy Spirit helps you to understand God's will and ways through the Bible, your behavior, values, attitudes, goals, decisions and lifestyle will be affected. You respect me now, but how will I know you will respect me later in a few years. Without God burning strong in both our hearts we will crash and burn. I love you, but the love that fills my heart to over flowing for you won't keep us together through the thick and then unless we are both full of the Holy Spirit. Again, she is looking for a man of God. Love is not enough. Love for God is. If she is seeking advice from Christian friends, this is what they will tell her, too. To find someone who is building their life on a solid foundtion. God has shown me clear as day that you aren't the man for me. She is being honest and forthright. I'm sorry. She is being led by God. ( when she said I live in a way that my parents don't agree with, she was referring to a necklace I gave her. Her and I both dont have an issue with jewelry. I told her not to show my parents what I got her because they dont agree with jewelrt, and she took it as a sign of disrespect. And my parents dont agree with dancing either and she said that I also keep that from them too. If my parents dont like dancing, isnt it more respectful not to dance in front of them? or not tell them about it when i do?) Are you sure this is what she is referring to? Christmas card that said... You had me from the start, and you always will. (a week before breakup) Hey, my ex constantly talked about being married a week before we broke up. Calling me by his last name, we made plans to move in together! Circumstances change. My ex loves me. Are we getting married anytime soon? I highly doubt that! You need to stop looking back at what was (text messages and such) and focus on what IS. She is telling you that she doesn't want to be with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RomoGuy Posted January 5, 2011 Author Share Posted January 5, 2011 (edited) ( when she said I live in a way that my parents don't agree with, she was referring to a necklace I gave her. Her and I both dont have an issue with jewelry. I told her not to show my parents what I got her because they dont agree with jewelrt, and she took it as a sign of disrespect. And my parents dont agree with dancing either and she said that I also keep that from them too. If my parents dont like dancing, isnt it more respectful not to dance in front of them? or not tell them about it when i do?) Are you sure this is what she is referring to? Yes, she told me this during the break up. God has shown me clear as day that you aren't the man for me. She is being honest and forthright. I'm sorry. She is being led by God. How come she said " I was her gift from god" or during the break up even said " I can't be with you today" or "hopefully one day you can give me your heart back" or even " That makes me think she waiting for me. How can you have the "happiest 5 months of your life" with someone, that is the " most amazing gentleman youve been blessed to know" and decide he is not for you overnight? Edited January 5, 2011 by RomoGuy Link to post Share on other sites
homebrew Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Yes, she told me this during the break up. How come she said " I was her gift from god" or during the break up even said " I can't be with you today" or "hopefully one day you can give me your heart back" or even " That makes me think she waiting for me. How can you have the "happiest 5 months of your life" with someone, that is the " most amazing gentleman youve been blessed to know" and decide he is not for you overnight? Think of it this way... All that stuff she said was... in the past. What has she said today? (Nothing... Right?) I am not trying to be harsh... but hopefully you will understand that you are living in the past and with the facts of today. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RomoGuy Posted January 5, 2011 Author Share Posted January 5, 2011 " I can't be with you today" or "hopefully one day you can give me your heart back" her saying those things during the breakup, should they ever leave me with the thought that there could be a possibility in the future with her? or do they mean nothing? Link to post Share on other sites
Hades Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 I think this is what you need to focus on: God has shown me clear as day that you aren't the man for me. But to answer your question, yes, she is hopeful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RomoGuy Posted January 7, 2011 Author Share Posted January 7, 2011 its her birthday in a couple days, should i send a happy birthday text or anything? or still continue no contact? Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 Romo sorry about your loss. But here is the reality of the situation, it is over. She is trying to be nice and let you down easily but is simply dragging it out. Remember it is actions not words. Nothing she says matters at this point only what her actions are and nothing less then her pounding down your door with tears in her eyes begging to get back together means she moving on. It very very hard but the fact is you need to too. Stay NC focus on yourself and making yourself stronger and better. You deserve a girl who does not hesitate about being with you, you deserve a girl who KNOWS your the one. This girl is not her, you deserve better. PS stop listening to Hades, he/she/it will only keep you hoping and hoping is not moving on. Time to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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